azahari's blog

Badak dan monyet

azahari1977 — Tue, 08 May 2007 07:27:48 UT

Alhikayat, dalam sebuah hutan ada seekor badak sumbu dan seekor monyet. Mereka ni memang tak pernah baik, selalu jer bertengkar..

Pada suatu hari, sedang mereka bertengkar, mereka terjumpa sebuah pelita ajaib. Dipendekkan cerita, setelah digosok,keluarlah seorang jin. Jin itu setuju untuk mengabulkan tiga permintaan bagi kedua2 menatang itu.

Permintaan 1 Badak : Saya mau semua badak sumbu di dalam hutan ini adalah betina, kecuali saya...hehe.

Permintaan 1 Monyet : Saya mau sebuah motor Harley Davidson

Jin tu kelip mata, bling... semua badak lain kat situ jadi betina, pastu ada sebuah Harley Davidson 1300cc warna hitam...

Permintaan 2 badak : Saya mau semua badak sumbu kat negeri pahang ni betina kecuali saya.. hehe

Permintaan 2 monyet : Saya mau jaket kulit hitam dengan helmet Shoei

Jin tu kelip mata lagi, bling... semua badak di pahang dah jadi betina, dan monyet tu pun dapat barang2 mat motornya tu..

Lepas tu jin tu kata "Ini permintaan terakhir kamu, pikirlah dengan baik2"

Badak tu pikir sejenak lepas tu kata " Saya mau semua badak sumbu kat Malaysia ni betina yang cun melencun ghilerrr... kecuali saya".

Jin tu pun kelipkan mata and then bling... maka tinggallah badak tu satu2nya badak jantan satu Malayanihh..

"Hah monyet, awak nak apa pulak.. kasut boot kulit ke?" tanya jin.

Monyet tu memakai helmetnya, naik atas motor Harleynya, start enjin, kemudian melihat pada badak yang tersengih lebarr tu, "Saya mau
badak tu jadi PONDAN"

Jin tu pun kelipkan mata, bling....

Maka meraunglah badak sumbu tu. sepuas2nya.. "Mana aku nak cari badak jantan ni nyah... ish.. tak kuaassa nyah""

TRUE STORY, MUST READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

azahari1977 — Tue, 08 May 2007 07:24:05 UT

This is a true story of a young college girl who passed away last month, at Shah Alam. Her name is Priya; she was hit by a lorry.

I don't want to mention the name of the college. She had a boyfriend names Shankar. He lives in Johore. Both of them are true lovers. They are always on the phone with each other. You can never see her without her handphone.

She spends Â¾ of the day talking with Shankar. Priya's family knows about their relationship. Shankar is very close with Priya's family (just imagine their love). Before she passed away she always told her friends "If I pass away please burn me with my handphone". She also said the same thing to her parents.

After her death, people couldn't carry her coffin. I was there ~ a lot of them tried to do so but still couldn't , everybody including me, had tried to carry the coffin, the result was still the same.

Eventually, they called their neighbour, a "bomoh" from Thailand (pak Darin), who is a friend of her father's. He took a seat and started speaking to himself slowly. After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses something
here". Then her friends told Darin bout her intentions to burn her with her phone. He then opened the coffin and place her phone, together with the SIM card inside the casket. After that they tried to carry the coffin. It could now be moved and they carried it into the van easily. All of us were shocked. (can you feel the fear? I'm shaking at this moment.)

Priya's parents didn't inform Shankar that Priya had passed away (pity Shankar). After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya's mom.

Shankar: "Atte, I'm coming home today. Please cook something nice for me. Don't tell Priya that I'm coming home today; I want to surprise her."

Her mother replied, "You come home first, I want to tell you something very important."

After he arrived at Shah Alam, they told him
the truth about Priya.

Shankar thought that they were fooling around. He was laughing and said, "Don't try to fool me ... tell Priya to come out ... I have a gift for her. Please stop this nonsense."

Then they show him the Priya's death certificate; they gave him proof to make him believe.

Shankar started to sweat profusely. He said, "It's not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me."

Shankar was shaking so badly when suddenly, his phone rang.

"See this is from Priya. See this ...." he showed the phone to Priya's family. All of them told him to answer. He used the loudspeaker mode. All
of them heard this conversation, loud and clear. No cross lines, no humming.

It was Priya's voice! And there was no way others could use her SIM card as it was nailed inside the coffin! They were so shocked and asked for pak Darin's help.

Pak Darin brought his master (Tok Chen) to solve this matter. He and pak Darin worked for 5 hours ... then they discovered one thing .....

FU-YOOH
*DiGi. Best coverage ever, ONE LOW FLAT RATE~!!!!!!! Anyone, any network,
anytime, ANYWHERE!!!*
I WILL FOLLOW YOU... FOLLOW YOU WHEREVER YOU MAY GO...
(STILL WANT TO USE DIGI ?

Made in Japan

azahari1977 — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 08:34:51 UT

A Japanese man was in a hurry to go to the KLIA airport, so he took a Proton taxi. The taxi driver took his sweet time driving within the speed limit but the Jap was getting impatient.

The following is their conversation on the way to the airport .

A Toyota Camry overtook the taxi.....zoom....

Jap: Look ..look ..Toyota!! ...very fast!!!.... made in Japan! Proton...no good.... made in Malaysia .

Driver: yah....

After a few minutes a Nissan overtook the taxi....zoom.

Jap: look.... look.... Nissan!!!..... very good!! very fast! made in Japan! Proton.... no good.... made in Malaysia

Driver: yah....yah...

After a few minutes a Honda overtook the taxi...zooom. !

Jap: look.... look... Honda!!.... very GOOD!!....very fast!!....made in Japan! Proton...no good...made in Malaysia

Driver: yah...yah...yah....!

Arriving at the airport,the Jap is about to pay the taxi driver.

Jap: How much?

Driver: RM150/-

Jap: Oh... very expensive..... you overcharge ! !

Driver: Noooo ... look .... look .... Sony meter!!....very good!!....very fast!.... Made in Japan!

Q & A

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 07:02:45 UT

Q: How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A: Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses!

Q: How many knees do people have?
A: 4. Your left knee, your right knee, and your two kid-knees!

Q: What did the doctor give the patient with a splitting headache?
A: Glue!

Q: What happens when the queen burps?
A: She gets a royal pardon.

Q: What has 24 teeth and can't talk?
A: A comb!

Q: What do you get from a dancing cow?
A: Milkshakes!

Q: What is the most dangerous city?
A: Electricity!

Q: What is full of holes but can still carry water?
A: A sponge!

Q: Why was the dog jealous of the tree?
A: Because it had a better bark!

Q: What did one ghost say to the other?
A: Do you believe in people?

Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don`t work!

Q: Why did the elephant quit the circus?
A: Because he didn't want to work for peanuts!

Q: How do you make gold soup?
A: Add 14 carrots!

Q: What's a witch's favorite web site?
A: The spell checker!

Q: What do you call it when you cross a dinosaur and a pig?
A: Jurassic pork!

Q: What's the difference between a fly and a bird?
A: A bird can fly but a fly can't bird!

Q: What do you call a piece of wood that's doing nothing?
A: Bored!

Q: What is the loudest pet?
A: The trum-pet!

Q: How many sheep does it take to knit a sweater?
A: Don't be silly - sheep can't knit!

Selalunya laaaaaaa!

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 06:55:05 UT

Kalau perempuan LAWA pendiam
Lelaki akan cakap: Woow, ciri-ciri isteri idaman...
kalau perempuan TAK LAWA pendiam
Lelaki akan cakap: Eh? tak reti komunikasi betul...

kalau perempuan LAWA berbuat jahat
Lelaki akan kata: Musti ada krisis dalaman
nih.kesian
kalau perempuan TAK LAWA berbuat jahat
Lelaki akan cakap: Dah la tak lawa, perangai pulak huduh...

kalau perempuan LAWA menolong Lelaki yg
diganggu
Lelaki akan cakap: Heroin sejati...!
kalau perempuan TAK LAWA menolong Lelaki
yang diganggu
Lelaki akan kata: Taktik nak ngorat le tu...

kalau perempuan LAWA dapat Lelaki hensem
Lelaki akan kata: ok gak la...padan...
kalau perempuan TAK LAWA dapat Lelaki hensem
Lelaki akan kata: Kesian..mesti kena bomoh lelaki tuh!

kalau perempuan LAWA ditinggal kekasih
Lelaki akan kata: Buta kayu betul mamat tu....
kalau perempuan TAK LAWA ditinggal kekasih
Lelaki akan kata: ...patut pun kena reject...

More Jokes!

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 06:52:02 UT

Heard of this, it happened in an Adult (clean type) English Class:

Teacher : Ah Beng, give me a Malaysian fruit that start with the alphabet "L"
Ah Beng : Langsat
Teacher : Very good!
Ah Beng got so proud and excited that he shouted 3 more : Lulian, Lambutan, Luku

************************************

Mr.Samy-vellu went for the United Nation's meeting. He represented the Malaysian Prime Minister. All nations were discussing the space exploration by the year 2008.

China Delegate : "By the year 2008, China will
start their moon exploration project."

Russian Delegate : "We too, we are going to
explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon."

George Bush & Clinton:"We the United States will also explore the moon for the second time."

Malaysian Delegate: "By the year 2008, Malaysia will explore the sun."

There was a long silence. Bush stood up and asked the Malaysian delegate: "Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?"

Samy Vellu (after a long silence): "We will do it in the evening."

************************************

New Vocab from Oxford Dictionary (Singapore Edition)

1) LILY - adverb. extremely, really.
"Wah, you lily can sing well ah!"

2) VALLEY - adverb. extremely (same with lily).
"Look! My Versachee belt, valley nice hor?"

3) GORGES - adj. stunningly beautiful, normally
found with valley.
"Wah! Ah Beng's girlflan is valley gorges leh!"

4) CORAL - verb. to bicker.
"Why, you not happy, ah? Want to coral, is it?"

5) REEF - (normally followed with coral) to argue with.
"You lily wantto coral reef me ah?"

6) ALTITUDE - adjective. a disagreeable
demeanour. "
"Ah Lian lily got a bad altitude ploblem".

7) CIRRUS - adjective. certain.
"You cirrus or not? Dun bruff!"

8) CANOPY - phrase. impossible.
"He bought new handphone? Canopy lah! Where
got money?"

9) OLDLADY - adjective. completed.
"Wah...you finish oldlady ah."

10) SUIT - verb. to project forward.
"Suit! Suit! See goalkeeper come out oldlady."

11) SOW - verb. to reveal.
"Sow me, sow me your new ting."

12) LOAD - noun. a path normally made up of
gravel & tar. "We go Orchard Load leh."

13) BLINK - verb. deliver, send.
"What you blink for me? Sow me, sow me."

Visiting India!

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 06:41:53 UT

Samy Vellu was visiting India when he fell and
broke his jaw. He was unable to speak. Being the great leader that he is, he continued his grand tour. On the last week of his visit, the RTM crew was present for his press conference.

Although unable to speak, Samy insisted on sending a message home to his Cabinet colleagues. Samy caught a chicken and showed it to the camera. Next he took a goat, and showed it to the camera. Finally he took a bag and displayed it in front of the camera.
Dr. Ling was the first to see the video clip. He
said, "Samy is telling us that India has insufficient food because he showed us a chicken and a goat, and he wants Malaysia to donate bags of rice.

"Mahathir watched silently then said, "No
lah....what Samy is trying to say is HE IS
COMING BACK. The whole cabinet was puzzled
and look to the old man for an explanation.

Mahathir reasoned, "AYAM KAMBING BEG." ("I AM COMING BACK" in Indian accent)

GOING UNDER

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 06:37:40 UT

a diver is enjoying aquatic world ten metres below sea level. he notices a guy at the same depth with no scuba gear whatsoever!

the diver goes down another five metres, and the guy joins him a few minutes later. so the diver goes down five more metres, and is joined by this gearless guy yet again.

confused, the diver takes out a waterproof chalkboard set, and writes, "How the hack are you able to dive this deep without equipment?"

the guy grabs the board and writes back, "I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!"

A Chinese Girl And An Italian Man

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 06:32:33 UT

A China pumpkin girl was visiting New York, went into a worldwide message center wanting to send an urgent, important message to her mother in China. The Italian guy at the counter told her it would cost around US$100/=.

She exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money, but I will do anything to get a message to my mother in China!"

The Italian smiled, arched an eyebrow and asked, "Anything?"

"Yes, I promise...anything!" she said.

With that, the Italian said, "Follow me." He led her to the next room and said, "Come in and close the door." "Get down on your knees!" he ordered. She did.

"Unzip me!" he said. She did. Then he said, "Go on...take it out." She did and grabbed it with both hands excitedly. The Italian closed his eyes and & whispered, "Go ahead girl, what are you waiting for?"

Ms China pumpkin girl slowly brought her lips closer and said loudly,
"Hello....hello!!! Mah...Mah!!!..Can you hear me?"

Sketsa Doktor

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 06:08:13 UT

Seorang gadis berusia awal 20an menemui seorang doktor pakar jiwa.

"Doktor, saya rasa teramat marah yg sangat-sangat dgn boyfreind saya hinggakan saya memanggilnya manusia bangsat. Ada kalanya saya rasa ianya keterlaluan, dan ada kalanya pula saya rasa sememangnya patut saya memanggil dia macamtu.."

"Hmm.. panggilan itu sememangnya satu kejian &hinaan yg agak melampau untuk seseorang.. tapi, mungkin kamu ada sebab tersendiri sehingga memangilnya sedemikian. Ceritakan & luahkanlah kpd saya agar saya dapat membantu.."

"Ya memang ada.. pd satu malam kami berduaan di tepi pantai dalam kereta. Dia pegang tangan saya."

"Dia pegang tangan kamu macam ni ke?"

"Ya. Macam yg doktor buat nilah caranya"

"Kalau hanya sebab ini, tidak sepatutnya dia dipanggil bang_at. Itu tandanya dia tidak mahu berengang dgn kamu..."

"Kemudian dia merapatkan badannya kepada saya dan memeluk bahu saya..."

"Dia buat macam ni ke?"

"Ya. Macam ni lah dia peluk saya doktor.."

"Itu bukan bangsat, itu tandanya dia mahu sentiasa berdamping dgn kamu."

"Kemudian dia cium saya.."

"Dia cium kamu macam ni ke?"

"Ya. Ciumannya sama seperti yg doktor buat."

"Kalau sekadar ciuman seperti ini, masih belum boleh dipanggil bang_sat.Itu tandanya dia sayangkan kamu."

"Kemudia dia memasukkan tangannya kedalam baju aya & meraba2 buah dada saya doktor.."

"Dia buat macam ni ke?"

"Ya.Macam doktor buat inilah cara dia emperlakukannya.."

"Itu bukan bangsat, itu tandanya dia mahu mmbelai diri kamu.."

"Kemudian dia menanggalkan kesemua pakaian saya satu persatu.."

"Adakah kamu membantah tindakannya?"

"Tidak. malah saya merelakannya sebab saya sayangkan dia.."

"Dia tanggalkan pakaian kamu macam ni ker?"

"Ya. Sampai saya berbogel sepenuhnya macam sekarang ni doktor..."

"Itu masih belum patut dipanggil bangsat kerana apa yg dia buat sebab nak mengenali diri kamu sepenuhnya"

"Kemudian dia mencumbui saya lalu mengadakan hubungan badan sepenuhnya dgn saya..."
.....................

"Dia buat macam yg kita buat tadi ker?"

"Ya. Memang itulah yg kami lakukan ketika itu"

"Itu juga masih belum boleh dipanggil bangsat. Itu tandanya dia memerlukan kamu."

"Kemudian dia memberitahu saya yg dia sebenarnya ada AIDS"

"CHESSSS!!!!! ITU MEMANG BANGSAT!!!!!"

Semua pekerja klinik terkejut dgn jeritan doktor pakar jiwa itu..

sketsa klinik

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 06:03:32 UT

Sebaik sahaja mengambil tempat duduk di ruang
menunggu sebuah klinik, Shan terpandang Amin sedang menangis teresak-esak. Dia segera mendekati Amin.

Shan : Kenapa menangis?

Amin : Saya datang untuk ujian darah.

Shan : Awak takut ke?

Amin : Bukan itu sebabnya. Semasa ujian darah
dijalankan, mereka telah terpotong jari saya. (Mendengarkan penjelasan Amin, Shan menangis.)

Amin : Eh, kenapa pula awak menangis?

Shan : Saya datang untuk ujian air kencing...

Gila!

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 04:26:24 UT

Seorang pelanggan kedai haiwan peliharaan sedang berjalan-jalan sambil mendukong dan membelai seekor angsa dengan sangat mesra.

Tiba-tiba seorang pemuda yang juga pelanggan kedai tersebut ternampak dan berkata

"Ciss, monyet rupa buruk cam tu pun ko sayang??!".

Lalu si pemilik angsa tadi menjawab:

"Hei, Apa kau kata? gila apa ke buta apa... Ini angsa lah, bukan monyet, bodoh!".

Mata kedua lelaki saling bertentang, kemudian lelaki kedua tadi menjawab:

"Kau tu yang Gile! Apa kau ingat aku bercakap dengan kau? Aku sedang bercakap dengan angsa ko tu!! Dah le gila...bodoh pulak tu!!

Drebar!

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 04:22:57 UT

Ada sekali tu ketua kampung orang asli telah
dihadiahkan jam dinding oleh pihak tentera kerana menolong mereka dalam operasi. Alangkah bangganya ketua orang asli tersebut bila jam tersebut di gantungkan di depan pintu rumahnya dan orang kampung sering datang melihat jam tersebut seolah-olah barang hiasan kerana mereka pada masa tu tak tahu bagaimana menggunakan jam untuk melihat waktu.

Suatu hari anak ketua kampung tersebut
memberitahunya yang jarum jam tu telah berhenti bergerak. Masa tu punyalah ramai anak buah dia kat halaman rumah sedang melihat jam tersebut.

Maka ketua kampung tu pun konon nak tunjuk
terrorlah lalu dia pun menurunkan jam tersebut dari tempat penggantungan dan membelek-belek jam tersebut depan belakang. Beliau ternampak tempat bateri jam tersebut dan telah dengan tidak sengaja terkuis bateri itu terkeluar dari tempatnya.

Entah macam mana ada pulak bangkai seekor
cicak di celah-celah tempat bateri tu...beliau pun dengan bangganya memberitahukepada anak-anak buahnya.

"OOOO...patutlah tak jalan. Drebarnya mati
tershepittttt....!!"

Kacang Hijau Dalam Telinga

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 04:16:16 UT

Suatu petang datang seorang lelaki berumur ke kelinik ENT, kerana telinganya di masuki biji kacang hijau semasa dia membeli barang dapur di pasar.

Doktor: "Selamat petang..."

Pesakit: "Selamat petang Doktor!"

Doktor: "Ada masaalah apa ...?"

Pesakit: "Telinga saya dimasuki biji kacang hijau, Doktor..."

Doktor: "Biar saya periksa telinga anda!"

Doktor pun lalu memeriksa telinganya,dan rupanya biji kacang tersebut cukup susah di ambil malah mungkin perlu pembedahan.

Doktor: "Ada 2 cara untuk mengeluarkan biji tersebut..."

Pesakit: "Apa caranya doktor?"

Doktor: "Pembedahan kecil kosnya 2 ribu ringgit dan pilihan kedua pula percuma..."

Pesakit: "Mahal sangat Doktor, kalau yang percuma bagaimana?"

Doktor: "Yang percuma kena sabar..."

Pesakit: "Baik, saya sabar, dan bagaimana caranya...?"

Doktor: "Anda sirami telinga anda 2 kali sehari dan nanti jika sudah jadi 'tauge' anda tinggal tarik keluar."

Timbang berat

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 03:59:50 UT

Di sebuah Mall yang sesak dengan pengunjung.. ada satu alat pengukur berat badan yang cukup canggih.. Hanya dengan membayar RM 1.00 kita akan diberitahu berapa berat badan kita oleh program komputer. Seorang gadis dan temannya mencuba di tengah kerumunan orang.. Setelah memasukkan
wang RM 1.00.. mesin komputer menjawab: "47 kg!"

Gadis kedua cuba untuk menimbang, dan mesin komputer menjawab: "52 kg!"
Setelah beberapa minit datang seorang wanita yang cukup gemuk dan montel cuba menimbang dirinya di mesin itu. Setelah memasukkan wang RM 1.00.. mesin komputer mengeluarkan jawapan:

"Tolong naik sorang-sorang.. jangan ramai- ramai!"

sketsa!

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 03:56:40 UT

Ada sorang bekas samseng tu dia dan wifenya jual cucur udang setelah dia insaf dan tidak mengaktifkan dirinya dalam bidang kesamsingan
lagi... setelah beberapa tahun berniaga maka terkenallah cucurnya seantero negerinya...
dan pada satu ari dgn tiba2 datangla sekumpulan manusia yg jugak samseng sepertinya satu ketika dulu hendak merasa sendiri kelazatan cucurnya seperti yg diperkatakan ramai makhluk... maka sekumpulan
samseng tu pun memborong habis kesemua cucurnya... dengan lahapnya
ketua samseng tu merasmikan dulu merasai cucur tersebut ...dan dengan tak semene2 ketua samseng tu pon kata...

" dah banyak
ketul aku makan cucur ni... tapi satu ekor udang pon aku tak nampak"

dan penjual cucur udang rasa bengang tahap maksima apabila disindir begitu... dia pun selinsingkan lengan baju dan berkata dengan
selambanya...

"ooooo... cucur udang aku takde udang korang bising... tu... orang yg jual cucur badak tapi takde badak...korang tak bising
pulak" haha..

Di suatu ketika

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 03:53:52 UT

Ani : "Mengapa engkau menulis surat dengan kertas berwarna Hijau Muda?"
Ena : "Surat warna Hijau Muda itu bererti "Aku Cinta Padamu"
Ani : "Kalau kertas itu bewarna Biru Muda apa ertinya?"
Ena : "itu melambangkan Suasana Pilu"
Ani : "Kalau kertasnya berwarna Merah?"
Ena : "Asmara Yang Membara"
Ani : "Kalau kertasnya warna Putih?"
Ena: "Suci, Bersih dan Jujur "
Ani : "Kalau kertasnya Kuning?"
Ena: "Melambangkan Hati Yang Gersang"
Ani : "Kalau Merah Jambu?"
Ena: "Sedang Jatuh Cinta"
Ani : "Kalau kelabu?"
Ena : "Melambangkan Hati Yang Sedang sedih"
Ani : "Kalau kertasnya Hitam?"
Ena : "Itu namanya kertas karbon.. bodoh!

CHARACTER MANUSIA BERDASARKAN KENTUTNYA:

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 03:50:48 UT

1. Orang TIDAK JUJUR
Orang yang kalau kentut lalu menyalahkan orang lain.

2. Orang GOBLOK
Orang yang menahan kentutnya sampai berjam-jam.

3. Orang BERWAWASAN LUAS
Orang yang tahu bila harus kentut.

4. Orang SENGSARA
Orang yang ingin kentut tapi tidak boleh kentut.

5. Orang MISTERIUS
Orang yang kalau kentut, orang lain tidak ada yang tahu.

6. Orang GUGUP
Orang yang tiba-tiba menahan kentutnya bila tiba masa nak kentut.

7. Orang yang PERCAYA DIRI SENDIRI
Orang yang selalu mengira kalau kentutnya bau harum.

8. Orang SADIS
Orang yang kalau kentut di ranjang terus dikibaskan baunya ke ranjang orang lain.

9. Orang PEMALU
Orang yang kalau kentut tidak bunyi tapi lalu merasa malu sendiri.

10. Orang yang STRATEGIK
Orang yang menyembunyikan kentutnya dengan tertawa terbahak-bahak biar orang lain tidak dengar.

11. Orang BODOH
Orang yang kalau habis kentut menghirup nafas untuk mengganti kentutnya yang keluar.

12. Orang PELIK
Orang yang kalau kentut di keluarkan sikit-sikit, sampai bunyi "tit-tit-tit"

13. Orang SOMBONG
Orang yang sering mencium kentutnya sendiri

14. Orang RAMAH
Orang yang senang mencium kentutnya orang lain.

15. Orang yang tidak senang BERGAUL
Orang yang kalau kentut sembunyi.

16. Orang AKUATIK
Orang kalau kentut di dalam air sampai bunyi "blekuthuk-blekuthuk"

17. Orang ATLETIK
Orang kalau kentut sambil mengeluarkan tenaga dalam.

18. Orang JUJUR
Orang yang mengaku kalau habis kentut

19. Orang PINTAR
Orang yang boleh menandai bau kentutnya orang lain

Haruan dan Anak

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 03:47:24 UT

Seorang bapak memanggil anak gadisnya masuk kedalam bilik. Dialog dia lebih kurang macam ni la...

Bapak : Bedah, mai sini sat. Bapak nak tunjuk sesuatu ni.

Bedah : Ya bapak, ada apa?

Bapak : Mai masuk dalam bilik pastu tolong tutup semua tirai tingkap.

Bedah : Apa???!!! (isk? bapak aku ni? lain macam jerr)

Bapak : Dengar tak bapak kata.....

Bedah : Ya bapak, Bedah dengar... cuma Bedah tak percaya apa yang bapak kata ni.

Bapak : Betulll. Bapak suruh hang masuk dalam bilik pastu tutup semua tingkap. Bedah pun dalam ragu-ragu tu, dia ikut jugak la apa yang bapak dia suruh. Sambil tu dok pikir gak laa... apa la bapak dia nak buat, dah la kat rumah.

Bapak : Okeh... mai duduk sebelah bapak. Heh? heh...

Bedah : Eh!!! bapak, Bedah kena keluar dari bilik ni. Sat lagi mak balik...abis aaaa.

Bapak : Tak payah risau... mai duduk sini cepat!!!! Jangan bagi bapak berkasar. Bedah pun terpaksa la duduk jugak... hati dia takleh cakap laa... berdebar giler ahhh. Dalam kepala dok terbayang jadi apa la nanti kat dia.

Bapak : Cantikkk!!! Yiihaaa. Astalavista bebeh. Okeh, mai masuk dalam selimut bapak plak.

Bedah : Apa???!!!

Bapak : Masuk la cepat!!! Dok cakap banyak pulak. Bapak ikat mulut tu karang aaa.

Bedah : Bapak...Bedah takut laaa. (nak nangis)

Bapak : Bedah, tengok ni

Bedah tak sanggup nak tengok... dia pejamkan mata. Dia tahu, bapak dia dok buang tebiat. Bapak dia dah gila. Kiranya, bapak dia tunjuk tu konon-konon nak intro dulu ler tu. Tapi dalam hati, Bedah teringin gak la nak tengok. Dia pun bukak la mata sikit.

Bapak : Cantik tak jam G-Shock baru bapak ni. Dia ader cahaya bila gelap. Mahal nih!!! Dah, pegi keluar.

Sahabat!

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 03:42:43 UT

Tahun 1441- Sebelum memulakan perjalanan menuju ke medan perang, seorang panglima menemui rakan yg cukup dipercayainya.

PANGLIMA: Simpan anak kunci ini! Jika aku tak kembali, kau bukakanlah cawat besi isteri ku. Aku izinkan dia berkahwin dengan sesiapa yg disukainya.

RAKAN : Baiklah sahabat ku.

Menjelang petang, ketika panglima bersama tenteranya berehat di sebuah lembah, kelihatan di kejauhan seorang lelaki menunggang kuda cukup pantas menuju ke arah kumpulan tentera itu. Setelah hampir, barulah panglima mengenalinya - dia ialah rakan yg cukup dipercayainya itu.

RAKAN : Maaf...wahai sahabatku, kau bagi kunci yg salah!!

Orang Bodoh & Orang Pandai

azahari1977 — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 03:38:22 UT

Orang bodoh = pakai credit card sampai maximum, lepas tu takleh bayar (berlagak macam org banyak duit!)
Orang pandai = pakai credit card tapi orang lain bayarkan (pakai kad klon la tu!)

Orang bodoh = ada motor tapi gi kerja nak naik LRT jugak (kes suka 'bergesel'la ni)
Orang pandai = takde motor, takde kereta, takde LRT tapi ada otak (kes suka numpang kereta or motor kawan tapi tak reti nak hulur duit minyak!)

Orang bodoh = company dah sediakan nescafe, milo, biskut bla bla bla tapi gi minum gak kat cafeteria kena bayar plak tu
Orang pandai = tak minum kat cafeteria tapi company punya nescafe, milo, biskut bla bla bla angkut bawak balik !!!!

Orang bodoh = beli suratkhabar sebab nak tengok nombor ekor je pas tu buang
Orang pandai = orang yg tunggu org bodoh buang pas tu dia kutip... dapat baca semua sekali wo

Orang bodoh = kentut kuat² kat office pas tu bangga ngan baunya
Orang pandai = kentut senyap sunyi (takde bunyi) baunya... boleh buat unta sakit perut! dhab pun koma sekejap! pas tu bermati-matian salahkan member sebelah guess sapa member sebelah tu?...sibodoh yg kentut kuat tula!)

Orang bodoh = ada masalah cerita kat orang pandai
Orang pandai = dengar masalah orang bodoh pastu cerita kat orang bodoh yang lain, pas tu membodohkan orang bodoh tu...jadinya orang bodoh yang pertama tu jadi bodohs (plural)

Ada lagi.........

Orang bodoh = orang yg buang masa baca cerita ni!
Orang pandai = saper yang published cerita ni..

LEPAS BACA JANGAN MARAH.....NANTI KENA JUAL!!!!

GENDER DEFINITION.....

azahari1977 — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 09:13:41 UT

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half
discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with
fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot,
relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France, Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive
reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps
people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Almost everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick.

Sketsa!

azahari1977 — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 09:04:05 UT

Ada sorang makcik kelantan nih, dia mai HKL nak carik sedara dia eksiden. Sampai kat
HKL dia tanya la kat sorang nurse kat situ... dalam loghat kelantan la.

"nak tupe tanyo, mana dio wad kecemase"

Nurse tu selamba jer jawab....

"wad kencing masam takde... wad kencing manis ader lar..."

SCRABBLE, look what the letters spell

azahari1977 — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 09:00:04 UT

Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:!
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER