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Wednesday, 26 November 2008 at 17:46

26 November 2008
Post-Account of THAT NIGHT

Charles, here's to you...

That night
Where everything seem so bleak
Where I lost hope in you, in me and in us
Where I struggle to let you know how I feel
Where I see you hiding your innermost you

You held my hand tight
Yet the distance between seemed like miles away
I no longer understand what you’re facing
Nor do I know what made me into who I am

I feel thorns around you
Daggers thrown at me
Bullets piercing through me
Could it be that it all ends here?

I got ready my arms, ready to fight
Somehow, I hesitated
I can’t bear to, like how I treat everyone else
It’s my fault, I admitted
Somehow, the ice melted slightly
We seem closer, feel warmer

You sat me down to talk
First question fired was
“What do you fear, before and now?”
At that moment, I really wanted you to disappear

My mind blanked out
Felt hot blood gushing through my brain
Somehow, things started to surface
And very slowly, more and more I feel, pain

The unexpected
Getting hurt
Doubting myself
Hurting people
Losing you
These overwhelms me, and takes my life away

I’m stronger than what you think
I bury my hurts and pasts
Corpses, skeletons, crosses I was crucified on
They wired up a fraction of me

The rain comes as the mood intensifies
We sought shelter
That moment, I really thank God you were around
You were just right beside me

Go on, you said
As I continued
Emotions crept up my sleeves
Into the heart of stone
Colder than the ice cubes you knew

Pretentious, unfulfilled expectations
Real me surfacing as I share
I’m too tired to live, to run
To give it my all and bless

No one can replace my call
No one can impact the potential people I’ll touch
Could it be
This is the reason
Why I went through the perfect storm?

Anyone I haven’t forgiven
You prompted, in great distress
Yes, yours truly
That I suggest

Why did I choose the path I’d walked
Not that I was coerced into it
I walked right into it, disillusioned
For the love that was sat before me, all pretense

You whispered in the midst of my small pauses
Go on, go on
As the shovel cuts deeper
Revealing the blood once was there, now dried

Can I pray for you, that you suggested
I nodded, still cringing in pain
Dear Lord, help her forget the past
Deliver her from all the hurts that has happened
It finally ended, visions and all
I sat there, teary-eyed
You offered the warmest coffee in the bitterest frost
Your hug

Never had I cried so much,
Not in front of anyone, anyway
I felt the new wounds hurting so badly
I felt so drained
Pain, as the stitching of the raw wounds continue

That moment, sacred
When all of a sudden, the ice fully melted
Evaporates into the air, stopping at an arc in the sky
The rainbow’s appearing, again

You walked me home
Held me tightly
And then, there was no more distance
I was, at moment, right beside you, again…