sweet_simplyme
female - 43 years, Wauregan, United States
Blog 562
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that once in a life time experience
when you meet some one who is your soul mate.
Most people tend to find this person once they have already married settled down have a life a family.
They are unhappy and it shows.
I have a good friend who after several years of being divorced and single and playing the field has found this with a former student of his.
He is worried I am upset or jealous, or hurt.
He tells me I will find my one true love
No matter I told him, I found that one true love and he belonged to someone else so I walked away. I will not be a part of breaking up a marriage or relationship.
Yet I sit here feeling overwhelmingly sad.
Knowing that once they decide to be married I will lose a good friend.
Seems that is how my life goes. -
Life
For those of you who have missed me. I have been playing on other sights but keeping my eye right here.
I have not been doing much writing as my mind has become and empty void.
Perhaps life's little stresses has gotten to me or perhaps it is just writers block.
I am at an all time I do not care about anything low.
In the last month alone, I have taken in one 24 yr old male who is a son of a friend and I did not want to see him on the street or in a shelter I saw what this did to his mom in february.
He is a lying caniving sneaky stealing lets play young women jack off.
I want him out of my apt, but I have to wait to see what his court date will turn up. ( I hope he goes to jail he needs tolearn a few things the hard way)
Now lets add that my Niece had fallen for him and twice in the last month has attempted suicide. HMMMM
The last time she actually came to my home town to attempt this. When the hospital released her I test her mom to let her know the hospital let her go and she had no way to get home. Reply from my sister was oh well my hands are tied nothing I can do. So I went and got her. Had her at my place two days ( neither parent would come and get her) I get a text she is not longer welcome in my sisters home, called her dad nope she cannot go there new wife does not want to deal with his kids.
I am way too nice I did not put her on the street she is staying with me too.
I am over stressed and I am sick as hell!!! I have been in bed for two days SHY of one week. I cannot shake what ever this is and I am tired of being still!!
I am tired I am sick I am weary and I am pissed. -
Life
I am never alone although I may feel lonely. Really it is more of a longing to be with adults to be loved and held to snuggle on the couch up against his shoulder and watch tv. I often wonder if I am capable of real love, true love. I often pick out men who are emotionally unavailable, or who do not want to be embroiled with my kids.
I often wonder if this is my coping mechanism, I have lived a life of isolation and rejection.
I spent time recently going through family photo albums and the one thing i often seen was me sitting off by myself. My brother and sister would be right close nest to each other and I would be off to the side, come to prom pictures and parties, My prom picture was myself and my date no other friends. My brother and sisters had other couples with them, people they are still friends with today.
My siblings often arrange gatherings amongst themselves and I am left out.
Being an hour and a half away I can understand that, but when I lived in town was less then 2 minutes away I was hurt often.
I learned to bury hurt, bury the pain.
I learned to leave it at the door when I enter their house.
I learned to smile through the pain.
Perhaps that is why when I broke my ankle I walked around on it until it healed and never had it looked at.
The pain was not that bad.
Harder still is knowing that my solitary life style does not teach my kids how to make friends. -
My very strange dreams of late
Last night I was dreaming we were cleaning out my grandmothers house. I was there going through stuff and it was my stuff and my kids stuff and I was working on a lap top as we were cleaning. Then someone came in yelling that they were there.
Grandma and Tanta Nettie were coming in and I was still working on their rooms.
So I loaded everything into cars and a motorcycle, and drove them tot he shed in the back of the property.
We were going through the shed, and My ex Eric was pissing me off so I hit him with a fishing pole and the pole cast out into the pond and I caught a huge koi, I made Eric take the hook out of the fishes mouth.
It was strange as my grand mother and aunt are both deceased,
Their house was already cleaned out for the most part as my Uncle still resides there.
The ponds do not have carp in them or koi, they have catfish.
I know there was more to this dream it is foggy in my mind.
Yesterdays dream was my family had gone to visit some young woman who had a baby and their camper was there, but we were in the house and I was trying to connect to the internet. I was so sick I had no voice. I worked at a grocery store and I did not know the number to call and tell them I was not coming in. The store was by my friend Maggie's house but we were not in Deep River.
I also worked at AOS in Branford and I could not get on line to say I was not going to be coming in.
In this dream I worked at AOS and quit and went back and quit and went back.
Weird dreams,
What is going on in my head. -
nothing but blank space in my mind
He held her hand as they walked along the path at the hop yard. Talking of the day, they had at work. She stopped and stood up on tippy toe to to place a kiss upon his cheek.
The twinkle in her eyes told him she was up to something, tugging his hand and pulling him off the beaten path to find, a small space buried in the thicket, she dropped to her knees caressing the crotch of his pants, using her mouth to unbutton and unzip them left him with a look of surprise on his face mixed with that of shear pleasure.
She ran her tongue up his quickly thickening shaft........... -
wandering thoughts as I wander through the woods
they trapsed through the woods,pushing aside sapplings looking for a quiet spot
he grabbed her by the shoulders turning her to face him as their eyes met he lowered his lips to take possesion of hers
she gasped in surprise,his hands held her buttucks pulling her closer to his
a moan escaped her lips as she trembled her hands pulling at his shirt
trying to shove it up his chest and over his head
he spun her around so her back was facing him and reached around to under her jeans
sliding them down as his hand slid to to the soft mound between her thighs
his finger sliding inside of her moist sex to make sure she was wet and ready for him
His free hand gripped her hip pulling her against him
she could feel the warmth of his skin and the hardness of his erection
pushing gently on her back he bent her over
sliding his hard cock inside her he heard her gasp
gripping her hips with both his hands he rocked her back and forth on his cock
As she moans, softly
she placed her hands on the damp earth and began to shove herself against him harder and faster
Moans louder now
Shhhhh he tells her
reminding her they may not be alone
biting her lip to keep from screaming she holds back her moans
and rocks harder and faster against him
his fingers biting into her flesh as he begins to moan
pulling her hard against him
he can feel her pussy milking his hard cock as she begins to climax
her breath coming in short labored gasps moans escaping her lips, she can taste the blood she has drawn
he moans calling out her name as she feels his seed pulsing and shooting the insides of her. -
dunno say a prayer for this boy
She looked across the desk to see the tears running down her face. With a tentative smile she asked if she could help.
The woman shook her head, and dabbed at her eyes. She sat next to her and took her hand.
Look, perhaps if you tell me what is wrong I can help.
Taking a deep breath to steady her voice and stem the flow of tears, she looked up with red rimmed eyes.
" My step son he is only 13" she said and shook her head,
Gently I prodded her " Your step son is only 13, is this a bad thing?"
Taking another deep breath and struggling with her emotions She gave a weak smile, " He....He ...... Decided to try to get high buy inhaling propane........" Her voice cracked and she trailed off again. The tears flowing again.
Tentatively I touched her should rubbing gently she giving her the quiet she needed and the time to regather herself.
"can you tell me what happened?" I asked
Taking another breath she forged a head " his mother left him alone to go shopping and he and a friend decided to try to get high inhaling propane, he....he..... has chemical burns on his face and hands, in his mouth his esophogus and lungs! It comes out so cold much like liquid nitrogen. He froze everything, and he is in a medically induced coma."
I could see the energy drain from her, I wrapped my arm around her and just sat and held her hand silently praying for her step son.
I sat with her for a long time, then apologized as I had to get back to my desk.
Back to work.
I sat and wondered why kids feel they are invincible, I called home to check on my kids. I emailed friends, and asked neighbors to make a surprise check on my kids.
As a mother I was concerned, this was a new way to try to get high, another more dangerous way to live on the edge.
I looked up and saw the woman sitting alone. I wondered about how this would affect her life, her marriage.
As my shift ended I hugged her and told her regardless of her religious belief or non belief I begain a prayer circle for her step son.
I felt a need to rush home to my kids.
To hold them to see and feel for myself that they were safe. -
So I have been told I cannot stop writing. ( i have not writ
So I figure while I am sitting here at work between calls, filing faxes , customers issues and all the other lovely things we do here I would attempt to write once more.
Lucky you get to read it............
She drove along the highway her thumbs tamping out the rhythm of the wipers, the rains pitter patter on the roof was mesmerizing.
She mentally counted backwards from 8 slowly using a relaxation technique she was taught. She had an irrational fear of thunder storms. With each bolt o lightening lighting up the sky her heart would stop then race wildly out of control, With each boom of thunder she would jump then scrunch down in the seat of the car.
A cold sweat broke out on her forehead and she wished he was here with her. As irrational as she knew her fear was, it was real.
She thought back to when she was a small child and they would have storms, how she would hide under the bed or in the closet with pillows and clothes pulled over her ears.
Or how when they took her to the fireworks display she would, she would scream and try to run from the noise. All the while feeling her heart turn somersaults in her tiny chest. Wiping at her eyes, with dirt stained hands.
Her parents would laugh at her tear streaked face, ruffling her hair telling her there was nothing to be scared of.
She learned then to hold back her tears. To hide her feelings, to face the world as a strong unemotional being.
She learned tears were unwelcome, they solved nothing, created more turmoil ...........
The loud blaring of a horn pulled her out of her reverie, ranking on the steering wheel the car started swerving...............................
She shook her leg rapidly back and forth trying to rid herself of the rising heat in her loins..... -
Giving up
I am giving up on love, I am giving up on men, I am giving up on living. My self imposed isolation is what I need for me. Heart aches are killing me, slowly and painfully, disappointment is jading my views. It is time to learn to enjoy my kids myself the quiet, To relearn the beauty of walking for miles with no destination in mind. The metamorphosis of me, slowly wiggling free of my own chrysalis, Gently poking one tiny piece of flesh out at a time, Spreading my wings in the warm sunshine, the drying up my tears, washing away my fears................................
-
Nada
Her heart was breaking because she was a fool. She foolishly believed she was the only one for you.
You saw the look in her eyes when she looked into yours. she worshiped the ground you walked on, she idealized you, then she saw you with some one new and her heart began to break in two
