Tammy Adam's blog

What the?!?

angelisis7 — Fri, 11 May 2007 07:16:47 UT

Well I was having such a good day and wanted to share it with you all.

Like I said in a previous post, I have found my passion for writing again, it has taken up my every moment and I couldn't be happier, it feels like this was what I was meant to be doing all along.

There isn't any one reason why today was any better than others, except that I wrote today, to you it may not be something, but to me that is everything. And whether I make a million or crash and burn, I care not. I am doing what I really want to do, now that may sound stupid to many of you, but to me, it means I am finally following my rightful path.

And when you have followed a dream, you know there is no better feeling. I am just me and perhaps I will never be famous, but should that make a difference if I am doing what truly makes me happy. Because I am not working to live, I am living to work and that in an of itself should be most important.

Okay, done ranting for the time being. lol

Have a wonderful night or morning whichever, depending where you are.

Ooppps!!!

angelisis7 — Tue, 08 May 2007 17:25:51 UT

I am truly sorry for up and not really forgetting about this place, but it has taken a back seat to my writing.

In the last month I have rediscovered the joys of writing, which is a good thing. It seems like I had a partial block and couldn't seem to get by it, but now I am writing up a storm.

I am working on finishing my second novel, and hopefully like the first it too will get published.

Since I rediscovered my joy of writing, even life has taken a backseat, I am dare I say it, content.

Well those are my thoughts for the day, perhaps later I will have more...

Falling For A Fool

angelisis7 — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 20:44:13 UT

Falling For A Fool

I listened to what you had to say,
But your words could not convey,
The ever-growing sense of dread,
That persisted inside my head.

I tried to see what you meant,
But your words felt like cement,
I don't know why this came to be,
For I had no clue, I did not see.

You changed before my eyes,
It's like you wore a clever disguise,
I looked deep,
But you are a lion in the clothing of a sheep.

My eyes did deceive,
The truth I could not conceive,
I must have been blind,
And completely out of my mind.

I fell for a fool,
Who had no control in keeping his cool,
Your words left something to be desired,
Living with you, leaves me forever tired.

I'm not sure where to go from here,
For it is you that I fear,
You do not hear my plea,
Perhaps inside my mind I can flee.

Eyes the color of blue ice,
Your heart is black that should be suffice,
I've seen behind your mask,
Now I see you as just another task.

For in my dreams I escape,
In these dreams you have no shape,
I have found a loophole to my pain,
And never will I suffer again.

For deep in my mind,
Peace I do find,
My white knight reaches for me,
And with a gentle hand he makes me free.

By Tammy Adam ©2005

I Decree

angelisis7 — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 20:23:33 UT

I Decree

Phantasmal are my nights,
Tranquility not found within the lights,
Darkness invades my sights,
Thoughts of a future time, harbors many frights.

Impossibilities I see,
A lonely life is the fee,
A life of love I plea,
It will be mine, I decree.

Darkness will abate,
Some call this fate,
I will not debate,
For my life I will create.

Alone I may seem,
But there is a theme,
In my dream,
I will reign supreme.

Love will be mine,
Leo is my sign,
I will shine,
In all of life's design.

By Tammy Adam ©2004

Silenced No More

angelisis7 — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 20:15:53 UT

Silenced No More

No need for censorship we say,
A blatant lie that is to my dismay,
For centuries men called women down,
Us women could only frown,
Century's later women speak out,
If we must we'll shout,
We speak our mind,
We're not the weaker sex, we remind.
We have a voice,
We can make any choice,
We will not be mute,
Freedom of speech is our pursuit,
No better, no worse,
Each of us is diverse.
So here we are 2004,
And still they ignore,
We are the "weaker" sex,
Where is that written in any text?
Woman or man,
We fight and argue since time began,
A woman in power is wrong,
A woman who is self-sufficient and strong,
Lean on your man it's the only way,
Listen to what us "men" have to say,
Cook, clean and be quiet,
You're getting big around the hips, think diet!
Don't badger us into a guess,
For we are very stressed,
Be a good woman to your man,
Follow his plan,
You'll make out okay,
If you just do as I say.
So listen ladies and listen well,
Don't be afraid to yell,
Be heard,
Never think what you feel is absurd,
We can't change this world of ours,
Forever it will have its scars,
You have a mind and a voice,
Do what needs to be done and make the right choice,
Sure there are a few men who have seen the light,
But fewer each night,
So men, if you can't take the heat,
Admit defeat,
Teasing either way is fair,
But beware,
Silence is no longer our way,
Anything we can say,
The tides have turned,
Perhaps in the new millennium you will have learned,
Call us down,
But no longer will we frown,
Our words will be heard,
For we are finally spurred!

By Tammy Adam ©2004

Make-Believe

angelisis7 — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 07:38:23 UT

Make-Believe

Make-believe is a world of its own,
With each child it has grown,
Always changing, forever moving,
Day by day improving.

A child does not ask why,
Or try to deny,
It is a fact of life,
A world without strife.

Ghouls and ghosts,
Slimy things that are gross,
Cyclopes and three headed dogs,
Evil princes and kissing frogs.

Beautiful fairies with wings,
A wood nymph that sings,
A caterpillar that smokes,
A unicorn with jokes.

Monsters beneath the bed,
A zombie with no head,
Vampires in the dark of night,
Werewolves preparing for a fight.

A princess in a tower,
An evil wizard with power,
Leprechauns with luck,
A swan that thinks it's a duck.

Dragons of plenty,
Phoenix's with numbers way past twenty,
A troll under the bridge,
A monkey in the fridge.

Good witches and bad,
A rabbit that is "Mad",
A mouse with a tune,
A tea party in the afternoon.

Talking bats,
Disappearing cats,
A queen of hearts that is "Nuts",
One little girl with guts.

Doors to a new world,
New sights unfurled,
A wardrobe you enter,
Into Narnia's center.

Make-believe is a child's way,
Another form of play,
Adventures to be had,
Whether good or bad.

By Tammy Adam ©2004

A Single Tear

angelisis7 — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 07:31:38 UT

A Single Tear

A face kissed with a single tear,
His remembered embrace can still sear,
It’s funny how you can turn me inside out,
And how you smile at a simple pout,
You look at me and remember our past,
Yet when together we ask, “why didn’t it last”,
Our timing was wrong,
But as a couple, can we truly belong,
I guess we’ll see what fate has in store,
Till that time, I won’t keep score,
I’ll fantasize about what might be,
I guess I’ll just have to wait and see,
So if I shed a tear once in awhile,
Know that through my tears I can still smile,
And whether hope sees us together,
A little heartache I can weather,
For we have a specialness no one else can claim,
Just know I have a desire for you, I can’t tame.

By Tammy Adam ©2006

Corporeal Life

angelisis7 — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 07:27:52 UT

Corporeal Life

Under a moon filled sky,
A ghost of my self I spy,
A corporeal life,
Filled with an ever-lasting strife,
The moon casts its glow upon my pale skin,
In this world, will I ever win?

Through the dark of night I move,
Hoping I’ll find fates set groove,
But heart and mind are in a constant fight,
Demanding I shed the dark for the light,
It is under the star filled sky; that I question life and death,
And dream of that one last breath.

A scarred soul is what remains,
A sad story my life contains,
Freedom from restrictions and others scorn,
I sometimes wish I were never born,
For by the light of this moon I hide my shame,
And pray that this is merely a game.

So as I follow the moons golden glow,
I wonder if I will make it above, or to hell below,
I am no one of importance; I am but one girl,
A rough stone, not even a pearl,
Broken spirit and soul,
Forgotten in the tragedies, my life’s goal.

By Tammy Adam ©2006

A Tragic Life

angelisis7 — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 07:20:31 UT

A Tragic Life

I have lived a tragic life,
My heart is filled with much strife,
Alone with no one by my side,
My life is but one bumpy ride.

My emotions cannot abide,
My despair I cannot hide,
Long since my tears turned to ice,
For I have too many a vice.

Alone I stride,
With not a stitch of pride,
For too long I have been lost,
Too high is this life's cost.

I feel not the warmth of a friend,
No longer can I pretend,
I was not built for mankind,
For the cosmos like I, cannot be confined.

So I take my leave,
Knowing no one will grieve,
Too long I have been but a shell,
To this world I bid farewell.

By Tammy Adam ©2005

Bleakness Of Heart

angelisis7 — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 07:17:41 UT

Bleakness Of Heart

A bleak future is what remains,
Since my past has always held me in chains,
I give my smiles that are fake,
Just for everyone else's sake,
I don't remember many a happy thought,
For love, to long I have sought.

It is in his arms that's where I wish to be,
With his love, I will finally be free,
Just one chance is all I need,
For I'm not a woman full of greed,
One true love is all I seek,
But my outlook continues to grow ever more bleak.

I have searched far and wide,
For I long to be a bride,
Maybe it really wasn't meant to be,
I just don't think lucks with me,
Is it wrong to want a love that's mine?
One that needs not to be defined!

It is in his arms that's where I wish to be,
With his love, I will finally be free,
Just one chance is all I need,
For I'm not a woman full of greed,
One true love is all I seek,
But my outlook continues to grow ever more bleak.

Perhaps I'm not good enough,
Maybe I'm not made of the right stuff,
I may not have a model's looks,
Or all the smarts that come out of books,
I may no longer be completely thin,
But I have a goodness that resides from deep within.

It is in his arms that's where I wish to be,
With his love, I will finally be free,
Just one chance is all I need,
For I'm not a woman full of greed,
One true love is all I seek,
But my outlook continues to grow ever more bleak.

Hardships I have had,
Not so many good days as bad,
For I am lost in the dark,
Afraid upon life to embark,
Terrified of what remains of life,
But still longing to be a wife.

It is in his arms that's where I wish to be,
With his love, I will finally be free,
Just one chance is all I need,
For I'm not a woman full of greed,
One true love is all I seek,
But my outlook continues to grow ever more bleak.

Deep in my locked heart,
These feelings just won't depart,
I fear I will always find myself alone,
The inevitable, I can't postpone,
Alone, I will walk,
For slowly dying is my life's spark.

It is in his arms that's where I wish to be,
With his love, I will finally be free,
Just one chance is all I need,
For I'm not a woman full of greed,
One true love is all I seek,
But my outlook continues to grow ever more bleak.

By Tammy Adam ©2005

Desires Expressed (Warning NC17)

angelisis7 — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 23:38:12 UT

Desires Expressed

Will I find Mr. Right?
Will our love be bright?
Will he give heart, mind, body and soul?
Will our joining make us whole?

I long for you,
Each lonely night through,
I yearn for your touch,
Your hand I wish to clutch.

Just the thought of you makes me warm,
Knowing inside me rages a storm,
In an indulgence I wish to take part,
Your passion I want to start,

I want to feel you body next to mine,
As our limbs begin to entwine,
Our minds begin to meld,
My desire for you cannot be withheld.

I crave your lips on my naked flesh,
Your molten kisses refresh,
Your heat swarms my nerves,
While your hands stroke my curves.

Sucking upon my breast,
My passion has almost reached its crest,
Desire rages in my blood,
My orgasm is about to bud.

An orgasmic wave washes over me,
You claim you want to make it three,
My body is on fire,
Knowing your lust I inspire.

Your lips calm my tide,
But my desire for you is your guide,
This night will not end soon,
For you wish to make me swoon.

Erotic is your thirst,
Knowing this won't be our first,
We will ride the wave of passion,
We know no ration.

Your erection has found my center,
I beg for you to enter,
You are the key to my fire,
And only you can cure my everlasting desire.

We create a rhythm of our own,
Our passion has grown,
You move with such a grace,
I fear my heart cannot keep pace.

Your hands fondle my breasts,
Your lips to my nipples I suggest,
Make my body sing,
My orgasm quickly you bring.

Eternity I have found in your arms,
For life I submit to your charms,
Make love to me tonight,
Our passion will be bright.

Take a taste of my core,
My body you must explore,
For I will taste of you,
And make you mew.

Hungry is our moans,
Desperate are our groans,
My desire for you will never be sated,
My love never abated.

A nymph you've called me,
I'll have to agree,
But your sexual prowess is just as high,
Laws of nature it does defy.

Our love will shine bright,
For we will express it every night,
Body pleasures of plenty,
Some nights as many as twenty!!!

Mr. Right has found me,
Our love we guarantee,
We have found the fountain of youth,
Look at us it's the truth.

By Tammy Adam ©2004

Well yeah....

angelisis7 — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 23:34:58 UT

Today has been one of those days. I live with my dad, yeah yeah, I know, aren't I to old, I stay here with him because he has no one else, and since I am single and a adult, I do what I want when I want, but sometimes he drives me insane, I feel like cinderella sometimes, clean this, cook this, bake me this, wash this. But I suppose since I am not currently working, or rather since I am not doing work at the moment that pays, I can't complain toooo much. lol Seeing as how I am working on my second novel, it takes up a lot of my time, but there are some days, I just don't have the ideas, to work for hours. I guess it doesn't really help that I am also working on two other novels at the same time. Who knows, maybe I will finish all three right around the same time and get them all published quicklyl lol, yeah okay wishful thinking. any way I am done ranting for the day. Thanks for listening or whatever....

My Seat In Hell

angelisis7 — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 05:25:27 UT

My Seat In Hell

I have sinned,
Committed the ultimate crime,
A human life I took,
My fear forever condemning me!

There are no words to say,
No solace to be had,
For what's done is done,
A life ended before it had even begun.

Each moment I pay the price,
Dark are my days,
And darker still my nights,
But I am to blame and that's that!

My child's life is gone,
Ripped from my body,
No breath to be had,
No comforting arms.

Alone I stand,
At times I think I might go mad,
Emptiness I cannot fill,
For these sins I can never repay!

Have no pity for me,
I was weak,
When I should have been strong,
But this ain't no ending to my song!

I didn't stand up,
My secret I could not tell,
My family wouldn't understand,
And still they do not know.

Life goes on,
Crawling slowly by,
I deny myself simple joys,
Since my child I denied life.

Love I don't deserve,
A mate to my soul, I think not,
No happiness for me,
No comfort of loving arms.

No longer do I search for peace,
I am tarnished,
Broken beyond repair,
My emotions on constant delay.

I was young and stupid,
I sought love out,
Searching for a part of me in "Him",
No more searching, now I wait for "My seat in hell!"

By Tammy Adam ©2004

Atonement

angelisis7 — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 05:21:20 UT

Atonement

I am forever haunted,
I am unwanted,
My past holds me in chains,
My grief remains.

I tried to walk away,
But too much do my memories weigh,
A secret I have,
But time is no salve.

Death I wish for,
But my weakness I abhor,
The choice was mine,
I should have grown a spine!

To late for me,
Atonement I cannot see,
Wrong is wrong,
For I was not strong!

I see my path,
And I can do the math,
I have plenty of time,
To dwell on my crime!

Think what you will,
There's a nothingness I cannot fill,
Perhaps I live to torture,
Knowing "Hell" will be a scorcher!

I don't believe I should forget,
Because I will always regret,
That babe of mine,
That didn't have a chance to shine.

It is to you I make this plea,
"Please find forgiveness for me",
I love you I really do,
My whole life through!

By Tammy Adam ©2004

Farewell To Love

angelisis7 — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 20:52:34 UT

Farewell To Love

Who knew at 18 I had loved my last,
Or that at 20 a family of my own, had passed,
Who knew this was the end,
No more lying, I can't pretend,
The good years are gone,
I don't think I am wrong,
I am left to reminisce,
But past failures persist,
What else could I have done?
Was I too interested in the fun?
I fear my heart I have forsaken,
All the happiness taken,
How did this come to be?
How could I not see?
A dangerous path I walk,
But do I talk the talk,
Or is this just another decent into the dark, or
Perhaps upon life will I take a chance, and embark.

By Tammy Adam ©2006

Is This Me?

angelisis7 — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 20:48:48 UT

Is This Me?

Who's this girl looking back at me?
For it's been so long since I could see,
My emotions have been buried deep,
The decent was very steep,
In the mirror I see a ghost,
To my death, it makes a toast.

So here is my swan's song,
No point telling me it's wrong,
I've been lost for so long,
In this world I don't belong,
For I was never strong,
I think I have been this way all along.

It is me, looking back,
But a key component I seem to lack,
Please look inside,
For my spirit has died,
An outer hull is all that's left,
This life continues to leave me bereft.

So here is my swan's song,
No point telling me it's wrong,
I've been lost for so long,
In this world I don't belong,
For I was never strong,
I think I have been this way all along.

Can anyone see the real me,
Can anyone make me free?
Can anyone see the me inside?
Will anyone know if I died?
Will my sins be made right? Or
Will I always be denied the suns light?

So here is my swan's song,
No point telling me it's wrong,
I've been lost for so long,
In this world I don't belong,
For I was never strong,
I think I have been this way all along.

Who's this girl looking back at me?
For it's been so long since I could see,
My emotions have been buried deep,
The decent was very steep,
In the mirror I see a ghost,
To my death, it makes a toast.

By Tammy Adam ©2006

Vampiress

angelisis7 — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 20:37:18 UT

Vampiress

Hair of ruby red,
Pale skin just like the dead,
Bright predator's eyes,
An unnatural disguise,
Borrowed blood to sustain,
This undead visage I must maintain.

On skeletal wings I fly,
Across the moonlit sky,
On currents of malevolence I soar,
Insatiable cravings I can't ignore,
To the innocent I flock,
Upon their neck I take stock.

Blood stained lips,
Tearing, ripping sips,
Sustenance found within the living,
A life so unforgiving,
To be cursed to walk the night,
Never again to see the suns light.

A vampiress is what I am,
Eternity I will span,
Immortality is mine to sustain,
Without borrowed blood I can't maintain,
For cursed I may very well be,
But it's just the life for me.

By Tammy Adam ©2006

Those On High

angelisis7 — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 20:34:32 UT

Those On High

I beseech those on high,
This last wish, please don't deny,
A little help is all I ask,
To get me through this next task,
Give me courage of heart and mind,
Peace I must find,
Make this my first last kiss,
For my hearts gone amiss.

Must I walk alone?
For each passing day turns my heart to stone,
I long for a simple touch,
Do I ask too much?
I just long for an embrace,
No longer, my heart do I wish to disgrace,
I have a longing that burns deep,
In my nerves it seems to creep.

I forget the pleasures of your lips on mine,
Fingers drawing circles on my spine,
Your arms wrapped around me,
Your passion that makes me free,
No fairytale am I looking for,
I'm not naive, like before,
I've seen too many things in this life,
But I fear I will never be a wife.

I require a great love,
Not someone who will push and shove,
I want long romantic nights,
Without any frights,
Do I have a soul-mate?
Or is this a twist of cruel fate,
Am I destined to walk alone?
For past mistakes, must I atone?

Where did I go wrong?
How long can I remain strong?
Can't I lay my worries aside?
And dispel past hurts, that wish to reside,
Or am I doomed to repeat,
Made to admit defeat,
Hang my head in shame,
And admit I'm the one to blame.

Should I wish upon a star?
Or am I doomed to watch from afar,
To stand on the outside looking in,
Never knowing love from within,
An outsider in my own heart,
These feelings must depart,
In solitude I cannot live,
For love I wish to give.

By Tammy Adam ©2006

Depression

angelisis7 — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 20:31:09 UT

Depression

A depression has set in,
It resides deep within,
I know not how to put up a fight,
Deeper still I fall out of sight,
My emotions in a turmoil mess,
Happiness I see less and less,
Tears fall easily now,
My strength it begins to bow,
I don't know where to go from here,
My life I'm losing or so I fear.

They say find happiness from within,
But where do I begin,
Ambitions are gone,
Like they never did belong,
No heart or soul left,
I am bereft,
Sinking into an abyss that is deep,
These emotions I continue to reap,
Does anyone truly see this pain?
Or am I doomed to repeat again and again.

I am a woman without a voice,
Simple happiness's I can't rejoice,
A long fall is coming my way,
And I don't even get a say,
A blackness is taking hold,
My life continues to unfold,
Tears course down my face,
Each finding a new place,
A prisoner of my own mind,
So quickly did life unwind.

By Tammy Adam ©2006

The me I see

angelisis7 — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 20:24:42 UT

I am who I am, I love movies, music, reading and writing. I am the author of "A Passioante Quest" poetry book and the author of "To Where You Are" a novel.

Want to know more, ask, it never hurts, for I was once told, "There is no such thing as a stupid question." Now whether I believe that or not is another question all together. lol