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Thursday, 25 September 2008 at 14:20

BY SANI BALA SHEHU.

Many youths begin to date at a very young age the media promote this practice as normal, as if it were harmless recreation. a fourting year old relate`s to her mates that "almost ever one in school has a boyfriend or girlfriend" a young woman named mate-room recalls "I remember kids in the secondary school third grade i.e. ss 3 who were going steady". She adds I started to feel the pressure to date when I was 15 years old".
Understandably, then, if you are not dating someone, you may feel left out.
Indeed, you may even get teased and ridiculed for not doing so. Feeling that she was too young to date. Antonia recalls: "they made fun of me and joked about it" no one likes to be ridiculed. But should you date just because others are doing so? Just what is dating? What purpose does it serve?
WHAT IS DATING?
"We are not dating. We are just friends. "Many youths claim. Even though they are spending a lot of time with someone of the opposite sex. But whatever you call it. Dating, going together, or just seeing each other. When a boy and a girl single each other out and start spending time together socially more than friendship is usually involved. And dating does not have to be in person. Discussion in internet chartrooms. On the telephone, through the mail or by email can also be forms of dating.
The question is just how serious is it to spend time almost exclusively with someone of the opposite sex?
DATING --- THE DANGERS.
The proverbs says "the way of an eagle in the air; the way of a spend on rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea and the way man with a virgin."
This expression suggests that male-female relationships tend to follow a pattern. What both parties are mature and hold to Godly morals. Dating can lead to love, and eventually, to honorable marriage. After all, God created man and woman to be attracted to each other. But what if you are not old enough to handle marriage? By dating prematurely, you are setting up for all.
Why; because if you spend a lot of time around someone of the opposite sex, it is only natural that your emotions will became aroused. Before you realized it, you look forward so seeing that one. When you are not together you find yourself thinking about him or her. All too often, though, the feelings are one-sided and some one gets a broken heart. And even when feelings are mutual, frustration and heart-break still result, when one or the other is not mature enough or old enough to get married. Really, where can such a relationship go? Can a man rake together fire in to his bossom and yet his very garments not burned?
Consider youth named Nina. She relates "I met a boy on-line. We talked in a coatroom for hour's everyday. I became emotionally attach to him, and my life revolved around him .the relationship didn't last for long when it ended I became very depressed.
Then he called me and told me that he was going to kill himself because of the break up .that made me even more depressed. "Looking back; Nina concludes." It was not worth it! The relationship ended two years ago. And I am still suffering from defression. Nina was simply too young to become emotionally involved with someone.
Interestingly! What proverbs mean "the way of an able-bodied man with a maiden". It may refer to sexual relations. In toady's world, dating is often a prelude to sexual relation's, it may begin innocently; just by holding hands .a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek may be next. It is one thing for two young adults. Who have made a serious commitment to each other to make such expression of affection. But when two people are too young to get married, such behavior does little more than needlessly inflame sexual desire. Act of "affection" can become increasing in a appropriate or unclean. They can even lead to some form of fornication.
The fruits of fornication are bitter .some who engage in it contract sexually transmitted diseases. Others suffer a lost of self-esteem and damage their conscience. Some young girls find themselves pregnant. That is the fundamental reason why we are told to "flee from fornication"! Avoiding pre mature dating will help you to heed this command.
WHEN TO DATE.
This does not mean that you will never be able to date. But if you are teenager; you are probably in what the wise saying calls" the bloom of youth." You are just beginning to bloom in to the man or woman that you will eventually be. During this period of time, you begin to mature physically, emotionally and sexual desires may be as strong as they will be however, those feelings may also be subject to rapid changes. For this reason. Teen's romances tend to be very short-lived.
"When I had date, "recalls one teenage girl, "it was usually on one week and off the next."
Clearly; it doesn't make sense to date during the bloom of youth. It is best to wait until you know who you are, what your likes and dislikes are, and what goals you wish to pursue. Also, you should be enough to carry out the responsibilities of marriage. A husband as expected to provide for his family, physically, materially, and spiritually. If you are a teenage boy are you prepared to get a job and care for a wife and possible children? Are you in apposition to assist them in maintaining their spirituality? And what if you are young girl?
A wife is required for love and respects her husband; she must support the decisions he makes. Are you really prepared to do so, on a long-term basis? Also, are you ready to manage a household day in and day-out, to prepare meals and take care of children!
To illustrate, in western worlds young people dreams of driving the family car. But what does a youth have to do before he/she is allowed to do so? In most lands you have to get some training and take text before you are given that license. Why? Becouse driving is a serious responsibility. Your life and the lives of others will be in your hands when you get behind the steering wheel. Well, marriage you may simply not be ready for it yet. In that case you would be wise to resist the temptation to date .since dating is a step toward finding a marriage mate. Put simply you are not ready for marriage, you shouldn't date.
To make a wise decision in this regard, you need" knowledge and thinking ability." It might be a good idea; then, to take advantage of the knowledge and experience of someone older.
Parents are usually in the best position to help you asses your readiness for marriage. And you may also want to get some advice from mature members of congregation or ulamas. If your parent do not want you to date. You do well to cooperate with them. Their desire is to help you.
"Ward off calamity." If they feel that you are not ready to date, they may recommend that in the meantime, rather than restricting your attention to one person; you widen out your circle of friends. Associating with people single and marriage; old and young as well as with those your own age; can help you to round out your personality and get a more realistic view of life and marriage.
Waiting until you are ready to date will not be easy. But it is worth the wait. By using "the bloom of youth" to grow up in to a mature responsible adult, to grow will spare yourself the time to develop in to the kind of person who can handle pressure and responsibilities of marriage. You will also allow yourself time to grow in to a spiritual person. That was when you are finally ready to date. Others may very well see you as someone really worth getting to. Know better, is this understood.
This is fact and reality; there is nothing concludes, fabricated, devised or improvised!
Sani bala can be reach through his email: sanibalashehukano@yahoo.com
Sanibalashehu2004@yahoo.co.uk
www.sagagikano.blogsot.com
p. o. box4054 Kano.
08045208685/08065872052/ 064-642382.