angelwithabullet
Trust female - 46 years
Blog / Tags / women
Blog messages with the tag 'women':
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Women: do you need men?
Women: do you need men?
Men: do you need women?
Let me know what you think and feel about this - in a private message please - as i'll quote you in the blog being written about it (if you want to stay 'anon', then please state this).
kaye x -
Men and Women
WIFE V HUSBANDA couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says........ .."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight...
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Men are not equipped for this kind of contest.
by the way, i love men, so don't think this is personal ... just chuckle!
kx -
NEVER show this to a woman!
For Gods sake men.. NEVER let the women see this one
Warning: This is a joke, with a little bit of a kick - so if you are sensitive, please don't read and report.
I never drink Baileys!!!!
A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink.
The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.
After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar:
A salt shaker,
A shot of Baileys,
A shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth,
And finally you drink the lime juice.'
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.
He puts the salt on his tongue........salty but OK.
He drinks the shot of Baileys and holds it in his mouth........smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks........this is OK.
Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
1. In one second the sharp lime taste hits...
2. At two seconds the Baileys curdles.....
3. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like
Consistency hits.....
4. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.
This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, Jesus what do you call that drink?'
Please - you have been warned. This is only for a laugh. If you are sensitive, then please don't read on ahead and report this blog.
Remember, you have been warned.
Please bear in mind the above warning.
She smiles widely at him and says, 'Blow Job Revenge.' -
God and the Harley Davidson
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson
motorcycle? '
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'
God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise
and pollution and can't run without a road?'
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'
God said, 'Ah, yes.'
'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major
design flaws in your invention!
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'. -
Friends are the family you choose ...
I read a blog this morning about ‘why women can’t keep friends’ and I disagreed.
The writer said that women, in general, tend to keep friends for a short while – friends who ‘fit’ that season in their life. Whether that be as a single girl so that they can go out clubbing together, as a young mum so they can share baby tales together, or as wifey-buddies (friends of the wives of their husband’s), who they can ‘share’ the latest gossip or dissect the meaning behind their man’s secret messages (which there aren’t, believe me) and even cry with and console each other with.
She went on to say that once that ‘season’ is over (i.e. one gets married, the other stays single), the woman will find something about that friend that irks them in some way and then find some excuse to kick them out of their life. Forever.
Hmm.
Apparently, women can’t stand each other’s company for too long. Too much competition. For men.
I disagreed, simply because I have a mixture of friends. Older and younger. Men and women. Some of them have been sharing this old life of mine for a very long time - the longest from school. Some of the others, bless them, have hung around for over 15 years.
The youngest friend that shares my adventures is 23, the oldest is 89. The richest is a millionaire who lives with her husband and two cats in London; the poorest lives on his own in a council flat in Slough is on the dole with two kids and a dog in tow.
The best thing about having and holding onto friends for a very long time, is that I get to share a variety of extra-ordinary qualities from each individual person. From a valuable, intimate, position. And I get to see those qualities shaping up (or down), at each stage – or season – in their life.
I certainly don't subscribe to the widely accepted notion that the more acquaintances you have in your life the more 'shallow' you are perceived, because somebody said that means you’re spreading yourself thinly. The reasoning behind that is that the smaller group of contacts you have, the more deeply committed you are to those particular people.
Over the years, I got to thinking I should not, not invite another person to share my life simply because of someone else’s judgement in that quarter.
I began to think this way: if I have only one friend then I’m going to want to use a huge chunk of that time with them. In that I would find disappointment. Simply because they’re not going to be able to give that to me. That’s not because they don’t want to share life with me. It’s because they want to share their life with other people – as well as me.
~ ~ ~
So, in your mind, you may be thinking that because your friends don’t want to spend a certain time with you, they don’t care for you - because they are not giving you the time you want with them. But if you don’t learn to allow your friend to grow in their own way in another direction – without you - you’ll be seen by them as clingy and demanding. You’ll be seen as needy and suffocating.
What I appreciate is that each individual has only a finite amount of time to spare. Each part of their life is special. Each part of their life is experienced so as to improve it and enable them to move on. They, too, are going to experience each season in a myriad of different ways.
Therefore, if you can invite a variety of people into your circle that you can talk with, share views with, agree and disagree with, go places with, capture memories with - then you’ll never be truly alone. You’ll always have somebody there. You’ll always have some valuable lesson to learn from – through another individual.
You’ll also get to witness how they cope with the hurdles they face. From that, you can observe one friend and how they deal with that issue - and improve your own life by learning, then you’ll be in a better position to help another friend through their issue by offering your own advice or counsel from what you’ve learned. They are free to accept or reject as their own conscience dictates.
~ ~ ~
I subscribe to the point of view that the more variety I have in my life the better it gets. The more people that wish to share my life, the richer my outlook becomes.
The more people that willingly enter my life, the less I have to place the burden of ‘friendship’ responsibility upon them. They can come and go as freely as they wish. I will be here for them if they need me. And I know because I don’t place any demands upon them, they will always be willing to listen to, or to help me – in good times and bad.
I don’t say this with a callous heart. I say it with an open mind. With warmth and gratitude, respect and admiration.
Anyhow, I pose the question: wanna stay in my life and give me a few lessons to learn from? In return, you might gain something from me too.
What say you, friend? -
The Orgasmic Mind: The Neurobiological Roots of Pleasure
Rather than approach this subject on my own, I decided to let the eminent scientists show you how it's done ... "oh to be involved in research like this" (she says whistfully!)
Achieving sexual climax requires a complex conspiracy of sensory and psychological signals—and the eventual silencing of critical brain areas. An article by Martin Portner of Scientific American Mind
Principles of Pleasure
• Sexual desire and orgasm are subject to various influences on the brain and nervous system, which controls the sex glands and genitals.
• The ingredients of desire may differ for men and women, but researchers have revealed some surprising similarities. For example, visual stimuli spur sexual stirrings in women, as they do in men.
• Achieving orgasm, brain imaging studies show, involves more than heightened arousal. It requires a release of inhibitions engineered by shutdown of the brain’s center of vigilance in both sexes and a widespread neural power failure in females.
She did not often have such strong emotions. But she suddenly felt powerless against her passion and the desire to throw herself into the arms of the cousin whom she saw at a family funeral. “It can only be because of that patch,” said Marianne, a participant in a multinational trial of a testosterone patch designed to treat hypoactive sexual desire disorder, in which a woman is devoid of libido. Testosterone, a hormone ordinarily produced by the ovaries, is linked to female sexual function, and the women in this 2005 study had undergone operations to remove their ovaries.
After 12 weeks of the trial, Marianne had felt her sexual desire return. Touching herself unleashed erotic sensations and vivid sexual fantasies. Eventually she could make love to her husband again and experienced an orgasm for the first time in almost three years. But that improvement was not because of testosterone, it turned out. Marianne was among the half of the women who had received a placebo patch—with no testosterone in it at all.
Marianne’s experience underlines the complexity of sexual arousal. Far from being a simple issue of hormones, sexual desire and orgasm are subject to various influences on the brain and nervous system, which controls the sex glands and genitals. And many of those influences are environmental. Recent research, for example, shows that visual stimuli spur sexual stirrings in women, as they do in men. Marianne’s desire may have been invigorated by conversations or thoughts about sex she had as a result of taking part in the trial. Such stimuli may help relieve inhibitions or simply whet a person’s appetite for sex.
Achieving orgasm, brain-imaging studies show, involves more than heightened arousal. It requires a release of inhibitions and control in which the brain’s center of vigilance shuts down in males; in females, various areas of the brain involved in controlling thoughts and emotions become silent. The brain’s pleasure centers tend to light up brightly in the brain scans of both sexes, especially in those of males. The reward system creates an incentive to seek more sexual encounters, with clear benefits for the survival of the species. When the drive for sex dissipates, as it did with Marianne, people can reignite the spark with tactics that target the mind.
Sex in Circles
Biologists identified sex hormones such as estrogen and testosterone in the 1920s and 1930s, and the first studies of human sexuality appeared in the 1940s. In 1948 biologist Alfred Kinsey of Indiana University introduced his first report on human sexual practices, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, which was followed, in 1953, by Sexual Behavior in the Human Female. These highly controversial books opened up a new dialogue about human sexuality. They not only broached topics—such as masturbation, homosexuality and orgasm—that many people considered taboo but also revealed the surprising frequency with which people were coupling and engaging in sexual relations of countless varieties.
Kinsey thus debuted sex as a science, paving the way for others to dig below statistics into the realm of biology. In 1966 gynecologist William Masters and psychologist Virginia Johnson—who originally hailed from Washington University before founding their own research institute in St. Louis—described for the first time the sexual response cycle (how the body responds to sexual stimulation), based on observations of 382 women and 312 men undergoing some 10,000 such cycles. The cycle begins with excitation, as blood rushes to the penis in men, and as the clitoris, vulva and vagina enlarge and grow moist in women. Gradually, people reach a plateau, in which they are fully aroused but not yet at orgasm. After reaching orgasm, they enter the resolution phase, in which the tissues return to the preexcitation stage.
In the 1970s psychiatrist Helen Singer Kaplan of the Human Sexuality Program at Weill Medical College of Cornell University added a critical element to this cycle—desire—based on her experience as a sex therapist. In her three-stage model, desire precedes sexual excitation, which is then followed by orgasm. Because desire is mainly psychological, Kaplan emphasized the importance of the mind in the sexual experience and the destructive forces of anxiety, defensiveness and failure of communication.
In the late 1980s gynecologist Rosemary Basson of the University of British Columbia proposed a more circular sexual cycle, which, despite the term, had been described as a largely linear progression in previous work. Basson suggested that desire might both lead to genital stimulation and be invigorated by it. Countering the idea that orgasm is the pinnacle of the experience, she placed it as a mere spot on the circle, asserting that a person could feel sexually satisfied at any of the stages leading up to an orgasm, which thus does not have to be the ultimate goal of sexual activity.
Dissecting Desire
Given the importance of desire in this cycle, researchers have long wanted to identify its key ingredients. Conventional wisdom casts the male triggers in simplistic sensory terms, with tactile and visual stimuli being particularly enticing. Men are drawn to visual erotica, explaining the lure of magazines such as Playboy. Meanwhile female desire is supposedly fueled by a richer cognitive and emotional texture. “Women experience desire as a result of the context in which they are inserted—whether they feel comfortable with themselves and the partner, feel safe and perceive a true bond with the partner,” opines urologist Jennifer Berman of the Female Sexual Medicine Center at the University of California, Los Angeles.
Yet sexual imagery devoid of emotional connections can arouse women just as it can men, a 2007 study shows. Psychologist Meredith Chivers of the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto and her colleagues gauged the degree of sexual arousal in about 100 women and men, both homosexual and heterosexual, while they watched erotic film clips. The clips depicted same-sex intercourse, solitary masturbation or nude exercise—performed by men and women—as well as male-female intercourse and mating between bonobos (close ape relatives of the chimpanzee).
The researchers found that although nude exercise genitally aroused all the onlookers the least and intercourse excited them the most, the type of actor was more important for the men than for the women. Heterosexual women’s level of arousal increased along with the intensity of the sexual activity largely irrespective of who or what was engaged in it. In fact, these women were genitally excited by male and female actors equally and also responded physically to bonobo copulation. (Gay women, however, were more particular; they did not react sexually to men masturbating or exercising naked.)
The men, by contrast, were physically titillated mainly by their preferred category of sexual partner—that is, females for straight men and males for gay men—and were not excited by bonobo copulation. The results, the researchers say, suggest that women are not only aroused by a variety of types of sexual imagery but are more flexible than men in their sexual interests and preferences.
When it comes to orgasm, simple sensations as well as higher-level mental processes probably also play a role in both sexes. Although Kinsey characterized orgasm in purely physical terms, psychologist Barry R. Komisaruk of Rutgers University has defined the experience as more multifaceted. In their book The Science of Orgasm (Johns Hopkins University Press, 2006), Komisaruk, endocrinologist Carlos Beyer-Flores of the Tlaxcala Laboratory in Mexico and Rutgers sexologist Beverly Whipple describe orgasm as maximal excitation generated by a gradual summing of responses from the body’s sensory receptors, combined with complex cognitive and emotional forces. Similarly, psychologist Kent Berridge of the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor has described sexual pleasure as a kind of “gloss” that the brain’s emotional hub, the limbic system, applies over the primary sensations.
The relative weights of sensory and emotional influences on orgasm may differ between the sexes, perhaps because of its diverging evolutionary origins. Orgasm in men is directly tied to reproduction through ejaculation, whereas female orgasm has a less obvious evolutionary role. Orgasm in a woman might physically aid in the retention of sperm, or it may play a subtler social function, such as facilitating bonding with her mate. If female orgasm evolved primarily for social reasons, it might elicit more complex thoughts and feelings in women than it does in men.
Forgetting Fear
But does it? Researchers are trying to crack this riddle by probing changes in brain activity during orgasm in both men and women. Neuroscientist Gert Holstege of the University of Groningen in the Netherlands and his colleagues attempted to solve the male side of the equation by asking the female partners of 11 men to stimulate their partner’s penis until he ejaculated while they scanned his brain using positron-emission tomography (PET). During ejaculation, the researchers saw extraordinary activation of the ventral tegmental area (VTA), a major hub of the brain’s reward circuitry; the intensity of this response is comparable to that induced by heroin.
“Because ejaculation introduces sperm into the female reproductive tract, it would be critical for reproduction of the species to favor ejaculation as a most rewarding behavior,” the researchers wrote in 2003 in The Journal of Neuroscience.
The scientists also saw heightened activity in brain regions involved in memory-related imagery and in vision itself, perhaps because the volunteers used visual imagery to hasten orgasm. The anterior part of the cerebellum also switched into high gear. The cerebellum has long been labeled the coordinator of motor behaviors but has more recently revealed its role in emotional processing. Thus, the cerebellum could be the seat of the emotional components of orgasm in men, perhaps helping to coordinate those emotions with planned behaviors. The amygdala, the brain’s center of vigilance and sometimes fear, showed a decline in activity at ejaculation, a probable sign of decreasing vigilance during sexual performance.
To find out whether orgasm looks similar in the female brain, Holstege’s team asked the male partners of 12 women to stimulate their partner’s clitoris—the site whose excitation most easily leads to orgasm—until she climaxed, again inside a PET scanner. Not surprisingly, the team reported in 2006, clitoral stimulation by itself led to activation in areas of the brain involved in receiving and perceiving sensory signals from that part of the body and in describing a body sensation—for instance, labeling it “sexual.”
But when a woman reached orgasm, something unexpected happened: much of her brain went silent. Some of the most muted neurons sat in the left lateral orbitofrontal cortex, which may govern self-control over basic desires such as sex. Decreased activity there, the researchers suggest, might correspond to a release of tension and inhibition. The scientists also saw a dip in excitation in the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, which has an apparent role in moral reasoning and social judgment—a change that may be tied to a suspension of judgment and reflection.
Brain activity fell in the amygdala, too, suggesting a depression of vigilance similar to that seen in men, who generally showed far less deactivation in their brain during orgasm than their female counterparts did. “Fear and anxiety need to be avoided at all costs if a woman wishes to have an orgasm; we knew that, but now we can see it happening in the depths of the brain,” Holstege says. He went so far as to declare at the 2005 meeting of the European Society for Human Reproduction and Development: “At the moment of orgasm, women do not have any emotional feelings.”
But that lack of emotion may not apply to all orgasms in women. Komisaruk, Whipple and their colleagues studied the patterns of brain activation that occur during orgasm in five women with spinal cord injuries that left them without sensation in their lower extremities. These women were able to achieve a “deep,” or nonclitoral, orgasm through mechanical stimulation (using a laboratory device) of the vagina and cervix. But contrary to Holstege’s results, Komisaruk’s team found that orgasm was accompanied by a general activation of the limbic system, the brain’s seat of emotion.
Among the activated limbic regions were the amygdala and the hypothalamus, which produces oxytocin, the putative love and bonding hormone whose levels jump fourfold at orgasm. The researchers also found heightened activity in the nucleus accumbens, a critical part of the brain’s reward circuitry that may mediate orgasmic pleasure in women. In addition, they saw unusual activity in the anterior cingulate cortex and the insula, two brain areas that Rutgers anthropologist Helen Fisher has found come to life during the later stages of love relationships. Such activity may connect a female’s sexual pleasure with the emotional bond she feels with her partner.
Pleasure Pill?
Disentangling the connections between orgasm, reproduction and love may someday yield better medications and psychotherapies for sexual problems. As Marianne’s case illustrates, the answer is usually not as simple as a hormone boost. Instead her improvement was probably the result of the activation or inactivation of relevant parts of her brain by social triggers she encountered while participating in an experiment whose purpose centered on female sexual arousal. Indeed, many sex therapies revolve around opening the mind to new ways of thinking about sex or about your sexual partner.
Companies are also working on medications that act on the nervous system to stimulate desire. One such experimental compound is a peptide called bremelanotide, which is under development by Palatin Technologies in Cranbury, N.J. It blocks certain receptors in the brain that are involved in regulating basic drives such as eating and sex. In human studies bremelanotide has prompted spontaneous erections in men and boosted sexual arousal and desire in women, but the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has held up its progress out of concern over side effects such as rising blood pressure.
Continued scientific dissection of the experience of orgasm may lead to new pharmaceutical and psychological avenues for enhancing the experience. Yet overanalyzing this moment of intense pleasure might also put a damper on the fun. That is what the science tells us anyway. -
Sx Education 7: Seventh Heaven? Sexuality
"It's a pity that sex is such a dirty little word"
DH Lawrence
Whether we love, like or loathe it, sex is something that we all have a hand in. We can’t escape the fact that we were created by it, came out of it, we indulge in it and it is always on our minds – for better or worse. Sex will always provide a topic of conversation between the sexes – for titillation, for entertainment, for something seriously educational and for something personally intimate. It is always on and in the mind.
Whether you are overtly public or deeply private, let’s face it, there are different types of sexuality and, if we were all the same, life would be hellishly boring … wouldn’t it?
Because we’re all so very different, there are some people out there that we simply can’t get along with – or that we dislike so strongly that we can’t fathom what it is about them that turns us off. But, there’s the other side of the coin to consider too - those that we find so adoringly attractive that we cannot keep our eyes - or hands - off them.
In this blog, I aim to highlight the people who attract us, and we can’t fathom why. So I ask the question:
“what is it about a sexually alluring person that manages to ‘dampen our eyes’ with such fiery passion?”
We’ve all probably come across one or two of them, they have a magnetic quality about them that attracts anyone’s glance simply by entering a room. They have unusual charm and magnetism about them; a type of aura that isn’t obvious at first glance. We wonder about them, asking is it that they have a breezy-easy sincerity, a sturdy determination or an insightful mind? Or, is it that they just don’t give a damned about what anyone thinks about them, and simply ooze sex appeal from within their own skin?
Where does that sex appeal originate?
I’ve seen small chunky women and tall skinny men (and visa versa) possess all the sexual charisma and charm needed to catch a man or woman in their net. I’ve seen pretty, attractive women and devilishly handsome men (ditto above brackets) fail dismally in their endeavours to entice the opposite sex. So from this, can we assume it’s certainly not in their looks?
Does being sexually attractive lie in having the ability to be sharp, serious, sensual, serious and silly? Is it being able to flow with the go? Is it simply knowing the who, what and why you are who you are and being happy with that?
What is a sexually alluring person all about?
In a nutshell, it appears to boil right down to confidence.
Having the persona that says to everyone:
“Nothing frightens me.”
“I’m open to anyone who wants to approach.”
“I’ll try anything once.”
Having said that, what is confidence but a self-assuredness about oneself. Or if it’s being able to deal direct with any situation – and that includes any kind of sex act - knowing what you do and don’t like and stating it with no fear of the come-backs.
To me, it’s not that a sexual person has a great big appetite for sex itself, it’s more to do with the ‘pleasure principle’. The fact that they are willing to try anything once and appreciate anyone who is open-minded enough to want to do the same.
Some sexually confident people may come across as being vain, but in reality those who are sure of themselves, don’t need to be reassured that they’re lookin’ good. They don’t need constant comments from others or a mirror to tell them that they are better than ‘okay’. They don’t pin all their hopes onto one individual - or many. Their attitude is “so what, there’s plenty more where you came from”, and off they pop.
And though that kind of attitude may seem a little harsh to some, a sexually confident person doesn’t really give a damned about your thoughts on that score.
Because they can be entertaining and provocative when acting in this manner, they offer a fascinating glance into something that is hungered for by lots of others. They are not available for everyone, all the time, yet make everyone believe that they are special in their own unique way.
Part of being sexually alluring is about allowing others to like, love or loathe you (and others) without taking offence, without judging them and accepting that attitude with an attitude of acceptance. To simply like being yourself. To be comfortable in your skin and know that you are you - whatever the consequences.
A person who has sexual allurity (if that’s a word), is able to know the difference between knowing that they are enjoying themselves during the sexual act - and not. They take time over the physical aspect of it. They don’t plunge in too quickly, they don’t thrash around hastily and spurt bodily fluids everywhere. And, when they’ve reached the height of their own pleasure, they don’t turn their backs on the person they’ve taken pleasure from and doze off.
But that’s just sex. Isn’t it? That’s not the act of a sexually confident person.
A person who is confident in their sexuality is not a selfish individual. Particularly when it comes to the sex act itself.
He or she knows the pleasure that sex can bring. To themselves and to their partner. They actually want their partner to know what deep pleasures can be gained through the simple act of touch, of taste, of scent, of breath and, of course, of sight. And they know that any person has the potential to gain all they have experienced in the bedroom game – whether that be the whole tantric game or a quick poke in the hole.
This reminds me of a book I once read (really
, that quoted the following from ‘Honore de Balzac (19th Century):
“Most men in love are like apes trying to play a violin”
I disagree.
Most men want to play that violin so it creates the most harmonious sound.
In other words, they would rather have a woman be smiling at them while they plunge deeper into her, than having her turn her head away disinterested after he’s been pounding away inconsiderately for the two minutes before he cums.
A man who cares for the woman he’s decided to have sex with, wants that woman to be involved. He wants to feel those legs wrap tight around his hips. He wants her to touch, to stroke, to fondle, to explore his hairy, sweaty body - as much as he wants to do the same to her. For her. With her.
No. Men who are confident of their sexuality and care for their women are certainly not apes in bed.
But a woman has to have the ability to teach him the lessons of pleasuring her. She has to be able to tell him what she likes. She has to be able to guide him into the right spots that take her way beyond this physical plane. If she doesn’t, she’s doomed to allow him to do as he wishes until he has risen to the heights of his own ecstasy without her – and make no bones about it, he will.
That being said, no man is responsible for a woman’s orgasm. A woman who knows how to make her own pleasure becomes (dare I say it comfortable with her own sexuality. She is able to acknowledge that it is her soul that wears her body and not the other way around.
So, to answer the question posed at the beginning of this blog; “what is it about a sexually alluring person that manages to ‘dampen our eyes’ with such fiery passion?”
If I were to venture a guess, it would be this: That truly sexual people know what they want from life and that what they are looking for is within them. There doesn’t appear to be any ‘frantic’ search for ‘Mr (or Miss) Right’ or even a deep yearning sensation to be one with someone else. They are leisurely and meaningful and demonstrate the same attitude in their bedrooms.
People who are satisfied with their sexuality know that both masculine and feminine traits reside within both sexes and accept that as normal – knowing that men who have developed their feminine side are not afraid of showing sensitivity or love. They also understand that women who have developed their masculine traits tend not to be pressured by the world’s ills while being able to focus more on what is meaningful to them.
There’s also this self-assuredness that lies deep within them. They have the ability to love without being possessive and while they expect total freedom they are able to give it too. They seem to learn deeply from bad experiences while allowing them to float away from them - but recognise and embrace good incidents. They tend not to be ego-centred and look upon satisfying their partner’s sexual needs and desires as well as their own.
Sex seems not to be a battleground for the truly sexually aware person. No control is conditioned, no manipulation managed, no power played out, while supremacy is sacrificed. Sex becomes part of living as much as eating, drinking, sleeping and waking.
There is one other special trait of a person who is at one with their sexuality. That is ‘guiltless’. No trap is ever laid for such a natural and satisfying act. Sex is a vigorous adventure to enjoy as well as being tender, warm and gentle. A mental and physical bond between them and their chosen partner seems to exist. Sex is certainly not a dirty little word to the sexually aware person.
Wouldn’t you just love to be one of these people? -
Knotting Hill. 115. int. Tony's Restaurant. Day.
When you get an invite from a guy who wants to msn you - try to hold your breath and think before you react. We all know that many of the men who resort to this kind of behaviour are young guys contacting older women.
Now, I promise I'll get to the gist of the message before the end, but for now, I'll let you know that I'm a 'movie freak' and I recall this scene from Notting Hill ... if you haven't seen the film, go get it. It's brilliant. Has a lot of subtle messages that a romcom doesn't normally offer.
The restaurant is in the middle of being deconstructed. The pictures are gone off the walls - a kettle on a long extension lead is on the bare table behind. They're all sitting there.
There's a conversation between William and the rest of them because William's rejected Anna Scott's proposal to go out with him.
It's Bernie's speech that makes the most sense.
Bernie
"But she said she wanted to go out with you?"
William
"Yes - sort of ..."
Bernie
"That's nice."
William
"What?"
Bernie
"Well, you know, anybody saying they want to go out with you is ... pretty great ... isn't it?"
William
"It was sort of sweet actually - I mean, I know she's an actress and all that, so she can deliver a line - but also ... that she was just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."
They take in the line.
As I'm hoping anyone reading this blog is.
I think it's sweet that any guy has found the courage to ask anyone to go out with them. I think it's brave. It's couragous and it's all part of learning in this life. It's all a test. For us all. Including the one's being asked.
I don't want to turn this into a lecture, but feel a need to highlight a couple of points.
On a serious note, here are a few stats:
ADD 4 to 9 times more common in males than females
Conduct disorder is 3 times more common in males
Antisocial personality disorder is 8 times more common in men
Psychotherapy or sociopathy is 4 times more common in men
What is most disturbing is that
Suicide deaths (not attempts) are 4 times more common in men than women. Women 'attempt', whereas men 'succeed'
I lived in Scotland for quite a while and found that it had the highest suicide rate in comparison to the rest of the UK - among young males.
There are many young men who resort to suicide because they feel alone, and when they do try to make contact, and are rejected for it, this batters their confidence no end.
We live in a society that makes it difficult for young men to find an outlet for their 'emotions'. They are taught not to compete or fight while at school - even though this is the natural way for them to 'find themselves'. They are taught not to touch girls, even though young girls wear such outrageous clothing (including thongs appearing above waistbands). They are told by us to bog off ... in no uncertain terms ... even though we have probably (not always, I agree) put a tantalising picture up for them to freely view and comment on.
There are biological reasons that make the male brain more prone to the kind of behaviour that the women experience on a regular basis on Netlog. And I could go into the biological explanation of how the prefrontal cortext (the rational, planning part of the brain) in men who experience serious violence has low activity, which leads to having no control over impulsive behaviour - but I'll save that for another blog someday - if anyone's interested of course.
Rather than ranting on that we don't want people sending msn messages to us - or asking to chat when they don't even know us ... If we can remember these words from Notting Hill and find a good way to reject those advances we don't want, then perhaps we'll be setting an example. Once I have kindly and subtly rejected an unwanted male advance, I don't hear from them anymore. Which shows me one thing, that they are just 'trying their luck'. They don't mean any harm.
If you don't want the attention (male or female), please, find it in your heart to remember this scene from Notting Hill. Find it in your soul to remember we are all here on earth not only to learn, but to teach as well. If we can teach through setting good examples and behaving in ways that we would like to have people behave towards us, then perhaps we can start to make a better world.
As China says:
One World. One Vision.
This kind of action doesn't start outside of us - out there on the screen in front of us, or even out on the street. It starts within.
With kindness.
kx
