markosgoddess
female - 48 years, kellogg, United States
Blog 62
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Irish Blessings
May you live as long as you want,
And never want as long as you live.
May the roof above us never fall in.
And may the friends below it never fall out.
May you have warm words on a cold evening,
A full moon on a dark night,
And the road downhill all the way to your door.
May there be a generation of children
On the children of your children.
May you live to be a hundred years,
With one extra year to repent!
May the Lord keep you in His hand
And never close His fist too tight.
May your neighbors respect you,
Trouble neglect you,
The angels protect you,
And heaven accept you.
May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light,
May good luck pursue you each morning and night.
May the saddest day of your future be no worse
Than the happiest day of your past.
May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
I send you Irish Kisses
-
TEXAS HUMOR
Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and a Texan are all working together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
'I will give each one of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.
The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada .'
POOF! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.
Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come in our precious land.'
POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The Texan says, 'I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.'
The Genie explains, 'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.'
The Texan sits down, cracks a beer, smiles, and says, 'Fill it with water. -
How soon do you need to know
Name
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities
and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few
times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing
cards, when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't
get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time,
but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,
but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just
stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do
you need to know? -
The rooster,farmer and politician
Take heed...
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Remember to Vote carefully...the bells are not always audible. -
Redneck Valentine
Redneck Valentine
Collards is green,
my dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky to have
a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like corn silk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.
You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're out in a crowd.
On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
What I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape,
yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
You spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
We go together
like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men,
they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.
Some men git roses
on that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yor'e too special,
you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds...
IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!! -
First Camping Trip
First Camping Trip
Some Boy Scouts from the big city were on a camping trip
for the first time.
The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide
under their blankets to avoid being bitten.
Then one of them saw some lightening bugs and said to his
friend, "We might as well give up. Now they're coming after
us with flashlights!" -
are u kathlick?
Three little Boys were concerned
because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been Baptized
and didn't go to Sunday School.
So they went to the nearest Church...
But, only the Janitor was there.
One little Boy said,
"We need to be baptized
Because no one will come out and play with Us.
Will You baptize Us?"
"Sure," said the Janitor.
He took them into the bathroom
And dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl,
One at a time.
Then he said, "You are now Baptized!".
" When they got outside,
one of them asked,
"What religion do You think We are?"
The oldest one said,
"We're not Kathlick, .because they pour the water on You."
"We're not Babtis, .because they dunk all of You in the water."
"We're not Methdiss, .because they just sprinkle water on You."
The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water?"
They all asked,
"Yeah! What do You think that means?"
"I think it means we're Pisscopailians!!! -
blonde cowboy
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde
cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat,
gun, and his boots; so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed
like this?
The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff. I was in the bar down the road
and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motor home with her.
So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my
shirt, so I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants...so I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts ... so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go
to town, cowboy!"
And here I am.
Son of a Gun, Blonde Men do exist. -
The Warrior of the Light
The Warrior of the Light views life with tenderness and determination.
He stands before a Mystery, whose solution he will one day find.
Every so often, he says to himself: "This life is absolutely insane."
He is right.
In surrendering to the miracle of the everyday, he notices that he cannot always foresee the consequences of his actions.
Sometimes he acts without knowing that he is doing so, he saves someone without even knowing he is saving them, he suffers without even knowing why he is sad.
Yes, life is insane.
But the great Wisdom of the Warrior lies in choosing his insanity wisely.
The Warrior of the Light studies the two columns on either side of the door he is trying to open.
One is called Fear and the other is called Desire.
The Warrior looks at the column of Fear and on it is written:
"You are entering a dangerous, unfamiliar world where everything you have learned up until now will prove useless."
The Warrior looks at the column of Desire and on it is written:
"You are about to leave a familiar world wherein are stored all the things you ever wanted and for which you struggled long and hard."
The Warrior smiles because nothing frightens him and nothing holds him.
With the confidence of one who knows what he wants, he opens the door.
When somebody wants something, the whole Universe conspires in their favor.
The Warrior of the Light knows this.
For this reason, he takes great care with his thoughts.
Hidden beneath a whole series of good intentions lie feelings that no one dares confess to himself:
Vengeance, self-destruction, guilt, fear of winning, a macabre of joy at other people's tragedies.
The Universe does not judge; it conspires in favor of what we want.
That is why the Warrior has the courage to look into the dark places of his Soul in order to ensure that he is not asking for the wrong things.
And he is always very careful about what he thinks.
The Warrior knows that he is free to choose his desires, and he makes these decisions with courage, detachment, and --sometimes--with just a touch of madness.
