Blog 9
Pieces of a Broke Mirror
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A Lonely Battle
I want to run
To run and hide
To run back to a time when responsibility didn't smother me
But I arise from my lonely bed yet again.
I start strapping on my weapons before I face the world
Adjusting the throwing daggers at my wrists
Sliding the thigh knige into it's sheath
I slip into my satin armor
The fighting skirt slit up the sides
The blouse that distracts by it's plunging front
I put on my last piece of armor
A smile, a smile to disarm my enemy
A smile to hide the pain that lives within....
Yes, I wish to run away,
but today I will stand and fight.
It's been kind of rough lately ...but all is well.... As always I write best when understress...lol -
Update!
I had a shock three days ago, all the sudden I saw my ex’s id pop up on my computer. I automatically went to send him a message, telling him about how our daughter is doing in school. Then I had to stop and I almost cried because the memory of his death hit me again. My ex died May 18rh on our daughter’s birthday. He was diagnosed with a rare form of intestinal cancer in January of this year.. In spite of the effort of his surgeons and doctors, the cancer ravaged his system until he slipped into a coma and passed away. So yesterday, I donated my hair to locks of love….I miss my hair but at least it is going to something good.
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Writer's Block
I struggle to catch the words that race through my head. I can’t seem to grab them from the twisted recesses of my mind and drag them struggling to my paper. Writer’s block doesn’t mean I can’t write. It means that the ideas are there as fleeting thoughts that tease me with their existence. I yearn for the flowing inspiration of yesterday, when the words flowed easily from my pen and I had to struggle to keep up with the words, ideas and verse that fought for prominence on my page. So I will write; write to fill the empty page until the words flow again.
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I think my roommate is trying to kill me.
As I lay slumbering this morning….I’m in the midst of the most wonderful dream…….corset is being slowly tightened from behind…….hair lifted and brushed over my shoulder as a small kiss and nibble is placed at the nape of my neck…..then suddenly….
“Hey, are you going to get up and take the kids to school?” I glare at the clock…..trying to focus….trying to find my voice …..”what time is it?” I groan huskily….
“6:30.…..I just got home from work and I am beat.” she says over her shoulder as she heads for her bed…..
I do quick calculations in my mind…ok, as fast as my sleep numbed mind can handle and realize, damn….I have less than 20 minutes to dress evil children……..get teeth brushed…..hair brushed and put up in pigtails……..and not to mention that the roommate could have at least made me coffee before she went to her room…but no, there is no coffee….
I stumble out of bed…..walk to evil children’s room and open the door….oh, those little girls look so sweet when they are sleeping….. but I am about to wake them up and they will transform into evil little temperamental beasts…
Stiffening my spine, I say sweetly…..”good morning ladies…time to get up and go to school.” I watch in amazement as the sweet innocent girls wake and transform immediately to grumbling wild haired beasts, that push past me in a rush for the bathroom…..”hey, you guys could at least give me a kiss good morning.” I here grumbling through the bathroom door, then soft little girl sneakers….damn, they are plotting against me already….
20 minutes later….after missing shoes…..can’t find anything to wear……backpacks gone missing again……and I still don’t have any coffee……I have said evil children in the truck….. buckled in and am driving toward their school……Yes, my roommate is trying to kill me……but she could have made me coffee first…..
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I am
I am addicted to music….my musical tastes are eclectic
I am a sculptor in clay….I never got over playing in mud puddles as a child
I am a writer of poems, songs and stories. Even when the Muse won’t play with me, I write…
I am submissive yet dominate…I refuse to be abused…I deserve to be cherished..
I am afraid of heights, so I learned how to repel.
I am afraid of the dark and small enclosed spaces, so I learned to crawl into small dark places for fun. Spelunking anyone?
I am afraid of flying, , so I flew in helicopters in the suicide seat.
I am tattooed
I am learning Irish Gaelic…..Gra, Dilseacht, Cairdeas means Love, Loyalty, Friendship…
I am a welder of knifes and swords…want to see my thigh knife?
I am fascinated by the world around me.
I am a continuing college student.
All in all, I am. -
Tonight
Tonight I rescued one of my best friends…..she called crying because her hopefully ex kicked her out of the house. I showed up at their house and he was beating her in the street in front of the house. I jumped out of my truck and told him, if he hit her one more time I was running him down. Even with my threats he wouldn’t stop until his neighbors came out and threatened him. So tonight she is sleeping at my house, I don’t leave my friends behind…..I know it is her choice if she goes back there but I will be there for her no matter her choice.
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Damn it!!! I need a new corset!!!!
Now those who know me well, know that I love corsets....I love to be corseted...I love the way a corset makes me feel....sexy as hell!!! So once again I am in search for yet another corset.....I loosened up my fingers and started to search the web for the perfect corseter...and I found this wonderful website, which of course has the most beautiful corsets that are custom made for the wearer.....
http://www.darkgarden.com/corsets_women_detail.asp- ?productid=cor105
Dark Garden
Now I've never been able to afford a custom corset...so whenever I find a site that makes them perfectly...I set and dream of myself wearing something like the one above, or when I'm in my bad librarian mode.....this one
http://www.darkgarden.com/corsets_women_detail.asp- ?productid=cor106
now just think of me with reading glasses perched on the end of my nose as I .....well, let's not get carried away here.... I'll let your imagination roam from here.
So since I will not be getting one of these wonderful custom corsets, I think I should start the Magenta need a new corset fund....of course pictures will have to be taken in various positions for all who donate. LOL
So off I go in search of more corsets at sites I've browsed in the past....sigh,...corsets.....mmmmm.....enjoy the link my friends......oh maybe latex corsets....yummy -
Submission
Your words fall on my ears as sweet as honey on my lips
The words slowly slip past my barriers
Dragging them down brick by brick
Leaving me before you naked and submissive
Will you treat my submission as the gift it is
Or will you twist it, distort it to your own purposes
As others have in the past….
Causing the barriers to be raised again thicker than before. -
The Blues
I woke up this morning with a complete sense of loss. I didn't understand it at first but as I set drinking my morning coffee, I realized that I was getting those "Damn, I am single blues." I usually don't mind being single, well most of the time. I have some of the greatest close friends in the world. I know what I am missing and for those of you, who keep trying to find me a sex partner. That Isn't IT!!!!! Yes, I miss wild, have my clothing cut off or ripped off me sex, while I am tied to the bed. Of course, I do. But what I really miss is the closeness that is had in a loving relationship with just one person. I miss the late night conversations in bed, the snuggling on cold winter morning or rainy days. I miss the spur of the moment touches and looks, that say I love you. No, I am not becoming desperate. I am willing to wait for the right person. It is just sometimes it hits me what I am missing. Then I have to get off my ass and look myself in the mirror and say, "Ok girl, time to get off the damn pity potty and get back to living." So I am actually smiling again today because yes, I am living and love is worth waiting for.