ommotto
male - 28 years
Blog / Tags / Humour
Blog messages with the tag 'Humour':
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fast rende karucy's ingris
es unfoshunate,that we donti have a woman menesta,in the ministry of…..in the administreshono... menestry
naitha in enterno securete. we can! women we can! if thech was a woman meba of pariament,in the menestre of interno securete she woodi hav stopped this accidets. the menesta who es there today,ad am going to say
minister Saitoti. he waits antiro he hears of bad-aches in north eastern,bad-aches some-o-where eros,ad the nexti day,you see him there. enterno securete menestry means you protect everebody in Kenya . You stop accidents! adi donti tero me that es the job of the menesta for transport or for roads,no! etes yours,etes for porovesa saitoti,etes yours,
I was angry yesterday last evening when I saw him on tv,he has gone to thati spot where 118 kenyans died and this is ore he had 2 say "I hope you kenyans,this tragedy wiro teach you a resson"
He tod us,that this tragedy wiro teach us a resson. how cani dedi people be taught a resson?,theiya orede dead. ad I wadad why did he fry ore the way from nairobi to go to moro to say that.. to hurt the people who are orede mourning their dead,and he asked us kenyans when wiro you ever learn... . em.. i repry to him..
when you come to us,give us seveki ediocation,teach us,there in the ruro that petro is dagerous,dont sed your choodren to go adi correct et from a tank,when the tanki hasi forren.. -
Your (Real) Name Vs Your likes
Sex and your name (it seems to run true!!!) Accordingto studies, your sexual identity is revealed by the First letter of your First name...what do you think?
-A- You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someonewho is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up front person. When it comes to sex, it's action that counts notobscure hints. Your mate's
physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge of the "hunt" invigorating. You are passionate and sexual as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern.
-B- You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an statement of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your statement of endearments and particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.
-C- You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You must be able to talk to your sex partner before, during, and after. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sexual and sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods without sexual activity. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.
-D- Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are
stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open.
-E- Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are
not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bedmate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book. (Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book.)
-F- You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.
-G- You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who is your intellectual equal or superior, and one who can
enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of erotic stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active sexually that is, when you find the time. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to a lover, but no trouble getting close sexually.
-H- You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and earning ability. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the
commitment, though, you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits and equally cautious in your sexual involvement. You are a sensual and patient lover.
-I- You have a great need to be loved, appreciated...Even worshipped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your
desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of sexual statement. You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.
-J- You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your statement of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it
difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining and dining to know that you're being appreciated.
-K- You are totally f**king marvelous!
-L- You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's savior. You are sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life, nor of your sexual fantasies.
-M- You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You also enjoy mothering your mate.
-N- You are crap in bed.
-O- You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your sexual energy into making
money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious business; thus you emand intensity diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.
-P- You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count, therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy; a good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are relatively free of sexual hang-ups.
You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.
-Q- You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you, sexually or
otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots of
conversation to turn you on and keep you going.
-R- Yow are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy, but you do not
beg, you are willing to serve as teacher. Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate.
-S- You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this
past of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or
any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along.
-T- You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You
fantasize but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy and extremely intense. You enjoy having your
senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, often times all in your
own head.
-U- You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement, and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong and you desire instant gratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures above your own.
-V- You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching him out. You feel a need to get into his head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger, thrills and suspense. The gay scene turns you on even though you yourself may not be a participant.
-W- You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games.
-X- You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs, all by yourself, in your own head.
-Y- You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forgo the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching, feeling and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are an open, stimulating, romantic bedmate.
-Z- For you, it is business before pleasure. If you are in any way bothered by career, business, or money concerns, you find it very hard to relax and get into the mood. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and are capable of much sensuality. But you never lose control of your emotions. You are very careful and cautious before you give your heart away and your body, for that matter. Once you make the commitment, though, you stick like glue. -
Of men, donkeys and dogs...our kind
>
>God created the donkey
>
>and said to him.
>"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to
sunset
>carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
>you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
>
>The donkey answered:
>"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20
>years"
>God granted his wish.
>.................................................- .......................
>.................
>
>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
>God created the dog
>
>and said to him:
>"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
>You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
>You will be a dog. "
>
>The dog answered:
>"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years.
>" God granted his wish.
>.................................................- .......................
>................
>
>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>God created the monkey
>
>and said to him:
>"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing
>tricks.
>You will be amusing and you will live
>
>20 years. "
>
>The monkey answered:
>"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
>God granted his wish.
>.................................................- .......................
>.................
>
>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>
>Finally God created man ...
>and said to him:
>"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
>You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
>You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
>
>
>Man responded:
>"Sir, I will be a man but to live only
>
>20 years is very little,
>give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
>the 15 years that the dog did not want and
>the 10 years the monkey refused.
>" God granted man's wish
>.................................................- .......................
>.................
>
>
>And since then, man lives
>
>20 years as a man ,
>
>
>marries and spends
>
>30 years like a donkey,
>working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
>
>Then when his children are grown,
>he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house
>and eating whatever is given to him,
>
>so that when he is old,
>he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
>going from house to house and from one son or
>daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
>
>
>That's Life
-
SCARY HOW WITTY NIGERIANS HAVE BECOME!
SCARY HOW WITTY NIGERIANS HAVE BECOME!
A family in Nigeria was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the USA, sent by
their sister. The tiny corpse was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that their mother's face was practically touching the glass cover. When they opened the coffin, they found a letter from their sister pinned to their mother's chest, which read:-
"Dearest brodas and sistos, I am sending you our moda's remains for burial de in Lagos. Sorry I
couldn't come along as tha expenses were so high. You will find inside de coffin, unda mama's body, 12 cans of Libby's corned beef and 12 cans of Luncheon Meat. Just share it among yourselves.
On Mama's head for Tunde's son is a woolen baseball cap, Mama is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts one is for Omo Roy and de rest are my nephews. Mama is also wearing one dozen Wonder Bra (your favorite) just divide it among yourselves. The 2 dozen Victoria's Secret panties dat Mama is wearing should be distributed among my nieces and cousins.
Underneath mama's body is 20 kgs of cocaine in sachets, which is worth 120 million Naira.
This should take care of all of you and the unborn babies in your bodies. Don't bury her with all this fortune.
Mama is also wearing eight Docker pants - Ikeje, please get one for yourself and the rest are for the boys. The Swiss watch you asked for is on Mama's left wrist, please get it. Aunty Ifoma, mama is wearing what you asked for ie earrings, ring and necklace - please just get dem.
Also, the six pairs of Chanel stockings that mama is wearing must be divided among the teen-age girls de I hope they like the color".
Yours loving sister, Nene
PS: plse take care of finding a dress for her burial since all I had dressed her in were your presents.
Park yourself in front of a world of choices in alternative vehicles.
IF U STILL LOOK GLOOMY AFTER READING THIS THEN U MIGHT RETHINK ABOUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR BANA
HAVE A GOOD DAY
