Federica's blog

Here Again...

The_Twilight_Princess — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 23:12:39 UT

Again... I'm here...

I tried to be someone else,
and people just insult me,
when I am myself, people hate it
Am I so wrong?

Why can’t we be just what we really are?
We have to act like we are different,
but inside of us, we know it's just a play
is this the real life? I find it an horrible fake...

I'm slowly dying in this life....
It's so fucking sad when you want to be listened and no one cares about...
Again there is this feeling in my mind

Uselessness
I shouldn't cry
but tears fall like a summer rain

Be strong I tell myself, but I don't think to be able...

A happy moment in my life... has just gone...

The_Twilight_Princess — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 17:16:26 UT

I was alone in my world
There wasn’t anybody to talk with
And after that you arrived.
Like light between shadows
Like love where hate reigns
We have passed awesome times together
I thought to love you...
And when something bad happened you just went away.
Where are you?

You make me feel ignored
And when I stopped suffering
You came back and took what was “yours”
You expect that like it belongs to you.
I’m looking at you silent
My eyes are deep of pain and hate
You don’t want to understand
Love is something more than a kiss
It’s share joy and pain
Help each other in the need moment

I treid to convince you,
You cannot go away when I need you
You seemed perfect in my blind eyes
But you still can’t hear me
You still can’t change for me
And now I found my heart has broken...
So do you know what I want to say?
F**k you
Just disappear from my life as you did last time...

I finished with you
I'm finally free again

Once again... I'm sorry

The_Twilight_Princess — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 18:21:27 UT

Once again I’m here,
I know what you feel
I know what you have
It is not easy to understand
But after my mistakes I understood

I’m sorry for what I said
You didn’t deserve my stupid words
Full of anger and sadness
You need the silence of your lonely heart, to think,
And when you’ll need someone, just call me...

I hope you’ll forgive me
I made a big mistake
But I’m here to remedy,
Just give me another chance
I don’t ask for anything else

I couldn’t believe you were mad at me...
Friends aren’t for ever, because that word is a lie
But they are something who last for long long time
I’ll wait for you until you’ll need a hand
I’ll help you and I will show my love for you

Feel my deep breathing while you’re sleeping,
that’s the sign that I’ll always protect you
Feel my hug when you’re crying,
that’s the sign that I’ll always be with you in pain
But I know you’re not someone who give up easily...

Just find the strength in your heart to go on..
I believe in you

Why should I be?

The_Twilight_Princess — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 13:50:37 UT

Why should I be afraid of do what I want?
Just because I can disappoint my friends.
Few days ago, I felt like I did it
And I dunno why..
I’ve not changed

I’m full of hate, Full of pain
My heart spit out a horrible thinking
Why do they all speak about tolerance and respect
And at the end they are the first to discriminate?
Why can’t we be what we really are?

We live our life scared of what to do
Of what people can think
But it is not so important,
I think a friend loves you in every way you are.
Or maybe I though that…

It is not possible
that I never catch you attention
and when I do, you use it for complain
You like to make me feel jealous…
That is not you

I’m starting to think that…
Probably it is better forget you
I mean forget the love I feel for you
Because it just makes me suffer
You’ll be just a friend in my heart…

I still wait for your promise become true…
But I’m loosing the hope
You said you would give me a way to talk with you
But it was another promise gone with the wind…
Lost.

I hope you’ll call me when you’ll come back…
I want the old you
The one who cares about me
And that I loved to care about
Is that just a dream?

What's happening?

The_Twilight_Princess — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 16:40:31 UT

From when I’ve changed,
you have not talked with me anymore
and it makes me suffer.
I admire you every moment
And I miss you
Every minute that passes,
You’re always more far from me
Don’t leave me, my friend.

Last night I dreamed about you,
Is this a sign?
Today I woke up really happy,
Like I wasn't from weeks
But a short time I needed
To realize that everything was an illusion.
Sadness came back to me,
And I had to accept the bitter true

What’s happening?
I look at myself in the mirror
But I don’t recognize what I see.
What I wanted to show,
To people that don’t know me,
To all those superficial people .
I wanted more attentions, yours
But I had the opposite effect.

I tried to be more beautiful at your eyes,
But I made things worse
Now I’m back the real me,
I understood the lesson:
I didn’t have to change my attitudes
Because I know that real friends always accept you
And I don’t need to show me different from how I am.
if only I have understood it before…

I just want you to take me again,
Like one of your best friends that I was.
Can you see?
I don’t have the courage to speak with you
To tell you what I feel
I’m here, crying and writing to you
I hope you’ll understand that I’ve written it just to apologize
I love you my friend….

Shut up...

The_Twilight_Princess — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 16:04:38 UT

Sometimes the best thing to do is shut up,
It’s hard, because you want to scream it out with all yourself…
But you cannot, so you suffer from the inside.
I always wait for my wish become true,
But it never happens…
I imagine there’s a reason for that…
It’s time to let you go… to say “Wake up”
Because I am still living in a beautiful dream.
When I open my eyes, I see that everything is grey
I miss the colours of my life…
And I miss you…
You were perfect for me, but something happened to you
You have changed, and you don’t want to say why…
But when you’ll understand how much I want you,
It will be too late…
I’m tired to wait for something that will not happen…

Uhmmm

The_Twilight_Princess — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:06:03 UT

I was so happy until yesterday,
And now I cannot stop to cry…
Learn to ignore… this is what I have to do
and I always forget…
I am disappointing myself and my family…
Is it possible to lose all the will to apply yourself?
Because it sounded strange when it happened to me….
I would love to be there with you now,
bring me away from this horrible nightmare.
It’s another puerile dream
I need to do it for myself
So go away stupid feeling of uselessness
I don’t wanna be in this way…
I will not give up,
I must find the strength to live happily...
Yeah yeah, always the same story
I just hope it will pass soon…

born to wrong

The_Twilight_Princess — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 23:10:30 UT

How much am I fool from 1 to 10?
Well I say 10.500
I've ruined everything with my own hands...
Good work Federica....

I'm so Sorry Dan I've always thought you were lying

Feelings

The_Twilight_Princess — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 22:28:09 UT

Disappointed, jealous, injured
All those feelings in the same time…
How is it possible?
I know how…
I’m totally destroyed
It is killing me
And what for?
For nothing (important)
I must learn to ignore things
But I cannot
Everything touch me
Everything hurt me
And I always feel a crack in my heart
Yeah, you “care” about me…
Never mind…
This is just a lie
Stop to be a liar…
Why am I so jealous?
Because she is so fucking lucky
I wanted to be the only one…
But it is just a puerile dream
Stop to BREATHE
I want to make you BLEED
Until you DIE
I cannot believe
What jealousness made me think,
So I will forget about it
And go on to live my pathetic life

I've understood just now how am I morbid...
It is scary

Jealousness

The_Twilight_Princess — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 19:10:02 UT

I've written it all alone and this is a bad translation from italian to english, so.... sorry if this is not easy to understand,,,

In the night black as nothing, the maiden was running in the wood, she ran until something took her wrist and she fainted.
She opened her eyes, screaming like an obsessed.
<<Rebecca, What happened?>> Asked Joey Worried.
She realized that she was lying in her warm and reassuring bed, and that was just a nightmare.
<<I… had a nightmare, but it was so real…>>
<<It’s normal dear, be quiet….– said him putting a hand on her shoulder - I will be with you, so you’ll feel safe.>>
Joey stayed with her, sitting on the sofa with a blanket on his legs, he fell asleep a moment, just a moment, and when he opened his eyes Rebecca has been disappear…
<<Rebecca?! Rebe where are you?!>>
Outside started to rain, a storm was coming in the little city called Dark Fall, just a mad could go out….. Joey took his impermeable to search for her.
He walked around the city, and finally he found her.
<<Rebecca, why are you here?>>
She was silent, looking at a point in the sky, when the rain came in her eyes…
<<You scared me, first you screamed, and after you went away… what’s happening to you?>>
No answer again, probably something terrible happened to her…
Joey took her under the impermeable and the umbrella, but it was late: Rebecca was already wet, and he finished to got wet too.
<<Rebe…. – Joey stopped, with his hands took her face and moved away her hair – what is wrong? I don’t understand…>>
Rebecca caressed slowly his face with her lips, and put her hands on his neck, suddenly she started to hold tight…
She whispered slowly some words:
<<Die Joey, Die…>>
He was choking, he has never meant to hurt her, but he needed. He slapped on her face and she fainted.
She Woke up, around her there was silence, but she was tied and blindfolded.
Suddenly something hit her on the back, maybe it was a stick, maybe not, it wasn’t important, because it hurt her a lot, so much that she felt blood came until the knees.
She hoped with all herself that the pain could stop, but it wasn’t like this…
A man took off her bandage from the eyes, she saw a man with dark long hair and iced eyes: Joey.
He came near Rebecca, but she scratched his naked chest. Joey, with anger slashed her face with a knife, when he tried to kiss her, she bite him, he reeled and lose the senses.
Desperate she tried to set herself free, but she couldn’t, the knots were too tight.
<<You tried, but it is not enough.>>
So he took the knife and started to cut her throat, slowly, he wanted to let her taste the pain, he stopped and whispered something in the ear:
<<You are the thing that I’ve loved more in my life, but if I cannot have you, well no one else will have you… Goodbye.>>
He kissed her and cut her belly, killing the baby that she had on his lap.
Rebecca was crying for the physical and moral pain, when Joey stick the knife in her throat, she died. He was angry because she broke up with him, but when he know about the baby got mad, he wanted to kill both so that he could live happily… but with time his conscience became more and more heavy, so much to brought him to commit a suicide.

I can't tell you...

The_Twilight_Princess — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 18:48:00 UT

I want you mine, here right now
Just for me
To stop feel the loneliness
And to stop suffer again.
But you are so far, it’s hard to accept it
I’m always scared that you could forget me
And take someone else in your heart
To leave me alone to wither..
I don’t think you love me,
But you often make me feel,
Like we both feel the same thing
Dance with me under the golden moon
Holding me so tight
Maybe you know how I’ve imagined a thing like that
A result of your mind, for me
I couldn’t tell it on your face,
Because I have fear it is not reciprocated
I hope you will understand that… I love you…

Trapt - Stand Up

The_Twilight_Princess — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:44:22 UT

Why don't you let me be
Leave me alone
You start a fire inside that I could never control
You wanna see a reaction

Come on and cut me down
You've gone as far as I'll go
Now you're crossing the line
And I am letting you know
Well here's your reaction

Stand up
I have had enough
Walk away before I finish what you started
Face to face I will put you in your place
End this game before I finish what you started
Face to face everything will change

You planted the seed
How my anger has grown
Got an feeling inside that I can't seem to control
You wanna see a reaction

Come on and cut me down
You've gone as far as I'll go
Now you're crossing the line and I am letting you know
Well here's your reaction

Stand up
I have had enough
Walk away before I finish what you started
Face to face I will put you in your place
End this game before I finish what you started
Face to face everything will change

Insult
After insult

Stand up
I have had enough
Walk away before I finish what you started
Face to face I will put you in your place
End this game before I finish what you started
Face to face everything will change

Walk away
Everthing will change
End this game
You wanna see a reaction
You wanna see a reaction
Stand up

For who killed me...

The_Twilight_Princess — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:33:05 UT

I wish that you could understand what I feel,
That for every tear I’ve lost,
You could suffer twofold.
I want let you to taste that feeling
That you sense when your heart bleed,
When you feel that a part of you is slowly dying.
But the hurts you caused to me,
Won’t disappear like yours,
Your body will be heal,
But in my heart
There will be an everlasting scar
A sign that in your mind,
Will bring a pain worse than physical.
This is what you obligate me to want
For you that were a part of my life
And you’ve humiliated my heart with your egoism

Alone

The_Twilight_Princess — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 19:47:23 UT

You see me on the edge of the abyss
Save me, or let me fall in peace.
In this deep abyss of loneliness
It’s raining blood
Is this the tears of angels
Or maybe is it the blood who came out from my veins?
I’m taking bad vice
I play with my body like I am immortal
I feel only shadows in this sweet pain that slowly take me
Is a wicked game than bring me to the truth
Looking the blood drip out from my arm
Let me think about how we are fragile
And how not much can hurt us deadly
Why are we creature so emotional and delicate?
I dunno.

Useless

The_Twilight_Princess — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 17:35:26 UT

I think to love one man, and he make me feel so special, but I know than for him I am only one of too much girls.
When I read what he wrote for me, my heart cries, he is so far away, he is the only who understand me. But I am nobody.
I'll never forget you, because I'll be yours forever.

Sadness will never go away.

Sadness

The_Twilight_Princess — Fri, 11 May 2007 13:12:22 UT

I feel me sad, useless.
First I lost Faith, and then I lost myself.
I wanna die...
Why I'm born to suffer?