Blog / Caught Your Husband in Panties... Now What? (Part 1)
Thursday, 20 November 2008 at 05:38
We have all heard about wives who find out to their surprise that their husband is a crossdresser. What is a woman to do?
Everyone has heard it so often that it is practically a cliche. A woman comes home from work early, or perhaps she leaves the house on a shopping trip and, forgetting something, returns home. She walks into her house and there, much to her surprise, she finds her husband admiring himself in the mirror, wearing a dress and pantyhose and makeup!
There are many variations of this story. Maybe the husband is parading around the house in panties, or masturbating while wearing a garter belt and stockings. Sometimes it happens that a woman finds panties among her husband's belongings and confronts him with the evidence of a possible affair, only to have him admit that the panties are his (or maybe hers) and that he himself secretly wears them.
Unfortunately, this situation is generally seen by the woman as a bad thing, if not downright catastrophic. There is the sudden realization that her husband, as she might phrase it, "is not the man that I thought I married". She may suffer feelings of betrayal because of the realization that he has been keeping secrets from her. Often, and most devastatingly, she will conclude that this means that her husband is secretly gay.
Miss Carolyn (for those who do not already know) is the mother of Miss Barbara, the woman to whom I am married. She suggested that I write this essay with the idea that it might be beneficial for women who find themselves in this situation. The first thing that she wants to make clear is this: your husband is almost certainly not gay!
It is true that he is a crossdresser, and there is likely an aspect of sexual excitement in this behavior for him, but most crossdressers are not gay. Gay men are by definition men that are attracted to other men. Most crossdressers are in fact attracted to women, just like most men. Of course, there is a small chance that he might be gay, but that has little to do with the fact that he is a crossdresser. In other words, there is a small chance that any man might be gay, crossdresser or not. The only way you would know for sure is if he told you, or if you were to catch him in an intimate situation with another man.
The next things you should know are that yes, he has been keeping secrets from you and no, he is not exactly the man that you thought you married... and, if handled correctly, both of these will be very good things for you! Also good for him and for your relationship, but especially good for you. I will come back to these points soon but for now, what should you do (or what should you have done) at the moment of discovery?
Miss Carolyn's recommendation to a woman faced with this situation is that she remain calm above all. Of course, it is only natural to register surprise at such a discovery but it is important to regain composure as quickly as possible. Try to keep in mind that no matter what you are feeling, the surprise, embarrassment, humiliation, and fear that your husband is feeling are whole magnitudes more intense, and this gives you a great advantage. The best thing to do is to say something like, "Well, isn't this a surprise? I'm leaving now but I'll be back soon and then we are going to talk. You have fun!" And then smile and calmly walk out of house. He will probably be speechless and he certainly won't follow you (not dressed like that!). And needless to say, you can bet that he will not be having any fun while you are gone.
If something like this has already happened and you did not handle it this way, don't worry, it is not too late. The main thing that a woman in this situation, or any woman for that matter, needs to know is this: Once she has seen her husband (or boyfriend, or indeed any other man) dressed in women's clothes, the balance of power in the relationship immediately shifts to her. It is almost like magic!
This power-shift is a basic principle of female superiority. If used properly, it will be the basis of your relationship with your husband from that moment on. In the next essay of this series, I will discuss how to put this principle to use, starting with that first talk the two of you have after the incident. Stick around, this is going to be fun!