Blog 46
Things could be worse
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South Carolina again
Heading back to school in SC for awhile again 18 Apr-23 May...maybe I can find a lil fun while im there
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A sensative Guy
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large
collection of Teddy Bears,She is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well,how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says: 'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf' -
me
If U love me................leave me a message
If U like me.................leave a comment
If U wanna date me....... leave your number
If U wanna fuck me....... leave a hot gift
If U wanna marry me....leave a "will you marry me?" message
If U think im cute.................leave a comment on one of my pics
If U care about me ....................leave a caring message
If U hate me........................send me a message and tell me why
REPOST THIS AND SEE HOW MANY MESSAGES/COMMENTS YOU GET.
If U _______ Me? -
Funny Lines
Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
. I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
The meek shall inherit the earth.....after we're through with it.
If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already -
C • A • N • C • E • R: Most Amazing Kisser
C • A •P • R • I • C • O • R • N: THE BEST IN BED
Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irresistible, awesome kisser.gets what he or she wants. BY FAR the BEST in BED. Very sexy. Coolest. Loves to own Gemini's in many things (perfect pair in bed).Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Loves to be your first. So you'll never forget. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
T • A • U • R • U • S: The sex addict
Aggressive. Freak in bed. Rare to find! Loves being in long relationships Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Sexy as ...u no!..... Loves to help people in times of need. Outstanding kisser. Very funny. Awesome personality. Stubborn. Sexual as ......... Most caring person you will ever meet! One of a kind. Not one to fuck with. Are the most sexiest people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
S • A • G • I • T • T • A • R • I • U • S. The Sexy one
Spontaneous. Horny. Freak in Bed. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. The one. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Addictive. Most caring person you will ever meet! Not the kind of person you wanna mess with you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost
V • I • R • G • O: The Lover
Dominant in relationships. Sexy. someone loves them right now. Freak in bed. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Intellectual. Attractive. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Hard to forget. Love at first sight. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. Ultimate sexiness.Great kisser. 7 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
S • C • O • R • P • I • O: The SEXIEST Lover
Can be mean sometimes, and will Probably knock your ass out, if crossed the wrong way!! EXTREMELY sexy. Intelligent. Energetic. Predict future. Most erotic. (Freak in bed.) (GREAT kisser.) Always get what they want. Sexy. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. The sexiest ever....Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
L • I • B • R • A • : The Freak in bed
Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing n Bed..!!! not the kind of person you wanna fuck with...u might end up crying... the most irresistible. Rare 2 find. Funny. Talkative. Erotic. Smart. loves sports. gets what he/she wants. Loves to be in a relationship. 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
A • R • I • E • S: The Sexiest
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to fuck with. Erotic. Funny. Take you on trips to the moon in bed. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY sexy. Loves being in long relationships.
Addictive. Loud. best in bed. 16 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
A • Q • U • A • R • I • U • S: the strongest
Trustworthy. Sexy. professional kissers. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic and funny. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Loves music. Not a Fighter, But will Knock the fuck out of u. The best and biggest freak in bed! Strong. Considered to be a "Spartan." The most intelligent. falls in love too easily. Doesn't show it but is easy to hurt. 2 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
G • E • M • I • N • Iassionate
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you the fuck out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING.Horny. Freak in Bed. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. ULTRA SEXY. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
L • E • O: wild in bed
Great talker. Sexy and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at a lot. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Loyal.Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Great when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
C • A • N • C • E • R: Most Amazing Kisser
Very high sex appeal. Great in bed!!! Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak in bed. Spontaneous. Great telling stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
P • I • S • C • E • S: The Piece of ass
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Too Sexy, DAMN IT. Very high SEX appeal. Has the last word. The best to find, hardest to keep. Fun to be around. Freak in the sheets. Extremely weird but in a good way. Super good in bed. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. A partner for life. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5 years of bad luck if you do not repost -
My Next Life
My next life
I want to live my next life backwards!
You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat.
Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
When you are kicked out of the home for being too healthy, you spend several years enjoying your retirement and collecting benefit checks.
When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon you're too young to work.
So then, you go to high school: play sports, date, and go to dances.
As you get even younger, you become a kid again.
You go to elementary school, play, and have no responsibilities.
In a few years, you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged keeping you happy.
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap.
Until finally... you finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case! -
Why men are happier then women
1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public.
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes -
Have you ever wondered?
1. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
2. How is it possible to have a civil war?
3. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
4. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
5. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
6. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
7. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
8. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
9. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
10. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff?
11. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
12. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
13. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
14. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
16. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
17. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
18. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
19. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
20. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
21. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
22. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
23. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
24. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
25. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
26. Can vegans eat animal crackers?
27. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
28. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
29. How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
30. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. -
Sergeant Major
A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young
idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now." -
New Driving Regulations
New Regulations in the National Registry of Motor Vehicle's 2007 Handbook:
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Utah driver
avoids using them.
2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between
you
and the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by
somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have
of
getting hit.
4. WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one
expects
it and it will result in your being rear-ended.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork.
With no insurance, the other operator probably has nothing to lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that
your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal
violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to
strengthen your leg muscles.
7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good
way to prepare other drivers entering the highway.
8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and
are not enforceable in Utah during rush hour.
9. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or
move over doesn't mean that another driver flashing his high beams
behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even
someone
changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.
11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. Utah is the home of
high-speed slalom-driving thanks to the Department of Public Works,
which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep
them alert.
12. It is tradition in Utah to honk your horn at cars in front of you
that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.
13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is
important to exit your vehicle thru the windshield right away. Wearing
your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.
14. Remember that the goal of every Utah driver is to get ahead of the
pack by whatever means necessary.
15. In Utah, 'flipping the bird' is considered a polite salute. This
gesture should always be returned