itahatta
female - 28 years, Petaling Jaya, Malaysia
Blog 64
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Sigh.........
Last Wednesday, the famous ATSB trio, me, Ahmad and Faisal, we travel to Kerteh for a progress meeting. We took the opportunity to just sit down and chilled at the McD''s in Kerteh, doing nothing but sipping our drinks and watching people enjoying their lunch. After 15 minutes of silence, AHmad suddenly said….. “ Betul la Faisal, kita mcm tak boleh hidup kat sini!. Ape kita nak buat ni?”
Me: “ Aku balik ni nak update resume!”
Ahmad: “Damn it, aku kene kawen kot!”
Faisal: “ Aku tak tau nak buat aper, tapi tiap weekend kene balik KL”
Hahhahhah……. 3 orang manusia yang tak boleh hidup di kawasan yang takder banggunan lagi tinggi dari 5 tingkat!
Upon handling back projects, seperti biasa, kepala semakin serabut memikirkan project management, vendors, clients, scheduling, expenses...bla..bla..bla.
Preliminary expenses and budget review indicates that for this Angsi project, we already running on the losses of around 1 million. Upon confirmation after my negotiation and discussion with 3 other subcontractor, my estimation, the losses will be shooting up high up to 1.5 million, minimum. I try not to feel bad about it, well at least I manage to save us from further damage of another quarter million, but I could not bring myself to it. And I hate to pin the mistake to any party, cause its definitely not going to be nice. But as my finance director had say it, I should learn to let it go.
Sigh…… “ But En Amir, that is 1.5 million all together, dari bagi freebies kat client, baik la bagi 5 bulan bonus kat kitaorg, damn it!”
So that would mean that for the next 6 month, I’ll be extremely busy managing things prior to transporting the package to Angsi platform on May for installation and commissioning. I hope this time, I could joint the installation team to be onboard for the task. Dah la raya hari tu tak dapat joint installation for the 1st package sbb Angsi platform full POB, kali ni kalau tak dapat naik gak, alamatnyer I berenti kerja la!
And i heard rumours that another project would be awarded by March, hmmm, in that case, kalau dapat ni, maknanyer, my travel destination dah bertambah la...Kerteh-KL-JB. Hmmmmm.....biler gue nak kawen cam ni, madang busy!!!!
Aper-aper hal, I guess I’ll be celebrating my 28th birthday kat Melbourne, going down south for FAT of the package. Yes….berjalan lagi!!!!
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Of death and emotion.....
On the way to the office this morning, i receive an sms from my Umi...... My "Wa" passed away last nite. I called Umi and ask if she wanted to go back to Kuala Perlis, but she said no, we are sure that upon arriving, Wa had been safely burried. Actually Wa is my Umi's aunty- a very close one to her.
Actually, i dont feel anything upon receiving the news, not even a slightest feeling of sad. actually, i'm not that close with Wa, i've met her few times, everytime i visit Kuala Perlis. And she was always so kind to me, but still i dont really become close to her that much. so i guess that being the main reason why i didnt feel any form of sadness.
I figure if there is anything wrong with me. I always find it difficult to react upon hearing any news of one's passing. I just dont feel anything. I've never lost anyone before except my grandmother, but that was 16 years ago. hmm i guess maybe because i didnt really have lots of people that i'm emotionally attached to.
Sometimes, i wonder if the doctor can prescibed me something, cause most of the time when i have to face with such news, i feel so stupid simply because i dont know what to say or how to react and sometimes i feel like i'm less human. I guess i'm someone with emotional deficiency problem kot, and maybe it is true that i'm a cold hearted bitch and good at it......hmmmmmm I'm sorry!
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What ever.....
Hari ni, selain monday blues and bendera merah, angin pun kurang baik ni.
Hmmm 3 months ago, I hand over my baby project, Angsi, to my other opismate, but today, i claim the project back. Masa Eg hand over dulu, project ni daripada segala mcm masalah, Eg dah settlekan, cantik2 jer tak der masalah, skrg ni, dah agak lintang pukang gak la, and the team......buat kerja stail tak pikir jauh, tak tau langsung nak beringat cam mana nak slamatkan diri kalau in the future something happend and it may back fired. Disebabkan Eg hangin, Eg seperti biasa terasa nak mencarut, tapi kerana saya masih lagi seorang manusia yg berhati perut, saya tak mencarut pun, instead...i just write this status on my YM "Bodoh..bodoh...ader gak yg kene carut dgn aku ni karang"]
Suddenly, ader la mamat member chat ni ( member yg dah gone missing for about a year, then suddenly this morning out of the blue, say hi and ajak kluar) dia tegur saya kerana saya mencarut perkataan bodoh, and terus tak nak chat dgn saya plak....
I goes...." aper hal mamat ni, mcm la ngko tak pernah ckp "bodoh". Actually Eg tak ter"offended" pun that he no longer wanna chat with me. In fact, i dont give a shit about it. Eg just irritated jer. Irritated dgn stereotype society kita.
Society kita mmg extremely good at judging people tanpa perlu menyelami hati budi seseorang tu kan. Ok...so now i knew, just because i swear at stupid people yg menyusahkan diri saya, I'm way lebih jahat dari pempuan anggun ayu (who did not swear) yang backstab her own opis mate, or sepak kucing yg dtg mintak makanan kat meja dia or flush down her baby down the toilet just because she pregnant out of the wedlock.
Well, guess what, i think kejap lagi, saya nak tolak si Polan binti Si Polan jatuh dari tangga. Because i always wanted to do so everytime she irritates me, but i just didnt because i feel it would be so mean to do so. But since the society thinks that swearing is so much meaner than any other things, i might as well do so.
And i will also, goes out with anybody, kikis his money and lepas dapat banyak gift, i just chow and move on to other victims. And why is that?....because the society thinks that playing with others people feeling is way much nicer than swearing. And to add to that list, i shall include stealing from my own housemate, telling someone that they are too poor or too ugly to even go out for a drink with me and definately telling some one that the baju kurung that she's wearing make her look sooo " orang kampung'.
Guess what, for those who thinks and feel that korang tu jauh lebih baik dari aku and confirm korang dah book ticket to heaven, i got only one thing to say to you and it ain't nice :
Pergila mampus, as far as i concern, bukan ko yang bagi aku makan. U think just by knowing my name u already have the rights to judge me?...So once again...pergi la mampus!
haaaaaaaaa.............feeel muccccchhhhh bettteeeeeeeeeerrrrr!!!!!
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A tribute to CTJaja...( errrrr ......she is still alive!)
That crazy girl, CTJaja, involved in an accidendt during the aidil adha holiday. even thou she successfully transform her 4 month old Satria Neo to "besi buruk", she and her niece manage to escape the magnificent event, with only minor cuts and a whole lots of bruises.
Well i guess, pictures worth a thousand words.....
wow...nice landing Ja....
During an interview session, where she was asked to explain the chain of event that lead to the disaster,this was her respond:
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:16:15 PM): aku kat emergency hospital serdang
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:16:21 PM): mcm mana boleh terbang?
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:16:31 PM): hilang kawalan
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:16:34 PM): boleh ceritalkan semula
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:16:33 PM): jalan licin
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:16:44 PM): the seconds from disaster?
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:16:55 PM): (mcm mangkuk gak ayat ko..-->boleh ceritalkan semula)
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:17:00 PM): ngko lane paling kanan ker?
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:17:03 PM):
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:17:09 PM):
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:17:08 PM): aku lane kiri
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:17:14 PM): depan aku ade kete..
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:17:18 PM): hmmm
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:17:20 PM): nasib baik
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:17:23 PM): jauh gakla jarak aku dengan kete depan..
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:17:30 PM): then ade seko kete avanza
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:17:35 PM): nasib baik tak langgar org lain
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:17:38 PM): bwk cam pondan bapuk nk mati
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:17:45 PM): dok lane kanan
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:17:48 PM):
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:18:05 PM): so aku laju sikit nk potong die..
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:18:16 PM): pastu moto bahalol mana cut depan aku
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:18:20 PM): cam c*b*i gak la..
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:18:26 PM): (ni sesi mencarut)
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:18:32 PM): ahhahhah
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:18:37 PM): da la aku nk masuk lane kana..
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:18:40 PM): so kiranyer ni bukan salah ngo la ni?
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:18:47 PM): ker salah org lain 10%
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:18:52 PM): salah ngko 90%
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:18:54 PM): si b*b* yg tgh bwk moto cam lahanat main aci potong makan lane depan aku
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:19:04 PM): dengan si bapuk avanza terhegeh2..
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:19:12 PM): hahhaah
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:19:17 PM): perut aku sakit siot
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:19:20 PM): sakit gelak
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:19:17 PM): aku nk ngelak..
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:19:23 PM): jalan licin..ujan pelbagai..
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:19:28 PM): hmmm..mmg mendapat la...
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:19:33 PM): babi ko ta.
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:19:46 PM):
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:19:54 PM): aku mcm nak mati gelak
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:20:03 PM): sbb kat opis ni dah sebulat suara vote
ita hatta (12/10/2008 2:20:18 PM): yg "jaja xsiden sbb dia bwk kereta laju2"
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:20:22 PM):
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:20:23 PM): hahahhaha
Ct JajA (12/10/2008 2:20:26 PM): bagero~ ...aper-aper hal Ja, everyone knows that Ngko and that Neo ngko tu mmg suka sangat layan lap....and sebagai hadiahnyer ngko dapat sijil sakit for 5 days.
aper-aper hal, minah sorang ni, is leaving this company on this Monday utk bertugas di salah satu kilang membuat kapal di "GOD knows where". Hmmmmm...hilangla sorang member yang sesuai dijadikan teman mengarut kat opis ni.
Pesanan penaja: sebelum berenti, make sure claim and gaji gue siap tau Ja, or else, aku heret ngko dari "GOD knows where" balik semula ke opis ni, u can mess with anything but not my paycheck!..Chayo...chayo Ja. -
I should count my blessing .......rite?
For the trillion zillion times, yesterday, i lay on the floor, with the Tv's on, doing nothing but stares at the ceiling for hours and hours.
Mengajar diri sendiri ttg sabar dan redha, is something that i've yet to master. In fact, i've only started the ABc's of it. Tapi maybe betul ape yang diperkatakan tuhan, perjalanan ke syurga itu penuh liku. Titian sirat...ader yang menitinya dengan sepantas kilat, ade juga yang terpaksa merangkak, dan ader juga yang jatuh ke jurangnyer.
Entah la, maybe kerana Eg dilahirkan sebagai seorang fighter......I'll always fight for things that matters to me. When ever i've set my goal, i'll always fight for it, i even sacrifice lots of thing. Honestly, Eg jarang gagal memiliki apa yang Eg mahukan, regardless if the things that i wanted is good or bad for me.
Beberapa tahun kebelakangan ini, hidup Eg dah banyak berubah. Dulu, Eg hanya tahu mengejar apa yang Eg mahukan, sekarang Eg berlari mengejarnya and at the same time Eg sudah pandai berdoa, mengharapkan yang terbaik, dgn harapan bahawa yang Eg kejarkan itulah yang terbaik buat Eg. Namun, lately, rasanya Tuhan tu nak memberi pengajaran secara direct pada Eg, bahawa Dia lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk Eg. Losing that job offer that i really wanted, moving to Kerteh (its not that i despise Kerteh, i'm just not sure that i can fit in!), etc.....those thing makes me want to review back the priority of my life.
Maybe its time for me to reconsider, if the rat race is what i really want in my life now. Maybe the idea of slowing down for a couple of years is infact a good idea. I dont know, i used to be so sure of myself, but i guess not anymore. But i'm sure of one thing, that someday, i will achieve my ambition. Looking back and taking a good look at myself and compare it to others, as my housemate, Yuzi and Ct Jaja had say it, Eg ni takder kekurangan ape2 pun. I'm in many ways are luckier than most people. Well at least, Eg bukan seorang makcik tua, yang terpaksa kutip botol or tin kosong just untuk sesuap nasi.
Walaupun my besties, E-kin, Mont spice, farid semua dah merah2 mata menagis when i tell them the news that i'm leaving, tapi maybe ade baiknyer untuk berpisah dari this all my crazy buddies.Maybe, setahun dua menjauhkan diri dari hiruk pikuk KL ni, cukup untuk merawat hati yang retak ni and cukup untuk menguatkan semula jiwa ni.
hmmm...entahla. Eg cuma tak sabar nak balik kampung malam ni. Maybe lepas puas berbaring kat beranda, or main hujan kat laman and play with my cats and talks with my umi, probably, i can feel much better in trying to terima ketentuan tuhan. Maybe, ader betul kata orang, that maybe there is actually blessing in disguise.
To all, selamat menyambut aidil adha and happy holiday. -
Buta kerana cinta????
Hari ni boss takde, boss gi MIRI, so, Eg, yg tgh feeling low ni (not that low la, cuma malas nak buat kerja), sajer nak use this oppourtunity untuk mengarut dalam blog ni pepagi. Bukan takder kerja, cuma terasa takder mood or kurang mood sikit hari ni (correction…saya bukan pemalas ok, cuma takder mood)
Semalam petang, there is this somebody, baik kita namekan dia sebagai CTJaja ( hahahhaha….aku takder intention utk cover name ngko babe- sorry aku Cuma bengkek dgn ngko ), dtg ke cubicle saya and menangis2 sampai mata merah2. Sayu dan syahdu lagi, sbb BF dia (BF no berapa entah), accidently terhilangkan kunci kereta NEO dia yg masih lagi berbau kedai showroom tu. Marah and sedihnyer bukan main lagi, silap hari bulan boleh putus cinta la jugak.
Aleh- aleh pagi ni, when I call her to check cam mana makcik sekor ni nak ke opis, dia cakap “ Tak per, Zua antar aku ni”.
Hmmm confuse saya, bunyi macam dah ok jer makcik ni, hmm takper la, dah tiba opis nnt boleh gossip pepanjang. Suddenly masa tgh breakfast nasi lemak kat pantry tadi, si Jaja ni cakap,” Smlm Zua bagi teddy bear besarrrrrr!!”, sambil muka berseri2 plus senyum yg tersengih2. Hai geramnyer saya dgn makcik sorang ni, ngko Nampak tak kuku aku ni tajam, panjang and keras Ja, jap lagi kalau aku cakar ngko nnt baru tau. Buat penat ajer aku jadi pendengar setia and tolong tadahkan airmata ngko yg bercawan2 smlm, less than 24hrs ngko dah tak marah, just because of a huge teddy bear. Ciss , mmg dasar manusia yang boleh dibeli! . AKu tetiba rasa nak muntah tgk muka ngko yg berseri-seri tu babe.
Cinta!…cinta! cinta ,memang akan buat manusia jadi gila kan? Bukan stakat gila, but I think most of the time akan buat manusia tu jadi bodoh and buta. Kenapa Eg cakap macam ni, kenapa yer?...Hmmmm sbb Eg dah pernah merasa jadi gila, bodoh dan buta kerana cinta la and sbb dah tengok contohnyer disekeliling ler. So.......long long time ago, Eg dah lama decide that I don’t want to fall in love. No. I’m not choosing to become single and being a cynical old spinster my whole life, I just choose not to fall in love. But I still opt to get married and have kids someday. Confuse?.....hmmmm think about it, do we really need to fall in love to get married. I don’t think so, lately, from my observation (and a little bit of experience!), I think, pre-marital love is so “OVERRATED”. To me marriage and love are two different things, but they can co-exist together.
Marriage as my boss had say it, is a “calculative risk”. You assess the condition and situation, calculate the risk and the factors and if your calculation prove that it is worth investing in order to achieve the sets of goal, then you make your shot! I totally agree boss, marriage need to be logical and rational, but if love does interfere with the decision making process, and as we all knew that love have the tendency to clouded our judgement, so macam mana kita nak membuat calculation yang logic and rational.
I didn’t plan to come home from work early on one particular day and caught my hubby red-handed, banging some slut from “God- knows- where”, on our matrimonial bed, 5 years down the road after I said “I do”, so choosing my significant others is very crucial and very critical to me. So if it meant that I have to become sarcastically cynical and have to choose between love and rational, I would definitely choose the later. As long as we both understand and respect each other and share the same or almost the same life goal, likes and dislike, I think that should be sufficient to me. Asalkan kita boleh terima our other half just the way they are and ikhlas towards each other, I believe cinta tu sendiri akan hadir dalam hati. And Post marital love, means a lot more to me.
But that does not mean that I’m willing to belasah jer selamba settle down dgn anyone. Hmmm agak-agak la sikit, jangan la nak pakai serbu jer, well at least eventhou I did not love him, but at least biarla hati tu ader rasa getarnyer sikit, and my instinct told me, “Ok…I think I can be with this guy for the next 50 years of my life”. Klau hati rasa macam tak boleh tu, perfect macam mana sekali pun, still rasa tak boleh gak, nak buat cam mana.
So untuk my besties Farid, E-Kin, CTJaja ( list goes on..and on) yang slalu sangat membebel kat Eg ni, just because I’m already 27years old (and will turn 28 in the next 4 month) but still single mingle ni, all I have to say to korang is …..
“ Diam la korang, well at least I choose to membutakan mata aku ni just because aku tak nak jatuh cinta, but korang tu dah dibutakan mata kerana cinta”…
Well, who says single hood have to be boring, at least, I don’t have to send report every 5 minutes indicating my whereabout, and I don’t have to ask anybody’s permission to spend my own earning, and I don’t have to feel guilty to go out and meet new hot guys with hot butt
if I want to.
Hmmm Jaja, aku dah pun buka mata aku ni besar2 and aku nampak ramai jer lelaki2 macho kat gym tu, and yea, that trainer, Zainal, mmg cute and hot ( owh my GOD, he’s sooooo…delicious) but then ngko dah potong trip, and that Abg MLS group’s, well ok, they are cutie pie with cute butt, but that’s about it,I just want to check them out during workout but I have no intention to ask them out…. heheheheehhehe nakal nyer saya!!!!! -
Ok...saya nak nangis lagi sekali...
Baru receive another news from that manager from FPSO again.......
The manager :"saya baru tanya project secetary. They told me the want engineers with 5 yrs experience d
an one of the criteria ade lah dia orang nak engineers lelaki saje"
Me: "owh....you mean for OSD department pun?"
The manager : "roger, senior manager nak lelaki supaya senang nak pergi FPSO Kikeh yg most of the
time full POB"
hmmmmm......ok...Eg nak gi meraung lagi sekali ni.
What??...just because i'm a women?.....what???..... sbb saya bukan lelaki???....What, ulang skali lagi??. Owh no, u didnt really expect me to accept that excuse do u?.
Hmmmmm.....takper- takper, just wait for another 1-2 years, i'll prove it that even women can be better than man in handling day to day operation.In fact, I'm not just going to settle with a local company, i'll go international. I will not mourn and i will not whine but i'll prove that u people are wrong.
So that's mean that i'll go to Kerteh but i'll be back, and when i do, i'll be bolder, smarter and meaner.
We'll see!, i'll see you guys again once i'm on top!.
hmmmm.......never tought that losing can feel this good!...
Aaahhhh...simpan jer la semua air mata ni, and simpan jer semua fail2 atas meja ni. I'm going out for a movie and a good laugh with my bestie. Failure wont bring me down, infact it makes me bounces higher!!!
huhuhuhu.....Chayok..chayok ita! -
Me?????...KERTEH??.......owh no!!
Kepala ni serabut la , jiwea pun kacau jer 2-3 hari ni, sejak dapat berita tak berapa best dari FPSO tu hari la.
My boss tersayang, sgt2 la happy sbb i did not land that MOPU job. And once again offer me a very good post utk this new company yg akan start operation bulan Januari ni nnt. Come January, this ATSB company yg i currently work with, will no longer be in operation. All operation will be handle by this new company named TeCOFT. Punya la sayang boss ni kat Eg, sampai dia siap bagi Eg pilih lagi, post mana yang Eg nak pilih in the company organization. Be it in the new product and technology development department ker or operation and project initiation and design phased ker, or mana2 la yg Eg suka. Just pilih and he's willing to reshuffle the organization to fit me in. Hmmm.....terima kasih banyak2 la boss sbb sayang sgt kat saya ni (no wonder la si minah tu sgt2 sakit hati kat aku ni ha), saya sgt2 terharu.
Tapi Eg dalam dilema gak ni. Hmmmm... banyak gak kengkawan Eg yg hangen dgn Eg biler Eg explain my latest confusion ni, and ramai gak yg nak sekeh kepala Eg or nak baling Eg dgn kasut@ kerusi2 @aper2 jer la. Dia orang "hangen" and complain yg Eg ni " tak sedar di untung/ tak sedar diri and tak bersyukur". Dapat jadi buah hati boss, dapat offer position best, dapat offer macam2, lagi nak complain2 confuse.
Hmmmm... Eg bukan tak reti bersyukur, bukan tak sedar untung, tapi...........Eg ader citer2 yang hendak dikejar. And with that ambition, Eg dah pun map out kan Eg nyer career plan, and how i can achieve that. Eg sedar, kalau Eg chow and joint company lain yg lagi besar, blum tentu Eg di "appreciate" by my boss sampai camni sekali. Bak kata CTjaja, “ngko ni bukan stakat dapat layanan 1st class dari Alfian tuh, tapi dah taraf VIP dah”.
Tapi isu yang paling besar skali pasal offer dari Alfian ni is, there is a high chance that the whole operation team will be based kat Kerteh, probably bulan 2 ni. Hmmm…. Disebabkan kepala Eg "mereng" since 2-3 hari yang lepas, and otak and hati pun tak function sgt, so Eg dgn confidentnyer ckp kat boss, “ hmmmm…moving to Kerteh? Sounds good, maybe I need to reshuffle my life plan too and start over”. Tapi selepas 2 mlm berturut2 tak dapat tido and selepas dipikir betul2 and dalam2 sambil membayangkan pekan koboi Kerteh tu, tetiba, seperti biasa, Eg diserang panic attack.
Owh shit!....owh shit, did I just say “ok “to the idea of moving and resides in Kerteh?. Owh shit…!!!me???...Kerteh??..Me??…Kerteh?.. Alamak, boleh ker Eg nak cakap dgn boss, that any decision that I’ve made, sewaktu Eg tgh heartbreak, lapar, ngantuk, sewel, takder mood and sebagainyer consider as null and void the moment after I wake up from my deep sleep. Ok…I suddenly rasa macam nak hantuk kepala sendiri kat dinding ( adoi…kenapa la aku ni cakap tanpa piker panjang2 ..adoi)
Makin Eg try membayangkan myself living in Kerteh, lagi Eg terasa macam nak pengsan. I am the type of girl yang wear pants almost 90% of the time,and knee length skirt 9.99% of the time and only wear baju kurung ONLY if I forgot to do my weekly laundry, and that baju kurung is dari jenis kain yang does not need ironing. So imagine me and my short skirt and Kerteh, that sounds like disaster to me. And eventhough I hate the hassle of KL so much, tapi kalau satu hari Eg wake up and found myself driving tanpa experiencing “jam”, then I’ll start to wonder, “apehal dgn korang semua ni wei, naper tak jam plak ni, ke aku yg lupa hari ni cuti?”. Sbb Eg dah terbiasa dgn “hobby” menyumpah kat manusia2 "bagero" yg suka mencilok jalan pepagi, dah biasa sgt sampaila, if I notice that I did not swear the whole day, I start to wonder kenapa I feel pelik about myself today?. So imagine me…Kerteh and a whole load of swearing and cursing. Ader gak orang kat Kerteh tu nanti pakat ramai2 tangkap Eg and masukkan dalam box and hantar balik KL.
And living in KL ni, Eg tak kenal pun saper neighbour Eg, and I like it that way. Takder sesaper nak busy body jaga hal org lain. If I were to move to Kerteh, there is a high chance that maybe biler Eg balik kerja and that nice makcik yg duduk kat umah sebelah tu, trying to be nice and say “ Hi baru balik kerja ker?”. And with that, Eg for sure akan said to my own self “ Owh no, this makcik is trying to be nosey…everyone, run for your life!!”.
Entah la, nak kata Eg ni budak Bandar la sangat, pun tak juga, sbb Eg asal pun dari kampong, cuma since sekolah menengah, Eg slalu merantau and jarang balik kampong. Tapi kalau balik pun, Eg still buat perangai mereng Eg tu, gi kedai beli magi pun pakai sluar pendek parat lutut. Makcik Gayah and makcik Joyah kat simpang 3 tu siap geleng2 kepala everytime Eg lalu naik motor depan umah diorang. Umi pun dah penat cubit peha anak dia yang sorang ni sampai lebam2, tapi bak kata umi, kalau dah species degil, cakap cam mana skali pun sure tak jalan.
Eg pun bukannyer species budak yg gi clubbing every Wednesday nite. Nak kata tak pernah jejak club tu tipula sgt, sbb Eg use to work as a partime waitress utk cari duit and pay my own study fee masa blajar kat Uni dulu. Yerla, dah takder loan or PTPN, terpaksa la guna tulang sendiri nak cari duit utk study. Cuma the things taht i like bout living in KL is to have all the facility within the vicinity. Nak gi shopping, Curve and OU ader kat sini jer, bosan and nak gi movies, Cineleisure pun dekat, bosan lagi…..just pick up the phone and call Ekin and just say” wei babe, jom nite out!”, and within 2 hours, kitaorang berdua dah tersadai dah kat mana2 port lepak and gelak sakan dgn cerita2 bodoh masing2 macam orang tgh mabuk todi….padahal minum coke jer! And takder saper pun yang nak pandang “slack’ kat kitaorang just sebab kitaorang berdua gelak style “ puntianak busuk malam-malam”
Maybe I can crash kat Starbuck kat Mesra Mall tu if I move to Kerteh, but I’m sure, the moment I burst my big loud laugh, for sure everyone kat Mesra mall tu pandang Eg macam alien dari planet Zargus. And yes, moving to Kerteh means I lost my good girl frens. Owh no…no..no..no..no…no! Probably bulan pertama tu Eg cool jer lagi, masuk bulan kedua, dah start panas punggung dah, masuk bulan ketiga, rasanyer Eg dah meraung2 nak balik Kl balik kot. Bak kata Ct Jaja…ngko gi tgk muka ngko tu kat cermin, ngko rasa ngko ni boleh ker duduk kat Kerteh, silap2 ngko meraung nak balik KL.
Tapi ader kawan suggest, maybe moving to Kerteh is indeed a good idea. Meminjam kata2 kawan Eg tu, “ Since Kerteh tu tak serabut sgt macam KL ni, mana la tau, ngko boleh ubah perangai tak senonoh ngko yang sewel tuh, mana la tau aura orang2 kat sana tu boleh ubah ngko jadi lebih baik, kan bagus camtu. Mana tau ngko boleh jumpa lelaki yg baik kat sana yang boleh ubah status “setan’ ngko tu jadi “manusia”, hmmm kan slamat dunia akhirat.”..Hmmmmm…brengset punya kawan, kalau tak suka kat aku ni, cakap jer la, tak yah la halau aku dari Kl ni!. Walaupun Eg sedar yang dah ader tanda2 dan petunjuk dari Tuhan supaya Eg blajar to slow down dari this fast life, tapi rasanyer Eg macam blum ready to relax.
Adoi….cam mana ni, confuse-confuse. Pening kepala nak pikir. Hmmm nasib abik ader sampai minggu depan utk pikir baik2 sebelum bagi kata putus kat boss. Adoi…adoiiii…. -
Just wait.......part 2
Hmmmm...after 2 hours of nap, a dose of caffergoat and secawan air mata(kalau boleh ditadah la..), i woke up, feeling much2 better, walaupun hati tu masih retak seribu. Aper2 hal, Eg nak say thanks to everyone who seems to be there when i'm feeling extremely low just now.
Thanks to:
Tn Hj Wan Rostam for believing and having total confidence in me, walaupun Eg masih tak banyak pengalaman but, Tn Hj percaya yg i can do it and sudi berikan saya peluang. Walaupun most other people does not agree with you. I'm sincerely and honestly flattered.
CT Jaja, thanks for pinjamkan badan utk dipeluk, and sorry sbb air mata tu terkena kat tudung ngko. (Rasanyer hingus takder kan babe?!)
Rezza and Acai- thanks for kata2 penenang dr ngkorang, u know I always love u guys.
Sis Misha, thanks sbb offer a listening ears utk your lil sis ni. And Kak Maria, thanks for that shout! and Suella too.
My best frenz, E-kin, for willing to pull some string of "big whale" for me...Thanks babe, but if i'm able to joint a big organization, i want to be accepted for my capability, not for who are the list of people that i know.
But above all, to my beloved boss, Alfian, who change his status from boss to big bro, the moment he notice yg mata Eg ni merah, sembab and berair.
Why is that MOPU project is damn important to me…..?
It is very important to me , apart from it’s the 1st MOPU in this nation, it is because, the post that I was offered, walaupun bukan 100% based kat platform, tapi biler diberikan kepercayaan utk berganding bahu dgn mereka-mereka yang bergelar lelaki utk sama2 merealisasikan and to ensure that it is functioning well, I feel so honoured.
Honestly, peluang macam ni, bukan slalu dtg come knocking on my door, hanya julung2 kali jer and it does not happen to everyone as well. Frankly, utk seorang perempuan my age, to be given the chance utk pegang responsibility like that, it is a rare case. What I’ve learn and moulded my self into, from the 2 yrs experience that I’ve involved in this O&G industry is, if you are a lady, u have to work 3 times harder than man to get to the place/ level yang sama mcm lelaki. And the lady needs to belajar untuk keraskan hati and tebalkan telinga if she really wanted to survived. That is the real stereotyping and gender bias yg we ladies have to put up with if we wanted to penetrate into the area where man dominated.
I’m not a feminist bitch and I’m not trying to become sexist, it just this is how I see things from my perspective. Yg lelaki tu, please jgn marah plak, maybe my statements bruised your ego, but please, for once, buka mata and observe the world bukan dari kaca mata seorang lelaki, but dari kaca mata seorang manusia. I’m sure you will find a conclusion that is pretty much the same as me. And Eg have no intention to blame anyone pun, it is obviously bukan salah sesaper,it just how the world works. As I have chosen this path, I knew I need to toughen up to embrace the challenge.
And Eg has always dream of to be based kat platform. I don’t know how to explain it, but it is such a satisfaction when in life, we aim for something yg high enough, we challenge and compete with our own self and we manage to succeed, pada Eg, itu adalah kepuasan yang tidak ternilai. Something yang tak boleh dibeli dgn wang ringgit. And everytime Eg exceed my own expectation, I just feel good about my own self. And Eg pun tak minat kerja yg Cuma duduk dalam opis ni, otak rasa tepu. If it involved, sweat, swear and being street smart, than that is definitely what I wanted.
And I have my own 5 years career plan, if I landed this MOPU job, mmg dah cantik sgt la, sbb it fits my career plan perfectly. Ade benda yang Eg perlu capai dalam masa beberapa tahun ni, once I’ve succeeded, baru la Eg ready to let go of this fast life and try to slow down. I didn’t really have much time left.
Well, tak perla, walaupun Eg rasa terkilan, maybe bukan rezeki Eg kat situ. Walaupun Eg rasa my career plan tu dah cukup cun, tapi maybe GOD have a better plan for me. And untuk kesekian kalinyer, my beloved boss, Alfian, who always treat me like his lil sister everytime he notice muka Eg monyok macam mangga busuk, he once again told me, “ I really-really want you to stay with me, re consider my offer with TeCOFT.”
Hmmmm…terima kasih banyak boss, for appreciating me. I’ll think about it. -
Just wait..............
For the past 2 month, Eg dah happy2 dah, sbb i had been informed personally by the FPSO's MOPU project manager, that nama Eg dah pun ader dalam "Hired" list for that special project.All i need to do is just wait for that offer letter that is supposely kluar dalam seminggu dua ni.
Tetiba, pagi tadi the same manager bagitau Eg this heart breaking news. This is word by word yg dia 'skype' to Eg.....
"Ita , saya nak beritau tau yg saya fwd you punya CV but PCPP disagree due to not meet dia requirement, 5 yrs and above. Dah beritau ANAS ttg nie, maybe dia blum cakap kat u.tapi i will try untuk park you under OSD but that subject to OSD manager agreed to it"
Tetiba rasa nak gugur jantung Eg, since this morning, Otak and hati tu rasa kosong jer. Rasanyer tak boleh nak hide dah yang mata Eg ni dah bengkak menangis walaupun cuma menagis setengah jam.Eg not just happy sbb dapat joint FPSO Ventures, tapi happy sbb Eg dapat joint this 1st MOPU project kat M'sia ni. Rasa bangga sbb be given the chance utk berdiri same tinggi dgn orang lain dlm bidang operation ni.
Owh GOD, i really need a shoulder to cry on. Really-really need to let this pain and dissapointment out loud. Really-really need to peluk someone and nangis. Ok....Eg nak amik half day, kepala pun dah pening sbb nangis. Nak sambung nangis kat umah, when i wake up this after noon and already come to my own sense, I will plan next move, what i should do next.
I will become somebody in this OnG field within the next few year and i will prove it. I will rise faster and higher than anyone else. Those who pandang rendah kat aku ni, korang akan menyesal for doing that to me, coz there will be the day biler aku akan cantas korang semua dari position korang. Aku akan jadi lagi kejam dari sesiapa pun, I'll go to where ever and i'll do what ever to get to where i want to. Just wait!!!!
