Blog 53
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Journeys
19 February 2009, 0110h (Singapore time), 2000 miles from Brisbane (3200km), 11277m above sea level, 881km/h, Aboard QF52, Seat 31K
I’m about halfway now between Singapore and Brisbane, 2000 miles from my dream either way, getting closer, closer, to one yet further, further, from the other.
It has always been my dream for this day, this moment, to come, and against all odds it has finally arrived; against all obstacles and roadblocks, it is finally here…
My journal entry from 28 December 2008 went:
‘…I can see myself applying for the student visa. I can see myself going for the health checkup and clearing it. I can see all the arrangements being made nicely. I can see myself ORD-ing in peace. I can see myself packing my things. I can see myself heading down to Changi Airport on the 18th of February 2009 to fly with my parents, Yuling and Candice. I can see my closer friends coming to see me off. I can see myself hugging and kissing Zhinian goodbye. I can see myself boarding the plane, for a good flight to Brisbane. I can see myself getting a ride to 5/52 Warren St. with the rest. I can see myself settling in, exploring the city, playing host to Darius. I can see myself doing well in school, making many lifelong friends, having no financial difficulties, and ultimately scoring a first class law degree.
I can see all that, and I claim all that I see, all of the above, in Jesus’ most mighty name. I loose all of these in heaven, holding to the promise that they will be loosed on earth too. I hold on to Your vision given to me, for I know that with God, all things are possible. And I believe, I know, that God, You will make a way, and be the light that dispels the darkness in my life.
This is my prayer for tonight. Thank you God.’
It’s so amazing how things turned out, how God works. Back then things were so uncertain; all I held on to was a mustard seed of faith, of hope, now, this is reality. It is coming to pass and God, I’ve you to thank for it. I thank my mum too, and God, for working Your way about her, and through my circumstances… Let this entry stand as a constant reminder to me over the next 4 years of Your miracle, Your provision, Your grace, Your love.
Thank You God; may I do You proud.
The girl of my dreams, Zhinian; so much has happened since back then and now I’m sitting here with a ring on my finger, holding a card from you, and missing you so… Missing your touch, missing your voice, missing your empathy, missing having you beside me, missing your love… But no, I’m not really missing your love, because I know it’s stronger than ever; I can feel it so strongly. Far apart but not in heart; we will look back one day at this phase of our relationship and laugh at how we managed to conquer it. The both of us will be strong, and will make the most to learn and to grow in this time. We will communicate, we will develop spiritually, and we’ll experience first hand how love transcends boundaries, distance, how love never fails.
I love you Zhinian; we’ve shared so much, let us share our lives too.
We’ll make it good. I promise.
0545h (Brisbane time), ~500 miles from Brisbane
Flying into the dawn; it’s breathtaking. The fiery flames of the sun pierce through the night like nothing else can, bringing a promise of hope, a promise of light. Zhinian, how I’d love to share this majestic moment with you... It’s beautiful, flying into the dawn.
2218h, 5/52 Warren St.
God says, ‘you will work out, if you will work out.’ -
17101988
i forgotten your birthday momentarily. gosh. i'm sorry!
so much has happened. your loan, my teaching. our bro darren, our r/ship.
no more breakups with me? you sure about that?
i haven't given you any red letters yet just because you pissed me off. hmm...
is it gonna be over? we over, storm over or everything over?
gee. hate change.
change is the only constant; virtue is ignorance tested.
it means a lot to me, these two lines, because you changed my perspective of it and of you after you shared.
kill me. please. -
countdown
i'm starting to be aware of the day you're ORD-ing.
awww man... secretly i wish you'll stay in the army for one more year.
nah. i'm just kidding. you should ORD!
should i really play placebo and get excited about your departure? seriously. undiluted... -
A heart that beats with mine
17 December 2008, ~1am
The night is cold
nd the chill numbs
I stare out the window
at the park where we once sat
Pretence?
Or folly?
Or neither,
or so much more...
The wind ceases
and I wonder
Does time stop now?
And then it teases
and I ponder
What does tomorrow hold?
In the orange glow of a streetlamp
I long
for a heart
that beats with mine...
A friend comes up
alongside and
looks out with me
He shares of his mum's passing
of strength and
of God
And of the simple
yet complex
beauty of trees
Beauty quietly majestic
in the stoic oppression of
a military camp...
A silence of understanding
of reflection
of a heart
going out to another...
I feel slightly warmer
but still something
or nothing
chills...
Offence is indeed
the cause of war
And war
war never changes
I question why?
And I sigh...
The night is cold
and the chill numbs
and I still long
for a heart that
beats so
with mine. -
THAT NIGHT~25 November 2008
26 November 2008
Post-Account of THAT NIGHT
Charles, here's to you...
That night
Where everything seem so bleak
Where I lost hope in you, in me and in us
Where I struggle to let you know how I feel
Where I see you hiding your innermost you
You held my hand tight
Yet the distance between seemed like miles away
I no longer understand what you’re facing
Nor do I know what made me into who I am
I feel thorns around you
Daggers thrown at me
Bullets piercing through me
Could it be that it all ends here?
I got ready my arms, ready to fight
Somehow, I hesitated
I can’t bear to, like how I treat everyone else
It’s my fault, I admitted
Somehow, the ice melted slightly
We seem closer, feel warmer
You sat me down to talk
First question fired was
“What do you fear, before and now?”
At that moment, I really wanted you to disappear
My mind blanked out
Felt hot blood gushing through my brain
Somehow, things started to surface
And very slowly, more and more I feel, pain
The unexpected
Getting hurt
Doubting myself
Hurting people
Losing you
These overwhelms me, and takes my life away
I’m stronger than what you think
I bury my hurts and pasts
Corpses, skeletons, crosses I was crucified on
They wired up a fraction of me
The rain comes as the mood intensifies
We sought shelter
That moment, I really thank God you were around
You were just right beside me
Go on, you said
As I continued
Emotions crept up my sleeves
Into the heart of stone
Colder than the ice cubes you knew
Pretentious, unfulfilled expectations
Real me surfacing as I share
I’m too tired to live, to run
To give it my all and bless
No one can replace my call
No one can impact the potential people I’ll touch
Could it be
This is the reason
Why I went through the perfect storm?
Anyone I haven’t forgiven
You prompted, in great distress
Yes, yours truly
That I suggest
Why did I choose the path I’d walked
Not that I was coerced into it
I walked right into it, disillusioned
For the love that was sat before me, all pretense
You whispered in the midst of my small pauses
Go on, go on
As the shovel cuts deeper
Revealing the blood once was there, now dried
Can I pray for you, that you suggested
I nodded, still cringing in pain
Dear Lord, help her forget the past
Deliver her from all the hurts that has happened
It finally ended, visions and all
I sat there, teary-eyed
You offered the warmest coffee in the bitterest frost
Your hug
Never had I cried so much,
Not in front of anyone, anyway
I felt the new wounds hurting so badly
I felt so drained
Pain, as the stitching of the raw wounds continue
That moment, sacred
When all of a sudden, the ice fully melted
Evaporates into the air, stopping at an arc in the sky
The rainbow’s appearing, again
You walked me home
Held me tightly
And then, there was no more distance
I was, at moment, right beside you, again… -
forgiveness
i came across a few pages today, and decided to put it all here, because it seem so meaningful...
Forgiveness
(Psalms 32:1 KJV) <A Psalm of David, Maschil.> Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.
(Psalms 32:2 KJV) Blessed is the man unto whom the LORD imputeth not iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no guile.
(Psalms 32:3 KJV) When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long.
(Psalms 32:4 KJV) For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer. Selah.
(Psalms 32:5 KJV) I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah.
(Psalms 32:6 KJV) For this shall every one that is godly pray unto thee in a time when thou mayest be found: surely in the floods of great waters they shall not come nigh unto him.
(Psalms 51:1 KJV) <To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came unto him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.> Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
(Psalms 51:2 KJV) Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
(Psalms 51:3 KJV) For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
(Psalms 51:4 KJV) Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
(Psalms 51:7 KJV) Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
(Psalms 51:8 KJV) Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
(Psalms 51:9 KJV) Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
(Psalms 51:10 KJV) Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
(Psalms 51:11 KJV) Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
(Psalms 51:12 KJV) Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
(Psalms 86:5 KJV) For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.
(Psalms 103:11 KJV) For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.
(Psalms 103:12 KJV) As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
(Matthew 6:14 KJV) For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
(Matthew 6:15 KJV) But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
(Matthew 18:21 KJV) Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
(Matthew 18:22 KJV) Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
(Ephesians 4:32 KJV) And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
(Colossians 2:13 KJV) And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses;
(Colossians 2:14 KJV) Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross;
(1 John 1:9 KJV) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
http://www.bibleversesite.com/
and here's something else i'll like you to see... rather cool i'd say...a version from the message bible that i really love...
1 Corinthians 13
The Way of Love
1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3 -7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
8 -10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
11When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
here's another version that's more elaborate...
1 Corinthians 13
1IF I [can] speak in the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such [a]as is inspired by God's love for and in us), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
2And if I have prophetic powers (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (God's love in me) I am nothing (a useless nobody).
3Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or
in order that I may glory, but have not love (God's love in me), I gain nothing.
4Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
5It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
6It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.
7Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].
8Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy ([d]the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].
9For our knowledge is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect), and our prophecy (our teaching) is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect).
10But when the complete and perfect (total) comes, the incomplete and imperfect will vanish away (become antiquated, void, and superseded).
11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside.
12For now we are looking in a mirror that gives only a dim (blurred) reflection [of reality as [e]in a riddle or enigma], but then [when perfection comes] we shall see in reality and face to face! Now I know in part (imperfectly), but then I shall know and understand [f]fully and clearly, even in the same manner as I have been [g]fully and clearly known and understood [[h]by God].
13And so faith, hope, love abide [faith--conviction and belief respecting man's relation to God and divine things; hope--joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love--true affection for God and man, growing out of God's love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthiens 13 (La Bible du Semeur)
La Bible du Semeur (BDS)
1 Corinthiens 13
L'amour
1 En effet, supposons que je parle les langues des hommes et même celles des *anges: si je n'ai pas l'amour, je ne suis rien de plus qu'une trompette claironnante ou une cymbale bruyante[a].
2 Supposons que j'aie le don de *prophétie, que je comprenne tous les mystères et que je possède toute la connaissance; supposons même que j'aie, dans toute sa plénitude, la foi qui peut transporter les montagnes: si je n'ai pas l'amour, je ne suis rien.
3 Si même je sacrifiais tous mes biens, et jusqu'à ma vie, pour aider les autres, au point de pouvoir m'en vanter, si je n'ai pas l'amour, cela ne me sert de rien.
4 L'amour est patient, il est plein de bonté, l'amour. Il n'est pas envieux, il ne cherche pas à se faire valoir, il ne s'enfle pas d'orgueil.
5 Il ne fait rien d'inconvenant. Il ne cherche pas son propre intérêt, il ne s'aigrit pas contre les autres, il netrame pas le mal.
6 L'injustice l'attriste, la vérité le réjouit.
7 En toute occasion, il pardonne, il fait confiance, il espère, il persévère.
8 L'amour n'aura pas de fin. Les *prophéties cesseront, les langues inconnues prendront fin, et la connaissance particulière cessera.
9 Notre connaissance est partielle, et partielles sont nos *prophéties.
10 Mais le jour où la perfection apparaîtra, ce qui est partiel cessera.
11 Lorsque j'étais enfant, je parlais comme un enfant, je pensais et je raisonnais en enfant. Une fois devenu homme, je me suis défait de ce qui est propre à l'enfant.
12 Aujourd'hui, certes, nous ne voyons que d'une manière indirecte[d], comme dans un miroir. Alors, nous verrons directement. Dans le temps présent, je connais d'une manière partielle, mais alors je connaîtrai comme Dieu me connaît.
13 En somme, trois choses demeurent: la foi, l'espérance et l'amour, mais la plus grande d'entre elles, c'est l'amour. -
i like to be caught unaware...
hmm... how profound can this be?
i actually really like to be caught unaware. reasons were many when i didn't want you coming down to jurong today... needed to study, thought you should have more time to yourself to do stuff, and yea, we're meeting tomorrow...
i don't wanna have the hope of you coming down and you not turning up too. it's slightly distracting when i'm expecting something to happen and it doesn't.
but hey! after 20th NOV i'll mug no more. perhaps you may like to catch me unaware if you like. lol. and so i take back my words that sometimes unaware ain't a good thing, because IT ALWAYS IS.
at least, more often than not, with you around, it is. miss you dear. had been so tired the entire day. online now for the HUMAN GENOME PROJECT and GENETIC ENGINEERING ethical issues. gonna be at mac soon, to study.
slacker for today
NIANZ -
i owe you all these... things you didn't know... or did you
21st September 2008, Sunday
Today has been one of the most eventful day so to speak, one of so much horror, unexpected, pain, loneliness and helplessness. Sitting in from the laptop, staring blankly, at the brink of tears, it scares me when I think about everything that happened. I feel small, I feel useless, I feel lousy.
I skipped school on Friday because I was really tired from doing chorus board. I woke up late and decided that I’ll fail to get to school on time, and thus forwent my trip to school. There were only one Biology lesson with Ms Wun, so there weren’t really any point rushing to school.
I smsed Huiwen, and from then I felt so distant from her. It dawned upon me like she could no longer relate to me, no longer trust me, and no longer regard me as her friend. I felt hurt, betrayed and misunderstood. I spent the entire day sleeping and sleeping, wishing never to be awaken from the slumber and be the forever sleeping beauty of my world. So tired of life, so tired.
In parallel, I felt overwhelming guilt too. I hadn’t been studying. Sigh. My A levels are coming and yet I’m still not studying as I should. Why so, I wonder. Could it be Charles, complacency, or something else?
Friday I spend trying to consolidate everything about youthem. Took me so long, couldn’t find a friend too. I binged too, and reminiscence of guilt trickled in, little by little.
Finally had heard from Charles about his outfield trip, how he suspect getting foot rot and stuff. He was tired, and I told him to pray and shower before calling me. It took so long, I fell asleep at 2pm.
Saturday came. I got the stuff for the hamper, and went for service. Alas, Wendy had forgotten to bring the hamper stuff. Somehow I expected it, somehow I was a little disappointed. Sigh.
I went service, and Suresh came. Charles came too. Missed him, yet didn’t want my feelings to manifest. He sat at the row behind me, beside Suresh. I gave him a box of Choco Baby, and told him some centres contain stars, some smiley faces. He offered me some, offered the whole world some, and ate happily. Whenever he chanced upon the ones with stars, he’d tap on my shoulder and pass it to me. Sweet were those moments.
The one and only smiley face in the entire box, he gave it to me… during service…
Supposed to celebrate Zoe’s birthday but she was running a high fever. Done away with that.
Suresh and I went home and the rest fellowshipped at Subway.
Had a good chat with Suresh. Sheryne replied my SMS and I jioed her out to study whole night. Set.
I had my dinner and went to Mac to study. Just broke my fast then.
Stayed throughout the night over at Mac. There was a flasher that targeted us, and wanted his private part exposed in his boxers. He kept rubbing it, kept staring at it, and kept opening his legs wide apart hoping we’ll see. Thank God we didn’t. We kept talking to each other.
Charles called and put down. Said he wasn’t tired and immediately after putting down he fell asleep. Hmmm…
I was quite hostile to him because I wanted him to sleep. And he was rather upset I could tell.
Stayed till 6 in the morning, hear her talk about Lixin and God. So much she said. Left me in silent sobbings and tears blinked away.
I came back home, prayed and slept for 1hour. Started on my POP work at 7.45am.
10am Terence SMS me that he can finally send me the slides. Hmmm… It was a bit too late, I said, and he was half happy about it. That was the first problem. A series followed.
Peien couldn’t send me the slides on time. That’s bad. We had so much things unsettled. We didn’t tell the models what time to meet. We told the members to come at a wrong time. Sigh.
I was supposed to meet Wendy at 12.45pm. Told her I’d be late because I haven’t bought the wrapping paper. Carried all the stuff myself to Riverwalk. Drinks 4kg, Laptop 4kg. Bag 1kg. basket 1kg.
Went there, everyone was late. Met Royston at Outram Park. He helped me carry the stuff.
And yea, I borrowed the Swiss Army Knife from Kelvin to cut open some scotch tape. Got a deep cut, so deep blood spurted out. So deep, I felt faint. So deep, the blood dripped onto my legs. The next moment, Maria was attending to me. Gave me tissue and all. Debbie and Kelvin were so worried. Everyone else too. Sigh. How I wish Charles was there. I really wanted to cry lor. Anyway, they gave me plaster and all. Felt much better.
My feet had cramp and were out of control because of my cut. Sigh. Major nerve injured. Spasm and all. I almost fainted.
Chorus board went haywire. My laptop couldn’t configure. Fonts all couldn’t use. The list I had was crap too. Terence added some slides. Everything went haywire. Leo tripped over the wire, and the entire crowd jeered. Sigh. From there the whole chorus board screwed up. I felt so crap. So crap.
Following that Darren came. He passed me his laptop. I was supposed to do lots of stuff, to help him and all. But at least I did well. Haha. My saving grace was in that I told Phoebe some valuable information and our cell group won the most creative make-over competition.
I cried. Was so upset with my performance. Hamper I took nothing except Baby Star and pocky. Japan Pocky rocks!
It’s been a bad day. Carried so much stuff, feel like I became stupider cuz of the cut and am in pain. Didn’t sleep enough too.
Charles, sometimes you just don’t understand. Sigh.
Regards
ZHINIAN
19:59
21st September 2008
12 October 2008
You left.
I shall start from today since it’ll take me forever to narrate every single detail of our time spent together. It’s been a really good day, really. Woke up, met up with Jamie, and left for sentosa. I’d been excited about you leaving to conquer new grounds, and I was waiting, waiting for your call. Patiently, longingly, excitedly.
I brought the solid fuel along. 14 packs, what you’d passed to me at Dhoby Ghaut. Went plaza singapura after that to shop at Carrefour remember? Cheese cake, cream cheese, cookies… Lots of jumping around, lots of secret gazes, lots of laughter and smiles…
Secretly I wanted to keep some solid fuel for myself cuz it was from you. Decided I won’t cuz it’s not right. Anyway, we took the train, the tram, then you called to say hi.
You ended the call with “love you”. It’s so unexpected, so fresh.
Then you called again, much later, telling me you were busy. After that, you called to say your final goodbye. George came. We had lots of fun.
Anyway, Wendy asked me why I didn’t talk as much. Zoe talked to me, asking what would I do if I had only 24h with the cell group before I die.
I’ve gotten so many photos. You’ll love them.
14 November 2008, Friday
12:21am
My lunch was chocolates, and my dinner was you…
Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get.
Coffee, tea or me? Me, me, me, me, and still me.
A small problem I’ll tell you straight in the face; a medium problem, via the phone; and a big problem, (almost) always via the email.
That’s me, afraid I’ll say something wrong. Afraid I might not say what I want to for fear of hurting the other party.
The entire two days had been enjoyable, really. I’d repeatedly said I missed you, and tried, right into your eyes, tell you that I love you. Spent so much time together, and yes, it’s perhaps the most romantic moments we’d ever had. Really.
There are some things, however, that made me contemplate quite a little, in fact, a great deal. Let me share what’s on my mind.
Yesterday, I reached home late. We had dinner together at the coffee shop opposite McDonald’s, chatted for a while and went to the bridge, again. Twas’ a lovely moment we shared, with the traffic beneath us, watching the world go by and the night getting darker. I appeared to be thinking. Yes I was. I wanted a hug, and finally, I said it, and yes, I got what I wanted.
In fact, I got more than what I wanted. You kissed me.
Yea, I’m a little shy about that cuz it’s you. The feeling’s hard to describe. Intimate. Passionate. That picture doesn’t seem to match the Charles I know. Perhaps, I don’t know you enough. Or perhaps, no one knew that side of you existed.
Thanks for the chocolates – Cadbury Roses and Eight Moments. It’s lovely to receive something unexpected, yet special, and all the more better cuz it was what I really like. Heh.
Came home, called you and yea, I fell asleep.
Zang. Spotted a few problems? I did.
1. We kissed. Gosh. Should we?
2. I got home late, and you got home pretty late too. Was it necessary?
3. I didn’t have the mood to pray, was too tired. Hmm… unbecoming?
Twas’ the first day we met after 32 days without you.
And yes, I slept till 9 plus today. My goodness. It’s very, very late you know. Hah.
We chatted on the phone in the morning, I recalled you calling me last night and you telling me you’ve read all the blogs and emails that I’ve written. Hmm… that’s not really a good idea. My blogs were written so long ago, I can’t even remember the contents in it, and you’re reading it. I believe you caught my “carat” post too. Ain’t too good… not to a girl at least. Gahh…
You dated me out after my paper, and I agreed.
I was supposed to study in school the whole day. Supposed to wake up at 6, get to school early in the morning and leave only at 9.30, to study for my Biology Applications paper.
Let’s go to the library, you suggested. Yea, it’s a good idea isn’t it? And so I agreed.
Was pretty excited in the morning about that. About the library, cuz I haven’t been there and I’m pretty mad about libraries; and about you. Meeting you.
Got my stuff packed, and off I went. “Gop” my brother’s hard disk for the very first time cuz I wanted to show you some photos. Wasseverely warned that should anything happen to the hard disk, I won’t stay alive for long. He’ll kill me. Lol.
Yes, my paper sucked. Gahh. It was so hard! So hard that it took me the whole train trip from Lakeside to Bugis to get to question 26 out of 40. and I’m not confident. That’s bad.
I need an A for my chemistry. For everything, actually.
After that horrid paper, I left school. Took so long in the toilet just because I’d changed into outside clothes in school, and I don’t want my friends catching me. Wasn’t in a mood to explain things, and get “suan-ed”.
And yes, there I saw you, after making the “malu” mistake that there’s a passport place in Bugis. OMG. That IS in Lavander, and I’m fully aware of that.
A turn to the right, in a distance, I saw you, smiling radiantly. Ah. I was so happy.
You brought me around, we walked through Bugis Junction, across TCC, the Olive Tree café, into an alley which opened into the main road. Right opposite was the most spectacular building I’d ever seen in that area. Majestic infrastructure, state-of-the-art building that climbed so high it almost touched the sky. That, I soon found out, was the NATIONAL LIBRARY OF SINGAPORE.
Wow. Awesome. Amazing. Grand. In one word, just cool. Super cool.
We went in, and the lift we headed towards. Big panels of directory, Han’s café (where you once bought puffs) and Level 11, because there are not many people over there. Got our stuff into the locker, and we got stopped by the librarian. NO NOTES ALLOW-DED, STRICTLY NO NOTES ALLOW-DED. Down to level 5 we went, the study area.
Before my eyes, I saw tables after tables piled up high with laptops, books, notes, and goodness knows whatever else besides. Right before me were the muggerers of the entire town, mugging away in the library.
Spectacular sight. I’d never seen the mugger-holics gather like this all my life.
We found a place and sat down. Took a look at all my photos, and off I went to study.
Biology Paper 3. AJC.
Couldn’t figure out the stuff, but finally got it. Learnt quite a lot and shared with you, in the dimly-lit garden shrouded with the city lights, overlooking INTERCONTINENTAL hotel. There we stood, talking about lots of things. You held me so close. That was the first time I felt really, really warm in your arms…
Twas where I stopped to talk to you. Lots of things were resolved in the conversation, lots of things touched upon, like you thinking of working in Dubai and me waiting for 8 years… it seems like there’s so much that we’ve discussed, even beyond words.
Yea, we got off the train, you stared at the trains passing by, again and again, and eventually, we left the station cuz you figured out you’d be fined should you stay any longer, and take the train back.
Yes, that’s exactly what we’ll do alright? You take the train back after sending me home. Me home latest by 9.30pm, which means I’ll leave Chinese Garden MRT station latest by 9.15pm.
And so we walked to bus stop 66, and goodness, what kind of ideas I had, to eat the chocolates, only then.
We did. Walked into the park (connector) and walked through the mud and grass to get to a drenched bench, you cleaning it with the tissue paper and finally sitting down to open that magical box of love.
Haha.
It was quite sad that the chocolates got messed up, but we still managed to put it all back in place. Hmm… the first we tried was passionfruit cream. You got it right by telling me that it’s some sort of fruit, whereas I only got the cream part right.
Second was latte cream. The white piece. Lol. Third we looked at the card and I asked you what would you like to try and if whatever you wanted was whatever I wanted.
That’s right. Cherry liquor.
It was really nice, that one. And following was the hazelnut praline cream, and then mango, then maple. And what’s the one I’d missed out? Let me check…
Orange liqueur truffle.
Ah, and so we walked to the bus stop, and along the way, you stopped. You wanted to do something.
I noticed people walking by, and I was quite reluctant.
You noticed it too. And so the people disappeared into the darkness, and you claimed whatever you wanted that night.
The kiss.
You held me tight in your arms, and the entire world seems to melt away to just both our existence. Oh ya, you tasted of chocolates. Like me. Heh.
We reached the bus stop and there you gave me another. I asked you, “Would we last?” and you replied, “Of course, if you believe we would.”
Till the day when we no longer have to send each other home, when there’s no more curfews, when I’ll be home, waiting for you to come back…
Bad guy, I said. And that you did again. Longer than ever before…seemingly time paused at that second, for us.
And so I went home, got into slight trouble and you called.
So here are the rules we’d set.
1. me home by 9.30pm whenever out with you
2. avoid prolonged kisses
3. get zoe’s approval
Right. I need to sleep now. It’s 5 in the morning. Good night then… -
I GOT HERE FIRST
yeap. so this is our blog, and hope you like it!
will get the photos done up soon...
loves
NIANZ -
hey
miss ya darl.
gonna go offline already. anyway mummy smsed me! as in your mummy. err... somehow i just saved her number as mummy
in my phone. haha... so weird.
4 years. it's gonna be tough, but if you still love me, i can wait, because i love you, and i believe you're the one.
loves.
ZN
