angelwithabullet
Trust female - 46 years
Blog / Tags / sex
Blog messages with the tag 'sex':
-
Let Me Sing You A Waltz
Let me sing you a waltz
Out of no where
Out of my thoughts
Let me sing you a waltz
About this one night stand
You were for me that night
Everything I dreamed of in life
But now you’re gone
You are far gone
All the way to your island of rain
It was to you just a one night thing
But you were more to me
Just so you know
I don’t care what I say
I know what you meant for me
That day
I just want another try
I just want another night
Even if it doesn’t seem quite right
You meant for me much more
Than anyone I’ve met before
One single night with you
Is worth a thousand with anybody
I have no bitterness my sweet
I’ll never forget this one night thing
Even tomorrow in other arms
My heart will stay yours until I die
Let me sing you a waltz
Out of nowhere
Out of my blues
Let me sing you a waltz
About this lovely one night stand
Celine's Song in Before Sunset (2004) -
Women: do you need men?
Women: do you need men?
Men: do you need women?
Let me know what you think and feel about this - in a private message please - as i'll quote you in the blog being written about it (if you want to stay 'anon', then please state this).
kaye x -
Dumping Ground
WARNING: SOME LEWD LANGUAGE APPEARS IN THIS BLOG. PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED.
Hey, wanna know a funny thing? I like being taught lessons. I like the rollercoaster of life. I like fighting through the challenges it presents to me. Why? Because I know they will make me into a better person. Hopefully.
In 2008 I had a lot of lessons to learn. Namely on the dating scene. I had six men after me at one point. Six! Yeap. Little old specky me!
Prior to those guys arriving on the scene, I hadn’t had sex for five whole years (keep saying it Kaye, you might just believe it.)
Now, how many do I have?
None. Zero. Nada. Zilch.
What am I doing wrong?
Am I expecting too much? Am I putting out too early? Am I playing the ‘Virginal Card’ to coyly?
Must be something to do with a New Year clear out …I don’t know so much about that, as they all dribbled away like some other sticky fluid I didn’t get much of a look in at last year. But what I do know are the facts, as follows, in no particular order I might add …
It’s kind of cruel to say this, but I had never experienced being dumped.
Last year, though, I was dumped pre-sex, post-sex and even, would you believe it, DURING sex!
Yep, laugh all you want me hearties, but let’s face it:
That taught me a lesson I’ll never forget.
Being dumped is the pits.
Being dumped really puts you in your place.
Being dumped makes you realise that the whole of your life isn’t really all in your hands. And, yeah, Karma really does come back like a whacking great boomerang to smack you in the ass.
On the odd occasion (more often than not) I have all of these strange yearnings deep inside of me. They whell up like an ugly walrus lolloping ungainly on a stony beach.
For a while there, I didn’t know how to handle them. So I just went with my gut feelings and ‘told ‘em like it is’.
Didn’t do me much good though.
“Honesty”, my granny always said to me, “is always the best policy”
I think I’ve proved her wrong on pretty more than a few occasions.
You see, I couldn’t do a darned thing about those emotional rollercoasters that I’ve taken a ride on during the past year, ‘cos I’ve come to realise that it may be that I’m not a woman who can date like a normal woman.
In my minds eye (and, believe me, I have a few of them), all I really want is great passionate sex.
Just sex. The kind of sex where you get really sticky with sweet sweat and you feel all raw and smelly and filled up with lurve in the morning, like only a woman who’s been fondled by a man, can.
You know the sort of fling thing, the no strings attached kind of relationship that makes you feel free - and yet wanted at the same time.
But – and here’s the big but guys - that kind of sex for me, has to be with a man that knows what he’s doing to, for and with me. Or it’s no good.
You’d think it would be easy to find, wouldn’t you?
But it’s not.
You see, we all seem to be hung up on this ‘soul mate’ scene. It keeps darned well gettin’ in the way. Even with the men I date who want nothing more than just the frollicks with their boll**ks or to wrap straps round my paps.
Some of the men I’ve dated, dated me because they wanted to ‘get me into bed’. And that’s fine by me. As long as they abided by my granny’s code, and they were honest about it.
But somehow, somewhere down the line of least resistance there’s this secret message that lurks in Neverland time … it’s like this unwritten code that we’re all supposed to know without having been told it.
I know I’m not supposed to date married men. I know that. Truly I do. I shouldn’t steal another woman’s man … well, excuse me for asking, but is she keeping her man happy at home? If so, then why is he wandering away from her bed – without telling her? More importantly, without telling me?
Who’s to blame for that?
I’ve dated three of them in the past year.
One who said he was separated.
One who said he was getting divorced.
One who said he had an open-relationship.
Well, before long, there was one question I learned to ask myself before I got any deeper into the relationship I had with them and slightly before any danger-line was walked upon:
“If that’s the case, why did I never get to meet your wives guys?”
The thing that kicked in with me was not the ‘soul mate’ scenario that those guys thought I was hung up on, but more akin with the Karma thing.
I didn’t want its stick to whack me on the back of the head. So I wised up and wailed a resounding
‘NO!’
It was sad for me to do that. I was pretty cut up for a couple of days. I mourned their loss. I thought of their kind eyes, their gentle touch, their soft comforting voices. Their beautiful soft, downy mat of hair on those broad chests, those gorgeous shoulders and strong arms that wrapped around my body ...
However, I really didn’t want to be taken for granted.
I didn’t want to be walked over.
I didn’t want to be thought of as something of a thing that could be had whenever, however, wherever.
Really, that’s not me.
Guys get frightened of the real me.
Why?
Because they think I’m the kinda woman who wants more than just a fling kinda thing.
Can’t say why I give that impression (I put blame it on the spectacles and brown hair – comon’ everyone takes those seriously – don’t they
.
But hey, who am I to understand the workings of a straight man’s mind? If you hang on a minute – taking that subject and running with it - the workings of a man’s mind, and a woman’s heart - I do believe there is someone for everyone. I sincerely do.
Do you know what the really sad thing is?
It’s that there is only one of me - and so darned many of those delicious bodies out there to play the games with.
I have only a finite amount of time left with which to play the game of love. Let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger! So, I’ll date, if they come my way, but I’m not going to go out of my way to make a man-trap to catch them in.
And, if for some very unfortunate reason, someone fancied the guy who I fancied, I would have to just hang my head low, cast my heart down and stand aside. My feelings about him, shouldn’t get in the way of what could be good for someone else. Should they?
So maybe my mind’s eye peephole isn’t what I should be spying through. Maybe it’s my heart’s eye that I should be seeing with. Maybe it isn’t ‘just passionate sex’ that I want. Maybe those guys who want to play around are right to be frightened of me. Maybe I have to face it and realise that I am like (almost) every other woman on the planet and that I do want something more, something deeper, something more akin to friendship sex.
Sex with someone who doesn’t text someone else while they have chosen to honour me with their company.
Sex with someone who remembers to turn up when they said they would and doesn't leave me waiting alone all dressed up with no where to go.
Sex with someone who doesn't pop in for 'just a cuppa' and then promptly invite himself up into my room.
Sex with someone who doesn't expect me to w*nk him off and not expect to do anything to, for or with me in return.
Sex with someone who does stop to consider the turmoil my body is going through while I'm throwing up my guts down the loo at 3 in the morning.
Sex with someone who doesn’t say to me that they've just realised they actually do love someone else – while in the sexual act with moi!
Yes, sex with someone who cares as much about me as I do about him.
Sex with someone who values the woman I am and all that I can honestly give.
Will I ever find that? I don’t know. But I shall have some fun finding out.
So, yeap, the funny thing is that I'm still looking forward to 2009 and it's lessons. I'm looking forward to the next rollercoaster ride - this time I'll belt myself in tight! -
NEVER show this to a woman!
For Gods sake men.. NEVER let the women see this one
Warning: This is a joke, with a little bit of a kick - so if you are sensitive, please don't read and report.
I never drink Baileys!!!!
A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink.
The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.
After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar:
A salt shaker,
A shot of Baileys,
A shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth,
And finally you drink the lime juice.'
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.
He puts the salt on his tongue........salty but OK.
He drinks the shot of Baileys and holds it in his mouth........smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks........this is OK.
Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
1. In one second the sharp lime taste hits...
2. At two seconds the Baileys curdles.....
3. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like
Consistency hits.....
4. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.
This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, Jesus what do you call that drink?'
Please - you have been warned. This is only for a laugh. If you are sensitive, then please don't read on ahead and report this blog.
Remember, you have been warned.
Please bear in mind the above warning.
She smiles widely at him and says, 'Blow Job Revenge.' -
The Orgasmic Mind: The Neurobiological Roots of Pleasure
Rather than approach this subject on my own, I decided to let the eminent scientists show you how it's done ... "oh to be involved in research like this" (she says whistfully!)
Achieving sexual climax requires a complex conspiracy of sensory and psychological signals—and the eventual silencing of critical brain areas. An article by Martin Portner of Scientific American Mind
Principles of Pleasure
• Sexual desire and orgasm are subject to various influences on the brain and nervous system, which controls the sex glands and genitals.
• The ingredients of desire may differ for men and women, but researchers have revealed some surprising similarities. For example, visual stimuli spur sexual stirrings in women, as they do in men.
• Achieving orgasm, brain imaging studies show, involves more than heightened arousal. It requires a release of inhibitions engineered by shutdown of the brain’s center of vigilance in both sexes and a widespread neural power failure in females.
She did not often have such strong emotions. But she suddenly felt powerless against her passion and the desire to throw herself into the arms of the cousin whom she saw at a family funeral. “It can only be because of that patch,” said Marianne, a participant in a multinational trial of a testosterone patch designed to treat hypoactive sexual desire disorder, in which a woman is devoid of libido. Testosterone, a hormone ordinarily produced by the ovaries, is linked to female sexual function, and the women in this 2005 study had undergone operations to remove their ovaries.
After 12 weeks of the trial, Marianne had felt her sexual desire return. Touching herself unleashed erotic sensations and vivid sexual fantasies. Eventually she could make love to her husband again and experienced an orgasm for the first time in almost three years. But that improvement was not because of testosterone, it turned out. Marianne was among the half of the women who had received a placebo patch—with no testosterone in it at all.
Marianne’s experience underlines the complexity of sexual arousal. Far from being a simple issue of hormones, sexual desire and orgasm are subject to various influences on the brain and nervous system, which controls the sex glands and genitals. And many of those influences are environmental. Recent research, for example, shows that visual stimuli spur sexual stirrings in women, as they do in men. Marianne’s desire may have been invigorated by conversations or thoughts about sex she had as a result of taking part in the trial. Such stimuli may help relieve inhibitions or simply whet a person’s appetite for sex.
Achieving orgasm, brain-imaging studies show, involves more than heightened arousal. It requires a release of inhibitions and control in which the brain’s center of vigilance shuts down in males; in females, various areas of the brain involved in controlling thoughts and emotions become silent. The brain’s pleasure centers tend to light up brightly in the brain scans of both sexes, especially in those of males. The reward system creates an incentive to seek more sexual encounters, with clear benefits for the survival of the species. When the drive for sex dissipates, as it did with Marianne, people can reignite the spark with tactics that target the mind.
Sex in Circles
Biologists identified sex hormones such as estrogen and testosterone in the 1920s and 1930s, and the first studies of human sexuality appeared in the 1940s. In 1948 biologist Alfred Kinsey of Indiana University introduced his first report on human sexual practices, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, which was followed, in 1953, by Sexual Behavior in the Human Female. These highly controversial books opened up a new dialogue about human sexuality. They not only broached topics—such as masturbation, homosexuality and orgasm—that many people considered taboo but also revealed the surprising frequency with which people were coupling and engaging in sexual relations of countless varieties.
Kinsey thus debuted sex as a science, paving the way for others to dig below statistics into the realm of biology. In 1966 gynecologist William Masters and psychologist Virginia Johnson—who originally hailed from Washington University before founding their own research institute in St. Louis—described for the first time the sexual response cycle (how the body responds to sexual stimulation), based on observations of 382 women and 312 men undergoing some 10,000 such cycles. The cycle begins with excitation, as blood rushes to the penis in men, and as the clitoris, vulva and vagina enlarge and grow moist in women. Gradually, people reach a plateau, in which they are fully aroused but not yet at orgasm. After reaching orgasm, they enter the resolution phase, in which the tissues return to the preexcitation stage.
In the 1970s psychiatrist Helen Singer Kaplan of the Human Sexuality Program at Weill Medical College of Cornell University added a critical element to this cycle—desire—based on her experience as a sex therapist. In her three-stage model, desire precedes sexual excitation, which is then followed by orgasm. Because desire is mainly psychological, Kaplan emphasized the importance of the mind in the sexual experience and the destructive forces of anxiety, defensiveness and failure of communication.
In the late 1980s gynecologist Rosemary Basson of the University of British Columbia proposed a more circular sexual cycle, which, despite the term, had been described as a largely linear progression in previous work. Basson suggested that desire might both lead to genital stimulation and be invigorated by it. Countering the idea that orgasm is the pinnacle of the experience, she placed it as a mere spot on the circle, asserting that a person could feel sexually satisfied at any of the stages leading up to an orgasm, which thus does not have to be the ultimate goal of sexual activity.
Dissecting Desire
Given the importance of desire in this cycle, researchers have long wanted to identify its key ingredients. Conventional wisdom casts the male triggers in simplistic sensory terms, with tactile and visual stimuli being particularly enticing. Men are drawn to visual erotica, explaining the lure of magazines such as Playboy. Meanwhile female desire is supposedly fueled by a richer cognitive and emotional texture. “Women experience desire as a result of the context in which they are inserted—whether they feel comfortable with themselves and the partner, feel safe and perceive a true bond with the partner,” opines urologist Jennifer Berman of the Female Sexual Medicine Center at the University of California, Los Angeles.
Yet sexual imagery devoid of emotional connections can arouse women just as it can men, a 2007 study shows. Psychologist Meredith Chivers of the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto and her colleagues gauged the degree of sexual arousal in about 100 women and men, both homosexual and heterosexual, while they watched erotic film clips. The clips depicted same-sex intercourse, solitary masturbation or nude exercise—performed by men and women—as well as male-female intercourse and mating between bonobos (close ape relatives of the chimpanzee).
The researchers found that although nude exercise genitally aroused all the onlookers the least and intercourse excited them the most, the type of actor was more important for the men than for the women. Heterosexual women’s level of arousal increased along with the intensity of the sexual activity largely irrespective of who or what was engaged in it. In fact, these women were genitally excited by male and female actors equally and also responded physically to bonobo copulation. (Gay women, however, were more particular; they did not react sexually to men masturbating or exercising naked.)
The men, by contrast, were physically titillated mainly by their preferred category of sexual partner—that is, females for straight men and males for gay men—and were not excited by bonobo copulation. The results, the researchers say, suggest that women are not only aroused by a variety of types of sexual imagery but are more flexible than men in their sexual interests and preferences.
When it comes to orgasm, simple sensations as well as higher-level mental processes probably also play a role in both sexes. Although Kinsey characterized orgasm in purely physical terms, psychologist Barry R. Komisaruk of Rutgers University has defined the experience as more multifaceted. In their book The Science of Orgasm (Johns Hopkins University Press, 2006), Komisaruk, endocrinologist Carlos Beyer-Flores of the Tlaxcala Laboratory in Mexico and Rutgers sexologist Beverly Whipple describe orgasm as maximal excitation generated by a gradual summing of responses from the body’s sensory receptors, combined with complex cognitive and emotional forces. Similarly, psychologist Kent Berridge of the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor has described sexual pleasure as a kind of “gloss” that the brain’s emotional hub, the limbic system, applies over the primary sensations.
The relative weights of sensory and emotional influences on orgasm may differ between the sexes, perhaps because of its diverging evolutionary origins. Orgasm in men is directly tied to reproduction through ejaculation, whereas female orgasm has a less obvious evolutionary role. Orgasm in a woman might physically aid in the retention of sperm, or it may play a subtler social function, such as facilitating bonding with her mate. If female orgasm evolved primarily for social reasons, it might elicit more complex thoughts and feelings in women than it does in men.
Forgetting Fear
But does it? Researchers are trying to crack this riddle by probing changes in brain activity during orgasm in both men and women. Neuroscientist Gert Holstege of the University of Groningen in the Netherlands and his colleagues attempted to solve the male side of the equation by asking the female partners of 11 men to stimulate their partner’s penis until he ejaculated while they scanned his brain using positron-emission tomography (PET). During ejaculation, the researchers saw extraordinary activation of the ventral tegmental area (VTA), a major hub of the brain’s reward circuitry; the intensity of this response is comparable to that induced by heroin.
“Because ejaculation introduces sperm into the female reproductive tract, it would be critical for reproduction of the species to favor ejaculation as a most rewarding behavior,” the researchers wrote in 2003 in The Journal of Neuroscience.
The scientists also saw heightened activity in brain regions involved in memory-related imagery and in vision itself, perhaps because the volunteers used visual imagery to hasten orgasm. The anterior part of the cerebellum also switched into high gear. The cerebellum has long been labeled the coordinator of motor behaviors but has more recently revealed its role in emotional processing. Thus, the cerebellum could be the seat of the emotional components of orgasm in men, perhaps helping to coordinate those emotions with planned behaviors. The amygdala, the brain’s center of vigilance and sometimes fear, showed a decline in activity at ejaculation, a probable sign of decreasing vigilance during sexual performance.
To find out whether orgasm looks similar in the female brain, Holstege’s team asked the male partners of 12 women to stimulate their partner’s clitoris—the site whose excitation most easily leads to orgasm—until she climaxed, again inside a PET scanner. Not surprisingly, the team reported in 2006, clitoral stimulation by itself led to activation in areas of the brain involved in receiving and perceiving sensory signals from that part of the body and in describing a body sensation—for instance, labeling it “sexual.”
But when a woman reached orgasm, something unexpected happened: much of her brain went silent. Some of the most muted neurons sat in the left lateral orbitofrontal cortex, which may govern self-control over basic desires such as sex. Decreased activity there, the researchers suggest, might correspond to a release of tension and inhibition. The scientists also saw a dip in excitation in the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, which has an apparent role in moral reasoning and social judgment—a change that may be tied to a suspension of judgment and reflection.
Brain activity fell in the amygdala, too, suggesting a depression of vigilance similar to that seen in men, who generally showed far less deactivation in their brain during orgasm than their female counterparts did. “Fear and anxiety need to be avoided at all costs if a woman wishes to have an orgasm; we knew that, but now we can see it happening in the depths of the brain,” Holstege says. He went so far as to declare at the 2005 meeting of the European Society for Human Reproduction and Development: “At the moment of orgasm, women do not have any emotional feelings.”
But that lack of emotion may not apply to all orgasms in women. Komisaruk, Whipple and their colleagues studied the patterns of brain activation that occur during orgasm in five women with spinal cord injuries that left them without sensation in their lower extremities. These women were able to achieve a “deep,” or nonclitoral, orgasm through mechanical stimulation (using a laboratory device) of the vagina and cervix. But contrary to Holstege’s results, Komisaruk’s team found that orgasm was accompanied by a general activation of the limbic system, the brain’s seat of emotion.
Among the activated limbic regions were the amygdala and the hypothalamus, which produces oxytocin, the putative love and bonding hormone whose levels jump fourfold at orgasm. The researchers also found heightened activity in the nucleus accumbens, a critical part of the brain’s reward circuitry that may mediate orgasmic pleasure in women. In addition, they saw unusual activity in the anterior cingulate cortex and the insula, two brain areas that Rutgers anthropologist Helen Fisher has found come to life during the later stages of love relationships. Such activity may connect a female’s sexual pleasure with the emotional bond she feels with her partner.
Pleasure Pill?
Disentangling the connections between orgasm, reproduction and love may someday yield better medications and psychotherapies for sexual problems. As Marianne’s case illustrates, the answer is usually not as simple as a hormone boost. Instead her improvement was probably the result of the activation or inactivation of relevant parts of her brain by social triggers she encountered while participating in an experiment whose purpose centered on female sexual arousal. Indeed, many sex therapies revolve around opening the mind to new ways of thinking about sex or about your sexual partner.
Companies are also working on medications that act on the nervous system to stimulate desire. One such experimental compound is a peptide called bremelanotide, which is under development by Palatin Technologies in Cranbury, N.J. It blocks certain receptors in the brain that are involved in regulating basic drives such as eating and sex. In human studies bremelanotide has prompted spontaneous erections in men and boosted sexual arousal and desire in women, but the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has held up its progress out of concern over side effects such as rising blood pressure.
Continued scientific dissection of the experience of orgasm may lead to new pharmaceutical and psychological avenues for enhancing the experience. Yet overanalyzing this moment of intense pleasure might also put a damper on the fun. That is what the science tells us anyway. -
Sx Education 7: Seventh Heaven? Sexuality
"It's a pity that sex is such a dirty little word"
DH Lawrence
Whether we love, like or loathe it, sex is something that we all have a hand in. We can’t escape the fact that we were created by it, came out of it, we indulge in it and it is always on our minds – for better or worse. Sex will always provide a topic of conversation between the sexes – for titillation, for entertainment, for something seriously educational and for something personally intimate. It is always on and in the mind.
Whether you are overtly public or deeply private, let’s face it, there are different types of sexuality and, if we were all the same, life would be hellishly boring … wouldn’t it?
Because we’re all so very different, there are some people out there that we simply can’t get along with – or that we dislike so strongly that we can’t fathom what it is about them that turns us off. But, there’s the other side of the coin to consider too - those that we find so adoringly attractive that we cannot keep our eyes - or hands - off them.
In this blog, I aim to highlight the people who attract us, and we can’t fathom why. So I ask the question:
“what is it about a sexually alluring person that manages to ‘dampen our eyes’ with such fiery passion?”
We’ve all probably come across one or two of them, they have a magnetic quality about them that attracts anyone’s glance simply by entering a room. They have unusual charm and magnetism about them; a type of aura that isn’t obvious at first glance. We wonder about them, asking is it that they have a breezy-easy sincerity, a sturdy determination or an insightful mind? Or, is it that they just don’t give a damned about what anyone thinks about them, and simply ooze sex appeal from within their own skin?
Where does that sex appeal originate?
I’ve seen small chunky women and tall skinny men (and visa versa) possess all the sexual charisma and charm needed to catch a man or woman in their net. I’ve seen pretty, attractive women and devilishly handsome men (ditto above brackets) fail dismally in their endeavours to entice the opposite sex. So from this, can we assume it’s certainly not in their looks?
Does being sexually attractive lie in having the ability to be sharp, serious, sensual, serious and silly? Is it being able to flow with the go? Is it simply knowing the who, what and why you are who you are and being happy with that?
What is a sexually alluring person all about?
In a nutshell, it appears to boil right down to confidence.
Having the persona that says to everyone:
“Nothing frightens me.”
“I’m open to anyone who wants to approach.”
“I’ll try anything once.”
Having said that, what is confidence but a self-assuredness about oneself. Or if it’s being able to deal direct with any situation – and that includes any kind of sex act - knowing what you do and don’t like and stating it with no fear of the come-backs.
To me, it’s not that a sexual person has a great big appetite for sex itself, it’s more to do with the ‘pleasure principle’. The fact that they are willing to try anything once and appreciate anyone who is open-minded enough to want to do the same.
Some sexually confident people may come across as being vain, but in reality those who are sure of themselves, don’t need to be reassured that they’re lookin’ good. They don’t need constant comments from others or a mirror to tell them that they are better than ‘okay’. They don’t pin all their hopes onto one individual - or many. Their attitude is “so what, there’s plenty more where you came from”, and off they pop.
And though that kind of attitude may seem a little harsh to some, a sexually confident person doesn’t really give a damned about your thoughts on that score.
Because they can be entertaining and provocative when acting in this manner, they offer a fascinating glance into something that is hungered for by lots of others. They are not available for everyone, all the time, yet make everyone believe that they are special in their own unique way.
Part of being sexually alluring is about allowing others to like, love or loathe you (and others) without taking offence, without judging them and accepting that attitude with an attitude of acceptance. To simply like being yourself. To be comfortable in your skin and know that you are you - whatever the consequences.
A person who has sexual allurity (if that’s a word), is able to know the difference between knowing that they are enjoying themselves during the sexual act - and not. They take time over the physical aspect of it. They don’t plunge in too quickly, they don’t thrash around hastily and spurt bodily fluids everywhere. And, when they’ve reached the height of their own pleasure, they don’t turn their backs on the person they’ve taken pleasure from and doze off.
But that’s just sex. Isn’t it? That’s not the act of a sexually confident person.
A person who is confident in their sexuality is not a selfish individual. Particularly when it comes to the sex act itself.
He or she knows the pleasure that sex can bring. To themselves and to their partner. They actually want their partner to know what deep pleasures can be gained through the simple act of touch, of taste, of scent, of breath and, of course, of sight. And they know that any person has the potential to gain all they have experienced in the bedroom game – whether that be the whole tantric game or a quick poke in the hole.
This reminds me of a book I once read (really, that quoted the following from ‘Honore de Balzac (19th Century):
“Most men in love are like apes trying to play a violin”
I disagree.
Most men want to play that violin so it creates the most harmonious sound.
In other words, they would rather have a woman be smiling at them while they plunge deeper into her, than having her turn her head away disinterested after he’s been pounding away inconsiderately for the two minutes before he cums.
A man who cares for the woman he’s decided to have sex with, wants that woman to be involved. He wants to feel those legs wrap tight around his hips. He wants her to touch, to stroke, to fondle, to explore his hairy, sweaty body - as much as he wants to do the same to her. For her. With her.
No. Men who are confident of their sexuality and care for their women are certainly not apes in bed.
But a woman has to have the ability to teach him the lessons of pleasuring her. She has to be able to tell him what she likes. She has to be able to guide him into the right spots that take her way beyond this physical plane. If she doesn’t, she’s doomed to allow him to do as he wishes until he has risen to the heights of his own ecstasy without her – and make no bones about it, he will.
That being said, no man is responsible for a woman’s orgasm. A woman who knows how to make her own pleasure becomes (dare I say it comfortable with her own sexuality. She is able to acknowledge that it is her soul that wears her body and not the other way around.
So, to answer the question posed at the beginning of this blog; “what is it about a sexually alluring person that manages to ‘dampen our eyes’ with such fiery passion?”
If I were to venture a guess, it would be this: That truly sexual people know what they want from life and that what they are looking for is within them. There doesn’t appear to be any ‘frantic’ search for ‘Mr (or Miss) Right’ or even a deep yearning sensation to be one with someone else. They are leisurely and meaningful and demonstrate the same attitude in their bedrooms.
People who are satisfied with their sexuality know that both masculine and feminine traits reside within both sexes and accept that as normal – knowing that men who have developed their feminine side are not afraid of showing sensitivity or love. They also understand that women who have developed their masculine traits tend not to be pressured by the world’s ills while being able to focus more on what is meaningful to them.
There’s also this self-assuredness that lies deep within them. They have the ability to love without being possessive and while they expect total freedom they are able to give it too. They seem to learn deeply from bad experiences while allowing them to float away from them - but recognise and embrace good incidents. They tend not to be ego-centred and look upon satisfying their partner’s sexual needs and desires as well as their own.
Sex seems not to be a battleground for the truly sexually aware person. No control is conditioned, no manipulation managed, no power played out, while supremacy is sacrificed. Sex becomes part of living as much as eating, drinking, sleeping and waking.
There is one other special trait of a person who is at one with their sexuality. That is ‘guiltless’. No trap is ever laid for such a natural and satisfying act. Sex is a vigorous adventure to enjoy as well as being tender, warm and gentle. A mental and physical bond between them and their chosen partner seems to exist. Sex is certainly not a dirty little word to the sexually aware person.
Wouldn’t you just love to be one of these people? -
50 days - no nookie
I don't read newspapers, i don't watch tv. But unfortunately, occassionally, i catch a headline on my internet maily provider ... guess what caught my eye this time?
====
Soccer star-turned-actor Vinnie Jones is offering his support to Calum Best - as the party-loving model has taken a 50-day vow of celibacy as part of a new reality TV experiment.
Best, who once romanced Lindsay Lohan, is currently filming The Best Is Yet To Come in Los Angeles and pal Vinnie Jones admits the hunk is being challenged over his new no-nookie rule.
The former soccer hard man, who manages the all-star team Best plays for, says, "One of our players is a porn star, so he brought a lot of girls with him to tease Calum.
"He's on a 50-day no sex thing and so, of course, all the girls are getting their boobs out and there's nothing he could do about it."
Jones insists Best, the son of late soccer legend George Best, is taking his no-sex policy seriously: "He has a lie detector test every morning."
====
Then it goes onto say something important about football ... (gawd only knows what!)
What was that - a 50 day rule? Oh, isn't he a lucky soul!
kx -
Sx Education 5-B: Love. Come Again?
“You make my Vagina tingle …”
The Free Love of the 60s is back!
Well, it is according to some free spirit gurus who want to spread the lurve in London.
Under the guise of self-help therapy, people have gathered in a room, stripped off and made statements to other people about their bodies and how they make them feel (strange, but they never did that on the last course I attended … would have added an interesting slant to the proceedings, I guess).
Hmm. Well, this is certainly a different approach. Forgive me if you don’t agree with what I’m about to say on this subject, but I can only describe my own personal experiences ...
Of course, people have indulged in this kind of ‘free love’ behaviour for years. Regardless of whether you think that going away for a couple of weeks on a course to ‘find your true self’ has some kind of ugliness to it (to the partner left at home perhaps), it is still going on in the name of spiritual enlightenment. And in the name of love.
But is it love? Is lust a type of love? A love of the self? Is it a way of being able to satisfy yourself sexually without fear or guilt or shame? What is the difference between love and lust?
Surely, it all boils down to one thing – sex?
Here’s an interesting statement:
“Love making involves the experience of sensing the other’s subject state: shared desire, aligned intentions, and mutual states of simultaneously shifting arousal with lovers responding to each other in a synchrony that gives the tacit sense of deep rapport. Lovemaking is, at its best, an act of mutual empathy, at its worst it lacks any such emotional mutuality”
So says Daniel Stern, a psychiatrist at Cornell University School of Medicine.
Bit of a mouthful, I must admit. But he is a psychiatrist, so that’s to be expected.
Anyhow, the latter comment (at its worst) explains how people are able to bring their bodies together with no feeling whatsoever. The former comment (at its best) goes a long way to helping us understand a little more about love and all its complexities.
However, I do question the bit about the ‘no feeling whatsoever’. As, when you bring two bodies together, there is always a sensation of some kind. Whether that is a pain or a pleasure, there is always a physicality to it and physical involvement brings on sensations that touch the nerve endings – and it can’t only be skin deep, as the heart is pounding away in a concerted effort to keep up with the antics being played out above it.
So, the question that plagues my mind is: does lust derive from sexuality and love from sensuality?
To be sexual is to hold the body, alone, in awe – as is lust. Love, however, is likened to being sensual and involving all five senses (or six if you’re a particularly sensitive person). Both sexuality (lust) and sensuality (love) can include the subject of sex with the body fully involved.
Without this ‘love’ thing getting in the way, there would be only lust. I don’t believe lust, in itself, is a bad thing. After all, it’s that drive that brings us together in the name of love. However, I can understand how lust, on its own, could lead to a compassionless, dull experience – notably so if all it leads to is nothing than a romp in the sack.
So, can lust and love be described? Can they be defined?
Lust first.
Rather than make a statement that lust it is all about desire and wanting and trying to get to the ultimate goal (into someone’s knickers), lets try to describe the physical sensations at play here.
If you’ve ever lusted after anybody’s body you’ll know what it’s like (men - brains in particular - are especially adept at this sort of thing, so an expert should be consulted perhaps ? ). Taking a quick tip from the previous blog, if the RODS in a man’s eyes focus on a curvy breast or bum it will create a big enough stimulus to get his brain’s ATTENTION GRABBER on alert, so that his ALARM SYSTEM rings several bells, urging him to act immediately on the information being handed to him. A woman, on the other hand, upon receiving a ‘welcome’ flirty word or two, her DATA CONNECTOR can run into overdrive, to such an extent that she stumbles over the words that stream in an uncontrollable dribble from her mouth. Obviously, her CONTROL CENTRE needs very much to be putting the brakes on at this point, but the NEURONS in her brain are firing away, making her blood flow faster fuelling her THOUGHT processes.
Leaving that aside for a sec, if we take the rest of the body into consideration, there’s a burning fire in your belly (and a ‘tingle in your vagina’ ), it’s kind of like a burning heat, a form of energy building up in your body, a sensation that takes over as your thoughts rage on the fantastic possibilities that are available to you. The brain’s MEMORY PROCESSOR is REMEMBERING the emotional triggers from a time before (or instinct is kicking in there) so her imagination plays a big part in how that surge of tingling, jumpy, energetic sensations touch the nerve endings deep within her body. Ewh, enough already!
It feels so bloody darned good (personally, I can’t understand why it’s been classed as so wrong).
Shall I take that ‘fire in the belly’ thing a little deeper? From my point of view, it can be anything as flippant as a yearning for precious moments to a hot fervency for deep penetration of the body. A desire to be inflamed, ignited, electrified, super-charged.
You want it so badly that when you get it you can erupt into a dance of ecstasy – so much that an explosive orgasm can come so easily.
Hang on a minute. So we’re onto the subject of love now then – ‘cos that’s what that is about, isn’t it?
Not quite.
Love is a sort of gratitude that you feel inside, for all that is being given to you.
So, by that measure, lust is a kind of physical pleasure? And love an emotional pressure?
We’re getting there.
Clearly, sexuality is expressed through energy. A pleasurable energy. A force that is vibrant, it can be expressed in the contortions on your face or the way you carry your body or both. When you feel sexual, your body and voice says to the world (albeit indirectly) “Open all your doors – I’m coming to get you!” (a bit like Davina on Channel 4’s Big Brother).
The sex act itself is a powerful force – a force that many still don’t understand. When you think of the energy that is used and the friction created in physical act of sex, you begin to understand the magnetic forces at play. Getting physical with another body can actually draw you closer to it and, inevitably, to the person that lies hidden beneath the skin.
While your nerve endings tingle and fluids mingle – oddly enough emotions start to merge. Your heart pounds within its cage of bone and blood, and begins to move the fluids faster. Everything around you becomes magnified and intensified. Sounds can appear and disappear in an instant. Looking into your lover’s eyes can be such an emotionally loaded and intimate moment - yet it can make you feel so distant too.
If we leave the moment for a second and glance back to another time - way back in time – a time when the ancient philosopher’s words were adhered to by the ever faithful. It was said that “if the person you are exchanging bodily fluids with, brings the pain of the past with them – you will feel it too.”
And it’s true. You can’t help but do that. You’re so close to them. Touching them, rubbing against them, sliding in them, feeling their skin against yours, moving in yours, smelling their sweet sweat mixing with yours. All these sensations merge to create intense feelings beyond the simple pleasures of a cup of tea and a scone (I don’t care what Boy George says!).
So is lust wrong? Are the devout followers of the world who live their life by the guidance of one big book, right? Is love all there is to abide by? Should we forgo lust at the alter of love? Do we have to deny what is inherently our animalistic right to the pleasures of the physical flesh – simply to stop ourselves from the possibility of being hurt by the act of lusting after someone?
But, in what way can lust after another body hurt us?
As we all know, being sexually repressed can lead to pain in a myriad of ways. People get frustrated, frustration leads to anger, when bottled up anger causes a tremendous amount of grief. Sex creates the greatest source of energy, and thus relief, from all these emotions. But I’m told that sex without love can attract all sorts of bad types of passion: guilt; anger; fear; resentment. Strangely, though, these emotions all come from a place of love. Or rather, lack of it. Of wanting love and of being unloved.
As a result, does this mean it all boils down to the simple explanation that lust that leads to sex relieves emotional stress and eventually ends in this thing called love?
Sex can free you from anger buried deep inside - until compassion wells up and you meet another on a level that is comfortable for both of you. But there’s one ingredient that needs to be present in order for that to happen. It’s what lust, ultimately, is all about.
Desire.
Not only a desire to share another body – to change from one body to another.
But a desire to change.
To alter what is within you in order for you to be free from the fear, the guilt and the anger of past hurts.
However, it takes courage to admit that change is needed. Shifting your life, from one place to another, has to come from yourself first – there is no way you can change another person (ladies take note!).
When you find yourself in a relationship that seems to be going nowhere or where the flames of passion are pathetically trying to flicker in a fire where only embers smoulder, it takes guts to admit that what you have is not what you lust for, not what you have already got.
My gran always told me that “Courage is ‘being afraid – and going on’, regardless of what the future may hold as a result of your decision to change.” She was a wise and strong woman. Having been through a few relationships myself, I begin to understand what she means.
When you resist change and accept what is in your life as it stands, this can only bring more pain - extra anger, increased guilt and an intense fear that can only intensify.
But what is it about the act of change that is so frightening? The fear of change itself? Or the fear of what that change will lead to? Is it the fear that your situation might be worse, instead of better, than it was before you took the leap?
Take heart. Change almost always brings us mountains to climb … err … sorry … challenges. Challenges give us more choice. Through the power of choice we gain in confidence. So, change can either help us to grow into bitter or better people. We can either view the challenge as a mountain or as a molehill. Either way, if we make the effort to take the first step towards it, it can help us look inward for the answers and, ultimately, learn to forgive.
When you think on that a little more, that is what lust is all about.
It is a burning need, or a desire, inside to change what is. Lust is your body’s physical message urging you to change your mind from its present state and to make a decision: to bring two bodies together and make love happen?
Therein, lies the ability to ‘make love’.
When you open yourself up to making love, you can be freed from the fears that plague you through the thoughts of lust and you can have sex without judgement. Sex without fear.
Lust and love combined can allow you to be free with a loving partner – a partner that you can trust and have faith in, and a willingness to explore. With that kind of partner, sex can be simply fantastic.
Therefore, are we to assume that making love with only lust in our eyes is far from lacking any emotional mutuality? For lust, it seems, stems from one another’s shared desire to “align intentions” until a sense of “deep rapport” is achieved. So, rather than lacking any “emotional mutuality”, instead, it appears to be the beginning of the feeling of empathy required on our journey towards love. Eat that Daniel Stern!
From this point of view, sexual desire and lust is a wonderful experience for us to go through. It keeps us alive. Lust gives us the courage to get up and get out, get moving and going along a path that to who knows where it will lead. Desire gets our minds thinking and our bodies shaking. Whereas love gives us strength, it helps us to be staunch in our efforts to change. Lust is in the mind. Love is in the heart. Neither of these sensations nor body parts need be separate. They simply need to merge without fear, guilt or anger being allowed to enter in.
Both lust and love can bring us peace and unity. Together they can bring us that spiritual enlightenment that we continually search for - that inner yearning to find ourselves complete. So, there really is no need to get naked with a stranger and tell them that they make you tingle in your most private of all parts, in order to find yourself.
We simply need to acknowledge what part lust plays in the game of love.
While we leave the subject of lust and love, I’ll give you something to remember that the Queen of the Bedroom (Madonna) has said in one of her songs …
“Don’t play with something you should cherish for life”
No prizes for guessing which album that was from! But it gives me the topic for the next blog (5C) in this series: What makes us fall ‘in love’. -
Moments of Pleasure
Please take care when reading this blog ... some sensitive souls may find it offensive. I apologise, but these are my 'clean' thoughts of a world I only wish could to 'open up'.
“Take delight in the moments of pleasure” ... I learned this, mostly, from my dog. Yes. Odd, I know. But every morning he greets me as though it were Christmas all over again. His big loving brown eyes are soulful and knowing, yet childlike and filled with innocent hope. They gaze up at me as he begins his morning routine. We go for a walk which he delights in. The smells are the very first things that attracts his senses. Then there are the sounds. Then the sensations of ‘letting go’. Of being ‘allowed’ to be an animal again.
While I am priviledged to be able to watch his world unfold, I got to wondering if there was anything I, as a human, could learn from his behaviour and manners. I saw there were lots of lessons.
For a start, there is no history for him. No mystery either. He lives very much in the present. It is literally a gift to him. Everything is pleasurable. All is new and a wondrous experience.
We humans go for a walk for a purpose: to exercise; to ponder; to get fresh air; to get our blood moving; to improve our fitness, clear our minds or give our animals a much needed breather. But, if we allow it too, it can go much further than that.
The physical matter is what most of us have been taught to cherish. This odd coloured flesh that covers our bones, these nerve endings that can bring such terrible pain, yet such tremendous ecstasy too, encourages us to live in a world seemingly dominated by emotional turmoil.
When my dog undertakes his natural bodily functions, he doesn’t care for manners or etiquette. He pees wherever and whenever the urge requests him to let go. It doesn’t matter who is present or what they think. He cocks his leg high or squats down low and out his waste product flows. People may screw their faces and think horrid thoughts, but it doesn’t bother him what’s going on in their heads. He just looks at them with his big brown eyes and moves on, uncaring of attitudes towards him.
When he eats, he’ll share the bowl with absolutely no one. His survival instinct kicks in and it’s all or nothing – he is programmed to think if he doesn’t eat, he dies. I am his pack leader, so I always get to eat first. But when his turn comes, there’s no sharing. No feeding of scraps. No consideration for anyone or anything else. It’s wolfed down in a matter of minutes. I don’t even think he tastes the flavours mentioned on the tin.
He performs sex in much the same manner. He’ll just penetrate the nearest pooch and move on with his business of sniffing the next pleasant scent (regardless of whether that happens to be another dog’s vile excrement or a beautiful flower!). He doesn’t give a second thought to whether his seed will mature and create the next generation, or if some other dog will get there first.
People, however, are entirely different. We have this need in us to share our food with whoever is hungry. Heck, we even send it half way across the world to strangers we know are in trouble. But share sex? “You sniffin’ round my bitch – you sonofabitch?” Hell, the Greeks even sent a thousand ships and a million men to their gory deaths in order to bring back one innocuous woman. So the story would have us believe.
Sex, to humanity, is on a par with scents to a dog. It’s a big part of the physical thrill-seeking adventure we crave. And why shouldn’t it be? We are animals. Our primary nature is to procreate and to recreate. For all the wonderful things sex can do for us, these two reasons to justify our activity in it seem to dominate.
Yet sex can offer so much more. It can become a spiritual experience too. When we suffer sexual frustrations, untold ailments arise because of violence, jealousy, possessiveness, to name but a few. But when we are fulfilled in that smallest of physical acts we perform for each other, we become tranquil, energised and calm.
How can there be so much beauty in an act of togetherness that can be made to seem so repugnant? A man can give a woman so many delightful sensations to experience. A woman can give a man such a beautiful vision to hold in his memory. Yet, fearful thoughts creep in to stop these wonderful sensations from arising.
Our anatomy has been studied over thousands of years, we’ve sliced and diced and put parts together, yet history only begins to teach us the science behind our bodies. For all we know now about our sexual organs, you would think there would be less crime involving it. Yet still it rises as the learning age lowers.
The sad truth is that our minds have been physically separated from that neat little selection of sex performing accessories. Yet, hardly any of us recognise the important part it plays in how we conduct ourselves in this area of our lives.
Our brain becomes so crammed full with worries of yesterday and fears of tomorrow that pure body intimacy cannot be accomplished very well, if at all. Instead of living in the now, in the present that is a gift given to each of us - our heads take us off on a journey of what could be, of what might be. And it’s hardly ever a good journey. It’s nearly always crammed full with guilt. With pain-filled memories of another time way back when. Memories of yesterday that affect what might happen tomorrow.
My dog doesn’t think like that. His mind is on now. The present moment. If we really think about it, have you ever heard of a dog with premature ejaculation or a frigid bitch? Have you ever heard of an animal that would kill just for the fun of it? If not, then why would we even think of labelling humans in the noble 'animal' bracket when we do such a thing to meet our own pleasure levels? (be assured, not me personally!).
This leads me to believe that if we live in the moment that is given to us - just like my dog does - then is it possible to begin to let go more often? To take pleasure in what is given to us in the time that is happening now? Without the added worry of what might never even come to pass?
Can we allow ourselves to become like animals again, and to take pleasure in the moment, without worrying if we are defiling our sense of humanity for tomorrow?
ps I wanted to call this blog 'A walk, a Wee and a Wnak' but the system wouldn't permit me ... -
The Badges We Wear ...
Politics, Religion and Sex Do Not Mix – Why?
Every year there’s an election, of sorts. You wouldn’t know it though. Nobody wants to talk (governmental) politics anymore – except those working in the system of course. We hold secret ballots, holding our slips of paper close to our chest daring not to discuss what we think about which candidate that is up for election.
Most people (in my world at least), have lost faith in a structure that was (in truth) set up to answer questions and create a framework to live a good and rich life within. Woe betide a person locked in a room with someone who disagrees with them.
Every day, we are affected by a system that has infected our minds, hearts and soul that has nothing to do with our spiritual sense of being. It’s that taboo of all subjects: religion. Even those who say they don’t subscribe to any kind of religious practice are enmeshed in an arrangement that they simply cannot escape.
Most people on the planet tag themselves with a label that veers from one extreme to the other. Woe betide two religious viewpoints who find themselves locked in a room together.
Every second, our minds and bodies are led by our hormones. We walk along paths our hearts know is part of our inherent nature. It’s the natural order of things. It’s what we create life with. It’s what we have fun with, and can be what we fear most.
Woe is the person who pushes the boundaries further than is acceptable for another.
The bad thing about these subjects is that we are not able to openly discuss any of them without retribution in some form or another. Making a stand offends at least 50% of people. Broaching any of these subjects openly with a free mind and unguarded tongue is likely to cause you more personal harm than good.
The good thing about politics, religion and sex is that they are an inherent link to our way of life.
Unconsciously, politics, religion and sex guide us. Without knowing how, or even why, each subject either separates or combines us by giving us paths to walk along. Each places us in a bracket we think we can operate with ease and safety within.
But without saying a word, the clues to our conscience are endless. From the clothes we wear, the houses we make our homes in, the music we listen to, the books we read, the subjects we study - even the flags under which we serve – all serve as a badge we offer up to show our preferred way of living, thinking and being.
Obviously, we are not likely to change anyone’s mind on either of these subjects. That’s part of the nature-nurture debate. And because we live so many different lives (there are six billion people on the planet - increasing daily!), we will meet people who are likeminded on one subject, but not on another. Heck, wars have begun simply because of difference of opinion.
But, if for one moment at least, we can stop and think ‘outside the box’. If we can stand apart from the closeness of the subjects dear to our hearts – could we begin to appreciate the luxuriant tapestry that we are all a part of? Could we see the precious resources available to us if we combine our strengths with valour?
Could we at least comprehend the inherent basic structure from which all these subjects spring?
Whatever angle we approach them from, is it within us to bear in mind that each human only wants what is only enjoyably pleasant for another? Do our thoughts and deeds truly come from a place of love? Is it a willingness to do what is decent, not only for ourselves, but for another too? Do we want only noble things from and for others?
Let’s face it, we all have rights. The right to live; to dress, eat, drink, talk. Even the right to offend. That’s what choice and free-will is all about.
What great things could we achieve if we were able to take our differences and work them together?
If we could accept, without anger, without judgement, without callous concerns, the wealth in the variety the human population has to offer – would it be a perfect world?
