toprincecharles
Trust female - 19 years, United Kingdom
Blog 53
-
zzz miss ya darl'
it's been more than a week. i'm online again, blogging. it's been beautiful memories before you left, and i'm holding tightly.
thanks for the calls and smses. i really appreciate it. and hmm... i'd been stressed. horribly depressed with my prelim results. am fine now, had a rhema and am on my way to aceing every single subject: math, chem, bio, geog, and hopefully GP.
i miss you dear. on some days when everything crashes or i don't even have time to breathe, i'll look at our photo well-embedded in my wallet and think of you.
love's still going strong i hope. when pastor shared about visualising and confessing and believing in the word and it will come to pass. i was rather shy about that, but after much thought put into it, under MARRIAGE/FAMILY, together with "parents' salvation", i wrote, "to marry charles".
gee. pastor told us to put the paper in the offering envelope. ah. i can't change it anymore~
4 years. i wonder how i'd survive without you. i wonder if the love would grow cold. i wonder if you'll still love me, even more than ever, when you come back.
hope you had a great birthday. sorry i couldn't be there.
love you dear.
ZHINIAN -
journeys...
'Haha.u got me stuck at replyin u.Indeed, yet another stretch of odyssey we've covered.Frm miraculously mtg u to e stressful separation,thr's so much we'd learnt abt ourselves,abt e world,abt each other.Esp so were exchanges tt were unspoken,e very fact of our presence says it all.Yet these will b locked up, as memories, to remember, or even cling to til e very end. I made you angry,disappointed,sad,anxious,lost,nervous,questi- oning,excited,hopeful,inspired,happy.. Seen u smiling,stressed up,contemplating.. Feel ur very passion,hope,emotions..Know ur very thought,idea,intentions.. Hope i didn't spoil ur morning :-P'
Zhinian 040908 1106h
'Holding too tightly may just hurt sometimes. Do whatever U'r supposed to,and perhaps,we may be exactly where we were during our expedition, n then,we won't be just looking anymore. Perhaps one day we'll b standing by the same traffic, and me telling u how much future awaits us.Perhaps one day I'll be the one nagging u to brush ur teeth n clear the sink.LoL.'
Zhinian 040908 1113h
A One of a Kind Prelude -
I still don't know how to start...
I guess I'll just settle for chronologically.
2 Sep 08, Tuesday.
Sent my mum, with my dad, to KK Hospital in the early afternoon. Ward 43, Bed 16. Zhinian, you were supposed to meet up with Wendy and visit with her in the evening. 4+pm, my dad bought me a chicken curry pie from Delifrance, and left to return to work, and I was left to wander the hospital grounds alone. Up and down the atrium I went, and into a landscaped area at the Womens' Tower Wing. And lo and behold, who should I see but you, Zhinian, there early studying in your 'Official' black Polo-Tee, waiting for the right time to contact me...
Incredulity. A pleasant surprise. We sat and chatted, in the gentle breeze from a ventilation outlet. We got a card for my mum, and returned there. You wrote, I read a couple of poems from my literature-laden book. 'If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself'.' It started raining, I had my bun, and we were the only ones stranded in that sheltered area. Once done, we dashed through the rain back to the atrium and went up to my mum's ward...
You gave my mum the card, and stayed to chat till 8. Before leaving, you offered her a prayer and a hug. Things I'd never managed to offer. She had tears in her eyes, and just for a moment, it was as if you were the daughter she'd never had.
And so we left, dropped by 7-eleven, I got a blueberry tea for myself and an apple tea for you, and I offered to send you home as the least I could do after all you'd done. Walked over to the Bt Timah Rd bus stop, and got onto a 66, squeezing together into a tight front seat just behind the driver. Yellow seats, two headrests. Denise wine bars, Island Creamery, Hwa Chong... KAP. I furtively reached my hand across to your shoulder for the first time and withdrew in a way that you later said was cute, and special. Shruging the incident off, we dropped off, walked, visited a Macs, walked, past your ex's block, close to the old Commonwealth Sec, and onto an overhead bridge overlooking the PIE. Wet railings.
In the orange glow of the highway lights, with the occasional tremoring vibrations of the bridge from the traffic below, you started sharing about your past relationships, your past hurts, in totality, in person. Never before. You felt so much, went through so much; you felt that I should know. In that orange glow, I looked at you. Eyes resolute, yet sad. Your countenance a complicated mask; resolute, yet sad. So vulnurable, so frail, yet with a certain unplacable strength. I affirmed my belief in you and you leaned your head onto my shoulder. I leaned back and reached across for your shoulder. And there we remained for a while. In the orange glow of the highway lights, I held a girl for the first time.
It was a plain kaleidoscope of feelings. I guess that describes it. A thousand at the back of the head. You still held back. Dry railings. We stayed for a while, and I walked you home.
A few SMS-es, 66 to Newton, walk home, $3 Laksa at Quality Hotel alone.
3 Sep 08, Wednesday
5:45 morning call from you. Cabbed there with my guitar and reached my mum just a few minutes later than you at 7. Jacket, jeans, and boots; hair untied. Pink flowers tied together with a ribbon. My mum nagged about the guitar for a while, and also about McDonalds and Delifrance, and encouraged us to go for breakfast. We saw her down to the operating theatre at 8, and went down to the atrium. I wasn't hungry yet so we sat around at the park at the basement. Time capsule, fountain, water levels. Guitar in bag. Cafe 21, savour every moment. We headed over to Macs, ordered a McGriddles EVM and a Sausage McMuffin Value Set. A coffee, a tea. Hmm, or me? Prayed, hmm, what's got into me? Dutch, you halved the McGriddles for me, and later changed my tea. Got a cup as a vase, went back up, got half a pill of panadol, and you arranged the flowers.
Over at the waiting area, the guitar found some action. Showed you what I'd wanted to show you for ages, and played the single chord '3 Tigers' =X So 'When You Say Nothing at All' became the first song I've played to a girl. In a hospital; how odd. played some other songs, you cut your nails, and you played some songs. Yeah it's special, that you flip conventional wisdom over. I didn't catch all the songs, all the lyrics, but their meanings were clear. Can we not have a fairytale ending?
Framed jigsaw puzzles. A nurse came to inform us that my mum was back. We returned to her bedside. The operation was fine, but she lay there so pale, so frail, on drip. I sat down and you left for the washroom. I sat at the armchair, and stared; a plain kaleidoscope of a different sort. Darker, paler. After a long while, you returned. Asked if I was alright, and hesitantly inched your chair just a tad closer. Again. Again, now you were right next to me. You were there for me, you said, and it was alright to be not alright; you offered your hand. I took it. Time slowed. Chaos found some order. A simpler, less complicated, kaleidoscope.
You shared of your facing your grandma in ICU alone in sec 2. That you emphatise. I start observing more and drawn curtains let the sun's light in. A young doctor came by to check on her and asked if you were her daughter-in-law, in a jokingly matter-of-fact way. Vibes? I quietly observed that in the space of two days, you became so much like a daughter to her the way I never was a son. She jerked and pressed the painkiller release button. Guys, girls; bottling up feelings, expressing.
We went down for a late lunch. Kopitiam. Ban mian, and chicken noodles. Prayed. I finished yours up. Chocolate ice cream, tissue. Closing with a simpler version of last Wednesday at TCC Central.
Bookshops, gift shops, accessories shop. Went back up, mum was still resting, went up to the 8th floor. Lifts. Window, window panes, buildings Where? You ask. And I held you and pointed. My condo. For a better view, we found ward 82. Walking in, we found a nursery, with little newborn babies in cribs. We stood by the glass panel, looking in, I instinctively held on to you. So simple, so natural; so sweet, so close. A while; we explored further, found cards from parents', a dads' lounge.
Went back down to my mum, still resting, had a look at the Childrens' Tower. Turned away at the cancer ward.
Atrium, prams, 'get any closer and you have to marry me'. Walked you over to Little India.
You wondered what's next? To tell or not to tell? What restrictions would follow? Would the past repeat itself? You left me lost; I wanted to reassure you, but you seemed so certain. Looking down into the train platform, you reached the point of fatalism (in a sense la). I accompanied you to Clark Quay, left you, and returned to the hospital alone in a numb confusion. What just happened? Why liddat? What could I do about it? A blank kaleidoscope.
Dazed around till my dad arrived with fruits to more nagging by my mum. Left together for home with him.
Awaited your call. Got it. Gathered thoughts. Called Zoe, for quite a mouthful. Tried to gather thoughts. Called you. Understood, had epiphanies of clarity, resolved, closed loops.
And here we are today, or rather, you and me, for now.
--------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------- ---
The word 'journeys' evokes images of the passage of time, in which one progresses and travels from one point to another. Journeys are everywhere around us, intricately woven into the very fabric of the universe, from the macroscopic level to the microscopic.
When the universe as we know it began with the Big Bang thirteen billion years ago, an epic saga had begun, a journey through the tunnel of time with the end, if it exists, still far from sight. Nuclear reactions, interstellar collisions, flashes of light; the universe had journeyed from a pinprick of indescribable energy to the container of constellations and galaxies today. Similarly, the planet Earth has journeyed from a barren and rocky planet millions of years ago to become a gaia, a green and blue haven for life. Could it further journey in the near future to become a planet covered with soot and pollution? That is a side issue but one which is dictated by the journeys of its primary inhabitants, humans, otherwise known as homo sapiens.
Humankind has also come a long way since its journey began during the Pre-historic age. From primitive primates (or not, for that matter), mankind has evolved. It has been a journey of progress, and with his ingenuity and guile in solving problems came scientific developments which improved lives. For hunting and defence, sticks and stones evolved to swords and bows, to rifles and cannons, and finally to warplanes and missiles. For travelling, walking gave way to bicycles and horse-drawn carriages, to trains, and finally to automobiles and aeroplanes which cover distances that would have required months in the past in merely a few hours. From beings clad in loincloths huddled in caves the typical man has journeyed to become well-rounded beings clad in shirts and pants and dresses living in elaborate man-made structures of concrete, which brings to mind journeys of a subtly different nature.
The rise and fall of empires, of societies; are these not journeys in themselves? From small communities of people in forests and caves man has journeyed to now live in sprawling metropolises housing millions each. When the ancient people of Mesopotamia and China realised that there was safety in numbers, they bonded together to form villages, towns, cities and eventually countries. On another note, the organisation of societies has also evolved in its millenia-old journey. From primitive despotism in prehistoric times where communities were ruled by the most powerful came the monarchy where the class of aristocrats controlled power. The Greeks conceived the ideas of the republic and democracy, rule by the people, and Karl Marx more recently contemplated the idea of communism. The polarity between the last two has subsided with the end of the Cold War. Now, would people hundreds of years from now look back at that part of society's journey with fascination?
More down to earth are journeys of a personal nature. Be it commutes from home to work or school to the journey of an entire life, it is impossible to dismiss any part of our lives as not being a journey. Taking a bus to work is a journey in the literal sense. However, reading a book or participating in online forums can be journeys in knowledge. Encompassing all these is the journey of a life. From the time of conception to the time of death, a living being embarks on a kaleidoscopic journey of senses and experiences, of sights and sounds, of ideas and emotions. There is no rest-point, no break in this journey, and the only possible point where it can end is at death.
Journeys exist not just to teach, to tell, and to entertain. They exist to be experienced. Just as reading a book of fiction or watching a movie, a journey serves to bring character to any being, be it animate or inanimate. As for us, our journey has a long way to go. Taking the words from a computer game Alpha Centauri, 'Eternity lies ahead of us, have you drunk your fill?' -
dy/dx
i'm so darn sleepy darling... had been on the phone for so long last night, ahh.. i'm so tired *yawnz*...
changed my plan to starhub. freakin starhub is giving me problems already! there are some messages i'd sent, and yet people didn't receive it. hmm... feeling so diaon lor.
twas the first day of school after the sept hols. hmm... time passes so fast! your mummy's episode has ended, and we're up to our necks with work again. hmm... sometimes, how nice it would be if i can just date you out for coffee or something, and spend some private moments together, probably just talking... probably just walking around... like what we used to do at KKH...
the house's friggin' noisy now lor. lift renovation, bro quarrelling with mum, zijie shouting and stuff... hmm...
i know i gotta study, but i'm just so tired...
oh, about the jacket, i think i'll really really like to have something that's so loud lor. haha.
dy/dx
you must be the dy and me the dx right? or is it you're the y=f(x) and i'm the d/dx? in any case, you have the Y chromosome, i don't. that makes you having something extra, something i'll never have in my entire life and won't want it too. something that calls you the leader and me the helper, you the one loving and me the one submitting...
wahh... i can preach making marriage work already. haha...
miss you quite a lot leh. gonna be so busy after today...
today's been so crappy. i got that kinda mark for bio p2, 54/100. can you imagine? it's so unbelievable right? look into my brains. which part says i deserve this mark? sigh...
thank God for his grace. comparatively i still do lots better than the rest of the world. haha...
anyway... thanks for being so proud of me ya? wanting to tell the whole world... erm... i believe i won't. me more low-profile. hehe. your face book ar... aiyo...
i'm wondering when you'll get to see these mails to you... dripping with honey... presented on a marshmallow... a gift to you, that's wrapped up in a ribbon... ziyang's evil sister...
or rather, what you said last night, princess-to-be...duh...
will i ever be? i've learnt a new word today from ms joy! vicarious. yep. vicariously understanding what princess-to-be feels. haha. minnie's getting jealous? kidding...
alright. with lots of lurves...
nianz -
LOL. KKH
LOL's just over, but everything's so darn LOL now...
from central meeting where we had a quarrel days before, walked around and me feeding you at TCC with the chocolate cake, to now...
-saw you at kk hospital garden cuz i was supposed to meet wendy later in the day to visit your mum, when you bumped into me
- we walked around, and visited your mum (oh my, she's really nian2 qing1/young huh
-wendy told me she's not coming anymore, down with stomach flu with entire family
-i got a card for your mum
-wrote it in that garden, you reading your literature book with so nice poems inside, some of which so descriptive of what we were
-it was pouring, and we got trapped, but still, just walked in the rain
-we hanged out with your mum, saw her smiling lots and rushing to the toilet because of the fleet laxative
-she asked about you in private, when you went to the washroom (how long have we known each other)
-i offered to pray for her, and she cried
-i offered a hug before i left
-you got me a bottle of apple tea before we went off
-you sent me home (and told me we'd have mcgriddles the next day)
-we got on bus 66 and squeezed into the very big one seater (two people on one)
-you showed me many things during the trip (school and hangout place)
-we passed by KAP
-you put your arm around my shoulder for the first time in your entire life and my entire life, and it was so awkward!!! i asked if you had anything to say, and you say "k lah k lah, don't emo already." and you did that. gosh.
-you were supposed to be my headrest, but i chose the bus instead (didn;t want to get into trouble)
-we walked around and finally landed at the bridge (cuz everywhere else was wet)
-we talked about my past and i was really really sad (felt like crying, tears already coming out but no, i will not be vulnerable)
-i laid my head on your shoulder for the first time, and this time, it came very naturally. you slipped your hand across my shoulder
-that moment, i wanted so much to hug you and cry (decided not to)
-then we emo for very long and you sent me home
next day...
-i woke up at 5am
-packed my stuff, left the house
-got 6 pink roses for your mummy
-took 66 to KKH
-i reached, she was sound asleep
-you reached, and she was still asleep
-i tried moving my chair, and woke her up (nurses were having briefing/debriefing that time)
-i passed her the roses and she was really glad
-she said she loved pink and told me about her wedding gown
-we took so long, you were so hesitant, and she soon had to leave for her op
-i asked for 5 more minutes, and we prayed
-a bit unmoved, but mission accomplished
-we went to the main garden, you left me for the toilet
-we sat there and chatted
-went mac; you ordered mcgriddles meal, and the $2 sausage mcmuffin meal with coffee
-we shared the breakfast
-got a cup to contain the flowers, and half a panadol too
-then played guitar
-i cut my nails just because your guitar was really hard to play!
-and i played for you -> like a rose, tong2 hua4, complicated, when you're gone, etc.
-you played your very first san1 zhi1 lao3 hu3 to me (i was so diaon~ lor)
-and you played the song i'm more than a bird, and when you say nothing
-your mum came back
-you saw your mum, and the feeling struck you
-i didn't grasp the emotions you were feeling and kept joking, till i'd realised something was very wrong.
-i went to the toilet then emo for quite some time
-came back and i asked if you were ok, and told you i'm here to hear you say you're not okay
-you stoned at me, and i could pick up from your body languages that you were really not ok
-i started listing top ten feelings you could be feeling: sadness, helplessness, lost...
-and i was right
-here comes the crux of the story, i told you i've got something to tell you...
-took me more than one minute, i stretched out my hand and said, "if holding my hand will make you feel better, go ahead."
-you did la. lol. but the sadness was then amplified
-after that, she woke up and looked fine
-you became less tense too...
-first question from your mum, where's the flowers?!
-then we went for lunch, and walked around
-went to the highest floor and looked out to the landscape
-you told me you used to train there last time at the police academy. i kept asking WHERE? WHERE? and you put your hand around my shoulder and tried very hard pointing
-then we went into the ward
-saw a few babies in the nursery and i kept saying, "they're so small..."
-#quote from charles' sms "i instinctively put my hand around your shoulder"
-we walked around some more, and you kept hinting that someday we may have the exact same encounter again
-we noticed about lifts, cards and everything the other party noticed too...
-went back and i left
-you walked me to little india mrt and we started becoming a little unhappy
-i brought up the point that zoe would be very unhappy
-we tried talking properly, and i wanted you not to say anything, yet you thought it was wrong
-so i'd resoluted to say everything, and you wanted to tell her in my place and talk terms with her
-i left for BS
-we talked about stuff on the train on my way home
-you called her
-she was busy, said she'd call you back
-i smsed you
-you called me when i'd reached home
-we talked a little
-you talked to her
-you told me everything she said
-about her not expecting everything that turned out to be
-she was a helper and got into an unofficial relationship, went to the hospital too to visit with the boy, and got very close
-in the end, everything happened and she cut all contacts
-she doesn't want the same thing to happen to us
-me and you vs us, we, together
hmm...
this morning...
-you sent me some smses that were drenched with lots of memories
sigh. it's wrong leh.
you told victor about everything huh? and yea, you just rushed out an account on your laptop.
haha.
wait till you see this blog!
cheers
phoebe -
=)
lurves...
u sent me the clip. i'm touched... -
letter of regret
Hey Charles
Think you really misunderstood me. Probably i really have a problem over msn. Today had been tough. i'm sorry to have hurt you deeply.
we aren't in a season to be in love. you need your exposure, and i need my fallowing. Does that mean we're not in love? No. Does that mean we can never be together? No. Does that mean everything's just gonna end like this? No.
It takes a lot to choose. It's not God's will NOW, does that mean it'll never be? No. It just means that time will tell whether we're truly for one another, if we're ready to withstand the test of time.
How long? Nobody knows, not even Zoe. Terence is supposed to get together with Hui Yun only next year, yet they're officially together already, because Zoe sensed that it's time. Will we ever hit that point?
I'm not promising that I'll love you and only you for my entire life and anything else, i rather stay single. But, i want to let you know that I will wait as long as i can, as long as i feel you're the one. I knew you would wait for me, but i aren't that sure now. have i made you really angry, and hurt, that you'll not give a hoot about everything ever again?
people whom you love most hurt you most. it wasn't my intention to hurt you, and was it in you to say good night and leave, and tell me you're gonna go visit your mum alone? am i hurt?
look at my math rough book. it's filled with bits of you here and there, including a big point about visiting your mum, a small point about your birthday.
is it really true that if we can't be a couple, we can't be friends? how then can we be a couple that can last?
if you're really going to brisbane, i'll do my best to follow. what if i can't? are you going to be angry with me?
are we going to heed the voice of God together? are we going to prove that we'll last?
when i first heard everything from Zoe, i know you won't be able to take that. she didn't drive her point across? i thought i was just reinforcing. what have i done now? is there not a cause?
my a levels is coming. am i going to take all these till a levels? can i focus?
if we're not meant to be, we're not meant to be. let's not force anything to our promises to each other. and if we are, things will turn out fine. time will tell. will it? it's been just one night. things got worse than it should. we sound like enemies.
i'm not intending to be harsh, or hurtful. i wonder if you sense the helplessness in me.
i'm extending my most sincere apologies for whatever i've said that made no sense on msn on mon night. i'm sorry charles. i'm really tired, drained.
perhaps i need a little more affirmation. i never believe i'm the girl for you, as much as we talk about it. never had i dared to think i'm gonna marry you too. my faith in this relationship is lower than what you'd expected.
if i don't clear up by today, which is so very my tendency, things are going to sour, and then before i know it, you're gonna come back from brisbane, married.
you must have known. i'm not good at expressing feelings online. i rather talk face to face or on the phone. sorry to have offended you.
it's either you'd misunderstood me, or that you assumed, and yes, you've hurt me too.
i was blogging. blogging daily about you on a page you shouldn't see, about things that's really from the bottom of my heart but it's not the time to tell. and i chanced upon this that i'd written to you.
THE PLACE
as the wind blows, you took me to a place
a horizon i've never known, never touched
a pure green field blooming with nothingness
pure, i call it
a place where there's no congestion
worries hang far into the galaxies
and you, whispering something
a secret that no one ever knows about
we held hands, standing at the edge of the earth
standing on the horizon line
i told you, impossible
but you've proven me wrong
and brought me to this place
where the twilight twinkles
the stars shone brilliantly
and you're whispering
whispering something yet again
i probed, asking for more of these words
these inaudible words
you had spoken without moving your lips
ah, the stars are saying something, you told me
i probed again, seemingly curious
for once, only once, you turned to me and said
"shhh... listen carefully..."
i did as was told
and melodious music i heard
cacophony of the green field singing
choir from the highest heavens
harp from behind the clouds
there was nothing else around
yet, something i heard from the wind
something that sounds like your secret
time would never suspend
i pleaded, but God allowed not
for a time like such to happen for eternity
this is divine, i thought
for i'll never have a moment like this with you again
for every second that past
the landscape changes
changes drastically
from the beautiful twilight into the menacing morning
alas, our time is due
you turned to me and smiled
when i returned the gesture with a tear
surely, you have to go
everything would disappear in that instant
you pulled my hand and ran non-stop
i was reluctantly dragged behind
stop, please stop running
let the sun never come
for i know when it does, as promised
you would vanish
baby, leave me not
i'll stick to you
till death do us part
in a distance i saw a figure
a figure so great
i could not comprehend its magnitude nor potency
loss took me over
awestruck, perhaps fear
enveloped the entire of me
as the sun inches up from where we were standing
i sink, deeper every second into a bottomless abyss
is this called hell, i wonder
pain engulf me every moment passes
i cringed, struggled for freedom
yet futile as it was, i was held captive
captivated by the pain of separation
suddenly everything went black
i could no longer feel
you inching away, dissipating
seemingly surreal separation
was prematurely terminated
i could no longer see
see the pureness of jade green under my feet
i felt myself collapsing uncontrollably
falling into a relief of painlessness
a world of anesthesia
a blank page of an error print novel
consciousness soon arrived
and yes, i'd been asleep for a millennium
yes, there you laid beside me
a face so aged i never knew
you stared at me, surprised
whispering again
this is audible
you'd waited for a millennium
until i'd regain consciousness
you picked me up
held my hand
hobbled for hours as you brought me to that place again
the place where the twilight reigned and stars cheered
the place where you owe me a secret you never told
finally we'd arrived
everything suspended for us
the same as it was
you took out a dazzling brilliant stone
banded with a ring
you slipped it through my last finger
and collapsed...
you never regained your consciousness
never, i waited till i died
but now i've known the secret you've kept from me
a secret you engraved deep into the ring
i stood and stared
yes, these were crystal clear
you wanted to tell me
"I LOVE YOU"
you know, i saw this coming when i wrote the poem. i knew that the bliss we had would be soon tested under fire. i knew i couldn't take it before you leave, and you would stay, but not for long. i weren't sure if you're gonna like me forever, so i made you die so that you would. and i died, so that i would. morbid eh? warped kind of love this is.
you are still who you are to me, nothing much will change my perception of you. and this poem still stands, at this point in time.
i'm having my math paper 2 tomorrow. i can't sleep, because so much is on my mind. so much about you.
are you still my prince? will you stay that way? it's not really up to me to decide ya?
love, like any other emotions, is dynamic. it's subjected to fluctuations and external fluctuations.
love never fails... ~1Cor13
you must have fallen asleep already, being exhausted from all the outfield training. hmm... sorry to have disturbed you.
i'm contemplating if i should send the letter.
1. will i hurt you more?
2. am i supposed to do this?
3. what would zoe say, and what would God say?
forgive me, will you? relationships broken are hard to mend. it'll be harder to face you in cell group and service. wonder what's gonna happen.
let's continue to be friends, and see how things goes.
this will be my last email telling you how i feel towards you. from this point on, we're gonna be good friends. just that.
all the best ahead. do whatever you should.
Cheers
ZN -
twas the first night
twas the first night i was hurt, terribly hurt by you.
i guess you're just as hurt too. choose between you, and God. just how do i choose? aren't i right to leave everything to God?
are you really gonna visit your mum alone? the wound must have been too deep...
you're going brisbane. will i go? will things work out fine?
i'm really at a loss. what do you want? hold on? i am holding on you know. i am.
what do you want? just what do you want?
are you still my prince? are you who i'm looking for ? are you the guy i'm going to marry?
time will tell, zoe says. will we wait for each other? as much as i can, i will.
i've no idea how much i hurt you. i'm sorry for that. i planned to visit your mum and drop her a sunflower.
no matter what, i'm going, because i am concerned about her, just as much as i'm concerned about you.
and yes, kill me if you want, i'm gonna wait. get your gf in brisbane and see what i'll do.
the day had been tough. i spent my day missing you. i really did. for once, i was about to cry because of the pain of separation.
do you think i'm really who i am today? if i don't fix it, i wonder when will i fix that. -
i am cow by arrogant worms
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcPz850o3d4
I am cow, hear me moo
I weigh twice as much as you
And I look good on the barbecue
Yogurt, curd, cream cheese and butters
Made from liquid from my udders
I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo (moo)
I am cow, eating grass
Methane gas comes out my ass
And out my muzzle when I belch
Oh, the ozone layer is thinner
From the outcome of my dinner
I am cow, I am cow, Ive got gas
I am cow, here I stand
Far and wide upon this land
And I am living everywhere
From b.c. to newfoundland
You can squeeze my teats by hand
I am cow, I am cow, I am cow
I am cow, I am cow, I am cow! -
desert song by hillsong
VERSE 1-
This is my prayer in the desert,
When all that's within me feels dry,
This is my prayer in my hunger and need,
My God is the God who provides,
-VERSE 2-
And this is my prayer in the fire,
In weakness, or trial, or pain,
There is a faith proved more worth than gold,
> So refine me Lord through the flame,
-CHORUS-
I will bring praise,
I will bring praise,
No weapon formed against me shall remain,
I will rejoice, I will declare,
God is my victory and He is here,
-VERSE 3-
This is my prayer in the battle,
When triumph is still on its way,
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ,
So firm on his promise I'll stand,
(repeat Chorus)
All of my life, in every season,
You are still God,
I have a reason to sing,
I have a reason to worship,
(repeat Chorus)
-VERSE 4-
And this is my prayer in the harvest,
When favour and providence flow,
I know I'm filled to be emptied again,
The seed I receive I will sow -
collide by howie day
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a frist impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
