xx_suicidal_for_youxx
female - 19 years, United States
Blog 85
-
Don't try so hard to fit in, when you're born to stand out
Were your last three kisses from the same person?
Indeed they were.
How's your heart lately?
Still Beating.
Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
My mother.
How are you?
At the moment, content.
How old do you look?
*shrugs* You tell me.
Do you have feelings for someone?
Mhmm
Age?
Ninteen
Do you find smoking unattractive?
Yep.
What are you going to do later?
Update my profile, maybe draw some things, check on college stuff then sleep I guess. Or something like that.
Will you be in a relationship in two months?
Hopefully *crosses fingers*
Last place you held hands at?
Outside.
How long does it take you to fall asleep at night?
Most nights, an hour to two hours.
Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced?
Indeed, I have. And then I thought about it again.
What’s your favorite color out of these five? Green, Yellow, Blue, Black, Pink
Black.
Will you regret your next kiss?
Doubt it.
Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
Yeah. :/
Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?
Not exactly.
Last person you kissed calls you, what do they want?
Wants to make sure I'm okay, happy and what not.
Do you have any weird inside jokes?
Yep.
Who were you on the phone with last, who isn't family?
Zander. He called me this morning, and I have noo clue what we talked about this morning! But we talked for about 8min!
Who did you last see in person, other than family today?
No one. I'm such a loser.
Is there someone you just can't imagine your life without?
Perhaps. >_>
Do you trust anyone completely?
I am right now.
Anyone mad at you right now?
*shrugs* Maybe.
What month were you born in?
August.
Is something bothering you?
More than likely, I won't be able to go back to college next semester. And the fact that I still don't have that paper done. v.v
Would you be willing to live with your best friend?
Um well I think we'd just drive each other crazy.
Are you ready to get married?
Not at the moment.
What color are your bed sheets?
Plaidish.
Did the last person you kiss have braces?
Nope.
You see your ex and he/she tells you they miss you & you say?
Haha, congrats.
Have you ever kissed underneath the stars?
Amazing!
Do you believe that your ex cares about you?
Fuck no.
Do you wake up cranky?
Not really.
If you are being extremely quiet what does that mean?
Could mean lots of things.
Who all has seen you at your "worst"?
One, two maybe.
Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?
Yeah.
Has anyone told you they love you in the last week?
Mhmm, and I love him too.
Name one thing you love about winter:
It looks beautiful, but it's a trap!
Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
Indeed, I has.
Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
Yeah, I believe he does.
Was your last kiss drunk or sober?
Sober.
Is your hair naturally straight?
Yep.
What are you wearing?
Jesse's shirt.
Are your parents married or divorced?:
Divorced.
Are you a vegetarian?:
Nope. I likes meh meats. Om nom nom. XD
Do you believe in Heaven?:
Yep. I've seen it.
Have you ever come close to dying?:
Yeah, something like that.
What jewelry do you wear 24/7?:
earrings.
Are you eating?:
I was. :[
Do you eat the stems of broccoli:
Sure why not.
Do you wear makeup?:
Sometimes.
Would you ever have plastic surgery?:
If there was a bad accident and I needed it.
What do you wear to bed?:
Clothes, sometimes.
Have you ever done anything illegal?:
I like ripping tags off of mattress.
Can you roll your tounge?:
Kinda.
Do You have a boyfriend or girlfriend?:
Mhmm. [<3]
Do you believe in Abortions?:
As much as people will hate me for it I DO believe in abortions.
What is your Hair color?:
Brownish.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals?:
I do.
If you won the lottery, what would you do first?:
I would go and travel the world a bit, come back home and pay for anther semester of college. Then, a shopping spree! XD
Gold or silver?:
Sliver.
If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?:
I don't know.
City, beach or country?
Country.
What was the last thing you touched?:
My cell phone.
Where did you eat last?:
In my room.
When's the last time you cried?:
I cry a lot.
Do you read blogs?:
Sometimes.
Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?:
Sure, why not.
Ever been involved with the police?:
Eh, not really.
What's your favorite shampoo/conditioner and soap?:
Cucumber Melon.
Do you talk in your sleep?:
I didn't think so. But then I saw that I talked on the phone this morning for eight minutes. I don't remember a damn thing.
Ocean or pool?:
Ocean.
What's your favorite song at the moment:
Hard to say.
Have you ever had a cavity?:
Yeah, a couple.
Window seat or aisle seats?:
Window seat.
Ever met anyone famous?:
I have my picture taken with Trent Thomson.
Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?:
No, at least not yet.
Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?:
Twirl it.
When was the last time you went to the bathroom?:
An hour ago.
Do you drive a stick?:
I can't drive at all.
Cake or ice cream?:
Depends.
Are you self-conscious?:
Sometimes.
Have you ever given money to a bum?:
Nope, don't really run into them around here.
Have you been in love?:
Currently am.
Where do you wish you were?:
In his arms.
Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?:
Not that I remember.
Can you tango?:
Uh I dunno. O.o
Last gift you received?:
I can't remember.
What occasion did you recieve your gift?:
I don't know.
Last thing you spent lots of money on?:
Tis a secret, shhhh!
Where do you live?:
Hicksville USA
Last wedding attended.:
My mom and Dan's. Was SO lame. >_>
Favorite restaurant?:
Depends on my mood.
What is your favorite kind of car?:
Screw cars I wanna motorcycle. XD
Most hated food(s):
A lot of em.
Most loved food(s)?
Hard to say.
Can you sing?:
I can, but the real question is can I sing well? XD
Person on your mind?:
Mhm.
What's your least fav. chores?:
Cleaning up after the animals I guess, and dishes blehh.
Favorite drink?:
Juice.
Currently have a Crush?:
More than a crush.
How long was your longest drive in a car?:
Three hours.
Why do you do surveys?:
Cause I can dammit! Don't judge me! XD -
I’m psycho, but in a good way
What was the last thing you thought about before falling asleep last night?
'Grrr it's so cold. Wish I was sleeping with him tonight'
Would you say you’re emotionally strong?
Yes and no.
Did you eat breakfast this morning?
I wasn't awake in the morning.
Have you ever hugged someone over a minute?
Haha, yesh.
Have you ever kissed someone you weren’t dating?
Yep.
What did you do last night?
Laid in bed, texting.
Was your last text message from a boy or girl?
Boy.
If there were no letters on the keys on your keyboard, could you still type?
Wouldn't slow me down a bit.
Can you seriously say that you're okay right now?
At the moment yes.
How’s your love life?
A bit frustrating with some close calls,
but good overall.
How long have you known your 1st phone contact?
Umm Amber's first and I've known her for five years I think.
Are they a relative?
I consider her one.
Would you ever go skinny dipping with the last person who commented you?
Um, I'm not sure who the last person that commented me was. So no.
Does it make you uncomfortable to talk on the phone around people?
Yes, it's easier for me to focus on the call.
Has anyone kissed you when you weren't expecting it?
Mhm.
Would you change for the person you love?
Depends.
Was there anyone who "made your day"?
Not today.
How many things are you really thinking about right now?
Just one.
Look to the left of your screen, what does the ad say?
There isn't one.
What did you do this afternoon?
Woke up, and then did homework.
Do you ever turn off your cellphone?
Not on purpose. But sometimes it randomly shuts itself off.
Do you get drunk every weekend?
Nah.
What does your last text say?
"it would destroy me....:'("
When people say "I don't ever talk about anyone" do you believe it?
Not really.
Are relationships ever really worth it?
Some are.
When is the last time you saw number 1 on your top friends?
Who's my number one? I don't know.
Are you friends with people you were friends with two years ago?
Yeah, though not close friends with most of 'em anymore.
What are you listening to right now?
The Dreaming - Bullet
Are you happy with the way things are going?
Eh, for the most part. :]
Is there a person that makes you happy everytime you see them?
Indeed there is.
Are you happier now? Or were you happier 4 months ago?
Unsure.
Who is the first person on your top?
I don't know.
Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
I hope so.
Which do you prefer - eyes or lips?
Eyes.
Is there anybody else in the room with you?
No, I'm all by my lonesome.
Do you like to cuddle?
Damn, ya got me.
You kissed someone last night, didn't you?
No. :[
Spell your name without an L :
DeAnne.
Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them?
I try to.
Do you have any trophies?
Nope.
When you introduce yourself, do you give hand shakes?
Um sometimes.
Would you rather have money or love?
Love.
Do piercings make people look ugly?
Depends on where, who and how many. XP
What are you looking forward to?
His reply text.
Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?
Yeah, but they often fade away just like every one else...
Is anyone over protective of you?
<shrugs>
Anything your not proud of?
Lots of things.
Will this weekend be a good one?
Hopefully.
How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Cold.
Is this year the best year of your life?
*sigh* I don't know. It's one of the better ones.
What is the last thing someone bought you?
That someone bought me. Umm wow I honestly don't remember.
Will tomorrow be good?
Hopefully.
Is there anyone getting on your nerves at the moment?
Nope.
Is there a member of the opposite sex on your mind?
Ah, but of course.
Who was the last person you hugged?
My pillow? -
Someone's last hope
One day, when I was a freshman in high school,
I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.
His name was Brian.
It looked like he was carrying all of his books.
I thought to myself, 'Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday?
He must really be a nerd.'
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.
They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.
His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him...
He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, 'Those guys are jerks.
They really should get lives.'
He looked at me and said, 'Hey thanks!'
There was a big smile on his face.
It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.
As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before..
He said he had gone to private school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.
He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.
I asked him if he wanted to play a little football
with my friends
He said yes..
We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Brian, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Brian with the huge stack of books again.
I stopped him and said, 'Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscle with this pile of books everyday!'
He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Brian and I became best friends.
When we were seniors we began to think about college.
Brian decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke.
I knew that we would always be friends; that the miles would never be a problem.
He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Brian was valedictorian of our class.
I teased him all the time about being a nerd.
He had to prepare a speech for graduation.
I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak
Graduation day, I saw Brian.
He looked great.
He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.
He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous!
Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech.
So, I smacked him on the back and said, 'Hey big guy, you'll be great!'
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
'Thanks,' he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.
'Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.
Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends.....
I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.
I am going to tell you a story.'
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the
first day we met.
He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.
He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.
'Thankfully, I was saved...
My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable....'
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions..
With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse....
God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way.
Look for God in others.
You now have two choices, you can :
1) Pass this on to your friends or
2) Delete it and act like it didn't touch your heart.
As you can see, I took choice number 1.
'Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.' -
the call
today was gonna be the day
he´d already wrote the note
and parked that Chevrolet
at the end of that dead end road
had his finger on the trigger; just about to end everything
he was taking one last long breathe; when he heard his cell phone ring
and his best friend said "man where you been?
we´re headed down to the lake this weekend
you better not miss it ´cause buddy i swear
it won´t be the same if you aint there
and i told that girl that you like so much
you were coming along and her eyes lit up
i better let you go man i really hope i didnt catch you in the middle of anything"
he said "you kinda did but i don´t mind at all
i´m glad you called"
in another town down the road
in the backseat of a car
two 18 year olds had let a kiss go to far
he said "how are we gonna have this child
when were both headed off to school?"
he convinced her late one night there´s only one thing to do
she was scared to death in that waiting room
when the nurse asked: how far along are you?"
she said "5 weeks" and just about then her phone lit up
and his call came in
saying "baby i was wrong about everything
i´ve already bought you a diamond ring we´re gonna start a life
would you be my wife?
boy or girl; pink or blue; yeah either way"
all she could say as she felt those tear drops fall was
"i´m so glad you called"
if someone you know is waiting on your mind
and needs a friend on the other end line
don´t hesitate what you say may seem so small
but who knows
they might be glad you called
so make the call
yeah make that call -
Love, Loneliness, & Nervous Laughs
So I'm pretty sure that I'm going to fall into the everyday life... Get up, go to work, come home fix dinner for a family... and the more think about it, the more I picture me doing this... and the more I picture it, the more I hate it... the more I realize that I dont want to settle down into everyday life... But at the same time, I know that life will beat the shit outta people like me until they break and give into everyday life... and then we'll die following a pattern that someone else laid for us...
-
in your arms
i'll keep going on
as just another one
with another song
who wants to be the only one for you
just another guy
blinded by your smile
just a lonely heart
cant stand this aching feeling we're apart
apart
let me sleep in your arms
let me breathe
this clean bright light surrounding you
i know i'm not smart
but still i'm trying hard
let me be your guard
protecting you, my angel, from the dark
i will not pretend
that i'm just a friend
my deliverance
will you think about me every now and then
when i call again
let me sleep in your arms
let me breathe
this clean bright light surrounding you
let me dream in your arms
let me breathe
this clean bright light surrounding you
(i cannot breathe...
i cannot breathe...
i cannot breathe...
without you
in your arms
let me dream in your arms
let me breathe
this clean bright light surrounding you
in your arms
**my friend sent this to me... and it made me cry... 1.) cause its so damn beautiful... and 2.) because i know there's more to it then the fact that he knew i'd like it...
which lead to 3.) it broke my heart... -
the abanded house
there's an abanded house down the road from where we live... i go there a lot.. its full of things, its got books, and pictures, a ships stearing wheel, a bed, with bedding on it, a AM radio thats still turned on and playing softly in the background... and many many more things that i find intersting... whoever was there last left in a hurry... coffee cup still sitting on a table... andthe doors left standing open and no body's inside... nobody's there... nobody seems to care about this house... but for reasons beyond me, i'm drawn to this empty house... i like it there... its set deep in the woods, far from people... a deck that overlooks a small winding creek... sliding glass doors that look out too see all of this... its not a big fancy house.. one floor... but its beautiful... its a place i go when i need time alone... time to think.. i'd buy this little abanded house if i had the money... it would need some fixing.. and the people that had lived there before have been working on fixing it... its easy to see... they left out their paint cans and brushes, and some of the other things that they had been using out... maybe the real reason i go to this empty lil house, is because inside, i'm the same way... i'm all filled up with these things... but no one here to love me... they up and walked away leaving the front door open, and everything left inside...
-
"..and its all in my head but she's touching his...
.. chest now, he takes off her dress now.. let me go.. cause i just cant look its killing me and taking control..."
If you could, would you hookup with the last guy you talked to?
Eh... no, he's my brother... not right
Where is the person you gave your heart to for the first time?
I don't know && don't care.
When is your birthday?
August 22nd
What were you doing at 11 last night?
Cuddled up in bed. On the phone.
Reason behind the last time you cried really hard?
Felt lonely && sad.
Do you find your school to be loaded with hot guys or not so much?
Not their not... "drop dead OMG i want in your pants NOW" but their sweet. kinda cute.
What are you doing at this very second?
This question thingy... XD
Do you believe that there's good in everybody?
No, I believe at one point there was good in everybody... but now... its not true... some have become evil..
What's a fact about the last person that you talked to?
She's a rockstar!!
Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in 10 years?
Only time will tell.
Have you ever kissed the last person you text messaged?
Indeed, I have.
Were you sad when you heard about Michael Jackson's death?
Nah. I mean, yeah its sad... but i didnt break down and cry...
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
I don't cry in front of people.
Are your eyes the same color as your dads?
Good question... I don't know my fathers eye color... is that bad?
If you found out your best friend was smoking weed, would you be disappointed?
Very... I hate the stuff... I can hardly stand smoking... much less smoking weed..
Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn't around now?
Heh, yeah.
Seems to happen to me a lot.
I'm really getting sick of it.
Think of your last 20 kisses, were they with the same person?
Nope. Nieces and Nephew!!
Have you kissed more than 2 people in 09?
Yep!
Did the last person you kiss have piercings?
Nope.
Have you ever smoked?
I tried it once, but didn't enjoy it. I won't do it again.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care?
Yeah, I would! I'd prolly smack him in the face... and then walk away.
Lets say you get pregnant by number one on your top. What do you do?
Oh shit.
o_o
Will you be in a relationship next month?
I hope so.
Only time will tell.
Random number texts you at 4AM and says "come outside." What do you do?
WTF
*is paranoid the whole night*
Do you know what the last person you kissed is doing right now?
Not sure.
What do you do a lot that you never use to do?
A good number of things.
If you were traveling around the world, who would be with you?
There is a few people I'd like to take with me!!
Do you ever wonder if the person standing next to you is a virgin or not?
Not usually. But now that you bring it up.....
Do you care too much/not at all/just enough?
Sometimes too much.
And Sometimes not enough.
=/
Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
Peter
Any plans for tomorrow?
Class. <sighs>
Who were you with yesterday at 8 in the evening?
My family!!
Are you excited about anything?
Perhaps.
Have you had sex with four or more people in one night?
No.
>_<
Are you texting anyone?
Not at the moment.
Have you smoked a cigarette in the last 24 hours?
Nope.
Proud of anything?
Perhaps.
What would you do if someone told you that you were the most beautiful person in the world and they would do anything to wake up to your face each morning?
I'd BLUSH!!
What happened Saturday night?
Fireworks, baby! XD
Were you happy when you woke up today?
It was rainy!! I woke up happy!! -
a never ending sleep
gun in your hand,
bullet ready to fly.
pressed to your head,
you're ready to die.
i fall to my knees,
beg for you to stay.
pleading through my tears,
for just one more day.
you ignore my words,
and breathe in deep.
this is what you want,
a never ending sleep.
you look into my eyes,
speak your words slow.
"remeber that i love you,
i’m sorry i have to go."
you close your eyes,
and hold your breath.
finger on the trigger,
ready to meet death.
knowing you cant be stopped,
i turn my head away.
i cant bare to watch,
you make your blood spray.
suddenly a defening shot,
then silence fills the air.
yet here i still sit,
wondering why i’m still there.
and now i’m all alone,
soaked with blood and tears.
quietly i whisper,
"sleep well my dear." -
something in red
i'm looking for something in red
something thats shocking to turn someones head
strapless and sequined and cut down to there
stockings and garters and lace underwear
the guaranteed number to knock the men dead
i'm looking for something in red
i'm looking for something i green
something to out do an ex-high school queen
jealousy comes in the color of jade
do you have some pumps and a purse in this shade
and a perfume that whispers "please comes back to me"
i'm looking for something in green
i'm looking for something in white
something that shimmers in soft candlelight
everyone calls us the most perfect pair
should i wear a vail or a rose in my hair
well the train must be long and the waist must be tight
i'm looking for something in white
i'm looking for something in blue
something real tiny the baby's brand new
he has his fathers nose and his chin
we once were hot lovers now we're more like friends
dont tell me thats just what old married folk do
i'm looking for something in blue
i'm looking for something in red
like the one that i wore when i first turned his head
strapless and sequined and cut down to there
just a size larger that i wore last year
the guaranteed number to knock the man dead
i'm looking for something
i've gotta have something
i'm looking for something in red
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