angelwithabullet's blog

Thinking of giving up my netlog site

angelwithabullet — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 13:43:36 UT

mmmm. should i? shouldn't i?
just pondering the question.
am linked to facebook now and am finding lots of good friends on there.
netlog keeps crashing and doesn't load up so quickly on my pc.
putting pictures on here is a pain and submitting blogs up here takes soooooo long.
will keep pondering for another month.
maybe make a new year's resolution ...
kaye x

Date or Mate?

angelwithabullet — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 11:04:19 UT

I'm putting a survey together and want to know the questions to ask. So, what do you want to know about the opposite sex?

Do you have problems? Do you wonder what the hell they are thinking? Do you say something and get the opposite reaction to the one you want?

What's your burning question about your date or mate?

Once compiled, I'll put it altogether and post it up here for you ...

kaye x

Do you love animals?

angelwithabullet — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:53:06 UT

Then make sure you watch this ...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvG6u8HenyM

This dog actually had to THINK about doing this deed for a fellow animal.

If that is so, then what are the animals on the following link thinking?

www.animalaid.org.uk/go/10min

Be warned, it is horrific.

But, if you say to yourself you can't watch this because it's too horrible and there are too many other nasty things going on in the world to worry about animals that are going to die anyway, then go ahead and shut your eyes and put your head in the sand - but it won't go away and on your conscience be it.

If you do want to do something about it - just a couple of seconds is all it takes (before you prepare then sit down to eat one of these wee beasties) - then contact AnimalAid and ask what you can do.

Remember, as you are going about your 'hum drum' day, this is happening EVERY DAY to animals in THIS country (the UK - known as a country of animal lovers).

If we can call ourselves - truly - a bunch of animal lovers, something needs to be done about it.

I propose the following:

All slaughterhouse employees should:

be monitored via CCTV - while they work
be taught how to kill an animal - with the least amount of trauma and pain
be shown there is no shame in doing this for a living - in fact they are feeding the nation and it has to be done
be given a high status (and salary) according to the quality of death they give to the animal - not the quantity they kill within the shortest time frame.

If you have any other (positive) suggestions, then please say them below.

Kaye

Cattle Market?

angelwithabullet — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 11:12:19 UT

The last time I went to a

Even though I did initially wonder what they would think of a 46 year old bopping the night away amongst a load of 20 year olds, I thought it was great fun!

It was Harry's in Slough and all types of music - a decade per hour (from 30s onwards) - were blasted out all night. Everyone and all ages, sizes and shapes were there, strutting their stuff, bopping crazily with no rhythm at all, showing off their flexibility in limbo dancing beneath a human pole of arms, breakdancing and even (heaven forbid) tea-dancing. It was so much fun. And I remember it all because I was never drunk! Water, all night. Even though people used to beg me to drink an alcoholic drink, I never succumbed and it never affected the fun I had. People used to think I was drunk - but I was drunk on the atmosphere.

Last night, I went to

with a friend who had invited me along to celebrate her friend's 26th birthday. She was beautiful - fun and so very welcoming. The friends who joined her were great too. Honour was among them. The girls were not after getting a quick hickie from the

or an easy lay - and the chaps acted in their protective way whenever a letch wandered their way.

So, as I watched the evening unfold before me - plastic glass of water in hand I wondered what had changed. Why does everyone think of these palaces of fun as pick-up places where sexual diseases are spread and hearts are broken through mis-communication - or even non-communication?

In all the years that have passed between Harry's and Inferno, I saw that nothing had changed. People still just wanted to have fun. Still just searching - for someone to hold. Still just wanting to be a part of something that gave them a thrill that may last a minute, a night or a lifetime ...

And I saw how difficult it was for men. How they floundered when they attempted to approach a woman. They looked, they moved closer, then they scotted away. I saw their vulnerabilities. I saw why they use these places as an 'easy pick up' (which in my mind, it isn't). I saw how much effort they put into grabbing a girl, moving in front of her and waiting for her 'approval'. Madonna says "We've only got 4 minutes" ... it took a fraction of that time for a girl to dismissively walk away from his effort at the mating dance.

It was fun last night. It wasn't a cattle market. In cattle markets, the cows herded into a confined area, stressed and confused, where they can be prodded, poked and priced - then bought and sold. In a night club, girls and boys enter a wide arena and drink to ease any nervous tension they might feel before the hunt begins.

Most of the guys and girls there simply want to have a good time - they want to laugh, they want to move their bodies to music, they want to be told they look great and are fantastic ... they don't necessarily want sex at the end of it.

Oh, and this 46 year old has still got "it" - I managed to get four dances with chaps who did not force themselves upon me, but chatted casually, danced with me. Needless to say, they were all very drunk and I declined to hand my number out!

kaye x

Apologies

angelwithabullet — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 19:51:02 UT

I want to issue an apology ...
i've not been able to respond to many of late, because i've been frustrated with netlog and that's because it's running soooooo darned slow.
and the reason why it's running so slow is that my 'dongle' is hooked up to what appears to be a 'dial-up' method, insted of broadband ... even though i thought i was paying for broadband.
but i guess the area that i'm living in is contributing to it too! not enough masts around ... not that i want them, of course!
as soon as i get something else sorted, i'll be back on track.
meanwhile, i've managed to get a video uploaded for ya to watch.
another couple will be up as soon as i can manage it.
kaye x

Idle thoughts at the end of the day ...

angelwithabullet — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 22:13:32 UT

I’m living in a dead place. It’s full of doom and gloom, sadness, frustration and irritation with the way things are. Yet there is something alive about it. Something not quite at its end.

Here, I have no television, and for that I am relieved of the normal distractions that everyone else suffers. Suffers? Well yes. World events that hit the headlines always makes for sad and bad news. The good thing is I’m not enticed into the world of buy, buy, buy. My eyes are not hypnotised by materialism, my brain is not led to believe speedy-paced commercial gain will get me to places I’ve only ever dreamed possible. I think I'm one of the few people on the planet that hasn't watched Wacko Jacko's box being placed beneath the earth.

My head seems altogether clearer here. Even though my body is restricted by the obligations of duty that are placed upon it, my thoughts are free. I will admit, though, it has taken me a while to understand why this is so.

I believe most of my life has been endured. Though I’ve always strived for the optimistic approach, it bugs me that everything I have ever faced has been represented as a challenge. I’ve looked for the free space of peace, but have not found it. It has eluded me.

But here, in my mind, I am free. Inside me, I feel at peace. I’m soulful, if you know what that means. I think it’s because I’m getting older, and hopefully wiser. The time I have allows me to stop and think, to look at life from outside of me. It allows me to appreciate life for what it really is for others, and for me and I like the ‘me’ I am becoming.

Everyone I know pictures and plans their futures with a backward glance to their guilty, regretful past. Yet, the present in their eyes, escapes them. It’s as though now doesn’t matter. Now doesn’t count. Now isn’t really real. There’s always this ‘hope’ for what is to come and no recognition for what is being given in the present.

I like real people. The people who work to make ends meet. The people who know who they are and what their life consists of. I like people who smile at small things that they can accomplish, even if that just means opening their eyes and slipping their legs out from beneath the duvet onto the carpet each morning. Moving from their bed, through their home, through another day of work.

That’s an achievement to me. In that, there is creation. In that, there is change. And change is life. Like particles of dust floating in the air, highlighted by the sunshine behind. Like water sparkling along a flowing brook in a woodland glen. Like flames crackling warmth in a fireside grate. Like soft earth sinking beneath bare feet.

I know our brains have to be dissatisfied with the way things are. And our hormones keep us growing, keep us inventing and creating. They both work together so we can learn new skills to satisfy new desires for bigger and better ‘things’ to improve upon the life we have.

But, if we didn’t ever have that urge to create, would really be unhappy? It's true that no one ever said life was easy. We are all aware that life can be very hard at times. So why do we call this suffering? And why do we think, if we don’t suffer the bad, then we don’t deserve the good?

There are many religions and faiths of some kind or another all over this planet we all inhabit. But I don’t want to follow any one of them. I am lucky to live in a society that has been allowed to be free to explore. I’m able to be a part of any life I wish. I don’t have to detach myself from it. I can immerse myself in it or release myself from it. No one is to blame, or to thank, for the choices I make, but me.

Nothing you have said to another should be so painful a memory that you have to live with the guilt for the rest of your days on earth. Everything that passes through our individual lives, is a valuable and wonderful lesson.

I look at people’s lives and I see the small happenings. The way someone blinks or winks or stinks. The way they move their shoulders, their ankles, or the way they smile or cry. They are all beautiful. They glow in their own light. They sparkled and dazzle.

When I was younger I thought there was going to be only a few people that I would make a connection with. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised that’s so wrong. There are so many people in this little life of mine, that I’ve lost count with the amount of souls who have affected my life’s decisions. And I often get to wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t met them. Would things have been so very different?

I like exploring people. I like watching them. I like listening to them. My friends and family and even those I don’t know. Those who like me and those who don’t like me. Each connection I make has its own special adventure to take me on. Each person that crosses my path has within them, their own perfect qualities. Some may say it’s idealistic of me, but I know in my heart that everyone wants to be seen as a good person. They may not be a good person, but even those, the bad ones, hunger for someone to love them for who they are.

Why is that I wonder? Why do people hunger for someone or something that they don’t have in their lives? Is that the reason that people try to find each other again after many years of parting? Nobody will ever be everything to one person. If I had stayed with one person for all of my adult life, I would not have gotten to experience all the experiences I’ve experienced. I would not have been able to know love the way I do.

I know a great many people who are disillusioned by relationships. They think the passion should live on forever. They don’t see the deepness in a calmer state of loving. The way society is at present seems all so fucked up. Because women want independence, so they’ve been encouraged to ‘be the boss’ – but men need to feel essential, admired and know that they can provide. But they don’t anymore. Women feel they have to get a man to prove they don’t need a man. But what women really want is to be appreciated for who they are, not what they could become. Men don’t know how to tell them that.

I’ve had a few relationships where men have not been there for me (philandering). Not provided for me (tight). Not protected me (abandonment). They cared for me in their own way, but not the way that I wanted to be cared for. And I couldn’t tell them how I wanted to be cared for, because I didn’t know how I wanted to be cared for. Each relationship reached it’s own inevitable conclusion: in the end.

As a result, I should be the kind of person who can’t relate to love. But I’m not. All the men I meet now are married. Or too young. I could begin to ask: Is love for me? Why was I missed of the kissing list? Every single one of my exes are married – to another woman. At first I was filled with rage, then sorrow, then regret, then a ‘so what?’ attitude. Why didn’t they ask me? There was nothing wrong with me. I was heartbroken. Each time I found out they had hooked up with a leggy blonde years younger than myself.

I know that no man willingly leaves his children. I know that many men will suffer having no joy in their life to be with them.

That’s honour.

That’s loyalty.

That’s commitment.

That’s true suffering.

Suffering in the face of living someone else’s idea of how people are supposed to live.

Tell me if you think I’m wrong.

So, knowing all of this, you would think I would take the route a pessimist would, or that I wouldn’t make any kind of effort anymore because of the sorrow and pain I've experienced in life. But you’d be thinking wrong.

Instead of dying, I know I’m still alive inside. I've always looked at life in the eye and have never shirked away from the duty of living. There’s passion in action. And I’m ever hopeful of being able to take part in whatever comes my way. Some people say I am naïve to be so optimistic. But I’d rather be optimistic and have the sensations of happiness within me than the doom and gloom that I see others perish with in their own thoughts and belief systems that lead them to disillusionment and hate. I believe and have faith in the knowledge that no decision made should be regretted. No one should ever be judged because of what someone else has said or what you have thought about them before you have had the chance to get to know them.

This moment, to me is the life we are to lead so we are to live.

This is all we have. Every moment of every day, is a gift.

Live it.

I intend to.

kaye x

Let Me Sing You A Waltz

angelwithabullet — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 21:23:32 UT

Let me sing you a waltz
Out of no where
Out of my thoughts
Let me sing you a waltz
About this one night stand
You were for me that night
Everything I dreamed of in life
But now you’re gone
You are far gone
All the way to your island of rain
It was to you just a one night thing
But you were more to me
Just so you know
I don’t care what I say
I know what you meant for me
That day
I just want another try
I just want another night
Even if it doesn’t seem quite right
You meant for me much more
Than anyone I’ve met before
One single night with you
Is worth a thousand with anybody
I have no bitterness my sweet
I’ll never forget this one night thing
Even tomorrow in other arms
My heart will stay yours until I die
Let me sing you a waltz
Out of nowhere
Out of my blues
Let me sing you a waltz
About this lovely one night stand

Celine's Song in Before Sunset (2004)

Proud to be British?

angelwithabullet — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 22:02:55 UT

Ever watched the films "Blood Diamond" (Leonardo DiCaprio) or "Lord of War" (Nicholas Cage)? They're both based on fact. Here's some background story ...

The Sierra Leone Civil War began in 1991, by the Revolutionary United Front (RUF) under Foday Sankoh.

Control of Sierra Leone's diamond industry was a primary cause of the war. Although endowed with abundant natural resources, Sierra Leone was ranked as the poorest country in the world by 1998. With the breakdown of all state structures, wide corridors of Sierra Leonean society were opened up to the trafficking of arms and ammunition. Recreational drugs also eroded national and regional security as well as facilitated crime within the country, precipitating illegal trade with both Liberia and Guinea.

Tens of thousands died and more than 2 million people (well over one-third of the population) were displaced because of the 11-year conflict. Neighbouring countries became host to significant numbers of refugees attempting to escape the civil war.

In May 2000, the situation in the country deteriorated to such an extent that British troops were deployed in Operation Palliser to evacuate foreign nationals and establish order.

The British troops stabilized the situation and were the catalyst for a ceasefire and ending of the civil war.

It was officially declared over on 18 January 2002.

====

And here's just one story to come out of that tragedy ...

I met a soldier today who had been a resident of Sierra Leone during the conflict. After suffering many times at the hands of the Rebels, his mother and father told him and his sister to 'Go!'

So they went.

Together, they walked for 30 miles without food, not knowing where they were heading.

Eventually they came across a group of people who appeared very rich, but they soon knew why. The group were part of the Rebel army and looking out for possible recruits.

The brother and sister were exposed to the horrific scenes of the Rebels crimes. "Do you want a short sleeve or a long sleeve?" the men would ask a child held in their clutches. If the child replied "I want a long sleeve" they would chop off his hand. If the child replied "I want a short sleeve" they would chop of his arm at the elbow.

Both he and his sister were lucky to escape - after stealing enough money to buy food and clothing, they managed to cross the border to Gambia and start a new life. His sister began her studies, and flew to the USA, while the soldier had a nagging feeling to return - to save his parents.

He did return, only to find that his parents had been separated and lost amongst a million others who had become refugees in their own country.

Then our British troops arrived to restore order.

The British were able to find his parents and bring them back together. The soldier was so impressed by their professionalism and attitude towards the people of his country that he wanted to become part of the Army that had brought them peace.

I think it was a miracle he survived that turmoil, that trauma and the horrors that were happening all around him. Not only a miracle that he escaped the first time, but that he even thought about returning to save his parents.

He is a very quiet and thoughtfilled man. Not just because of the traumas and turmoil he has already faced in his young life, but because he thinks about things. He doesn't think that anyone owes him anything and he accepts the challenges that are given to him as though he has something to learn from each of them.

I think him a brave and couragous individual. Perhaps it's my romanticised idea of him, but I'm positive he will have much to tell his grandchildren as he grows to be an old man. His knowledge will grow deep and his wisdom will, I am sure, help others.

Because of those British troops, they have given this one young man - and many others like him - the chance of a new life. A chance to create something special, not just for himself, but for others too.

Are you proud to be British?

Here's one young man who's glad you are.

Fight, Flight, Freeze or F**k

angelwithabullet — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:22:36 UT

Where do panic attacks come from?

I was reading up about them tonight, in an attempt to finalise my essay needed for a course that I've signed up for. Writing about the subject of anxiety in the safety of the environment that I work within gave me no sense whatsoever of the symptoms that a person would experience while going through those emotions. Of course, I could dredge up old memories, but I didn't want to go down that route. But I was to be tested, fairly soon, on them.

If I had known I was to be tested on them, at first hand, that very evening, with my essay sat on my desk in front of me, would I have gone to work? Yes. As I'm always a one for a challenge, I like to face life head on. And I realise it is from my mistakes that we learn valuable lessons in life.

This was a challenge I hope not to repeat and a lesson I hope I have learned from.

Tonight I was called beautiful. Tonight I had a 19 year old lad tell me he wanted to marry me. Tonight, as I grappled with the symptoms of panic rising within me, I was scared.

What were the symptoms? And, if I was being handed all those wonderful comments, why was I scared?

The symptoms were a very slight twinge in the gut reaction to a young lad's request for me to sit beside him. I wish I had paid attention to that twinge. Instead, I smiled, said "Awh, I wish I could," with 'tongue in cheek' then turned away.

Ten minutes later, that lad, and his mate entered my office and spoke to each other about an article they had seen in the paper about a woman with six kids absconding with a young lad of about 19 years old. Within earshot, one of them said "Lucky bastard, wish that would happen to me!"

Then they both stood up and sat on my desk and started to roll their own cigarettes. I asked them, politely, to smoke outside. They nodded and asked me if I had ever smoked before - I replied "no" - to which they asked: "anything?" - "no".

To change the subject I asked them if they wanted me to order any DVDs ... "Yeah, blue movies!" I smiled and shook my head, sorry, can't have those I'm afraid."

"Why not? The lads would enjoy them."

"I've no doubt about that, but I'm afraid this is not the place for them."

"You're beautiful, you are." he looked me in the eye as he said it and I didn't see any hint of a lie in that face.

Always one for telling everyone else to accept compliments graciously, I had to put my own advice into action, so I said "Thank you." and smiled.

Then one of the lads knelt down and asked "Will you marry me?"

Chuckling, I shook my head and said "No."

The other one piped up, saying to the others, "Eh, you lot, disappear, cos me and the lady here are going to get married - so we can ..." then he started rocking his hips back and forth.

I pursed my lips and, not wishing to get angry with the lads who were just having a bit of fun, but needing to let them know there are boundaries, I passed the comment: "Somehow, the line is being stepped over, so I think we ought to stop this conversation now."

"Have I offended you?" he asked, not in full innocence I wager. But this comment was followed by an embarressed apology and a swift exit.

Nevertheless, after they both left, I felt my heart beating very fast and my face burning. This was the fight or flight response. But, instead of shouting at them or running away from the situation, I froze. I certainly didn't want to indulge in the last response mechanism asigned to the natural laws of 'survival'.

The gut reaction that I should have paid attention to was tension. Tension comes from our animal instinct telling us that something is not quite right. Something is about to threaten us. It's the body's anxiety response at a biological behavioural level that tells us to 'get away from this situation - you might die'.

Naturally, I didn't pay attention to it. Why? Cos I'm in a 'safe' environment.

What had been going on between the lads and me was a bit of harmless banter. Banter that was being stretched and pushed to however far I could handle it. This is the nature of men. They need to do this. It's in their blood. They do and say things until they either get physically hurt - or reprimanded. I understand this.

They were being 'just lads'. They are filled with testosterone and that hormone makes them do things and urges them to 'go for it' - even to the point of no return.

It was my call. I allowed it to go on for a bit longer than it should have done. I was to blame for the error in judgement. Though, that knowledge didn't stop me from being scared and experiencing that 'anxiety' response, that 'panic attack' like the one I was trying to write about for my essay.

As he disappeared out the door and down the stairs into the darkness, I thought about how young girls can get raped so easily. I, as an older woman experienced in the ways of the world and (in general) of men, sensed that the conversation had to be halted by me - in a gentle and non-judgemental way. Even though I was enjoying the banter, it still went further than I should have allowed it. A young girl may probably not know that boundary and take it that the boy wanted her for being her - not just for sex.

This certainly was a challenge for me. It tested my boundaries. It tested my morality. It tested my emotional intelligence, sharp wit and deep wisdom. It tested my gut level animalistic instinct against my human spirit.

I would have made a big mistake had I allowed the talk to go further. However, as it stands, I think I have saved face. Not only mine, but the young lad who would have pushed it to the max - understanding that it was wrong to go too far, but acting with the blood pumping in his veins and thinking with the wrong head.

So, yes, afterall, I did get to experience the fight, flight, freeze or f**k response. I got to test those emotional symptoms. And you know what ... I think I can write my essay now.

A message from Michael Moore

angelwithabullet — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 07:43:14 UT

This man has some great ideas ...

Goodbye, GM
by Michael Moore

June 1, 2009

I write this on the morning of the end of the once-mighty General Motors. By high noon, the President of the United States will have made it official: General Motors, as we know it, has been totaled.

As I sit here in GM's birthplace, Flint, Michigan, I am surrounded by friends and family who are filled with anxiety about what will happen to them and to the town. Forty percent of the homes and businesses in the city have been abandoned. Imagine what it would be like if you lived in a city where almost every other house is empty. What would be your state of mind?

It is with sad irony that the company which invented "planned obsolescence" -- the decision to build cars that would fall apart after a few years so that the customer would then have to buy a new one -- has now made itself obsolete. It refused to build automobiles that the public wanted, cars that got great gas mileage, were as safe as they could be, and were exceedingly comfortable to drive. Oh -- and that wouldn't start falling apart after two years. GM stubbornly fought environmental and safety regulations. Its executives arrogantly ignored the "inferior" Japanese and German cars, cars which would become the gold standard for automobile buyers. And it was hell-bent on punishing its unionized workforce, lopping off thousands of workers for no good reason other than to "improve" the short-term bottom line of the corporation. Beginning in the 1980s, when GM was posting record profits, it moved countless jobs to Mexico and elsewhere, thus destroying the lives of tens of thousands of hard-working Americans. The glaring stupidity of this policy was that, when they eliminated the income of so many middle class families, who did they think was going to be able to afford to buy their cars? History will record this blunder in the same way it now writes about the French building the Maginot Line or how the Romans cluelessly poisoned their own water system with lethal lead in its pipes.

So here we are at the deathbed of General Motors. The company's body not yet cold, and I find myself filled with -- dare I say it -- joy. It is not the joy of revenge against a corporation that ruined my hometown and brought misery, divorce, alcoholism, homelessness, physical and mental debilitation, and drug addiction to the people I grew up with. Nor do I, obviously, claim any joy in knowing that 21,000 more GM workers will be told that they, too, are without a job.

But you and I and the rest of America now own a car company! I know, I know -- who on earth wants to run a car company? Who among us wants $50 billion of our tax dollars thrown down the rat hole of still trying to save GM? Let's be clear about this: The only way to save GM is to kill GM. Saving our precious industrial infrastructure, though, is another matter and must be a top priority. If we allow the shutting down and tearing down of our auto plants, we will sorely wish we still had them when we realize that those factories could have built the alternative energy systems we now desperately need. And when we realize that the best way to transport ourselves is on light rail and bullet trains and cleaner buses, how will we do this if we've allowed our industrial capacity and its skilled workforce to disappear?

Thus, as GM is "reorganized" by the federal government and the bankruptcy court, here is the plan I am asking President Obama to implement for the good of the workers, the GM communities, and the nation as a whole. Twenty years ago when I made "Roger & Me," I tried to warn people about what was ahead for General Motors. Had the power structure and the punditocracy listened, maybe much of this could have been avoided. Based on my track record, I request an honest and sincere consideration of the following suggestions:

1. Just as President Roosevelt did after the attack on Pearl Harbor, the President must tell the nation that we are at war and we must immediately convert our auto factories to factories that build mass transit vehicles and alternative energy devices. Within months in Flint in 1942, GM halted all car production and immediately used the assembly lines to build planes, tanks and machine guns. The conversion took no time at all. Everyone pitched in. The fascists were defeated.

We are now in a different kind of war -- a war that we have conducted against the ecosystem and has been conducted by our very own corporate leaders. This current war has two fronts. One is headquartered in Detroit. The products built in the factories of GM, Ford and Chrysler are some of the greatest weapons of mass destruction responsible for global warming and the melting of our polar icecaps. The things we call "cars" may have been fun to drive, but they are like a million daggers into the heart of Mother Nature. To continue to build them would only lead to the ruin of our species and much of the planet.

The other front in this war is being waged by the oil companies against you and me. They are committed to fleecing us whenever they can, and they have been reckless stewards of the finite amount of oil that is located under the surface of the earth. They know they are sucking it bone dry. And like the lumber tycoons of the early 20th century who didn't give a damn about future generations as they tore down every forest they could get their hands on, these oil barons are not telling the public what they know to be true -- that there are only a few more decades of useable oil on this planet. And as the end days of oil approach us, get ready for some very desperate people willing to kill and be killed just to get their hands on a gallon can of gasoline.

President Obama, now that he has taken control of GM, needs to convert the factories to new and needed uses immediately.

2. Don't put another $30 billion into the coffers of GM to build cars. Instead, use that money to keep the current workforce -- and most of those who have been laid off -- employed so that they can build the new modes of 21st century transportation. Let them start the conversion work now.

3. Announce that we will have bullet trains criss-crossing this country in the next five years. Japan is celebrating the 45th anniversary of its first bullet train this year. Now they have dozens of them. Average speed: 165 mph. Average time a train is late: under 30 seconds. They have had these high speed trains for nearly five decades -- and we don't even have one! The fact that the technology already exists for us to go from New York to L.A. in 17 hours by train, and that we haven't used it, is criminal. Let's hire the unemployed to build the new high speed lines all over the country. Chicago to Detroit in less than two hours. Miami to DC in under 7 hours. Denver to Dallas in five and a half. This can be done and done now.

4. Initiate a program to put light rail mass transit lines in all our large and medium-sized cities. Build those trains in the GM factories. And hire local people everywhere to install and run this system.

5. For people in rural areas not served by the train lines, have the GM plants produce energy efficient clean buses.

6. For the time being, have some factories build hybrid or all-electric cars (and batteries). It will take a few years for people to get used to the new ways to transport ourselves, so if we're going to have automobiles, let's have kinder, gentler ones. We can be building these next month (do not believe anyone who tells you it will take years to retool the factories -- that simply isn't true).

7. Transform some of the empty GM factories to facilities that build windmills, solar panels and other means of alternate forms of energy. We need tens of millions of solar panels right now. And there is an eager and skilled workforce who can build them.

8. Provide tax incentives for those who travel by hybrid car or bus or train. Also, credits for those who convert their home to alternative energy.

9. To help pay for this, impose a two-dollar tax on every gallon of gasoline. This will get people to switch to more energy saving cars or to use the new rail lines and rail cars the former autoworkers have built for them.

Well, that's a start. Please, please, please don't save GM so that a smaller version of it will simply do nothing more than build Chevys or Cadillacs. This is not a long-term solution. Don't throw bad money into a company whose tailpipe is malfunctioning, causing a strange odor to fill the car.

100 years ago this year, the founders of General Motors convinced the world to give up their horses and saddles and buggy whips to try a new form of transportation. Now it is time for us to say goodbye to the internal combustion engine. It seemed to serve us well for so long. We enjoyed the car hops at the A&W. We made out in the front -- and the back -- seat. We watched movies on large outdoor screens, went to the races at NASCAR tracks across the country, and saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time through the window down Hwy. 1. And now it's over. It's a new day and a new century. The President -- and the UAW -- must seize this moment and create a big batch of lemonade from this very sour and sad lemon.

Yesterday, the last surviving person from the Titanic disaster passed away. She escaped certain death that night and went on to live another 97 years.

So can we survive our own Titanic in all the Flint Michigans of this country. 60% of GM is ours. I think we can do a better job.

Yours,
Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
www.MichaelMoore.com

Sx Education 9: Shy Guys?

angelwithabullet — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 10:59:01 UT

Why you should kiss her when you first meet her ...

I've had experience of this - so you've got a woman's point of view here.

Sometimes, it can get really hard for a guy to approach a woman. And even if you do manage to get her on a date, the longer you wait to kiss her, the harder it is for you to make that move on her.

But you know what I've found the best way to deal with it is?

Kiss her immediately you start talking with her. Even if you end up not fancying her!

It gets that hurdle 'out of the way'. It stops any embarrassment. It gets rid of the tension that you might feel about doing it in the future with her.

Make a pact with yourself. You won't ask any woman out - on a date - unless you've kissed her first.

Ok, ok, ok. So, the thought of it is making you quake in your shoes ... "How the hell am I gonna be able to do that?!"

Well, here's how it is NOT done.

A passionate embrace
A smack on the choppers
A tender look in the eye and a brief touch of the lips
A French tongue
A wet one
A tonsil teaser

ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THOSE!

If you are a shy guy and you think about doing any of those you'll only squirm with embarrassment and it will all go horribly wrong.

Here is the big issue:

Your success with the ladies is to do things to them that your gut tells you is right FOR YOU.

Some guys think that kissing a woman needs courage or strength or guts or even 'gall' to go out on a limb and do what they've never done before. Especially if they fancy the girl.

But remember, girls like guys - and if you are playful and able to be open with the girls then they'll play back and be open with you.

So, lay all your fears aside for a few minutes - spot a woman you quite like the look of and say:

"Hi, I wanted to see what happened if I just walked up and started talking. I've only got five minutes…..I'm (make up a funny name)."

When she responds - in whatever way - remember it's only her response. It's not your fault if she turns into a bitch. If she smiles and gives you a cheeky or flirty response - great ... you're on your way.

So, how is it done?

Allow her to say a few words, feel it in your gut if she's 'responsive' to you.

Then smile (with your eyes) and make an excuse to leave for a few minutes (ask her if she wants a drink - say you've just seen your friends and you need to quickly say hello - even say you've got to go to the little boys room - anything just to get away)
Take her head in your hands
Lean in
And quickly - very briefly - touch her hair with your lips

This has got to be done in a fraction of a second - don't linger!

Leave her for a bit longer than five minutes. This might go against the grain. You might think you'll lose her attention, you might think that she's calling you a bastard behind your back.

But you'd be wrong to think those things.

She'll be more likely thinking about that touch. That brief kiss, that smile in your eyes, that funny name ...

And you know what - it creates an attraction for you.

You become strong in her eyes. You become courageous.

Do this a few times to different girls and - you don't even have to go back if you don't want to - it will become a habit.

The goal is - not to care how she responds. And to build your confidence - for when you do see a woman you really want to be with.

Go for it guys. Good luck!

Kaye

Capricorn Men?

angelwithabullet — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 23:11:55 UT

Are you a Capricorn man? I'd like to hear from you.

Tell me about yourself and your life.

I think I've met everyone under each other zodiac sign, but never a Capricorn ... so I'm intrigued!

Show yourself ... expose yourself. Give me what you got!

Kaye

i got it!

angelwithabullet — Sat, 30 May 2009 09:50:05 UT

Ha, I think I have finally got it - the secret to life, that is.

Live in the moment, for that is all we have.

I'm going to have some fun with life now.

Wanna join me?

kaye x

Ewe Flu on the way?

angelwithabullet — Sat, 23 May 2009 17:07:30 UT

According to the news bulletins:

"Two more people have been confirmed with the swine flu virus, taking the UK total to 122. The latest cases are both adults in England. One is from London and the second is from the East of England.

The Health Protection Agency said the source of infection for the two latest cases remains under investigation. Of the total UK cases, more than half (66) are in the London area. The latest diagnosis takes the total for the East of England to 12.

Margaret Chan, the head of the World Health Organisation (WHO) on Friday said swine flu was a "sneaky virus" which was likely to keep spreading. "This is a subtle, sneaky virus. It does not announce its presence or arrival in a new country with a sudden explosion of patients seeking medical care or requiring hospitalisation. We expect it to continue to spread to new countries and continue to spread within countries already affected."

Oh really?

Can anyone recall how many face masks the government ordered for us commoners?

Oh, and I do recall the pandemic that amounted to rather substantially less deaths than was anticipated from MAD COW DISEASE. And I certainly remember all those carcasses that were burning in heaps on acres of farmland …

And then there was the pandemonium about BIRD FLU. Do you remember that one? All those chickens that had to be slaughtered – Bernard Mathews was the most contented man in the country I presume (insurance-wise anyhow).

Now, don’t judge me for this, but I hesitate to ask … but I sincerely have to: are we to be fearful of EWE FLU next year? I would have thought of all the animals to get an infection from, with all the jokes flying around about this act our young men indulge in, we would have somehow, had this first. Or have we?

Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I thought we couldn’t get cross-species contamination?

Something to ponder.

Twizzle

angelwithabullet — Mon, 18 May 2009 09:50:02 UT

“Your life is in your hands, but you must learn to gain control of your thoughts. All of your problems of fear, failure and doubts are because your MIND is ruling you. Your mind has taken over and you are the slave and victim of your uncontrolled negative thoughts. It is as simple as that. Take control of your mind and your thoughts. Every day, bit by bit, watch your thoughts.”
The Secret, Daily Teachings Rhonda Byrne

“Twizzle!” a good friend said that I should say it more often.
“Twizzle? What does that mean?” I asked, in all innocence.

For the past few weeks I’ve been stressing and worrying about other people’s thoughts - about me. There are certain things that I’ve said and done that I wish I could take back. But I can’t. What’s done is done. What’s said is said.

It’s not like me to worry overly much. I usually take on the positive point of view, irritatingly so. But, of late, I’ve gotten to anxiety attacks during the day, and sleepless nights filled with horrible dreams that I really cannot hope to fathom.

So, where’s my problem?

I realise there are many ‘problems’ with my sex, but there’s one in particular that jumps out at everyone: we (women) ruminate. We think a lot. We worry a lot.

About the world, our kids, our homes, our men, our clothes, our shape, and even our place in the world.

We worry that we’re not going to fit in. We are anxious that people are not going to like us, and that we won’t be accepted into the ‘group’. We worry, constantly, about what other people think about us. A lot.

Why? It’s in our nature. It’s instinct. We use our ‘creative right brain’ to gather facts, to see ahead, and we use words to help us get through each day. Sometimes those words are not right, sometimes they are downright clumsy, sometimes they blatantly get us into trouble – because we don’t watch what we say, it just comes out – and once it’s out, that’s it. It’s out.

But there is a scientific reason to why we worry and why we chatter. The reason is why we are afraid. Of everything.

Women have a very big need to feel safe. Women are (biologically) much weaker than a man. Our muscles and bones are not as strong, so our lack of physical strength determines that we need to feel safety within a group – or with an individual who will help make us feel safe. When we don’t feel safe, we worry and that makes us chatter.

If you find this hard to believe, then think back, say 40,000 years, when we were called those oh so familiar ‘hunters and gatherers’. If women were typically the gatherers and men the hunters, while the hunters were away women would need to survive in the bush, without the protection of the big strong hunter.

How could we survive on our own? If some nice big tiger came after us and our baby, there was no way we were going to win that battle. So we had to stay in groups.

To remain part of the group, we had to chatter. We had to gossip too. There’s a scientific reason for the nature of that gossip too. Gossip bonds us to the group. So, if a woman doesn’t indulge in gossip, or agree with another person within that group, what happens to her? She’s out of the ‘clique’. She’s not part of the group.

40,000 years ago, when we depended upon the group, not indulging in gossip was dangerous. Whereas, taking part in it, helped a women to survive. It still does (to a lesser extent) today.

But why the constant chatter? Well, if we were gathering food from bushes and plants in the fields, we had to scare away the creatures that hid in the bushes that we gathered from. And a way of scaring them away was to chatter - to warn them of our coming. Women’s lives (and the lives of the group we belonged to) depended on it.

So, bring that character trait forward 40,000 years – to today – and put it into context. Why do we chatter and gossip now? We don’t have to be part of the group. We don’t have to scare the creatures away.

Maybe it’s because the animal instinct (in our emotions) is telling us that we are frightened of something?

Why the anxiety? Why the worrisome ruminating? Why bring stress upon ourselves?

Anxiety, in itself, is not a bad thing – if used wisely (sports and businessmen use stress wisely when they are attempting to achieve a target or goal). Anxiety is a chemical response to a stressful situation. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s an animal instinct within us that tells us something is not quite right.

Therefore, worrying for a woman is a ‘healing’ thing. It’s a way that we ‘offload’ our anxiety. With the worrying comes the chattering, so there is no actual ‘point’ to the chattering - it’s an emotional thing - and women are all about emotions. As long as we are chattering, we’re offloading our emotional tension and helping the worries to ease – i.e. making sure the creatures in the bush are scattering fast away from us. It’s that ‘fight, flight or freeze’ response – it’s that gut instinct that helps us to survive.

The animal brain in our head can’t decide between a ‘real’ or an ‘imagined’ threat. So, it goes on the alert subconsciously. And if we are not aware of this – then we’ll use it till it tears us apart at the seams and causes all sorts of other problems.

And that’s what I’ve been doing of late. That’s where my problem is. I’ve been turning things over and over and over in my mind. Ruminating on imagined events, picturing horrible scenes and mapping out ugly pictures in my mind - ahead of the actual happening, worrying whether something is going to be said or done against me without having any solid proof.

Until this morning, when I woke and read that small paragraph about thoughts. And then I remembered my friend’s comment: “Twizzle!”

What does twizzle mean? It means … sticking one finger up to the situation/person/event, or whatever, and basically saying ‘sit on this’.

In other words ‘LET IT GO’.

As soon as I thought of those words, I eased up on my worrying. The fever in my head cooled and the sickening sensations in my gut calmed.

I released it.

It doesn’t matter what people think about us. That’s their judgement of us. And it might be a judgement that is not necessarily right. We may have said something, but meant it in a different way. We may have done something that was meant to be a gracious act. It doesn’t matter how another person perceives our actions, thoughts, words or deeds. As long as you know that you are doing it for the right reasons and intend no harm.

After all, we’re not in the bushes gathering berries anymore!

Think about it. We are on this planet for only a short time. During that short time, there’s no point in wasting time wondering about what other people think of us. We have a choice: we can either spend hours doing nothing, holding onto our own self-made pain and sink further into despair, or we can get on and do something that will make a difference – not only to our life, but to someone else’s life.

What I’ve said in this rather lengthy blog, Will Young sums it up in one song.

Let It Go
I have never been afraid of being alone
Somehow typical
Of being a man, I know
But I walk in the night
My body full of fright
Could I provide for you?
Everything you’ve ever wanted
Could I be the man I promised I would be?
And support you tenderly
Let it go, let it go
Cos it’s out of my control
Let it go, let it go
Don’t have to have it all
Grip so tight it shatters
The only thing that matters
Only got one life
Heaven knows
What I’m stressing for
I let it go
It’s the simple things in life
That bring me down
Like always being right
Needs to find someone
I’m running low on energy
The world keeps bugging me
And I keep thinking baby
Are we gonna stay together?
Can I really make a vow I’m never gonna keep?
See, that’s what’s bothering me
Let it go, let it go, let it go
Cos its out of my control
Let it go, let it go
Don’t have to have it all
Let it go, let it go
I know you always tell me I think too much
And all that stupid stuff
Well I fall in love
Let it go, let it go
Cos its out of my control

Let it go ...

Loneliness

angelwithabullet — Sat, 16 May 2009 19:23:49 UT

As soon as we are born, we are separate. We are ripped from the womb and our connection to another human being is cut at the cord – literally. That applies to every living thing on this planet (unless you can figure some out that are joined at the hip – apart from those who are … joined at the hip, head or heel through a bodily mis-hap in the womb – ok, let’s get off this subject).

So, the bottom line is, we are born to be an individual. A person in our own right.
Why then, is it so painful to experience loneliness?

Loneliness – an experience in and of itself – is not wrong. It’s the emotions that rise within us that cause the pain. The overwhelming surge of emptiness, as we stare at the floor a gaping black casm opens up before us. That ‘wanting’, that ‘needing’ – it doesn’t seem to go away. It grips your heart - and your stomach – and tickles it spitefully.

Loneliness is not the same as being alone. There have been many times when I’ve enjoyed my alone-time. My ‘Me Time’. The time I use to re-coup and recharge my drained and flat batteries. I’ve even enjoyed it, found pleasure in my own thoughts, sights, sounds and aromas that enter the very being of me.

The worst type of loneliness is when you’re in a relationship and it’s dead. There’s no love there. No giving. No receiving. No tender touch in the quiet of night. And I’ve been there too. I’ve experienced that kind of forlorn emptiness.

The type of loneliness I’m experiencing of late, is an unbearable feeling of being apart from all those who I love. It is affecting me quite deeply. My skin hungers for the brush of hair against my fingers. A finger on my neck or the small of my back, sends shivers along my spine and I want to embarrassingly lean into it.

I don’t feel abandoned, or rejected. I’m not experiencing depression or insecurity. I’m not anxious and I don’t feel unworthy or that my life is meaningless. There is no resentment in my heart for those who have what I don’t.

My situation is quite odd.

I’m surrounded – daily – by hundreds of men (and to a lesser extent, women). Yet I don’t get to be with any of them.

I don’t think I’m an unloveable woman. I don’t have low-self-esteem.

I know quite a few people on this site that are lonely. They use the networking facility to chat to people who, ordinarily, would be out of reach. And I applaud their bravery.

Their loneliness has been useful in that it has seeminly led to some rather fantastic creative bursts that appear to be leading them into a brilliant future. Poems, paintings, photographs, music and writing. An outpouring of beautiful gifts presented to the world that would not have been shown to the light if it had not been for their loneliness urging them to make a connection with others.

I have Bud and Blue to keep me company. Bud forces me to go out into the open, come rain or shine. I’ve met some rather interesting people while out on adventures with my four legged pal. Blue, on the other hand, wakes me in the morning with his delightful little chirps – as he flies out of his cage and onto my pillow to nibble gently on my lashes, he also sits on my tray while I eat my TV dinner (in front of the laptop) and nicks the mash from my plate.

But, dear and valued though their company is, it doesn’t compensate for another human being. It cannot.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not yearning to any great capacity, for something that I can't have. I’m not desperate or dying because human touch is denied to me. Loneliness came to me early, so I guess I should know now how to cope with it. As a child, I was alone most of the time. After my parents divorced, I shoved myself into a world of written words, where people could not cause that painful pang of rejection and neglect to return again. Surrounded by sisters and brothers, I buried my mind in books – in stories of other lands and lives. Love in another kingdom, a kingdom where anything was possible, if you dreamt it to be that way. I withdrew from the real world.

I lived in a big city where, I am told, there are the loneliest people on the planet. Because of the big concrete buildings, the harsh realities of drugs and violence, people are seemingly cut off and out of life. They immerse themselves in crowds of black coats so they won’t be identified or singled out, or picked on.

There are more people living alone today than there ever has been throughout the history of mankind. Big statement. Perhaps a true one? Over a quarter of the American population live alone. That’s over 30 million by my reckoning (but I’ve always been crap at maths, so correct me if I’m wrong)!

I should be grateful. Many lonely people turn to alcohol (oops, better watch that my Strongbow consumption doesn’t get to be more than one can a week!). Loads of people lose sleep over it (I get more than my 8 hour allocation every night – apart from when Blue wakes me up with the dawn chorus). Men, who are lonely get to have a higher risk of heart disease – because of the higher levels of a chemical in their blood that leads to higher blood pressure. Why? Because men live longer when they are with a partner, than when they are alone. Women don’t. Or so I’m reliably informed.

Then I think of those who have been put into cell blocks that offer a punishment – isolation. Or even those who are in padded cells because of madness and insanity. Or those who have been snatched from the streets and taken as hostages or to work as slaves. Or those who are locked in their own little houses as they can’t get out – because of a phobia of some sort. Or even those go out into the desert, or ice caps or mountains, or those who bury themselves in the ground in order to ‘find’ themselves – alone. What gives there?

But if I’ve not experienced any of those debilitating illnesses (depression, anxiety, fear, phobias), I’ve not gone on a madcap adventure, and I'm not on a search to know who I am or where I belong or where I am – what am I supposed to do to take away this aching in my heart?

I understand the cause: I’m away from home, family, friends and I have no intimate relationship.

I understand the reasons: I decided to accept a new job.

I understand the symptoms: aching, overwhelming emptiness, tears, thoughts of being alone for the rest of my natural days on earth.

I understand I have a support system: my work, my employers, my animal friends

I understand I have opportunities: I’m joining the clay pigeon shooting club tomorrow, and the gym in two weeks time

I understand I have a wonderful doctor: I took on a course of ten sessions of accupuncture treatment a couple of days ago

I understand the universe is abundant with rich life that never stops moving: it has already given me what I’ve asked for, many times over. I only have to ask again, and I will receive.

So, what am I to do with this aching inside of me? How can I put a stop to these tears that keep falling without warning?

I need to understand that I am human and I have been told that loneliness is an important part of being human, to be alone, to experience the depths as well as the heights. It’s all part of the rich pattern of life.

It’s not the challenge, but the way you handle the challenge that defines the person you are.

So, we’re born alone, live alone and die alone. Shouldn’t we used to it by now?

Off to bury my mind in a film ... "Step Brothers" should neatly take me out of this serious frame of mind...

Kaye

Stickers ...

angelwithabullet — Thu, 07 May 2009 09:34:29 UT

Would you like to change your life?

Do you want great and wonderful things to happen for and to you and those you love?

Would you like to try?

First off, think of this. If you have children you'll be aware of the 'sticker' that a child gets when they achieve something - be it that they have simply been well-behaved or done their sums right ... a sticker is designed to give them a sense of pride and help them to know that they are on the right track.

Do you recognise that we still do this to ourselves, as adults?

We do something, then we look for approval. We say something - then we wait for the reaction.

We still look for the 'approval' sticker that people are going to give us for 'being good'.

I learned from my Godson and his special mum this weekend.

He came to her, grumbling, crying and whining ... she asked what was the matter.

"They said I was smelly!"

She looked him in the eye and asked him "Do you think you are smelly?"

His sobbing faltered and he wiped his eyes ... "No."

She answered, "There's no need to cry then."

We all think that what people say to us, or do to us is confirmed in concrete. It's true. We believe what they say is right. We constantly seek for others to validate our existence. We eagerly await someone to press upon our breast the sticker of approval.

But did you know you don't need to wait for that sticker?

You can do things for yourself that make you feel happy, and you don't have to wait for the judgement of others to validate that thought, word or deed we have achieved. If we think it's good, that should be good enough.

But how do we know it's right? How do we accept that what we have done, said or thought is good enough? By the excitement experienced in our gut; by that tingling sensation in our heart; by watching our eyes light up and our faces express a smile; by the relaxing of our muscles and noticing the calmness of our mind.

So, how do you get to do that when we are all conditioned to think badly of ourselves? To get rid of our negative thoughts that are constantly repeating themselves over and over again in the deep casms of our brain?

The answer lies in a little book called "The Key to Living the Law of Attraction" by Jack Canfield.

So, here goes. If you focus on what you do want, rather than what you don't want, then those good things will happen to you.

Shall we give it a go?

Write a line or two about the following:

1. the times i've felt the most alive and happy

2. what are my natural gifts?

3. what are my skills and talents?

4. what do i love to do?

5. when do i feel the most alive?

6. what am i passionate about?

7. what brings the greatest happiness to my life?

8. when do i feel the best about myself?

9. what are my personal strengths and characteristics?

10. what have others always said that i'm really good at?

11. how do i enjoy interacting with other people?

12. what would i change in teh world if it could?

Now, think of the common characteristics to the answers you have given.

Report back to me in a week what you've achieved and how good that has made you feel. And more importantly, if you've found yourself waiting for the sticker of approval.

kaye x

Horse and Carriage

angelwithabullet — Sat, 02 May 2009 22:23:16 UT

Horse and Carriage?

Would be nice if I could get the horse … cos this carriage ain't going no where! Always wanted one, but somehow it’s always eluded me.

What the hell am I talking about now?

Marriage and men. Again.

I’ve just travelled down a remarkably jam-free M1 and arrived at The Bull Hotel in GX – to find a wedding reception awaiting me. Not anyone I know you know.

I walked through the door and bumped into the bride. Beautiful dress. Not kidding. I could describe it, but you’d be bored.

After checking in, I hauled my bags up two flights of stairs (where’s a bell-boy when you need one, then went out to collect more. I passed three lads on the way in and heard them say “here she comes again, she’s staying … go on!”

But no one said anything, even though I offered a friendly smile, they just looked up at me in that gawkish manner. Go on! My eyes urged - I’m dying to be flirted with!!! But no. Not a dicky bird. Strange that. I'm wondering if I give off an aura of ‘keep the fuck away, matey!’

Anyhow, the room is delightful; the surroundings Eden-like; the noise outside is jovial. It’s what a wedding reception should be like. She must be a well-liked bride. Ah, but I got to wondering if she and her brave man wondered about the future of their life as a partnership at all? Their future. Have they found out what relationships are all about?

It’s funny, because when I left Ashford, the couple next door were getting married. I left on the day of their nuptuals. If they make it to their first anniversary, I shall be very, pleasantly surprised. I’m not really cynical, and I truly wish the best for all. But they really didn’t know about how a relationship is supposed to work. So I think their rocky road is about to be stepped upon and the trouble and strife will get, possibly, insurmountable at times. But you never know. Stranger things have happened!

As for me … I can’t grumble. I don’t think I’m the marrying kind. I’ve never had an inkling to walk down the aisle in a white dress. All too preposterous for me to imagine. Don’t like being the centre of attention either. But to be fair, I have been asked. Three times. So I should be grateful. What I’m thinking about this day, is the underlying meaning of it for me personally.

At times I wonder “Where’s the point in it all?” I mean, where is it all leading to? What’s the secret to life, the universe and everything?

I think it's because I think I’m the wrong side of 45 now - the older end of my 40s. Even the flushes have begun in earnest, one per hour. It’s true, I’ve been counting them. And all the guys I meet are either married, divorced or not more than children themselves. So, dare I ask, is it all down hill from here on in?

My gratitude lies in the fact that I find myself find a job where I’m surrounded by men, the best kind too; soldiers, airmen and sailors - 24/7. So they are fit and willing to go the distance. But, unfortunately for me, they’re all a wee bitty too young. Even though they try to convince me that they’re not - they need no invitation to flirt - but I draw the line at 25! and when an 18 year old comes up with the smiley lines, I start to chuckle and wonder. Seriously. Even though I've been told it's not 'age' that's the issue anymore, it's 'vitality'.

Anyhow, on my journey down the M1, I was eating grapes in my car. While I was driving through that bit where you have to go 50 miles an hour, a car slowed down to drive beside me. A sporty Audi. A gunmetal grey one. Nice. What was even nicer was the guy inside it. Smiling at me as I ate. So, the devil took hold of my spirit and started to play games. Those grapes in my mouth made him feel so very special. Don’t worry, we did concentrate on the road ahead too, but it was fun!

Oh, and here comes another flush! It kind of slowly appears, like a mist taking hold of me, though I wish it were as cool. I’ve noticed that one draws upon me when I’m anxious or think I’ve forgotten something, but haven’t. It’s that kind of sensation – but prolonged and heated up tenfold. I’m getting used to them – even making a brave attempt at controlling them. Ha!

Anyhow, back to this thing about me and men and menopausal symptoms …

Weddings seem to have been pushing themselves in my face of late. I know it’s springtime and you see more of them around this time of the year, but even the car registrations have been giving me hints at what I haven’t got. I keep thinking “Is the Universe trying to tell me something?” Am I actually yearning after something that I think I'll never have now?

I try not to cry, but emotions get the better of me and for a few short seconds, uncontrollable tears wheel their way down my cheeks. Once I’ve had a little weep, they’re gone and I’m thinking about something else. I'll put it down to the menopause again. Even my mind seems to be changing a lot, very quickly and making vastly different decisions.

I envy men. I really do. Do you never get to experience anything like this? It can be quite frightening, scary and strangely exciting too. I don’t like it, but I do. It means I’m reaching the next stage of my life.

The end is dawning.

But it’s not scary. Sad, possibly, in a way that I haven’t had the chance to bear any children of my own, but there are enough in the world, so I can live without having had the opportunity to perform that deed.

If you think this blog is confusing, then don’t worry. I think you’re right. I’m in a strange place right now and I’m attempting to figure a way through, by learning new skills every minute that passes.

It’s because it’s my birthday tomorrow and I’m going into that daunting ‘change’ mode. We’ll see what tomorrow brings. The gift I’m hoping for is clarity!

kaye x

Restrictions

angelwithabullet — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 19:44:14 UT

Restrictions seems to be the theme of things of late. While I find myself living in paradise, it is a restricted one at that. Admittedly, I’m not as restricted as the guys I am serving, but my way of life has become quite, quite changed.

I am not in prison, but my life does seem to have been confined somewhat and I take heart when I compare my life to those who have voluntarily given up their freedom to serve the nation.

Even though I find myself ambling around a very large brick built house which has eight empty bedrooms and, seemingly, as many bathrooms, the ones I serve live in grey concrete blocks, four-men to a room. And, because I am not allowed to cook in the house (H&S laws strictly prohibits the oven's use), my meals are served to me in the main house. There, British tradition requires me not to wear track suits or jeans (never liked them anyway) and to sit at a huge highly polished oak table where my meal is presented on fine delicate china rimmed with gold plate and I handle polished silver cutlery that has a history going back eons. The other staff of this company, however, have their meals served 'below stairs' where they sit closely side-by-side on long benches. An outside catering company dishes up meals (the same meals, I must admit) on crockery that seems to have been bought from Tesco and they eat with stainless steel cutlery.

I am to do a six hour day, six day week, rotating with the other people that I work alongside which, although leaves little room for freedom of exploring the surrounding countryside, gives me ample time to focus on the other things that take up precious time in my life (dog, writing and studying!).

Strangely enough, the ultimate restrictive scenario presented itself to me tonight. As I was having dinner in the main house, one of the director's recommended that I might feel it pertinent to visit (on behalf of the company I work for) three of the chaps who had been thrown into jail for the duration of the Easter period and would probably need a little moral support.

They were his words, so I acted upon them and visited the 'jail house', where I was put in my place with the stern words “This is not your business.”

I can’t help but think, as I spend my Easter working, while others are free to go home and visit loved ones, that I am more free of restrictions than those three poor chaps are. I shall not complain for my lot.

Women: do you need men?

angelwithabullet — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 19:48:52 UT

Women: do you need men?

Men: do you need women?

Let me know what you think and feel about this - in a private message please - as i'll quote you in the blog being written about it (if you want to stay 'anon', then please state this).

kaye x

Bankers ... again

angelwithabullet — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 11:10:58 UT

I'm worried.

Think on this: Consider the amount of devastation and ruination of people's lives these bankers have caused?

Now, read this article and carefully consider what it implies ...

=====

Bankers heading for classroom
15th March 2009
Source: ITN

Disillusioned bankers are turning to teaching to rediscover their sense of "moral purpose".

Since the effects of the economic crisis began to be felt, increasing numbers of city workers are registering an interest in becoming a teacher.

Figures released by Teaching and Development Agency for England last month showed that one in ten workers are now considering a career in teaching.

Dr John Dunford, general secretary of the Association of School and College Leaders (ASCL), said: "There are those people who went into the city when they graduated, and I think that the current crisis has brought starkly to their attention, not least because some of them have got the sack, the lack of moral purpose in what they're doing.

"They have a look at teaching and see the salaries are OK - not brilliant but OK - and the job satisfaction of working with children, teaching them, helping them to learn, to make their way in the world, is so much greater than buying and selling stocks and shares."

In his speech to ASCL's annual conference in Birmingham, Dr Dunford will tell delegates: "In such dire fiscal times, education is more important than ever. The future of the country literally depends on how successful we are in developing the skills and talents of our young people.

"We must hope that the credit crunch will bring change not only in the value of our shares, but in the values of our society; a change from the foolishness of toxic loans and the selfishness of huge bonuses to a stronger recognition of our shared professional commitment to the welfare and life opportunities of others."

"Young people who until recently headed straight from university to the city to make their fortune are questioning whether there is any moral purpose in that.

"These young people are turning in increasing numbers to Teach First and, for those losing their highly paid city jobs, to the graduate teacher programme.

"Teaching, not accountancy or the city, will soon become the top destination for talented young graduates. It is already in the top three."

======

When I first read the title, I thought they were doing a good thing by going back to the classroom - to learn. Not to teach.

Get my drift?

kaye x

Love thy neighbour?

angelwithabullet — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 09:13:24 UT

In a zoo in California , a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet tiger cubs. Unfortunately,due to complications in the pregnancy, the cubs were born prematurely and due to their tiny size, they died shortly after birth.

The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery, suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine. The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress to fall into a depression. The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's cubs, perhaps she would improve.

After checking with many other zoos across the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the right age to introduce to the mourning mother. The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a zoo environment. Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different species. The only 'orphans' that could be found quickly, were a litter of weanling pigs. The zoo keepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork chops??
Take a look...

Now, please tell me one more time .........?
Why can't the rest of the world get along??

The Ostrich

angelwithabullet — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 09:03:23 UT

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a Coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be L9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact amount.

For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this time it's a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "Yep! Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be L32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact money from your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was clearing the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a couple of million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and replies, "My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs who
agrees with everything I say."

The Banana Test

angelwithabullet — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 08:59:38 UT

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,

a Lion
a Chimpanzee
a Giraffe
and a Squirrel

They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality.

So think carefully . . .

Try and answer within 30 seconds. Got your answer?

Now scroll down to see the analysis.

If your answer is:

Lion = you're dull.
Chimpanzee = you're dense.
Giraffe = you're a complete moron.
Squirrel = you're hopeless.

A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS.

Obviously you're stressed and overworked.

You should take some time off and relax