Blog / Caught Your Husband in Panties... Now What? (Part 3)
Thursday, 18 December 2008 at 16:00
We have all heard about wives who find out to their surprise that their husband is a crossdresser. What is a woman to do?
This is the third in a series of articles on this subject. Earlier articles gave advice about how to react to the initial discovery and tried to relieve some doubts that may have arisen. I also explained why it was kept secret and described the shift of power that occurred at the time of discovery. Now I want to discuss the range of possible changes in the relationship that might result.
The first thing to know is that by far the most unlikely change is no change at all. The genie (or maybe Jeannie? ) is out of the bottle. You now know that your partner is a crossdresser, and he knows that you know. There is no way that either of you can "unknow" it. Even if you want to try and he agrees to never do it again, it is very unlikely to be permanent.
It is a common cycle among closeted crossdressers: A man has a desire to wear panties or to dress up, and in pursuit this, he accumulates items which must be kept hidden. This becomes a source of increasing stress as the collection grows. Then something happens, he is almost discovered or the sense of guilt due to conflicted feelings (see Part 2 of this series) becomes too great, and he "purges". He throws everything away and promises himself that he will never do it again, and he means it. But sooner or later, the cycle begins again.
You cannot spend your relationship like this, wondering if your partner is dressing up when he is alone or if he is hiding something from you. You can't always be afraid to (or maybe trying to) walk in on him unexpectedly. Do you want him to always be fighting this desire and feeling guilty about it? And what about the inevitable time when you find hidden panties, or catch him dressed up again? Such a relationship, full of suspicion and lacking in trust, is doomed to fail. There is a better way, a whole range of better ways.
First, you should accept that your partner is a crossdresser and always will be. This will allow you to see the situation clearly. Once you do this, you will begin to see how it can work to your advantage and make you, your partner, and the relationship happier than ever. I will point out some of the possibilities and you are sure to discover others for yourself.
Next, resolve that you will be the one in control of the situation. This is not a comfortable idea for many women, but if it makes you nervous, focus just on this one area. You will get used to it and later you can expand your control if you like (and you probably will). You could tell him that he can continue his behavior out of your sight, but this is not recommended. It will drive you apart over time and, more importantly, you lose control of the situation and any advantages to be gained.
Now you can think about what you want. Would you like to make sure your husband is faithful? Good news! A man that is in panties 24/7 will rarely cheat on his wife. How about some help with the household chores? Congratulations! You are well on your way to having a sissy maid that will do some (or all!) of the housework. Want to be the envy of your friends? Think of their reactions when you tell them over after-work drinks that your husband is at home cleaning the bathrooms. Do you want more sex with your husband? Or maybe less? Well, with a little imagination, either of these options is possible.
Are you beginning to get an idea of the possibilities? You can have any of these benefits (and so much more) with no arguing, no nagging, no begging... virtually no effort on your part at all. And guess what? He will thank you for it! His devotion to you will be immense and unshakable. And you can get him to demonstrate his devotion in almost any way you choose (use your imagination).
The fact is, some women resort to coercion or outright trickery to get to the place where women that catch their husbands wearing panties find themselves by sheer luck. My hope is that this series of articles might help women that have found themselves in this situation realize their good fortune.
Stay tuned for part 4 where I (finally!) talk about that important first post-discovery conversation.