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storyoftheblues — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 11:22:34 UT

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Ohhhhh the joy...how happy am I that I got this message....I'm running round waving my knickers in the air looking for my webcam as a I type this.......I've waited all my life for this message.....someone finally wants me.....they want me for my body....they want to jack off so I can watch......

FFS......WHAT PLANET DO THESE LOSERS COME FROM??? WHAT MAKES THEM THINK AS A WOMAN I AM GOING TO RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE WITH NOTHING BUT DISTAIN AND DISGUST???

My only response to this idiot is GET LOST JERK!!!!

they say a refusal often offends...he's lucky I'm blogging this as my reply in a pm would not have been so polite!!!!

moody blues and ramblings

storyoftheblues — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 11:16:20 UT

Ohhhh it's all fun and games here.....NOT!!!! As my friends know I had major surgery back in September....just a trivial matter of having a hysterectomy for my imagined problems...which turned out to be no imaginary after all ....anyway since the op I've had funny bouts of feeling ok to downright miserable....been weepy at times for no apparent reason which has been bloody annoying....now I'm not the sort to run to the GPs at the slightest thing....I'm an ex nurse and know how to deal with most things myself and just get on with it......but just lately with the Cami thing and bullying thing I haven't been feeling 100%, so thinking logically (1st time for everything) I decided perhaps a visit to the doctors would help in some way....

Now before I had the op I was well prepared, for the actually op, the anaesthetic and the recovery period.....what no one warned me about and I didn't know about (I never did gynae during my nurse training only obstetrics) was depression.......now I can understand women who have had to have emergency hysterectomys or those who've had to have one for things like cancer getting depressed.....they've had no time to prepare or become adjusted to the fact......I on the other hand actually elected to have this procedure done so imagine my surprise today when the doctor told me I'm suffering from something called reactive depression......the fact that I've no longer got a uterus is depressing me and I didn't even know it was that.....I just thought I was feeling a bit run down and stressed with the kids problems.....

The nice doctor has referred me back to see the gynaes again as I have a wound healing issue and also started me on the good old sunshine pill prozac....how ecstatic am I NOT!!!!! Apparently a small number of women a year form this kind of depression after this surgery....so maybe ALL women should be warned about this fact before the surgery takes place....I've been struggling on for 5 months thinking I was slowly cracking up and then find out it isn't me at all, it's my body and brain reacting to the surgery!!!!! So although I'm glad I don't have to put up with being crippled every month by pain to the extent it immobilised me, I just want to get on with my life, hopefully now I'll be able to again and sooner rather than later......

So proud of them

storyoftheblues — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 14:25:54 UT

I cannot express how proud I am of my older daughters. My 11 year old was set Drama homework. This was to be on the subject of prejudice. She sat and thought it through.....as everyone else is working in groups and she was working on her own she drafted her older sister in with the teachers permission (they both have the same drama teacher). She did alot of research and came up with a piece of written work based on the bullying that she is going through......being picked on because she dresses 'emo'......She spent hours on the internet, we had lots of tears as she read and re read the Sophie Lancaster story......

In the end her written work is excellent, she has retold the story in her words and as it is about intolerance and prejudice she has not used any defamatory words like 'chav' to describe the boys who killed Sophie. Her older sister is performing the piece with her....as a news reporter, telling the story while my younger daughter is in the background reciting The Cutters Lullaby (which I've posted on this page as well)....Lotte my younger daughter is asking the school if they would at some point raise awareness of the SOPHIE campaign as well and she has my full backing for this...

So to my 2 beautiful, wonderful and kind daughters I want to say thank you.....thank you for making me proud....

Go to sleep and close your eyes,
And dream of broken butterflies
That tore their wings against a thorn.
You know the pain that they have endured
Silver metal shine so bright
Scarlet blood that feels so right.
Dream of that blood trickling down,
And wake up just before you drown.
The moonlight shining off your tears
As you bleed out your worst fears.
So tonight when you start to cry
Whisper the cutters lullaby:
Hushabye baby, you’re almost dead
You don’t have a pulse and your pillow is red.
Your family hates you
Your friends let you bleed
Sleep tight with a knife,
Cause its all that you need.
Rockabye baby, Broken and scarred,
You didn’t know life would be this hard.
Time to end the pain you hid so well
And down you’ll come baby,
Straight back to hell

Quick update on the bully meeting yesterday

storyoftheblues — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 09:14:41 UT

Yesterday I had a meeting with my daughters student manager. Luckily I only saw the female manager who is approachable, sympathetic and is doing what she can to help my daughter and so stop the bullying. Now the main problem I had to face yesterday was not just the boys bullying her but also a teacher problem!!!

On Wednesday my daughter was approached by one of her other student managers. He told her 3 friends to walk on and had a 'quiet' word with lotte. The 'quiet' word consisted of him telling her that she had to toughen up, to stop coming running home to me crying over every little incident of name calling etc, he also stated that if she dressed differently, didn't have a piercing and didn't have her hair black she wouldn't be picked on, so basically she was to blame! She was the one causing the trouble by telling me!

To say I was a little annoyed on Weds evening is a tad of an understatement....my pee was boiling!!!!

I brought this conversation up with her other student manager and basically pointed out that Lotte does not need to come home upset for me to know something is not right......she had 100% attendance in the infants and junior school.....now she doesn't want to go, we have phantom headaches, stomach aches infact anything to get her off for the day, she has always been talkative in class and boisterous but now she is disruptive in lessons, even her behaviour has become aggressive and moody at home. As for her being a 'provocative' victim...she is not the only girl up there who has a piercing, who has her hair black and she certainly isn't the only girl who wears a living dead souls jacket! As for her toughening up, yes to a certain degree I am all for that, she is sensitive but then again that is not a negative side but is it easier for the school to make her a problem than dealing with the bullies themselves.

My main argument at this meeting was not the name calling....yes she has to learn to let that wash over her, she will get that no matter what, but it's the escalation of the bullying.....they have pushed her over, broke her property and spat at her which is assaualt....a boy of 15 was recently jailed in south yorkshire for spitting on a bus driver.....

Lotte was given a slip to allow her to leave school at 3 pm for the last 2 days before half term and has been referred to the PALS network within the school who are a team of people to talk to if they have problems. The boys in question are being dealt with by their student managers but obviously Lottes team do not know to what extent this is being seen through......

I have reassured school that the year 11s will not take any sort of action against these boys but both my daughters will be documenting any incidents of these boys approaching them in their formal school planners and I will be in touch if any incident should escalate into violence again.... as for her managers side, she was going to have a quiet word with the male teacher who spoke to Lotte on Weds....now I'm just sat waiting to see if this male teacher takes any further action against either of my daughters because of my complaining about him......but he can rest assured that if anything else gets said I won't be going to his co workers but to the head and then the governers......a 'provocative victim' is still a victim not a cause!!!!!! My daughter has the right to a good education in safe surroundings not to be too afraid to speak out about bullies for fear that she will be labelled as the problem!!!!!

any realistic answers appreciated....

storyoftheblues — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 18:40:45 UT

For years my middle daughter has been singled out and bullied, she has gone through various transitions due to this from being a victim to retaliating with violence. The Junior school adopted an attitude that she needed anger management to control her temper after yet another round of lads name calling, stabbing with pencils, putting wet towels in her coat pockets and then when one went to hit she fought back....now my daughter is not obese but neither is she small, infact she is tall for her age and at 11 is wearing a size 12 to 14 so if she hits someone of average size for their age, she bloody hurts and basically she gave this lad as good as she got....other incidents include yoghurt thrown all over her, lads punching her in the stomach and the list in endless.....

When she went up to the comp I thought that it would finally subside....I know when I went to the comp it was unheard of should a boy hit a girl, name calling etc was ok, but threats of hitting were frowned on by the older boys.....My 16 year old daughter has come home on numerous occasions complaining about the year 7 boys calling them names....infact one punched her in the stomach the week before last and the older boys are not taking it well at all.....

Tonight yet again my younger daughter has run in from school totally hysterical, sobbing her heart out.......her lovely headband snapped in half and a red mark on her cheek....again the lads have struck....she was waiting alone for her friends to come out of class....a group of 4 boys came over...1 has pushed her down while ripping her headband and a handful of hair out, another has either spat in her face or spat something out that has hit her in the face, another went to jab her with a ruler which she has snapped to stop him so her headband was snapped.....all the while 2 teachers stood nearby watching and another teacher walked past....THIS WAS ON SCHOOL PROPERTY!!!!!

So I've rung the school again....and again I'm going in on Thursday to have a meeting with the year 7 student managers...but this time I've rung one of the boys mums as well.....apparently it's my girls bullying their son!!!! That is why he has already been suspended twice for bullying in the past year!!! Thats why today I was very smug when his mum told me what my eldest had done to him today, apparently slapping him round the head and punching him in the back in the lunch hall......OH SHIT.....my eldest has been in bed all day throwing up so hasn't even been in school.......I'm beginning to wonder if he's capable of telling the truth....

So really I am no further forward I've already 3 meetings with the school about this and still it persists, yes my daughter is a bit of a handful when she gets wound up and yes she does retaliate but who wouldn't after all the provocation she has to put up with. I've telephoned the school police officer....oh yes...that was after the last incident and I'm still waiting for him to return my call.....I'm at my wits end with it all now and I'm not sure how much more lotte can take......I seriously think there are only so many times someone can bet told to go and slit their wrists or go and die before they actually begin to think they are worthless, she is already becoming withdrawn and uncoperative, disruptive in lessons and has shrinking self esteem.......how far do these boys want her to go??? Will they be happy when she has gone away to die???

A bell tolls somewhere

storyoftheblues — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 20:37:31 UT

My life eternal darkenss
Dark and ceaseless night
Cold and barren heart
Searching for a light

No hangmans noose to comfort me
To breach the darkened days
So many paths, to left and right
A labyrinth of ways

My life an endless winter
Just black and icy sun
As a break again, reload
A bullet in my smouldering gun

The cold and empty heart of mine
A constant reminder to me
Of how you wear your heart so well
But I can't really see

And time stands still again
The silence all around
In fear I sweat and cry
As my heart starts again to pound

A gaze up from the depths
Of my own self exiled hell
Shouting to no one
Bring my book, candle and bell

No answer to my calls
No hands upon my hair
Just the cold and empty chill
Of my hearts lonely lair........

To celebrate the returning light

storyoftheblues — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 09:10:10 UT

For Brigid Goddess
I bless with milk the sacred earth,
For Brigid you are invited
To nurture us with healing, fertility and gift of birth
(-Emley Flak)

Ibolc, Candlemas, St Brigids Day, Groundhog Day

Various terms used to celebrate this time of year.... 2nd of February.

It is the festival of light for all concerned and rebirth...the first festival of Spring. A time when the days are growing lighter chasing away the darker hours and harbringer of the earth awakening.

The Christians 'borrowed' it for Candlemas day and also for St Brigids day, turning the Celtic godess Brigid into their Bride and patron saint of smithcraft.

The Americans incorporated it into Groundhog day.....the tradition of which is based on English farmers who watched for emerging hedgehogs. It is said that the weather on this day will last for 6 weeks but in reverse, so a bright day will bring dullness and vice versa.

Brigid is mother nature in her fire form. It is a time to honour the female in her ripest form, she is the bringer of light, fertility, healing and poetry.

Everybody celebrates differently but for me it is time to clear out the clutter, clean the house to welcome Spring in, to make a Brigid's cross to hang over the door and to honour the earth as it prepares to give forth new life.

A cross can be made in various ways, it was usual crafted from wheat that was harvested at Lughnasadh, but can be made from two sticks of equal length, bound with silver and white ribbon, it is then placed over the front door to welcome her in to your home.

Milk is the traditional drink of Imbolc (roughtly translated it can mean ewes milk) so after the ceremony of light you can take the remaining milk and pour it onto the earth so Brigid may bless the earth and bring forth a good harvest.

As is traditional the hearth should be swept and a fire lit....ok I have to use the electric one in the dining room or a bonfire is good, but not always practical these days, I turn on every light in the house to welcome the sun back into my home. This is done at dusk as the light fades outside. Later on it will be candles on the altar (silver and white) .....you can put ice or snow on the altar as your water element as you say goodbye to the winter and remember the sun of Lammas as you welcome it's return and warmth.

This is also a good night to bless pets and wildlife, so leaving food out for the wild life is also a good idea. If you so wish you can ask Brigid to help with any healing, fertility and childbirth, she can also be called on to help with easing things like PMT and menopause.....she is a womans woman after all and understands the things that all woman go through.....ohhhhh and if you are male, you can ask for help also to ease your suffering at some banshee in full PMT mode screeching at you.....

thanks to everyone I'm rolling with the punches again!!!!

storyoftheblues — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 23:45:20 UT

I've had my ups and downs over the last 2 weeks...more downs really but as usual I come through them, have a rough day or so and then bounce back with avengence......the ups though have been hilarious.....no seriously.....the day Rach sat at the table on her laptop doing a quiz thing on facebook will go down as memorable....mum what does this mean??? mum what's that mean?? then came the all time classic.....for about the fiftieth time I got the mum??? I turned round and there she was....sat with her tongue poking out at me and trying to look at it, all the time jabbing the end of it with her finger then moving her finger away from the end and looking at it's tip......what you doing I asked....is my tongue sharp she asked??? This from a girl who already has a B+ in English that could be boosted to an A when she finishes the final paper in her GCSE!!!! To be honest that is not the half of it with her though...there was the time she put tea cakes in the toaster and set it on fire!!!! Then there was the phone call to college when I was in class...mum the cooker is on fire.....all she had to do was turn it on so the curry would cook....she turned the grill on instead and ignited a tea towel that was in there....that was a week before christmas 2007 after the workmen had rebuilt the kitchen and decorated it...

She's not accident prone or anything like that....more like an accident waiting to happen...and she says I'm ditzy at times...ok I do concede I can have my moments....the memory stick being the classic.....mum can I borrow your phone....what for....to put some pictures on my phone...so I passed her a memory stick....she sat tapping the stick against her phone, looked at me straight faced and said .....it's not working!!!!!!

These are a few of the funny things that have happened and these are the things that keep me strong and positive...they make life bearable when I am down and can't see a way to climb back up again.....it's being there for the kids that makes it my job to get out of bed in a morning, to keep the house tidy, clothes washed and ironed and food in the cupboards....it's my job to hold them when they are hurting, to listen to their problems, to hear the things they are not saying but the pain is in their eyes, to try and understand them when they don't even understand themselves, to be open and honest with them even when the truth hurts, but to take the punches that life throws at them and teach them to roll with them...

Rach may not know how to turn the cooker on, she may set toasters on fire, she may not have my sarcastic dexterity (yet but we are working on that) but she is a bright, well adjusted young lady who lights up a room with her smile, is still my baby when she comes to me for a cuddle and I'm damn proud of her for all she has achieved....as I'm proud of all my other kids...even little Jordan who piped up one day....I know Jesus's last name....we all sat quietly and waited for his words of wisdom...we were expecting Nazareth.....ohhhhhh no...not Jordan....he beamed at all of us and proudly said.....CHRIST!!!!!

I've got some great mates on here and even total strangers have commented on my blogs over Camomile and I appreciate everyones lovely words and kind thoughts....it really has helped me get through a rough time...so big to all of you....take care and remember to keep smiling...it confuses the hell out of everyone xxx

Closing the chapter

storyoftheblues — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 12:30:47 UT

So I close another chapter on this book of my life. I laid to rest Camomile this morning with lots of tears and so much sadness....much like last night...it was hard to sleep knowing that he was just outside the backdoor waiting to be put into the cold earth, but his paw prints live on in my heart.

I have just been and bought some flowers and a thank you card for the woman who found him and then went on to take the time and trouble to search for me. It is the kind gestures of strangers like this that helps restore my faith in humankind as a whole......the thing she did for me she didn't have to do at all, she could have just disregarded him and I would have carried on hoping and praying that he would come home....but now I know and I have had the opportunity to say a last goodbye.

My other cats lined up on the windowsill to watch the proceedings....I know they were just being nosey...but somewhere in my heart I also hope they were saying a fond goodbye to their alpha.....

So a sad day for me and in the spring I will plant some camomile on his grave and get a nice ornament as a constant reminder of the love, devotion and companionship one furry little terrorist gave me.....

Farewell my best friend

storyoftheblues — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 21:03:39 UT

After months of not knowing the truth has been delivered to me....

My beloved and eldest 1st cat Camomile went missing in October. We've searched for him, put up posters I even asked the postman to keep an eye for him...reported him missing to the RSPCA, PDSA and all the vets in the area all to no avail.

At tea time a woman knocked on my door to say she had found a black and white cat in her garden on Saturday.....further into the conversation I realised that she had found a dead cat in her garden. I waited for Mick (Rachs b/f) to come round and have a walk round to this womans house....

She showed me the body she had found and I just crumpled.....it is Cami. He looks to have been dead for quite a while. Mick has carried him home in the box the kind woman had placed him in and I will bury him at home in the garden tomorrow.

The really cruel thing here is.......he was found in the garden next door to the one that backs onto mine.....all this time and he was so bloody close. I've cried buckets over him and now I'm off again.

Cami was my cat....he adored me as much as I adored him....a bugger with everyone else....he'd let them stroke him for ages then just turn round and bite them for the hell of it....he even managed to knock a workman unconscious when they were putting my broadband in...he bit his leg, the bloke jumped and hit his head on the doorframe of the cupboard under the stairs....when he came round his only comment was "is satan aware you've nicked his cat?".....Cami spent hours curled up on the bed with me, on the sofa, he even came into the bathroom with me when I was in the bath and would sit on the side .....

So that's the end of what I hope was a wonderful life.....it's been the not knowing for sure that has been the worst for me, but now at least he is home and can be buried where he belongs and where his heart will always live on within me and the garden!

I'D LOVE TO BE EIGHT AGAIN ...last laugh before I go to bed

storyoftheblues — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 00:29:56 UT

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
'I'd love to be eight again' she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a bowl of Coco Pops and jammy toasties!

He took her to Alton Towers and put her on every ride in the park:
* The Death Slide
* The Wall of Fear
* The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down... Right away they went to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milkshake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Kiddies three hour epic cartoon, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and M&Ms!

What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked 'Well dear, what was it like being eight again?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression changed to one of total realisation...'I meant my dress size, you f***ing tw*t !!!'

The moral of this story: Even when a man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.....

What's the soundtrack to your life???

storyoftheblues — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 20:03:12 UT

Ok so certain songs can bring memories flooding back, some happy, some sad, some that just make you remember certain periods of your life.....Can you make a soundtrack to your life???

Mine would go something like this....Rose Garden by Lynn Anderson....my mum loved this song and would often sing it when I was little followed by The Night That Georgie Died by Rod Stewart as this was another of her favourites. As I got older it would be Whiskey in the Jar by Thin Lizzy. Then comes in me getting into music with Substitute by Clout. Then one of my all time top 10 songs Geno by Dexys....they used to play this endlessly at the fair during Leger Week and we lived over the road from the racecourse so when I went to bed it was what I could hear. Move on to my comprehensive days and stint with Punk....not much fun when my dad found my Sex Pistol records mixed in with the rest of the albums but Into the Valley by the Skids was a good track. Then came a boyfriend...oh dear my poor dads face the day he opened the door to Chris....his idol was Adam Ant and he wore the clothes and the make up (he killed himself in his late teens due to manic depression) and I still cannot hear any song by Adam and the Ants without thinking about him but my favourite by them would have to be Puss in Boots. Vienna by Ultravox has to get a mention just for being kept off number 1 by Shaddup a your face (this was daylight robbery)....I was an out and out new romantic and my favourite group was one called B movie but not many people have heard of them...so I'll have to go with Story of the Blues by the Mighty Wah as my next song. After I left school we kinda went through the wilderness music years....I was hitting nightclubs and music just didn't seem the same anymore...but throughout all this the only group who's music I bought religiously whenever they released a new album was U2....I cannot play Elevation at all....a friend of mine went to see them at Cardiff, she rang me when they came on stage and started to play this....the next day my mum died and it always reminds me of that moment......my favourite track by them though is Love Rescue Me closely followed by Van Diemans Land. As I've gotten older my music tastes haven't altered that much...I can't abide dance music, hip hop or r n b....I like groups like Blink 182, Blackstone Cherry, Nickleback and numerous others and quite often you will find me happily bopping and singing away while I do the ironing to all the 80s classics like Flock of Seagulls, Human League, X ray Specs, the Damned.....

I daren't actually put what my all time favourite record is....it is just a song that makes me smile and lifts my spirits whenever I hear it, for no reason whatsoever, I just love it!!!!!

So go on...give it a go...think of a soundtrack to your life if they were ever to make a film about you!

1. Rose Garden
2. The Night that Georgie Died
3. Whiskey in the Jar
4. Substitute
5. Geno
6. Into the Valley
7. Puss in Boots
8. Vienna
9. Story of the Blues
10. Love Rescue Me
11. Van Diemans Land
12. I Miss You (Blink 182)
13. Come on Eileen
14. Blindman
15. Parisienne Walkways (Gary Moore)
16. Einstein a gogo (Landscape)
17 .Beat Surrender
18. Bitterest Pill
19.La Luna (Belinda Carlisle)
20.....Just can't add this one

What goes around comes around!!!!

storyoftheblues — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 19:07:28 UT

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.

There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had save

'I want to repay you,' said the nobleman. 'You saved my son's life.'

'No, I can't accept payment for what I did,' the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

'Is that your son?' the nobleman asked.

'Yes,' the farmer replied proudly.

'I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy, if the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of.' And that he did.

Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill .. His son's name?

Sir Winston Churchill.

Bad week......

storyoftheblues — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 10:35:56 UT

So far I've had the week from hell....it all started on Saturday when a bloke from Bramalls destruction company turned up to look at my kitchen floor (the old broken tiles are still down, then the wrong colour lino was laid on top then last January they came and put the right colour on top of that and now it's all bubbling and lifting)...."oh we will have to put you some more down, the scree has gone" was his words of divine wisdom....On Sunday night Rach and Mick were at his house, he set off to drive her home and they ended up crashing into a tree...his poor cinqcento is a right off....luckily they are both ok, just a bit shocked and the poor boy never wants to drive again, never have I seen so much remorse, he daren't even speak to me Sunday night, got one hell of a bollocking and lecture off his mother and expected the same from me....my philosophy "metal can be straightened....lives can't"....Then Monday it was the bully thing with Charlotte, meetings yesterday at school and today I have Rachs second interview at college for her performing arts course.....she has to do a monologue from a well known play that lasts 2 minutes....her drama teacher has helped her pick a few out....now here's the problem.....I know my kids swear...(what kid doesn't) but the piece she has chosen has swearing in it and she's reluctant to say the words ....maybe I did bring them up too well and too polite at times

So hope this afternoon when we go to college that things will pick up and the week will get better...fingers crossed ........

Update on the bullies!!!!

storyoftheblues — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 10:22:55 UT

Been to school this morning with my 11 year old for a meeting with her year 7 student managers. I spoke to one of them last night at the year 11 open evening which was useful.....

Charlottes team manager has discussed everything that happened yesterday and explained how sickened she was at some of the comments made by this 11 year old boy. She is going to refer Charlotte to the onsite counsellor for the school and also have a word with school police officer to come in and talk to both year 7 tutor groups about intolerance, harrassment, racism and persecution. The boy who was at the forefront of yesterdays incident is being called in to the office today, put in isolation for the day and has to spend his breaks with the managers....his parents are being contacted about his foul, abusive comments and being told exactly what he did say....(alot of which I can't publish on here or I'll be blocked, so yes it was that bad)......

I can't actually ever see this putting an end to the kids at the school making my childrens lives misery....they are not sheep and don't dress or act like the rest of them, my children are individuals and proud of who and what they are, they are also proud of me, of the way I bring them up on my own, do everything for them and be there for them no matter what!!!!

All my children are individuals but each get labelled as goth, emo, freak etc...but to me, I label them differently...Rach is wonderful, she's funny, bright, a little selfish at times but a pleasure to be around....Charlotte is quick tempered, fiery, obstinate but she also the most sweet natured, kind, considerate and helpful of my lot, Toria is a diva, the world revolves around her, think disney princess with attitude and Jordy is just the funky looking kid with a cute face and really quite sensitive.....so yes I label them as well, but I label their personalities not their sense of individual style....I never tell them what to wear or hardly pick their clothes for them, I know what they like to wear and what to buy them. The biggest laugh we had was at the expense of one of the "sheep" at the comp who was calling Rach a goth freak.....she asked why he had said that....his reply "cos you are wearing all black dumb bitch"....she looked herself up and down, then did the same to him....smiled slowly and said "d'oh....school uniform is black dumb ass...."

Both myself and the student managers have told Charlotte she has to toughen up, to not hide behind her insecurities or temper, to try and let thier words wash over her and not rise to them....just to walk away...I know this will be hard for her, especially when these people take great delight in dragging me into their cruel taunts and jibes.....I don't particularly care what they say about me...words can hurt but I have thicker skin than they think......and to be totally honest it is nothing I haven't heard before...we live in a village like brigadoon.....no one ever leaves and it hasn't moved on much for the last 400 years....but hell if they want to try and drag me and the kids down to their level they will have us kicking and screaming all the way....we will not conform to thier ideals of normal, we are who we are and that ain't going to change!!!!!

I'm hoping in some ways that this boy will have learnt something from this and is able to move on, to leave other kids alone and stop acting like a total idiot, I know we have learnt somethings and we will carry on making compromise and changes to how we deal with things to suit the situation...I've kept Charlotte off school today but she will be going back tomorrow, she now has an 'amber' slip against her for bad behaviour due to the incident yesterday and walking out of school......but the year heads are taking it for what it is...a piece of paper with an incident wrote on it, that Charlotte didn't handle very well but is not being held against her or her overall performance within the school, normally when issued with a slip like this a child is put on 'report' but the managers do not deem this as necessary as she was the one being provoked.....

Just like to say thank you to all those who have sent hugs and messages of support....we all appreciate it very much

Bullies and school....waste of oxygen the lost of them!!!!!

storyoftheblues — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 16:20:18 UT

I can remember when I started at the comprehensive school.....we were 13 and petrified of the older kids.....now the reason I'm writing this is because my 11 year old daughter went to the local comp in september, her older sister is in year 11 and doing her GCSEs!......Now the kids in year 7 with my younger daughter give abuse to the year 11s infront of the teachers and it is laughed off....

My 11 year old has faced a constant barrage of abuse off BOYS as well as girls since she moved up....we honestly thought it would stop when she left the juniors!!!! Now I've telephoned the school on numerous occasions, spoke to individual teachers, spoke to student managers and been constantly assured that she is safe and being looked after (like I believe that after my older daughter was assaulted in class)!!!

Today I was sat with my friend having a coffee when the front door burst open and my hysterical 11 year old bursts in, sobbing her heart out, wet through, shaking and inconsolable.....finally I managed to calm her enough for her to tell me she had run out of her French lesson because of a couple of boys....apparently she's an emo, slit wrist bitch who ought to go and die cos nobody would care....and also I'm a whore who takes it up the arse from black men.....and other numerous things to that affect!!!! I rang school straight away and I'm STILL waiting for them to ring me back....unfortunately for them it is the year 11 open night tonight so I am going up there anyway.....also I'm taking my 11 year old in tomorrow, not in her uniform because whe won't be staying until they get a f**king grip and sort this mess out......

I don't mind being called names but it has got to the point where my daughter is becoming depressed at the thought of going to school.....she is hardly eating cos she's a fat cow (according to these boys) and I'm getting seriously worried about her......

So my temper is not at it's best at the moment I'm ready for changing my last blog about not hating someone cos at the moment I despise these kids for ruining my daughters childhood.....

For the nosey mare!!!!!

storyoftheblues — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 12:13:24 UT

1. The phone rings who do you want it to be? My dad to ask my why I haven't rung him

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your trolley. Yes cos I feel sorry for it if I leave it all on it's own.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? I'm the quiet one in the corner...observing!!!!

4. Do you take compliments well? No not at all

5. Do you play Sudoku? Nope!

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive. Nope.....I'd sit and cry.

7. Do you like to ride horses? Yes but only little ones.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Yes I hated it.

9. What was your favorite game as a kid? Bugging golfers when I walked over the golf course to go into the woods.

12. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you?Yes, as long as they didn't try to impose their beliefs on me.

13. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? Neither.

14. Use three words to describe yourself? Stubborn. Honest. Reliable.

15. Do any songs make you cry? Yes loads do.....the Night Georgie Died by Rod Stewart is the worst cos it was my mums favourite.

16. Are you continuing your education ? Yes, going for my level 3 beauty therapy.

17. Do you know how to shoot a gun?No and I don't want to either.

18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed? The kids.

19. How often do you read books? Every day

20. Do you think more about the past, present or future? Don't really think about any.

21. What is your favorite children's book? Moon on the Water and Faraway Bay

22. What color are your eyes? Green

23. How tall are you? 5' 6"

24. Where is your dream house located? Somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

27. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yes but only under duress

28. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? No idea what, where or when.

30. Where was the furthest place you traveled today?The kitchen to make more coffee.

32. Do you like mustard? Ewwwwwwwwwwww.

33. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? Sleep especially when I have insomnia/

34. Do you look like your mom or dad? My dads sister.

35. How long does it take you in the shower?. Forever cos I don't have one

36. Can you do the splits? Haven't tried for ages but as near as damn it I still can

37. What movie do you want to see right now? The unborn...already seen twilight and I want to see Underworld rise of the lycans as well

39. What did you do for New Year's? not very much

40. Do you think The Grudge was scary? Not particularly

42. Do you own a camera phone? Yes

44. Was your mom a cheerleader?. Errrrrrr nope.

45. What's the last letter of your middle name? Don't have a middle name

47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? anything form 3 to 7

48. Do you like care bears? No they are too goody goody for me

49. What do you buy at the movies? Nachos with loads of jalepenos

50. Do you know how to play poker? Not a clue

51. Do you wear your seatbelt? Always

52. What do you wear to sleep? Vest and shorts

53. Anything big ever happen in your hometown? Errrrrrrrr stuntman from hallamfm got arrested for stripping in the town square.

54. How many meals do you eat in a day? 1

55. Is your tongue pierced? Yes ahs been for the past 9 years

56. Do you always read MySpace bulletins? No

58. Do you like funny or serious people better? I like seriously funny people

59. Ever been to L.A.? Nope

60. Did you eat a cookie today? No

For Suzi

storyoftheblues — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 11:31:08 UT

Suzi requested that I do this blog to answer the one she did, cos she's a nosey mare ....

DO YOU HATE ANYONE AT THE MOMENT....no not at all....hatred takes up too much time and energy and that is better used for more constructive purposes!

HAVE YOU EVER HATED ANYONE...yes I have to admit it...my 2nd ex hubby got a blast of hatred after he beat me up!

HAVE YOU EVER SET OUT TO SABOTAGE SOMEONE....sad but true I have to say yes...although it did back fire on me....I peed in my 1st ex husbands after shave....his skin was great afterwards....moral of the story revenge is not always sweet!!!!!

WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF...besides heights, spiders, closed in spaces??? Losing my kids and my friends.

HAVE YOU EVER STABBED ANYONE IN THE BACK...not as such although being a honest, articulate Yorkshire lass if someone asks me my opinion I won't sugarcoat it and will tell the truth even if it does hurt....sometimes that can be misinterpreted.

WHAT IS THE ONE TRAIT/THING YOU HATE ABOUT PEOPLE...if I just have to pick one particular trait I'd say people being judgemental which I get alot of cos of the way I dress......and because of my practising witchcraft which I make no secret of....because I'm not blonde and don't wear pink people often wonder how I made it as a beauty therapist .

HAVE YOU EVER WISHED ANYONE DEAD...again sad but true I did wish my 2nd hubby dead...well it was getting to the point it was going to be one of us, more than likely me!!!!!

WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO FIGHT WITH WORDS OR WEAPONS...words can do so much more damage and an argument can be won with just one word...ask any man who is told FINE!!!!! I can remember a woman having a go at me cos her son was bullying my daughter...my eldest daughter had stepped in and used the F word to this 10 year old...his mum had taken exception to this and decided to speak to me at school when I'd dropped the little 2 off.....I basically told her to grow up and maybe if her son hadn't been bullying my 9 year old her sister wouldn't have stepped in.....I then walked away....she followed me in her car and pulled up, got out and started telling me how her sons were good boys and never did anything wrong...basically if they fell in shit they'd come out smelling of roses.....I pointed out that I KNOW my kids are not angels.....she began to get irate and eventually swore at me...that was it...argument was lost....I calmly pointed out that she had taken exception to my daughter using that language, I hadn't sworn at her, so could she kindly refrain from swearing at me...she got in her car and drove off......

DO YOU GET JEALOUS EASILY...no...jealousy takes time and energy much the same as hatred so is just a waste of time.

HAVE YOU EVER SPREAD LIES ABOUT SOMEONE....no....chinese whispers is a dangerous game.

WHAT IS YOUR WORST TRAIT....oooooooo I have lots and lots and little bit of OCD thrown in as well....but I'd say my worst one would have to be stubborness.

chinese whispers

storyoftheblues — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 12:53:48 UT

It's funny...I've just commented on someones blog and it made me remember stuff that I'd buried...On April 15th 2005 my youngest son got run over outside my house.....now the papers reported that it was a speeding driver and a hit run!!! FACT the driver had already slowed down as he came onto the street cos of 2 boys playing football, my son ran out between parked cars, the driver stopped, got out, was totally distraught, stripped his jacket and shirt off to wrap round my son to keep him warm and was comforted by ME!!!!! According to rumours my son was playing chicken....FACT he was playing with his older sisters who had nipped in the house for a drink. I was cold and heartless, never shed a tear when I found him....FACT I'm an ex nurse...my training kicked in....I assessed him, checked his airway, immobilised his head and neck, made sure the other kids were taken care of, comforted the driver who had gone into shock, the only time I allowed myself to go to pieces was when we got home and he was out of danger!!!!!! That was on the Thursday evening...we spent 24 hours in ITU at Sheffield Childrens hospital as he was transferred from Rotherham due to him having a fractured skull and 2 cerebral haemorrhages. Late on the Friday night he went to theatre to have his left leg which was very badly broken set....I telephoned my ex mother in law to be told that she had just had a phone call from her daughter telling her that Jordan was dead!!!!! Again another case of chinese whispers that was VERY WRONG and caused a great deal of distress, infact Jordan was alive and we came home on the Monday afternoon, 4 days after his accident, as an ex nurse I was able to care for him fully and he no longer needed round the clock observation. Another comment of me being a heartless bitch was made as I didn't let his dad know....FACT there was injunction against my ex husband for violence, this covered me and the kids and he wasn't allowed to go within 100yards of us, also I had no way of contacting even if I felt inclined to do so.....
All in all I was painted as some sort of unfit mother who didn't even care when the damage was actually done by the local rumour mill and by people who called themselves my friends at the time!!!!!! My son is well and has had no adverse effects from the accident and I can confirm that he is most definately not dead and that the poor driver was not to blame for the accident at all.......so next time you hear a rumour or a bit of gossip...take a step back and assess what you've just heard first....chinese whispers can be a dangerous game!!!!!

I want to be a robin!

storyoftheblues — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 14:44:32 UT

I set off to town today...stood at the bus stop opposite the bottom of the comp and the cemetary getting frost bite in my toes.....an old bloke and woman were also waiting and all they did was moan.....the weather, the prices, the goverment, the kids at the school.....I had to stand there for a good 15 minutes so switched off to their endless drivel and chose instead to watch a tiny little robin. I watched it flitter between the gravestones and up into a lovely old pine tree that stands at the dividing wall from the school, it actually made me smile to watch it and I soon forgot about the biting cold in my toes and was quite disappointed when the bus arrived....
As usual it was full of people moaning about this and that and just for a moment I wanted to be that robin.....I wanted to be free from all the whinging and complaining.....I wanted to flit from branch to branch, feel the heat of the sun on my feathers and listen to the other birds singing out before joining them in a lovely morning song.....
All this has made me realise how much I have missed my walks...so from monday next week, I'm grabbing my thermal knickers and venturing out again.....a couple of walks in the countryside should restore my balance and get me motivated again and of course if it is dry enough I'll dare to go into the woods and have a ramble round the wilderness, see what life is already emerging from the cold earth, smell the clean air and let nature soak into the very core of me, bringing me back to life again......
For now I'm off to cook a nice vegetable stew with herby dumplings to enjoy when the sun goes to bed and darkness draws in, a time I love the most...not quite light and not quite dark...an inbetween time where shadows cast and magic runs abound as the first stars raise their sleepy heads in the gathering gloom and the moon takes her place of glory riding high on the velvet darkness.......

3 year plan......or not as the case maybe!

storyoftheblues — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 08:44:24 UT

Had a busy couple of days decorating but it's all done now and inbetween it all yesterday I took my eldest daughter to college for her skills assessment and interview with the student counsellors about what course is best for her.....now once that was all decided and we had arranged an interview with the course tutor for next week (BTec Diploma in Performing Arts) I decided to put the last part of my 3 year plan into the opening stages.....this was the bright and wonderful 3 year plan of beauty therapy levels 2 and 3 and Holistic therapies......I shelved the level 3 beauty though as I didn't fancy all that electrical work.......I mean come on....waxing is ace...you get to inflict loads of pain per strip....electrolysis on the other hand...zapping 1 hair at a time with a tiny needle.....noooooooo I'll stick to the waxing.....
Anyhow....college brought out a level 3 beauty course with a make up route....where you learn to do camoflage and photographic make up so I decided that is what I want to do....now here is the problem.....my 1st year was a free course.....my 2nd year I had to pay £50 registration fee and now because I am over 19 and already have a level 3 qualification I have to pay at least £1000 to do the course......if I was able to claim income support I would get the course free, as it is I am entitled to something called the access fund which helps with uniforms and kit and means I am eligible to get the course for half price. Now yesterday the student counsellor was not sure how much the course fee would be and we won't know until later on in the year so she thinks it is best that I still apply and wait and see......
I've filled the application form in and I'm going to drop it off in town today.....then I will get a letter asking me to come in and do the skills test (for the 3rd time ) and then maybe if my application is successful I'll get an interview with the course tutors and find out just how much it will cost me........what really gets me though is the money I do recieve via maintainence from my 1st ex husband means I'm actually something like 95p below income support level, but I don't see the point in claiming something for the sake of 95p.......a rainforest worth of paperwork and I'd be included in goverment figures...no thanks, I'll carry on as I am and save up to do my course, carry on being anonymous and at least not get labelled as a scrounger off the state......

the cauldron is on the fritz!!!!!!!

storyoftheblues — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:26:27 UT

So everything has gone BOOM! The pc is in over it's head and is about to be launched out the dining room window....well in the near future it will be......It started playing up before chirstmas.....ahhhhhh a new power supply installed, seemed to work for 24 hours then PPPOOOOOFFFFTTTTTT!!!!! So it was get a friend out who took it to bits and gave it a clean, he surmised that maybe it needed a new hard drive as mine was making this funny noise!!!!! So this weekend I've had a new hard drive fitted....did it work??? Did it hell!!!!! Not even started transferring stuff off the old hard drive when PPPPOOOOFFFFTTTTT as if by magic....it went off again!!! AAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH...tech support now thinks it's something to do with the processor and the fan being too heavy and pulling it off the motherboard, albeit very slowly.....so a new motherboard it is.....now got the pc laid on its side so the sodding fan can't pull the processor off yet again.....
So what have I been up to while being computerless....I've been on a mad spring cleaning mission......the house is spotless, poor kids can't put anything down without me going into a strop and telling them to move it or it goes in the bin....I blame them though....if they didn't insist on doing a constant rain dance song on the bloody rock band drums I'd still be sane! Since christmas day there has been more crimes against music in my house and more songs murdered than ever before.....
Today I thought is would be a good idea to start decorating the hallway, stairs and landing.....brilliant idea...I know have lovely little paw prints on my laminate flooring and stair carpet.....tilly decided that has soon as the 1st coat went on the bannister that was the time she wanted to jump up and magick had to have his paws washed when he jumped on the window sill....oh well.....the joys of pussy cats......now the kids are home and demanding feeding while all I want to do is sink into a hot bath, get this paint out my hair and have a nice cold beer.......

goodbye 2008

storyoftheblues — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 22:02:22 UT

So at last we can finally draw a line through 2008 (well almost) and I for one won’t be sorry to see the back of it…..my year as those who knew me before started off badly with Bramalls Destruction doing there utmost to test my sanity to the limits and destroy my home via the kitchen, bathroom and rewire……now almost a year on they are due to visit me again to see if I am satisfied with their work!

Now if people asked me to describe myself I would say kind, tad sarcastic, loyal, caring and sympathetic….ask others to describe me and you get stubborn, mule headed, very sarcastic and just unique……that being said I have to face the builders who turned my house upside down, bollocked more than they fixed, never actually finished the work they were supposed to do and bodged up half of it but I have an ace up my sleeve….I will happily sign everything off and say that I’m satisfied then ring the council who will then have control over it and give them a list of things that still need doing!!!!

Now that was the very start of the year and it just seemed to spiral out of control from then on…..numerous doctors telling me I was imagining crippling pain and heavy bleeding every month…..errrrrrrrr NO….when my blood results came back and I was grossly anaemic they started to wonder why….hysterectomy in September sorted all that out for me and now I have something called a life and something called energy that I haven’t had for months….no more crippling, debilitating pain that puts me in bed for days, no more nausea and fainting….just a bit tired still and a little bit of pain when I over do things (which again I am apt to do).

While all this was going on I was still at college and studying hard….so hard infact I managed to finish all my course work, assignments and case studys a full month early along with my best friend Jean…..On top of this I have had the usual round of children angst….my eldest daughter getting assaulted in school by 2 other girls and a round of constant visits to the school to make sure the girls involved were permanently excluded….then my middle daughter starting at the comp and a bully from her past rearing her head….but that is all by the by now and all sorted….what can’t be cured has to be endured and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger my nana always used to say to me and she was so right.

I have survived it all and even come out of it all smiling, the kids are healthy and happy, they have just had the best Christmas of their lives and although they drive me gaga most of the time I realise how lucky I am to have them and how much they bring to my life. The cats are still intent on destroying the Christmas tree and Camomile is still very much in my thoughts and missed every single day. Biscuit (Magicks mum) seems to be a permanent fixture now as well and has settled in with the other 7 extremely happily (yes I did get her a stocking a Christmas as well).

But there have been good times as well, we’ve had some brilliant days out, some laughs and loads of tears, we all still miss my mum terribly and she is never far from our thoughts, we’ve had some good parties with good friends even being blessed with my eldests presence which made my year totally for me. Throughout the year my values and faith have never wavered……and they will not into 2009…..so here’s to out with the old and in with the new….hope you all have as much to look forward to as I do and I hope you all sieze it with open arms as I will do……

the sad tale of the parrot

storyoftheblues — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 12:23:52 UT

John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a terrible attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and ruder! In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird, and put him in the freezer!
For a few minutes the parrot squawked, kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet! Not a peep was heard for over a minute!
Fearing that he'd killed the parrot, John quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions, and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude! As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
HAPPY CHRISTMAS !