itahatta
female - 28 years, Petaling Jaya, Malaysia
Blog 66
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If i'm not an engineer.....
Yea...if i'm not an engineer, i think i'll make a great antrophologist. I mean, i really do enjoy being the spectator of other people life. It makes me feel much-much better about my own life. The truth is, my life isnt that bad, i' just whining simply because its 10 pm and i'm still at the office. The only time that i was not in the office since i recovered from my teribble fever and cold last 3 weeks is last Saturday. I'm lucky since the bosses install Astro in this social area of this office, or else i'm confident that my mind just went crazy over everything.
I dont hate being at this office, infact i prefer to hang out at this office more than anywhere. I guess i'm just tired. I had endless list in my little black book, but i dont seems to manage to get things moving as smoothly as i wanted to. I think i'm loosing my efficiency.
At times, i think its fun and cool being and engineer. Its fun to solve problem. And to tell u a secret, i become interested in chemistry after our lab group accidently splash the sulphur mixture that we was boiling, onto a boy that happen to be our sworn enemy. It was fun to see the look on his face, and even funnier knowing that he cant beat our asses at that instance since the teacher is in the lab too. So i guess i like chemistry because of the prospect of me blowing things up. Sounds like fun.
But unfortunately, so happen that i'm spending too much of my time doing project management rather than paying extra attention on the technical aspect of the plant process.( Its ok not to understand what i'm saying, i'm just rumbling!)
It might be fun being an engineer. but honestly most of the time its F***ing boring. Its boring because here, in Malaysia ( actually most other place, do too) engineer tend to be too serious. I mean, engineering needs to be both fun and creative, if u are too serious most of the time, how are you going to get fun? How are u going to be creative. i guess i'm lucky coz these company is extremly flexible. I dont even bother to wear a proper office attire. It's jean and T shirt everyday for me. I can come in and leave anytime i want. but with that, i get some sarcastic comment too. Comments that sounded like..." U dont look like an engineer". Eerrrr Hellooo........ How does an engineer supposed to look like?...... A very boring monochrome of black or dark grey and white suits?........ U got to be kidding me if u have the impression of that is how an engineer should look like. In fact, i think u watch too many TV.
By the way, a professionals doesnt have to behave super perfect all the time. We are after all very much human as much as that store associates over there at 7Eleven. We swear, we eat, we sleep, we fart and we dont attend high tea or fine dining all the time. So dont expect me to behave like the future Queen of Genovia all the time, alrite. I enjoy being me, and that's include playing some karate fight at 11 p.m with my younger sister or brother. And yea, we hold some private funeral for our dead Hamster, Audi, simply because we already look at her as a family member instead of just another furry animal.
I totally have no clue, why people have to live their life according to a pre-set lifestyle and expectation. I mean , who evented such rules. Why cant human be human, instead of robot. 500 years ago, people work just enough to supppoort their living needs. The issues of driving a Proton or BMW had never become the main bench mark of one living standard. i beginning to become tired of all these, but i also know, that todays living, is all about making money. Money cant buy you happiness but if you think poverty can help you achieve that, you are deffinitely from another distance planet. So, i've decided, that i Wanna be Glutinously RICH and i'm gonna be exactly that.
And during my transit at Amsterdam, on the way to Dallas, i think i'm gonna accept my colleague idea of having fun. Guys let's snife some POT......whooooooohhaaa....! -
The leeches society.
I'm writing this under the influence of cocktails of emotions, anger, dissapointment. The main reason that i had always try to distance myself from people, is because, more often than not, these people are close to you for their own advantage.
These people consist of, family members, so called " friends", accuintances and god know who else.
Ever had experience with friends who beg to borrow some money for their "life and death" matters?. I bet many of us had experience that these so called friends, will no longer become friends the moment u ask for your money back. And ever been in situation where family member, expect to get something simply because they are genetically related to you? I bet many of us also suffers from the "entitlement mentality " as well. Ever also be in a position where during the time that u needed the most, your saving, your insurance seems to depreciate in values, in fact the insurance is the most twisted of all. Insurance agent are extremely good at hiding vital info during your application stage, so they could use the information in future to deny your claim and rip you off.
To this people, i just wanna say,
Fuck you people, masa aku susah , aku tak nampak pun batang hidung korang. When i spend nights waitressing at pub to pay for my study fee, aku pun tak nampak batang hidung korang, masa bank ugut nak tarik kereta aku, pun aku tak nampak batang hidung korang. If u think u can easily put your hand in my pocket, let me tell you something, that is my money, and you can get your dirty hands out of it.
My new year resolution, jadi giler kedekut dgn duit sendiri and i wont feel bad about it. Well at least aku cuma kedekut dgn duit aku and aku guna usaha sendiri to get what i want, daripada jadi manusia haram jadah yg kedekut dgn duit sendiri, pastu sibuk dgn duit orang lain and tak reti bayar hutang. That's why manusia cam korang akan selamanyer kat level korang and aku akan sentiasa rise to the top.why dont you people just go to hell and dont forget to send me postcard yea!
Kerana bengkak yang sangat extreme sejak dua menjak ni, level kestressan pun dah memuncak, since past few weeks, asyik terasa nak menge"puff"kan diri sendiri dgn Dunhill Sebatang, tapi sejak membuang tittle "seasonal smoker" since last 3 years, tgh berusaha keras menahan diri. Adoi ya tuhan, bantu la hamba mu ini dgn perkara-perkara yg sukar dan berilah balasan setimpal kepada manusia-manusia durjana ini!. Amin -
Cross my fingersss....
I've been quiet lately.....Sebenarnyer banyak yg nak di cakapkan, but i guess i'm just waiting for the right moment.
i'm due for laparoscopy dignostic surgery tmrw, i'm bracing my self and i hope, the results comeout as nothing serious, but if they do find something, i think i still wanna keep my sanity intact and stay positive that i'm still lucky that they still find it early.
Wish me luck and thanks for your support
To sis sheema....I'm really hoping that i could wake up from the surgery, surrounded by 100000 chocolate truffle lollipops...heheheh
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How much would u pay for LOVE?
My beloved friends, and sis, and bro, i think you are not gonna believe where i went just now during my lunch break. Ok la, tak yah main teka teki, straight to the point, i went to check out the service provided by a “dating agency”. Ok, don’t say a word!
It just some crazy idea from a friend. After for the Nth time, i’m looking at the calendar, and after remembering that few weeks ago, a very dearie friend of mine, ugut tak mau be my bestie anymore if i keep on finding reason to tell myself that i don’t want to get cozy with anyone because dia tak hensem la, tak cukup tinggi la, kerja government la, gaji i lagi banyak la, dia tak suka makan western food la....dan seribu satu macam stupid alasan lain that i always manage to come up with so that the subject of’ trying to get to know someone” can be dropped from the conversation, i think there’s no harm in just tengok2 jer the dating agency punya service.
So, long story cut short, the service package was:
Package a) 3 suitable suitor, hand pick to match both party’s requirement at the price of RM 1K, over the duration of 3 years.
Package b ) 5 suitable suitor, hand pick to match both party’s requirement at the price of 1.3K, also, over the duration of 3 years.
I goes..... “ What?!!!!
...wooohoho, i’ll think about it!”, and identify the quickest excuse to get myself from the office.
I remember that i used to gave answers to people who always question me, why am i still single, available and not so ready to mingle. My standard answer template has always been “ Hhhrrrmmm kalau kat Tesco ader jual calon suami yg sesuai, skrg jugak saya gi beli, swipe kreadit card pun saya sanggup, apply loan pun sanggup, confirm saya dah ader anak tiga dah!’
So, when the real situation really do exist, i’m stunned and ask my self back, “ How much did i really willing to pay for love”.
To tell u the truth, i don’t mind paying, its not because i’m terribly desperate kalau tak kawen esok boleh mati bunuh diri, but, face the fact, most of us, are so busy and occupied with works and by the end of the day, we are too exhausted to socialised, day in day out, we see the same old face everyday, sometimes we meet new people, but most of the time, this new people that we meet is either tak sesuai, conflict of work interest or simply “ TAKEN”. So tell me, biler la ader masanyer nak mencari Mr or Miss Right?. Nak suruh parents?...hhhrrrmmmm let me recall my Abah’s answer when i told him, “ Abah jer la carikan, lepas tu, bagitau tarikh, masa & tempat, saya datang la utk hari nikah saya”, he said “ Kepala hotak ko!”..
Back to the topic, like i said, i don’t mind paying, infact, if its gonna coz me 50K pun i sanggup, provided, the candidate is 100% guarantee, is my Mr Right. The problem is, i tak tau pun kalau he’s gonna turn out to be the 1. Even calon yg free ni pun i tak sure boleh pakai ker tak, inikan plak yg harga 50K, wow, that’s a very risky investment.
I think, i’m fairly a simple person, takder la requirement yang melampau-lampau sgt. Normal jer macam perempuan lain (when i say perempuan normal, that’s exclude perempuan materilistik, rupalistic, perempuan plastic dan perempuan spastic)
Financially, i think, i would feel ok to settle with a guy, where during the 1st couple of years of our marriage, we just tinggal in a small apartment jer, dah namer pun duduk berdua jer, buat aper la rumah nak besar2 sgt. But the moment, our babies had grown up and dah mula jadi hero & heroin, maybe its wise to move to a bigger place, say a corner lot,double storey terrace house. I would love to have the assurance that my kids could go out and have fun under the sun, playing, jumping climbing, without the fear of being chase or bite by anjing gila, or being kidnap by orang giler. Duit tu plak, tak yah la banyak sangat, cukup makan pakai, ader lebih utk parents and saving for the rainy days & other auxiliaries, then its fine by me. But kalau boleh, biar la gaji tu lagi banyak dari saya, bukan kerana aper, Cuma taknak la nnt my hubby asyik ulang ayat “ Yerla, gaji u kan lagi banyak dari i”. As much as i hate to say it, admit it guys, u do sometimes feel less superior with ladies who earned more than u, rite?.
Dari segi agama nyer pulak....hhrrmmmm, sepatutnyer mmg la nak carik pasangan yg tip top dlm department ni, tapi, ukur baju di badan sendiri la yer. My religious point ni agak liberal sikit, tapi masih improving, so, utk org yg macam saya ni, lulusan University Al Azhar ni, maybe bermasalah la plak nnt. Bukan aper, takut plak nnt lepas kawen dia cakap “ Ente kene berenti kerja sbb ana rasa, gaji ana banyak ini sudah cukup nak bagi ente hidup, ente kene terima hakikat, ente kene hidup dgn ana secara zuhud, naik motor sudah cukup, makan nasi dgn ikan masin hari2 sudah cukup. Jangan pergi kerja sbb ente kene pergi platform, kalau ente mau pergi platform jugak, ente kene pakai purdah 24-7, atau kita bercerai.”....Hrrrmmmm adoi, ader gak yg “ana” nangis 7 keturunan tak berenti ni kang. Iman yang terlalu perfect tu, maybe tak sesuai dgn saya pada masa ini, tapi at least someone yg tau halal & haram, mana yg tuhan mmg dah ckp “ NO” tu, sila la jauhi, mana yg tuhan suruh buat tu, selagi dapat, cuba la penuhi. Yang penting hati kene baik & ikhlas. Insya allah, biler hati tu ikhlas, and slalu ingat pd Allah, mudah-mudahan iman makin kukuh.
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Dari segi rupa plak....hehehehh....mesti la semua org nak yang cantik jer, or yang hansem jer, but over the years, i’ve realised that the requirement for man with good looks ni actually merbahaya. I rasa, i mesti tak sanggup kalau ader perempuan giler, keep on bugging our marriage, just because she’s think my hubby is super hensem. Biasa-biasa jer dah la, asalkan i tak muntah 7 baldi everytime i look at him, than that should be sufficient. (ader ker org yg hodoh sgt sampai i muntah 7 baldi,...eermmm tak pernah plak rasanyer)
The most crucial factor i would have to say, is the compatibility factor. Someone who accept u & love u for who u r. Being the crazy, sassy ,don’t mess with me type of girl, i knew a lot of man out there feels like i ni tak sesuai nak di jadikan bini. But news flash abang oi, saya bukan nak jadi bini, saya nak jadi “ Isteri”. Marriage for me, is not about “own” ing someone’s life, its about 2 people who shares their life together. There might be things that both person share in common, but definitely lots of other things that both party did not, but at least, both party have to “agree to disagree”. And its also about respect, understanding and being fair.
I want to be with someone who bought me 1 pint of Baskin Robbin Choc ice cream not because i ask him to buy me 1, but because he enjoy looking at my jovial & delighted face when i open the fridge and found my favourite ice cream there. And i want to be with someone, whom when someone else says to him “ Eh, bini ko ni ganas lasak betul, tak feminine langsung!”, he would reply “ hhrrmmm bagus la, at least kalau aku takder, aku tak risau, kalau ader orang berani culik anak aku”. And i definitely wanted to be with someone whom agrees that the simple happiness means, waking up together on Saturday morning, spending hours just smooching, talking, giggles about lots of things in bed, rather than being overly obsess with trying to add another BWM on the existing fleet of Bentley’s, BMW’s or Ferrari’s in the garage.
I definitely wanted to be with someone who understand that relationship demands for sacrifices, some day, when my partner come home to me and said “ B, i got a great job offer and i really want it, but we have to move to Africa, would you leave your job and go with me”, I would want to say “ Yes” to him, coz i know he had sacrifice his career years before just to make room for me to establish my career.
So, friends, amacam.....? Should i give this dating agent a try??? -
Ooooouucchhh....... It hurt's !
U know, i hate something that is left hanging, i prefer some closure, even if it meant that it wont turn out to be like what u expected or as u wish it would be. That's just me, i just dont dance around the bush, i dont hide what i think & how i feel, I just need to let it off my chest so that i could breath easily and i could move on.
So after having days of unrestless tought, and after few more outing and after me ends up crashing at his place for the N-th time when he was ill last weekends, i finally had the guts to properly ask him out, via sms that reads something like this:
Me : Lan, what are u doing tonite?
Lan : I'm going out with my GF....
Me..( shocked) : What?...Since when did u have a GF?
Lan: heheheh.....lamer dah.
Me:...Ooooch...that's hurt a lot!
Lan: Babe...Ko naper?
Me (after keeping myself mum for almost 15 min) : Nothing, i just tot that i need to tell u that I LIKE U A LOT. But i guess i miss my train. It's ok, it wont make any much different now, rite?
Lan: Aiyaa.... Aku anggap ko mcm close frenz jer, sorry ko lambat sgt, anyway, thanks for liking me that much, at least, aku tak sakitkan hati ko dgn main kayu 3 kan.
Me ( bengkek+ sedih sikit) : Mmg la, at 1st aku pun look at u as not more than friends, but the dynamic of human emotion is most of the time unpredictable and uncontrolable. I didnt tell u any sooner coz i'm not sure of my own feeling and because i dont think i deserve u. Honestly, beyond skin deep u are more beautiful than me. U accept me for who i am, and that's what comfort me the most.
Lan:.............( gone with the wind)
Well, Just a reminder to the dearest ROZITA ( That's me).
1- Please remember that merely 3 years ago, u make promise to your own self that you'll never ever get involved in a relationship. I hate to remind u little missie, but this is definitely what will happen, unfortunately, your heart is unable to addapt to relapse of Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy! ( its science term for heart break!)
2- Please remember that u are also, intolerant towards the whole spectrum of human emotion. This alergic reaction sent your whole rational mind into anafilactic shock.
3- The next time, someone from your opposite gender, whom u did not share the same DNA genome with, lick your Baskin Robbin, without your permission, have the courtesy to kick them in their guts and demand for their explanation.
4-The next time, someone from the opposite gender, address you with the terms " sweetie pie, my dear, sweet heart', feel free to kick their groin and tell them " why dont u go to hell thru which ever door that you like and FCUK Yourself up"
Just a reminder to Male species in general and to Lan in particular:
I knew and i really do understand your needs to flirt around. But, could u guys be a little bit courteous to flirt with someone other than your good close girl friends/ buddy. Coz everytime this same things happen, its SUCKS that a good relationship have to turn sour. ITS SUCKS... Read my lips baby....ITS SUCKSSSS!!!!
Well, having said that, even thou its a bit heart breaking, i'm confident that I'm gonna be just fine. But maybe i need to gather all my girlie frienz, get my self heavily drunk with shots of finely pressed expresso ( yuks...can someone really get drunk from consuming coffee?....eerrr...owh yea..that's person is me!)
And probably on my way back from the caffe's to my apartment, i got hit by a car, whom the driver happens to be a very hot available doctor, who just invented the cure for a broken heart.
And while the doctor is busy checking for my dying pulse, maybe i can look at him and says.." Wow doctor, you're so hot...wanna get kinky with me tonight?".....
But for the time being, probably for the next 24hr...just allow me to say..." OMG ....Its hurts....OOOOuuucchhhh...Its really hurts.....OOOOOOUUUUUCCCCCCHhHHH!......
" -
Somebody kill me please......
After 5 tahun tak jumpa, suddenly early this month, jumpa balik dgn my long lost male buddy, yg i dah kenal since zaman berhinggus masa form 4 dulu. So we hang out, talk, went out, laugh out bout lots of all memories. we went to the same school, even went to the same U, but we drifted a bit masa kat Uni coz i dated his class mate, and my then boyfriend, kindda jealous if i become close to other boys.
So we chat, and calls and bla..bla..bla, until one day, i wake up, to his sms, that says " Good morning sweetie pie". so, being the undoubtly commitment phobic, my sensor set off the alarm, and i start panicking. I just cant accept if this is happening. I mean. he's my close buddy, i enjoy having him around., but something "more than just friends", i dont think i'm equip for that.
Initially, i dont want to be more than his friends. For a very obvious reason that i've been alone for a long time, and i like it that way. I make plans to have kids, but i think i'm kindda forget to include "man" in the plans as well. So dont ask me, i dont know how i can have kids, maybe adopt, maybe sperm bank ( eer maybe not), so God help me. And besides, i'm use to being called " doll face"," little miss sweetie"..bla..bla..bla ( i dont make this up,and saya bukan perasan cun, saya tau saya tak cun, but saya tau saya tak hodoh giler !), so, sometimes, when we stands next to each other, some people called us, "beauty and the beast" ( kurang asam betul mulut diorg ni), in short, my friend ni tak hensem la! And also, because i love him, as my close friend, it would be sucks if we drifted apart and wasted a good friendship should things doesnt work out between us.
but to be honest, i have to sincerely say, that i am actually the beast and he is the beauty. As long as i can remember, Lan is the kindest, gentle, polite & understanding guy that i had ever met. when ever i'm with him, i had never feel afraid to be the real me, and he never judge me for who i am, even thou my level of craziness ni kekadang mcm takleh diterima dek akal fikiran. Of course he do complaints every now and then, but, he never fail to mentioned, that he also accept me for who i am. And he really does understand me, we both come from almost the same background, two people who come from a broken family.
So, for the past days, i'm a bit confius, and freaking out too. My girlie friends, whom always become jumpy and overly excited, whenever they see any sign of berkemungkinan ader romantic relation might exist, keep on telling me that " HE IS INTO U" and " U should date him". In fact, i think, those phrases, are the most famous phrases of the week.
However, few things that happened, make me thinking, maybe its just nothing, maybe i over asses, the situation. maybe he dont mean anything. he could not possibly feel any thing towards me, i mean... we are BFF, we are meant to love each other, as a friends. Realising this, i feel a bit embarrased, malu pun yer, bengkak pun yer, sedih pu nyer, lega pun yer, patah hati sikit pun yer.
tapi on top of the feeling chart, i feel like, marching to him, tampar dia laju2 and says " Lain kali kalau ko antar aku sms yg confusing camtu, aku bunuh ko, kalau ko bagi kunci kereta baru ko tu suruh aku drive, aku bunuh ko gak, ko panggil aku hot girl, aku bunuh ko gak, if u said the phrase " i accept u for who u are"...pun aku bunuh ko gak!.. if u ever send me mixed telephatic sign to my defect mind, pun aku bunuh ko gak. Lain kali ckp terus terang!
tetiba terasa diri ni mcm minah over perasan la plak, hey its not my fault ok, he send me all the mix signal, mana la i tau cam mana nak interprate. I feel like killing my self due to this embarassment, but sbb bunuh diri tu berdosa, can somebody kill me pleaseeee.... -
It comes with the job
Yea, we had never been told that, with each step that we manage to climb, on the corporate ladder , lots of other things also comes with it.
The needs to keep yourself update, the need to polish up the communication, management public relation and human resources management skills. The needs to dress to impress and at the same time to project the image that the company wanted to.The behaviour, the attitude, the ever changing crowd, the protocol and stuff.
However, above all, are the needs to polish up one's ability to gauge if certain staff is actually kissing your ass or if they are simply and honestly good at what they do.
Suddenly, i really miss a great comforting hug.it really is lonelier( is there such word as lonelier
at the top.
To perempuan giler:
aku tak paham aper masalah psikologi ko la pempuan giler, tapi kalau ko nak buat muka tak puas hati sbb aku tegur disiplin ko yang mcm haram tu, aku mmg rasa ko patut carik kerja lain la. Aku ni boss ko la, SETAN !
Sedang membayangkan menolak perempuan giler jatuh dari tangga sambil buat muka penuh satisfaction...........
...alangkah bagusnyer if dream cames true ( but of coz ler, saya tak kan merealisasikannyer, i dont have plan nak bermastautin secara tetap dlm jail yer !) -
The New Malay Dilemma
Excerpts from a speech given by Prime Minister Mahathir Mohammed at the Harvard Club of Malaysia dinner on 29 July 2002.
When I wrote The Malay Dilemma in the late 60s, I had assumed that all the Malays lacked the opportunities to develop and become successful. They lacked opportunities for educating themselves, opportunities to earn enough to go into business, opportunities to train in the required vocation, opportunities to obtain the necessary funding, licences and premises. If these opportunities could be made available to them, then they would succeed. ......
.... But today, the attitude has changed. Getting scholarships and places in the universities at home and abroad is considered a matter of right and is not valued any more. Indeed, those who get these educational opportunities for some unknown reason seem to dislike the very people who created these opportunities. Worse still, they don't seem to appreciate the opportunities that they get. They become more interested in other things, politics in particular, to the detriment of their studies. In business, the vast majority regarded the opportunities given them as something to be exploited for the quickest return. ...... They learn nothing about business and become even less capable at doing business and earning an income from their activities. They become mere sleeping partners and at times not even that. Having sold, they no longer have anything to do with the business. They would go to the government for more licences, permits, shares, etc. ....
.... Why has this thing happened? The answer lies in the culture of the Malays. They are laid-back and prone to take the easy way out. And the easy way out is to sell off whatever they get and ask for more. This is their culture. Working hard, taking risks and being patient is not a part of their culture. It should be remembered that in the past the Malays were not prepared to take up the jobs created by the colonial powers in their effort to exploit the country.
Because the Malays were not prepared to work in rubber estates and the mines, the Indians and Chinese were brought in. At one time, the migrants outnumbered the Malays. Had they continued to outnumber the Malays, independent Malaya would be like independent Singapore.
But the Malays have apparently learnt nothing from the near loss of their country in the past. Today, they are still unwilling to work and foreign workers are again flooding the country. And because they are not equipping themselves with the necessary education and skills, they have continued to depend on others. Their political dominance will protect them for a time. But that dominance is fading very fast as they quarrel among themselves and break up into small ineffective groups. Their numerical superiority means less today than at the time of Independence. ....
.... The Malays, together with the other Bumiputeras, make up 60 per cent of the country's population. But in terms of their political clout, it is now much less than 60 per cent. They are now more dependent on non-Malay support, both the government party and the opposition. Economically, of course, they have less than half the 30-per-cent share that has been allocated to them. If we discount the non-Malay contribution to the nation's economy, Malaysia would be not much better than some of the African developing countries.
To succeed, the Malays must change their culture. They must look towards work as a reward in itself. They must regard what they achieve through work as the true reward. There should be some financial reward but this must not outweigh the satisfaction obtained from the result of their work. ....
.... Changing culture is far more difficult than changing the policies of government. It is easy enough to propose affirmative action but it is not easy to implement it. The recipients must have the right attitude if the results are going to be obtained. .... Unfortunately, their view is that their crutches are symbols of their superior status in the country. The sad thing is that they are not even using the crutches properly. As a result, they gain nothing or very little from the availability of these aids. ....
.... So what is the new Malay dilemma? Their old dilemma was whether they should distort the picture a little in order to help themselves. The new dilemma is whether they should or should not do away with the crutches that they have got used to, which in fact they have become proud of. There is a minority of Malays who are confident enough to think of doing away with the crutches, albeit gradually. But they are a very small minority. Their numbers are not going to increase any time soon. They are generally regarded as traitors to the Malay race. ....
.... There will be a host of protests over this generalisation about Malay attitudes. We read almost every day about blind Malay people and other handicapped Malays graduating with university degrees or driving cars or doing all kinds of work. This does not prove that the generalisation that I make is wrong. These are exceptions. They only prove that if the right attitude or culture is adopted, even the handicapped can succeed.
The dilemma faced by those few who want to build a strong, resilient and independent Malay race without crutches is that they are most likely to end up becoming unpopular and losing the ability to influence the changes in the culture and the value system which are necessary. It seems that they should not try and yet they know that without the cultural changes, the Malays are going to fail. -
I need help.........
Hish masalah- masalah. jadi leader ni is not all fun and play. It is actually more and more responsibilities. Pening kepala ni.Saya ader masalah, and boleh ker friends here tolong bagi idea how to overcome this.
My company and my new boss:
Very2 liberal and flexible, boleh masuk opis lambat tapi kene la balik lambat jugak. Sponsor half of the monthly parking ticket fee, reimburse half of the staff phone bills and everyone personel broadband. Half day leave is un acceptable ( kalau nak half day just inform leader and go-save your half day leave for long holiday and better things). Gaji always masuk on time. Dress code tak kisah, jeans pun ok, as long as semi casual and only go casual during meetings with vendor or client. The only things that matters is WORK PERFORMANCE & DISCIPLINE.
MRS A:
Datang opis never earlier than 10.30 am. Balik pulak sentiasa on time or earlier. every week at least sehari mesti tak datang opis due to sakit ( but never produce MC). When given assignment to be completed, never completed on time, sometimes tak complete langsung sampai boss naik angin or sampai saya naik berbulu and buat sendiri. Communication in english very bad ( on scale 1-10, i gave 2). The last time i call her into my room to gave her assignment ( i'm project engineer, so MRS A is answerable to me), she slump on the chair across my desk with one leg up on the other chair- her excused is since become pregnant 2 month ago, kaki slalu sakit!. But the problem is, even before marriage pun, MRS A never come to the office no earlier than 9.30 and always go back at 5 sharp, never complete her assignment. Pergi bank or take time off from office berjam-jam and always bawak another colleague, and sangat di benci oleh low level staff and trainee sbb suka membuli budak2 to do assignment for her.
I had one time naik angin last 2 weeks and told some one in this office that close to her to advise her to fix her attitude coz if i'm the one that call her into my room and give her piece of my mind, I bet sentences that comes out of my mouth is definitely going to be sangat menyakitkan hati dia. but so far, tak banyak perubahan pun, still dtg opis sesuka hati mcm ini company bapak dia yg punya!
The problem is, she is my team member, and i'm the leader for this project. Her work performance and discipline will definately reflect my ability to lead this project. I mmg dah lamer terpikir nak terminate jer minah ni, but neither i nor my boss sampai hati nak buat cam tu. So any advise on how to kick this mold out of my team without being a she devil?......
HELLLLPPPPPPP!!!!!! -
It's aint easy...its complicated.
Its been a while since i last wrote anything. I'm not that busy since the past 1 month. It just that i'm taking time off from almost everything, including work. There's no specific message that i need to convey in this post, i just feel like writing something, a free writing.
When i was diagnose with " borderline personality disorder'' 3 weeks ago, i spend the 1st 24 hrs trying to digest the fact. No, i'm not crazy or mentaly challenge, i'm just having a little personality and social disorder. I dont feel like eleborating about it more, but in short, i just wont have a normal relationship with adults like anyone else. Actually part of me feel a bit relieve, since i manage to identify that there is actually something wrong with me, and manage to get some help fast. I'm glad that the worst period are over, but i also knew if i did not seek for help, there always tendency for relapse. So here i am, attending my bi-monthly psyciatric therapy. I'm feeling much- much better now, i guess it's true about what everyone said, that the first step of recovering is actually acknowledging. Its funny right?, someone who looks very much normal like me, is actually someone who really need some help with my emotional disorder.
Does this mean i'm not happy with my life?...i'm actually much happier now. I'm re-organising my life, changing my priorities, mapping out my new plan. i'm not sure what the future hold, but i'm quite positif that it wont be easy but its definitely serve all the purpose of living.
I turned down the offer as one of the shareholder in the new company, and so did my new colleague, Faisal. To most people, this is a really good once in a life tim opportunity, i think so too, but i also realised, to me , now, money is not really everything. Again and again, money cant buy me the happiness that i'm looking for. I dont expect people to understand why i took this decision. But all i have to say is, i dont think i want to be greedy enough to take up too much responsibility, more than what i can actually bare, and end up having to increase my frequency for my psycological theraphy. i dont think its wise to take up so much responsibility to the point where under extreme stress, thinking about suicide is something that u do on daily basis.
In the time being, i think i would just happy to settle with my 45% increament in salary, a new work responsibility in process design, my own bigger room, with my name plate on the door, the freedom to arrange my own work schedule and that 20% share that i need to share with 4 other colleague.
And that other department of my life, yea that department. It's not that i wont have any relationship at all, it just that i couldnt have the normal relationship like anybody else. It simply mean, that i cant be with just any ordinary male, i have to be with that extraordinary man who really undestand why i'm not like any other normal uncomplicated woman. To be honest, scanning the atmophere around me, i think such man, is very rare, i might be lucky if i manage to find one, like i said, they are not normal man, they are extra ordinary. I have to say, knowing that fact, is a bit dissapointing thou, its dissaponiting to know that there is this emptiness inside your heart, the void that is still consuming your feeling, like the black hole that consume everything in its path, to know that it is almost impossible for you to find that imperfect someone that would fit u perfectly. Did i sounded desperate by saying this?, I dont think so, its not desperate, it just an honest confession. I didnt expect anyone to under stand, beacuse i knew that its aint easy, its complicated.
