angelwithabullet
Trust female - 46 years
Blog / Tags / boys
Blog messages with the tag 'boys':
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Sx Education 9: Shy Guys?
Why you should kiss her when you first meet her ...
I've had experience of this - so you've got a woman's point of view here.
Sometimes, it can get really hard for a guy to approach a woman. And even if you do manage to get her on a date, the longer you wait to kiss her, the harder it is for you to make that move on her.
But you know what I've found the best way to deal with it is?
Kiss her immediately you start talking with her. Even if you end up not fancying her!
It gets that hurdle 'out of the way'. It stops any embarrassment. It gets rid of the tension that you might feel about doing it in the future with her.
Make a pact with yourself. You won't ask any woman out - on a date - unless you've kissed her first.
Ok, ok, ok. So, the thought of it is making you quake in your shoes ... "How the hell am I gonna be able to do that?!"
Well, here's how it is NOT done.
A passionate embrace
A smack on the choppers
A tender look in the eye and a brief touch of the lips
A French tongue
A wet one
A tonsil teaser
ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THOSE!
If you are a shy guy and you think about doing any of those you'll only squirm with embarrassment and it will all go horribly wrong.
Here is the big issue:
Your success with the ladies is to do things to them that your gut tells you is right FOR YOU.
Some guys think that kissing a woman needs courage or strength or guts or even 'gall' to go out on a limb and do what they've never done before. Especially if they fancy the girl.
But remember, girls like guys - and if you are playful and able to be open with the girls then they'll play back and be open with you.
So, lay all your fears aside for a few minutes - spot a woman you quite like the look of and say:
"Hi, I wanted to see what happened if I just walked up and started talking. I've only got five minutes…..I'm (make up a funny name)."
When she responds - in whatever way - remember it's only her response. It's not your fault if she turns into a bitch. If she smiles and gives you a cheeky or flirty response - great ... you're on your way.
So, how is it done?
Allow her to say a few words, feel it in your gut if she's 'responsive' to you.
Then smile (with your eyes) and make an excuse to leave for a few minutes (ask her if she wants a drink - say you've just seen your friends and you need to quickly say hello - even say you've got to go to the little boys room - anything just to get away)
Take her head in your hands
Lean in
And quickly - very briefly - touch her hair with your lips
This has got to be done in a fraction of a second - don't linger!
Leave her for a bit longer than five minutes. This might go against the grain. You might think you'll lose her attention, you might think that she's calling you a bastard behind your back.
But you'd be wrong to think those things.
She'll be more likely thinking about that touch. That brief kiss, that smile in your eyes, that funny name ...
And you know what - it creates an attraction for you.
You become strong in her eyes. You become courageous.
Do this a few times to different girls and - you don't even have to go back if you don't want to - it will become a habit.
The goal is - not to care how she responds. And to build your confidence - for when you do see a woman you really want to be with.
Go for it guys. Good luck!
Kaye -
Women: do you need men?
Women: do you need men?
Men: do you need women?
Let me know what you think and feel about this - in a private message please - as i'll quote you in the blog being written about it (if you want to stay 'anon', then please state this).
kaye x -
Knotting Hill. 115. int. Tony's Restaurant. Day.
When you get an invite from a guy who wants to msn you - try to hold your breath and think before you react. We all know that many of the men who resort to this kind of behaviour are young guys contacting older women.
Now, I promise I'll get to the gist of the message before the end, but for now, I'll let you know that I'm a 'movie freak' and I recall this scene from Notting Hill ... if you haven't seen the film, go get it. It's brilliant. Has a lot of subtle messages that a romcom doesn't normally offer.
The restaurant is in the middle of being deconstructed. The pictures are gone off the walls - a kettle on a long extension lead is on the bare table behind. They're all sitting there.
There's a conversation between William and the rest of them because William's rejected Anna Scott's proposal to go out with him.
It's Bernie's speech that makes the most sense.
Bernie
"But she said she wanted to go out with you?"
William
"Yes - sort of ..."
Bernie
"That's nice."
William
"What?"
Bernie
"Well, you know, anybody saying they want to go out with you is ... pretty great ... isn't it?"
William
"It was sort of sweet actually - I mean, I know she's an actress and all that, so she can deliver a line - but also ... that she was just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her."
They take in the line.
As I'm hoping anyone reading this blog is.
I think it's sweet that any guy has found the courage to ask anyone to go out with them. I think it's brave. It's couragous and it's all part of learning in this life. It's all a test. For us all. Including the one's being asked.
I don't want to turn this into a lecture, but feel a need to highlight a couple of points.
On a serious note, here are a few stats:
ADD 4 to 9 times more common in males than females
Conduct disorder is 3 times more common in males
Antisocial personality disorder is 8 times more common in men
Psychotherapy or sociopathy is 4 times more common in men
What is most disturbing is that
Suicide deaths (not attempts) are 4 times more common in men than women. Women 'attempt', whereas men 'succeed'
I lived in Scotland for quite a while and found that it had the highest suicide rate in comparison to the rest of the UK - among young males.
There are many young men who resort to suicide because they feel alone, and when they do try to make contact, and are rejected for it, this batters their confidence no end.
We live in a society that makes it difficult for young men to find an outlet for their 'emotions'. They are taught not to compete or fight while at school - even though this is the natural way for them to 'find themselves'. They are taught not to touch girls, even though young girls wear such outrageous clothing (including thongs appearing above waistbands). They are told by us to bog off ... in no uncertain terms ... even though we have probably (not always, I agree) put a tantalising picture up for them to freely view and comment on.
There are biological reasons that make the male brain more prone to the kind of behaviour that the women experience on a regular basis on Netlog. And I could go into the biological explanation of how the prefrontal cortext (the rational, planning part of the brain) in men who experience serious violence has low activity, which leads to having no control over impulsive behaviour - but I'll save that for another blog someday - if anyone's interested of course.
Rather than ranting on that we don't want people sending msn messages to us - or asking to chat when they don't even know us ... If we can remember these words from Notting Hill and find a good way to reject those advances we don't want, then perhaps we'll be setting an example. Once I have kindly and subtly rejected an unwanted male advance, I don't hear from them anymore. Which shows me one thing, that they are just 'trying their luck'. They don't mean any harm.
If you don't want the attention (male or female), please, find it in your heart to remember this scene from Notting Hill. Find it in your soul to remember we are all here on earth not only to learn, but to teach as well. If we can teach through setting good examples and behaving in ways that we would like to have people behave towards us, then perhaps we can start to make a better world.
As China says:
One World. One Vision.
This kind of action doesn't start outside of us - out there on the screen in front of us, or even out on the street. It starts within.
With kindness.
kx
