itahatta
female - 28 years, Petaling Jaya, Malaysia
Blog / Somebody kill me please......
Monday, 19 October 2009 at 02:06
After 5 tahun tak jumpa, suddenly early this month, jumpa balik dgn my long lost male buddy, yg i dah kenal since zaman berhinggus masa form 4 dulu. So we hang out, talk, went out, laugh out bout lots of all memories. we went to the same school, even went to the same U, but we drifted a bit masa kat Uni coz i dated his class mate, and my then boyfriend, kindda jealous if i become close to other boys.
So we chat, and calls and bla..bla..bla, until one day, i wake up, to his sms, that says " Good morning sweetie pie". so, being the undoubtly commitment phobic, my sensor set off the alarm, and i start panicking. I just cant accept if this is happening. I mean. he's my close buddy, i enjoy having him around., but something "more than just friends", i dont think i'm equip for that.
Initially, i dont want to be more than his friends. For a very obvious reason that i've been alone for a long time, and i like it that way. I make plans to have kids, but i think i'm kindda forget to include "man" in the plans as well. So dont ask me, i dont know how i can have kids, maybe adopt, maybe sperm bank ( eer maybe not), so God help me. And besides, i'm use to being called " doll face"," little miss sweetie"..bla..bla..bla ( i dont make this up,and saya bukan perasan cun, saya tau saya tak cun, but saya tau saya tak hodoh giler !), so, sometimes, when we stands next to each other, some people called us, "beauty and the beast" ( kurang asam betul mulut diorg ni), in short, my friend ni tak hensem la! And also, because i love him, as my close friend, it would be sucks if we drifted apart and wasted a good friendship should things doesnt work out between us.
but to be honest, i have to sincerely say, that i am actually the beast and he is the beauty. As long as i can remember, Lan is the kindest, gentle, polite & understanding guy that i had ever met. when ever i'm with him, i had never feel afraid to be the real me, and he never judge me for who i am, even thou my level of craziness ni kekadang mcm takleh diterima dek akal fikiran. Of course he do complaints every now and then, but, he never fail to mentioned, that he also accept me for who i am. And he really does understand me, we both come from almost the same background, two people who come from a broken family.
So, for the past days, i'm a bit confius, and freaking out too. My girlie friends, whom always become jumpy and overly excited, whenever they see any sign of berkemungkinan ader romantic relation might exist, keep on telling me that " HE IS INTO U" and " U should date him". In fact, i think, those phrases, are the most famous phrases of the week.
However, few things that happened, make me thinking, maybe its just nothing, maybe i over asses, the situation. maybe he dont mean anything. he could not possibly feel any thing towards me, i mean... we are BFF, we are meant to love each other, as a friends. Realising this, i feel a bit embarrased, malu pun yer, bengkak pun yer, sedih pu nyer, lega pun yer, patah hati sikit pun yer.
tapi on top of the feeling chart, i feel like, marching to him, tampar dia laju2 and says " Lain kali kalau ko antar aku sms yg confusing camtu, aku bunuh ko, kalau ko bagi kunci kereta baru ko tu suruh aku drive, aku bunuh ko gak, ko panggil aku hot girl, aku bunuh ko gak, if u said the phrase " i accept u for who u are"...pun aku bunuh ko gak!.. if u ever send me mixed telephatic sign to my defect mind, pun aku bunuh ko gak. Lain kali ckp terus terang!
tetiba terasa diri ni mcm minah over perasan la plak, hey its not my fault ok, he send me all the mix signal, mana la i tau cam mana nak interprate. I feel like killing my self due to this embarassment, but sbb bunuh diri tu berdosa, can somebody kill me pleaseeee.... 
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nur_mahabbah (Monday, 26 October 2009 at 02:26)
ooo rai da komen blog slps ni sblm baca ini blog...ouuchhh!!!.... sakit betol..mmg nyampah mika2 yg suke suki sebut2 gerlie2 tuh..walhal dah ada...toink!!! betui
perempuan (Tuesday, 20 October 2009 at 03:41)
- itahatta:
- adik_seguru:
mixed signal aaa..
ko wat je berani mati..
(memandangkan ko punya tajuk blog indicate ko mmg brani pun hehehe)
tanya dia..
"..boy..do u like me..?"..
ohho..tetiba aku terasa seperti ko adalah mariah carey jika ko berjaya bertanya begitu kepadanya..
(kalu jadi kat aku pun konfirm aku takkan tanya camtu hehehe)
Yerla, kalau betul aku berani tanya dia camtu, my next blog akan berbunyi...." Saya sudah bunuh diri"...... Hell NO....no...no..no... NO with the capital N & O. Tapi mmg betul2 terasa mcm nak lempang dia pun ader, bengkak betul gue!
huhu..tapi bila aku tgk balik..pendapatan dr gulungan laki laki ni la yang paling bernas..hehe..gud luck..
ita Hatta (Monday, 19 October 2009 at 23:34)
- misha_ahmadfaizal:
)
OK. I wrote this after gelak guling2...hahaha..kidding...
c'mon. it's not at that bad. just tell straight to his face. like Maria said. when it comes to communication with men, you need to be straight forward. or else, you might end up with giving the wrong signals. Ooohoo..disaster..hehe....
Tell him, what u want in a relationship/friendship. If he can fit in, move on. Good luck, sweetie pie!
Ops! you're not gonna kill me rite? hehehe
Bukan camtu sis,
After giving a deep tot bout it, actually, i'm the one who dont deserve him. He's 100 times better than me in many way (except the look department- but then again, handsome bukan boleh buat kenyang perut pun kan!
So kalau i tanya , kalau dia jawab "yes'...i plak yg rasa i dont deserve him, my whole life was nothing but a big mess, i'm actually nothing but a pathetic, arrogant, insensitive, emotionally handicapped stuck up bitch. It really surprising if someoen ever wanted to be with me. Besides, i'm not sure if relationship is really a thing for me.
Kalau dia jawab "No"...nnt i jugak yg malu, mesti dia ingat i over perasan, so later when we hang out, things will be akward. Nnt dah tak best nak lepak sesamer.
So i rasa, maybe i buat bodoh jer, lagi baik...
romi (Monday, 19 October 2009 at 18:24)
OK. I wrote this after gelak guling2...hahaha..kidding...
c'mon. it's not at that bad. just tell straight to his face. like Maria said. when it comes to communication with men, you need to be straight forward. or else, you might end up with giving the wrong signals. Ooohoo..disaster..hehe....
Tell him, what u want in a relationship/friendship. If he can fit in, move on. Good luck, sweetie pie!
Ops! you're not gonna kill me rite? hehehe
taro Trust (Monday, 19 October 2009 at 17:48)
hahaha...saya sama pendapat dengan sam09md....nak try kot....macam drama swasta pulak...
ita Hatta (Monday, 19 October 2009 at 17:16)
- sam09md:
sori..mencelah...dah terbaca your blog nak gak komen sikit..
actually different age of men will give different signal, wlaupun ayat yg sama...
begitu jugak women kan? consider yur situation here...i think this man cuba nak main teka teki..to see wat you akan respon..then dia akan decide wat to say/do next...
don wori...1st control your anger..then dlm ketenangan you will know wat to do..
Thanks.
Thanks and welcome , new friend
sam09 md (Monday, 19 October 2009 at 17:04)
sori..mencelah...dah terbaca your blog nak gak komen sikit..
actually different age of men will give different signal, wlaupun ayat yg sama...
begitu jugak women kan? consider yur situation here...i think this man cuba nak main teka teki..to see wat you akan respon..then dia akan decide wat to say/do next...
don wori...1st control your anger..then dlm ketenangan you will know wat to do..
Thanks.
Maria Malik (Monday, 19 October 2009 at 16:31)
- itahatta:
so in this situation, just ask him straight to his face "do you like me"? see his reaction..if he say "yes I like you", you my lady, just play it cool...dont jump jump ok...
...
.
(pssst..u still need a man to have those little tots u know 
)
- MariaAndTheCity:
men...are incapable of sending direct signals for they are one confused being themselves..
hahahahhah... i dont think i have the guts la kak, i would rather kene inject dgn jarum besar gajah, than having to said that. And i'm sure i tak kan jump2, coz what ever feedback dia bagi, i agak confident i akan patah kaki and collapse on the sport. if he says " yes", i will collapse, panic & freaking out. If he says " No'' i think i will run to the nearest road, kene langgar dgn basikal and hope i die instantsly......
what a pathetic little ME!
ita, dont think it works to have a guy as BFF...the feelings will be totally different. as the friendship blossoms so does his or your feelings towards each other..would u say the same if u and i are BFF? no right. unless we are into same sex thing which obviously we are not
my point here is..enjoy the lovely friendship Ita..if he makes u feel good about yourself, why not enjoy those feelings..take it one day at a time.who knows...
ita Hatta (Monday, 19 October 2009 at 16:14)
- MariaAndTheCity:
so in this situation, just ask him straight to his face "do you like me"? see his reaction..if he say "yes I like you", you my lady, just play it cool...dont jump jump ok...
...
men...are incapable of sending direct signals for they are one confused being themselves..
hahahahhah... i dont think i have the guts la kak, i would rather kene inject dgn jarum besar gajah, than having to said that. And i'm sure i tak kan jump2, coz what ever feedback dia bagi, i agak confident i akan patah kaki and collapse on the sport. if he says " yes", i will collapse, panic & freaking out. If he says " No'' i think i will run to the nearest road, kene langgar dgn basikal and hope i die instantsly......
what a pathetic little ME!
Maria Malik (Monday, 19 October 2009 at 16:09)
men...are incapable of sending direct signals for they are one confused being themselves..
so in this situation, just ask him straight to his face "do you like me"? see his reaction..if he say "yes I like you", you my lady, just play it cool...dont jump jump ok...
...
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