Mutski's blog

NERDS. ROFLMAO!

Mutski — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 01:59:46 UT

A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are over-populating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said.

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."

"Well, sure," said the patrolman, "but you can't bait 'em."

The Truth Finally Begins to Unveil After 700 Years.

Mutski — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 05:48:48 UT

Knights Templar win heresy reprieve after 700 years
Story by Reuters of ABC News
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/10/12/2058482.htm

The Knights have been portrayed as guardians of the legendary Holy Grail, the cup used by Christ at the Last Supper before his crucifixion

The Knights Templar, the medieval Christian military order accused of heresy and sexual misconduct, will soon be partly rehabilitated when the Vatican publishes trial documents it had closely guarded for 700 years.

A reproduction of the minutes of trials against the Templars, Processus Contra Templarios - Papal Inquiry into the Trial of the Templars is a massive work and much more than a book - with a 5,900 euros ($A9,332) price tag.

"This is a milestone because it is the first time that these documents are being released by the Vatican, which gives a stamp of authority to the entire project," said Professor Barbara Frale, a medievalist at the Vatican's Secret Archives.

"Nothing before this offered scholars original documents of the trials of the Templars," she said.

The epic comes in a soft leather case that includes a large-format book including scholarly commentary, reproductions of original parchments in Latin, and - to tantalise Templar buffs - replicas of the wax seals used by 14th-century inquisitors.

Only 799 numbered copies have been made.

One parchment measuring about half a metre wide by some two metres long is so detailed that it includes reproductions of stains and imperfections seen on the originals.

Pope Benedict will be given the first set of the work, published by the Vatican Secret Archives in collaboration with Italy's Scrinium cultural foundation, which acted as curator and will have exclusive world distribution rights.

The Templars, whose full name was "Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon", were founded in 1119 by knights sworn to protecting Christian pilgrims visiting the Holy Land after the Crusaders captured Jerusalem in 1099.

They amassed enormous wealth and helped finance wars of some European monarchs. Legends of their hidden treasures, secret rituals and power have figured over the years in films and bestsellers such as Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code.

The Knights have also been portrayed as guardians of the legendary Holy Grail, the cup used by Christ at the Last Supper before his crucifixion.

The Vatican expects most copies of the work to be bought up by specialised libraries at top universities and by leading medieval scholars.

Burned at the stake

The Templars went into decline after Muslims re-conquered the Holy Land at the end of the 13th century and were accused of heresy by King Philip IV of France, their foremost persecutor.

Their alleged offences included denying Christ and secretly worshipping idols.

The most titillating part of the documents is the so-called Chinon Parchment, which contains phrases in which Pope Clement V absolves the Templars of charges of heresy, which had been the backbone of King Philip's attempts to eliminate them.

Templars were burned at the stake for heresy by King Philip's agents after they made confessions that most historians believe were given under duress.

The parchment, also known as the Chinon Chart, was "misplaced" in the Vatican archives until 2001, when Professor Frale stumbled across it.

"The parchment was catalogued incorrectly at some point in history. At first I couldn't believe my eyes. I was incredulous," she said.

"This was the document that a lot of historians were looking for."

Philip was heavily indebted to the Templars, who had helped him finance his wars, and getting rid of them was a convenient way of cancelling his debts, some historians say.

Frale said Pope Clement was convinced that while the Templars had committed some grave sins, they were not heretics.

Spitting on the cross

Their initiation ceremony is believed to have included spitting on the cross, but Professor Frale said they justified this as a ritual of obedience in preparation for possible capture by Muslims.

They were also said to have practised sodomy.

"Simply put, the pope recognised that they were not heretics but guilty of many other minor crimes - such as abuses, violence and sinful acts within the order," she said.

"But that is not the same as heresy."

Despite his conviction that the Templars were not guilty of heresy, in 1312 Pope Clement ordered the Templars disbanded for what Professor Frale calls "the good of the Church" following his repeated clashes with the French king.

Professor Frale depicted the trials against the Templars between 1307 and 1312 as a battle of political wills between Clement and Philip, and said the document means Clement's position has to be reappraised by historians.

"This will allow anyone to see what is actually in documents like these and deflate legends that are in vogue these days," she said.

Rosi Fontana, who has helped the Vatican coordinate the project, said she finds it incredible that people are still fascinated by the Knights Templar even after 700 years.

"The precise reproduction of the parchments will allow scholars to study them, touch them, admire them as if they were dealing with the real thing," Fontana said.

"But even better, it means the originals will not deteriorate as fast as they would if they were constantly being viewed."

-Reuters

Blast From The Past ;)

Mutski — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 10:34:34 UT

"Pinball Wizard" is a song written by Pete Townshend and performed by the English rock band The Who, and featured on their 1969 rock opera album Tommy. The original recording was released as a single in 1969 and reached #4 in the UK charts."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinball_Wizard

Pinball Wizard by The Who

Ever since I was a young boy,
I've played the silver ball.
From Soho down to Brighton
I must have played them all.
but I ain't seen nothing like him
In any amusement hall.
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball!

He stands like a statue,
Becomes part of the machine.
Feeling all the bumpers
Always playing clean.
plays by intuition,
The digit counters fall
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball!

He's a pinball wizard
There has to be a twist.
A pin ball wizard,
S'got such a supple wrist.

How do you think he does it?
I don't know!
What makes him so good?

ain't got no distractions
Can't hear no buzz and bells,
Don't see no lights a flashin'
Plays by sense of smell.
Always gets the replay,
Never seen him fall,
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball.

I thought I was
The Bally table king.
But I just handed
My pinball crown to him.

Even on my favorite table
He can beat my best.
His disciples lead him in
And he just does the rest.
He's got crazy flipper fingers
Never seen him fall.
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball!

Pay As You Drive

Mutski — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 07:38:44 UT

Pay As You Drive Plan Touted in Tax Review
By Meredith Griffiths for AM
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/08/13/2654463.htm
Posted Thu Aug 13, 2009 9:20am AEST

The Federal Government is being urged to consider taxing drivers based on how far they drive.

It is just one proposal contained in a new paper commissioned as part of Ken Henry's review of the tax system.

The paper also recommends that truck drivers should be charged more to reflect the damage their heavier vehicles do to roads.

One of the report's authors, economics Professor Harry Clarke from LaTrobe University, says the main proposals are to levy congestion charges on vehicles in urban settings.

"[The aim is] generally to try to get to the point where we're charging people for the actual damage and costs of using roads - rather than fixed charges that are independent of the way they use roads," Professor Clarke said.

"The technology exists now; telemetric devices, or essentially boxes that are inserted in vehicles. These can provide information for commercial trucking fleet operation, or they can provide information to regulators."

The Government would be able to track where drivers went and how far they drove, but Professor Clarke denies this creates any privacy concern.

"That information would only accrue to the device and the user of the device would possess the information, but essentially the Government would be able to work out the charges that were associated with different types of use of roads, yes," he said.

Professor Clarke also says it would be a good thing if trucking companies passed on the costs of increased levies to consumers.

"If trucking companies are using low-durability roads and imposing lots of costs on the community in terms of maintenance costs, then it means that the price of goods that they are transporting should be higher than they are," he said.

"They're not reflecting their full social costs. So the market wouldn't fail at all in that situation; that would be the sort of outcome that you'd hope with these charges.

"The idea of charging on the basis of weight is to encourage heavy-vehicle users of roads to use the roads sensibly; to use the most durable roads, or to make good economic decisions when they come to use roads that are of less than optimal kind of durability."

Well, At Least It's Original.... Bloody Scammers!

Mutski — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 05:09:22 UT

新しいメールアドレスをお知らせします
新しいメールアドレス： uklotterydraws_2009000000000029@yahoo.co.jp

Your Email address has won you the sum of us$4.6m in uklotto draws held on the 27th of July 2009 in Thailand.Now contact the World Express Courier, on their email: topspeedcou@yahoo.com.hk , with your names,address, phone,age,sex,jobtitle for delivery of your us$4.6m.Sincerely,Greg Joel

- Uk Lottery Organization

This doesn't even look probable for Christ's sake! How stupid do they think we are?

yahoo.co.jp Jp in the web address is JAPAN
yahoo.com.hk Hk in the web address is HONG KONG
They allege it is a british lottery drawn in THAILAND!!!??? B***-S***!!!!!!

I wish these C***S would F*** OFF!

Ozchoc: Passion For Taste.

Mutski — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 02:55:28 UT

This article appeared in The Sydney Morning Herald, Friday 18 March 2005
Taking on the lolly multinationals
Janine Perrett
Friday, 18 March 2005

Take your pick . . . Vernon Stuber is offering Crikey, Verve or Red Rippers.
http://www.australianchocolate.com/
Photo: Lisa Wiltse

If the dream of creating a Swiss style premium chocolate business in Australia wasn't enough of a challenge for Vernon Stuber, try taking on the Crocodile Hunter - and winning.

The Swiss-born Stuber is nothing if not determined. He followed his small business dream halfway around the world, merging the two great loves of his life. "What are the two sweetest words in the world? Australian and chocolate," he says.

"My heart was always very close to chocolate. I came from Berne, where there was a coffee roaster across the street, the Toblerone factory nearby and I had friends in the handmade chocolate industry."

And the Australian half of his dream?

"I was born with an Australian soul in a European body."

He fell in love with this country on his first trip and visited another 14 times as a tourist before he gave up his Swiss publishing and advertising business and set up Australian Chocolate in 2000.

It was during that first visit that this self-confessed chocolate addict was disappointed by the quality of the local product and set out on his quest to create a "premium Australian-made chocolate bar".

"Twenty years ago this country was not famous for its fine wine or cuisine as it is today so why can't it become famous for chocolate?

"We have a fantastic environment to manufacture food here; this country has one of the best food manufacturing regulations and it also has fantastic ingredients. We say we have milk for our chocolate from happy cows."

Back home in Berne, Stuber began making recipes with chocolate and other ingredients like pineapple to give it a distinctly Australian flavour. A friend who owned a confectionery company developed 400 samples which Stuber brought back on an early trip and handed out to everyone from the taxi drivers to passengers at the airport.

"That's how I started to do my marketing," Stuber explains, and he still uses this approach as his preferred method.

An early marketing issue was the name of his special chocolate bar. His Australian friends nicknamed him Stubie, a moniker he thought would be ideal for his new product.

"The Stubie bar sounded great and very Australian but when we started packaging it I found people read it as a 'stubbie' bar, like the beer, which didn't fit well with a premium chocolate bar so we renamed it Verve bar," he says.

Then there was the battle over the name of his latest chocolate bar, Crikey. Stuben, who is married to a lawyer, has a passion for registering trademarks despite the difficulties it entails.

When he registered the classic "Crikey" name for his new peanut and chocolate bar he found that Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin had endorsed a Crikey confectionery. But after a few legal letters about infringement issues it was the croc tamer who backed off.

"It's my character that I was brought up not to take no for an answer. Now not every risk you take will become a great success, but every success was once a risk," a philosophical Stuber says.

He might have faced down the Crocodile Hunter but he faces a far more daunting task in taking on the aggressive foreign-owned multinationals - Mars, Nestle and Cadbury - which dominate the local confectionery market.

They have already flexed their muscles against this local upstart and Stuber's biggest challenge is getting his three products, Verve, Crikey and Red Ripper, into as many outlets as he can.

He produces about 50,000 bars a month and sells in some 3000 outlets nationwide, including newsagents, pharmacies and corner shops. While his goal is to get the product into more than 10,000 outlets within the next year, particularly the lucrative petrol and convenience stores, he also has to battle to keep the outlets he already has.

"The big guys did react and some tried to muscle us out by putting pressure on some of our clients," he says. "We lost some venues but we regained them."

Probably because he won the clients back, Stuber has so far avoided running to the ACCC or testing other fair trading or small business protection laws. In his indefatigable style, he claims the interest from his rivals is a "compliment".

While he lists distribution as his major challenge, he has recently hired a large national distribution company to help solve the problem. But that doesn't mean Stuber still doesn't have to do his bit.

He goes on the road at least once a week cold-calling potential clients and faces the eternal issues of networking, building relationships and targeting the right contact within a company, such as Qantas.

Given his product doesn't compete on price but on taste, the consumer sampling remains crucial.

"We do a lot of tastings because telling our story and doing personal tastings works for us. We go to chocolate fairs, we have tastings at the little shop down the road here and other neighbourhood shops and on Valentine's Day we had two gorgeous girls handing the chocolate out in Martin Place," he recalls.

Stuber personally delivers samples to radio station presenters in the hope of getting a favourable mention when they've tried the taste test.

He admits this method can still only reach so many people so the next step will be a professionally done national advertising campaign comprising print and electronic media which he is already developing.

(Already his efforts are paying off as the Crikey and Red Ripper bars both just scored top medals at the Royal Easter Show).

Stuber's plan is to create some 20 different products and while he concedes it is a very crowded market, says he would be happy with just 2 per cent of a market worth about $40 million a year.

And despite the challenges in increasing local distribution, Australian Chocolate is already looking at export markets. Stuber sees opportunities in the recent free trade agreement with the US and last month exhibited with Austrade at the successful G'Day LA promotion in California.

Now an Australian citizen, Stuber has certainly come a long way in a short time and not just from his native Switzerland. He spent the first four years of his Australian business life as a one-man operation working from his Sydney home but in November last year opened a small office above a shop in suburban Frenchs Forest. He also hired a general manager, a national sales manager and business development managers in Sydney and Melbourne.

"Until now we have been a self-funded company but we are now looking for the next step," Stuber says.

"We realise with the product we have we could grow at a faster rate so we have just finished a business plan to slowly start looking for investors.

"Although I would like to keep control, the main ambition for me is for an Australian company to become famous for chocolate."

CHALLENGES FOR AUSTRALIAN CHOCOLATE

· Improve distribution

· Market more broadly

· Find investors

· Compete with multinationals

EXPERT COMMENTS

Mel McGoldrick - Program Director - Australian Centre for Retail Studies

Vernon mentions that he has just finished a new business plan to attract investment. Investors are usually eager to back a quality product that sells, so he might find some potential investors right under his nose in his existing customer base.

Jenny Roche - Head of Small Business - Telstra

One suggestion for Vernon is to approach companies that create and distribute gift hampers to see if they will include his chocolates. These companies often buy in bulk at certain times of the year like Christmas, Easter and Valentine’s Day.

Rajarshi Ray - Head of Small Business Services - American Express Australia

Australian Chocolate represents everything that is good about small business. Vernon is a true entrepreneur who has identified a market niche, developed a compelling product and won customer devotion and market share.

Christine Gibbs Stewart - General Manager, International Trade - Australian Business Limited

Inviting consumers to taste your product is one of the best marketing strategies that Vernon can adopt. Australians are particularly fond of chocolate – especially if it’s free.

Paul McKeon - Corporate Communications Manager - Dell Australia and New Zealand

The food retail sector is tough for companies of all sizes. Even multinationals with large merchandising teams must constantly fight to win a share of consumers’ wallets. Without such vast resources and finances, it’s even harder for smaller operators to compete. Nevertheless, it can be done – as Vernon is showing.

Battle Theme of The FF7 Villain: Sephiroth.

Mutski — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 05:34:39 UT

Latin Lyrics:

Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Sors immanis
Et inanis
Sors immanis
Et inanis

Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias

Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias

Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias

Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)

Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Sephiroth

Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Sors immanis
Et inanis
Sors immanis
Et inanis

Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias

Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias

Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias

Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)

Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Sephiroth

(fade away)
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

English Lyrics:

Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Fate, monstrous
And empty
Fate, monstrous
And empty

Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die

Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die

Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die

Come, come, oh come(Glorious)
Do not let me die(Generous)
Come, come, oh come(Glorious)
Do not let me die(Generous)

Come, come, oh come (Glorious)
Do not let me die (Generous)
Come, come, oh come (Glorious)
Do not let me die (Generous)

Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Fate, monstrous
And empty
Fate, monstrous
And empty

Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die

Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die

Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die

Come, come, oh come(Glorious)
Do not let me die(Generous)
Come, come, oh come(Glorious)
Do not let me die(Generous)

Come, come, oh come (Glorious)
Do not let me die (Generous)
Come, come, oh come (Glorious)
Do not let me die (Generous)

(fade away)
Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth

The Law of "Shotgun!"

Mutski — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:02:02 UT

SHOTGUN RULES:

Ever have the problem of catching a ride with someone whose car doesn't have much of a back seat?
At times like these, it is important to know the rules of calling shotgun.
Never again will you let someone take advantage of you because you don't know the rules.

Section I - General Rules
1) The first person to yell "SHOTGUN" gets to ride in the front seat.
2) The remaining back seats may be divvied up in the same manner by being the first to call "back right seat", etc..
3) The word "shotgun" must be loud enough to be heard by at least one witness. If no witness is to be found, or in case of a tie, the driver has the final word. After all, it is most likely his car. (note: if it isn't his car, and the owner is present, the owner's decision is final. Owner must be sober, however, or he will defer his judgment to the driver.)
4) Early calls are strictly prohibited. All occupants of the vehicle (including the driver) must be outside of the building and directly on the way to the vehicle before shotgun may be called. Under no circumstances may a person call shotgun inside a building. For sake of simplicity, a garage is considered to be outside. Parking structures and detached garages are always considered as being outdoors, even if they are underground.
5) A person may only call shotgun for one way of a trip. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one can not get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey.
6) Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right as women to the front seat of the car. i.e. women don't own the front seat.
7) One is allowed to ride shotgun as many times as he can call it, but for himself only. No one can call shotgun for their slower friend, unless the friend has a speech or mental handicap that prevents them from calling it for themselves.
8) The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.

Section II - Special Cases
These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.
1) In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.
2) If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
3) In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
4) In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.
5) In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline.
6) In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three hour trip with him crammed in the back.

Section III - The Survival Of The Fittest Rules (a.k.a The Bastard Rules)
1) If the driver so wishes, he/she may institute the Survival Of The Fittest Rules on the process of calling Shotgun. In this case all rules, excepting 1.8, are suspended and the passenger seat is occupied by whoever can take it by force.
2) The driver must announce the institution of the Survival Of The Fittest Rules with reasonable warning to all passengers. This clause reduces the amount of blood lost by passengers and the damage done to the vehicle.
3) Please follow the above rules to the best of your ability. If there are any arguments or exceptions not covered in these rules, please refer to rule 1.8.

Section IV - Revisions
1) These rules shall be subject to either revision or amendment at any time. But, changes and new rules you create during a car ride do not take effect until the next car ride.
2) Since there is an established body currently in place to distribute world-wide information, it is proposed that the United Nations oversee the adoption, updates (as required) and enforcement of these rules once adopted by at least two-thirds of the current membership of the UN.
3) It shall be the responsibility of all drivers to have a current copy of these rules in the vehicle's glove compartment, so that disputes may be resolved.

Section V - Amendments
Amendment I: The Laser / Shotgun Double Barrel Rule
A person may call "laser" or "Shotgun Double Barrel" after shotgun has been called, to override the shotgun call. This is only valid if the driver verifies the call as we see in Section 1.3.
Additionally, any passenger who says "No Blitz" after claiming shotgun, may not have it taken away by either the "Laser" or "Double Barrel" rules.
These rules hold no precedence over Standard shotgun procedure, and the driver has final say in all calls.

Amendment II: The Specific Amendment
Any person who wishes to claim shotgun must actually pronounce either the word "Shotgun" or "Gun." One may not say the name of a type of shotgun, such as "12 Gauge." If a passenger does, then he or she can lay no claim on shotgun, and may be called by another person.

Amendment III: The "House" Rule
The Owner of the vehicle decides which Shotgun Amendments to institute on his own car. All passengers must abide by the rules of these Amendments, which are stated in this document. This Amendment clarifies that not all Amendments need be active at any given time.

Amendment IV: Eviction
If the vehicle is forced to stop for a serious infraction of the Shotgunner, the Shotgunner must relinquish his/her seat, if the driver so wishes.
Serious infractions have been known to include spilling alcoholic beverages, spilling any beverage, being annoying, breaking parts of the car, and in extreme cases, just being ugly.

Amendment V: The Shotgun Clause
This rule native to the south, but practical in many northern cities, states that the potential occupant with the largest caliber weapon on their person defaults to shotgun, unless one occupant is actually armed with a shotgun, in which case he gets shotgun. If two or more occupants actually have shotguns, then the over/under barrel configuration rules.

Amendment VI: The Reserve Shotgun Amendment (Bitch, Spanky, Comm and SAM)
After Shotgun has been called, other patrons may call "Bitch," "Spanky," or "Comm," referring to the seat behind shotgun, the seat behind the driver, and the center back seat, respectively. SAM applies to the hatchback or trunk.

Amendment VII: Navigator
The passenger who has shotgun MUST serve as Navigator. By this, he must watch out for signs and intersections that the driver may miss during the course of a road trip. The Navigator must also ask for directions out the window.
It is also the responsibility of the passenger who has shotgun to take control of the radio and air conditioning, however the driver has final say over the settings. The other occupants of the car can also have an opinion. If the passenger with shotgun is caught forgetting their duties and makes the car listen to commercials and/or bad music, then his privilege can be lost. Of course, this is all in good judgement of the driver. As Navigator, the driver may also ask him to operate other devices such as the windshield wipers, and rear window defroster.
It is also the job of the Navigator throw all trash and empty beer bottles out of the window. The beer bottles must be crushed under the tires to destroy all evidence, in case of an emergency situation.
In addition, the Navigator must possess the ability and the will to insult other drivers and be heard, only if they deserve it (ie: being cut off). This is to allow the driver to continue to operate the vehicle properly.
The Navigator must possess the ability (and the will) to roll down their window and invite any chicks in adjacent cars to the driver's destination.

Amendment VIII: First Blood
This rule from the mid-west states that whoever draws blood (supposedly when the Survival of the Fittest rules are in effect) gets shoved in the back of the hatchback (or trunk) with the spare tire.

Amendment IX: Australian Shotgun
Originally from Australia, if two people tie for shotgun, then the first person to put their thumb on their head is awarded shotgun. If they both do this at the same time, then an immediate pissbolt (race) to the car is required.

Amendment X: Five Minute Rule
This rule, which originated in Massachusetts, states that in the event that the passenger riding shotgun leaves the car (ie: to get something from his house or a convenient store) is allowed 5 minutes in which to return and still retain his shotgun privilege. If he does not return within the time frame allotted, another passenger may take his place. There are other variations to this rule such as the "Two Hour Rule," but these usually result in the shotgunner geting beaten up by the other passengers.

Amendment XI: Awnings
Once all passengers have exited through the final doorway on the way to the car, (provided the car is in view), they are considered outside and may call shotgun no matter what covering is overhead. This rule applies to all awnings, covered decks and all outdoor shelters. Garagesare considered outside so long as the door is open.

Amendment XII: National Bitch
This rule alters Amendment VI, where the caller of "Bitch" gains the center back seat. Comm is replaced with "Spanky 2," referring to the seat behind Shotgun.

Amendment XIII: Refueling
In addition to Amendment VII, if the car needs refueling at any time, it is the duty of the Shotgunner to gas up the car and pay (though usually with money given by the driver).

Amendment XIV: The Race
If there is a tie when calling shotgun, the first person who touches the car wins.

Amendment XV: Ozzie Pissbolt
If the driver gets confused or annoyed with chaotic rules arguments, he may shout "Ozzie Pissbolt," suggesting that the first person to touch the car is awarded shotgun.

Amendment XVI: Jedi Run
If the car is not within sight of the driver, and significantly far away, so that the proposed walk to the vehicle is neither linear nor within five minutes, the initiating party may call "Jedi Run" after a successful shotgun call (vehicle visibility is not required for this success). She must then beat all other opponents to the vehicle. In order to secure shotgun, the initiating party must not be out of breath or tired by the time the rest of the troupe arrives. This overrides any other countermeasures for shotgun if executed before they come into effect.

Amendment XVII: Alternate Names
This amendment adds additional aliases.
Shotgun may also be called under the following aliases: Gun, Shogun, Catgut, and Shotty. Bitch (as in, behind shotgun) may also be called under the following aliases: Rightsies and On-The-Rightsies SAM may also be called under the following aliases: Turrets

Amendment XVIII: Alternative Seats
In addition to Amendment XVII, anyone who wants to be duct-taped to the roof calls "Mir!" If a trunk is present in the vehicle, then this "seat" will hereby be recognized as "Ex-Wife."

Amendment XIV: The Recall Rule
Once a passenger has called shotgun, another passenger may call "Recall Shotgun," thereby overriding the shotgun call and claiming shotgun for themselves. In order for this not to happen the first passenger must call "Shotgun, No Recall." This rule is similar to the "No Blitz" call.

Amendment XX: Reversion
If the original caller of shotgun lost their seat to some countermeasure, the initial caller may shout "Same Seatsies" to regain their right to shotgun. In addition, "Double Barrel" and "Laser" may be followed by "No Blitz," so that the original caller cannot regain their shotgun right. "No Blitz" and "Same Seatsies" are synonymous with "No Recall" and "Recall Shotgun," respectively.

Amendment XXI: Duel
In such a case where any present shotgun rules still causes confusion between two individuals, they may duel for the honor of Shotgun. This duel takes the form of one (and only one) round of traditional "paper, rock, scissor." Alternatively, this may be replaced by one (and only one) round of "odds or evens."

Amendment XXII: Chinese Sneak Attack
In the event that someone manages to touch the car's handle, and/or is in the car before anyone called shotgun, then they immediately receive the shotgun priviledge. However, this amendment does not apply to someone who ran to the vehicle in question in order to do so.

Amendment XXIII: Broken Seat
In the event that the front passenger seat in the car is extremely uncomfortable (i.e. has a big hole in it), the passenger who called Shotgun must sit in that seat. The other passengers may ridicule him as they wish.

Amendment XXIV: Smoking
In the event that smoking is allowed in said vehicle, smoking passengers are given consideration over non-smokers in order that they may utilize either the window or ashtray.
In the event that there is more than one smoking passenger, the passenger that has already lit-up has Shotgun privilege over those who are not already engaged in the act of smoking.
In the event that more than one smoker is already smoking while on the way to the vehicle, the driver may enforce The Survival of the Fittest Rules or First Blood Rule. This however, is not recommended do to the high risk factor to the vehicle in question. As stated in Section I Article 8 of the Constitution, the driver has all final say in disputes between passengers.

Amendment XXV: Secondary Passenger
If a passenger is "just along for the ride," then they must sit in the back seat (or worst seat, if the car is otherwise full), because the ride is not for them.

Amendment XXVI: Double Shotgun
This rule from Delaware states that if a given passenger calls a valid "shotgun", then he or she may not say "shotgun" again. By calling "shotgun" a second time, he or she would automatically forfeit their seat and shotgun is reopened to the other passengers.
Other passengers are allowed to try to trick the person who originally says "shotgun" into saying it again, in order to claim shotgun for themselves.

Amendment XXVII: Contraband
In the event that the car is about to pass an abandoned case of beer, pornography, or any other form of contraband that the passengers might find useful in some way or another, it is the responsibility of the passenger riding shotgun to open his door and scoop up the said beer, pornography or contraband, while the car is still in motion.
Additionally, if the car is moving at a speed above 15 M.P.H. (24 km/h) the passenger riding shotgun may decline to do so.

Amendment XXVIII: No Bitch
This rule states that once Shotgun has been called by one of the passengers, the remaining passengers may call, "No Bitch." The passenger who calls "No Bitch" last, or fails to call it at all, is forced to ride bitch.

Amendment XXIX: No Chauffeur / Compulsory Shotgun
In the event that there are fewer passengers than capacity would allow, there must always be a passenger riding shotgun. This would include a couple. This is to prevent the driver from feeling ditched, or like a chauffeur.

Amendment XXX: Seniority
In the instance that one of the passengers is much older than the rest of the passengers, he/she is automatically given Shotgun unless they decline.

Amendment XXXI: Ten-Foot Rule
This rule native to Myrtle Beach and Charleston, SC, states that once a passenger has called Shotgun, another passenger may call "10 Foot Rule." In this case, there would be an immediate race for the car. The first passenger to come within 10 feet of the car is awarded Shotgun.

Amendment XXXII: Backfire
This rule from Central NC states that if a passenger has shotgun on a trip, and then calls shotgun for the return trip, any passenger may call, "Double Shotgun Backfire," to prevent a single passenger from dominating the front seat.

Amendment XXXIII: International Travel
When crossing the border into another country. All shotgun claims are void, and passengers may once again call shotgun. If another passenger gets it, the driver must pull over at his earliest and safest convenience.

Amendment XXXIV: Context
A passenger may only receive shotgun if he says shotgun within the context of calling shotgun. For instance, a passenger may not be awarded shotgun if he says, "Did anybody call shotgun?," or if he/she was talking about a shotgun.

Amendment XXXV: Language
If you reside in a non-English-speaking locale, Shotgun must be called by its native word. For instance, in Sweden, the word "Hagelbossa" must be pronounced, while in Germany, "Schrotflinte."
Shotgun may be called in any language the driver is fluent in. "Fluent" is described here as being proficient enough in a language to understand conversation exchanges.
Order of preference rewards the language closest to the native language of the locale in which Shotgun is called. For instance, if the call is made is Sweden, and the only calls were "Schrotflinte" and "Escopeta" (Spanish), respectively, the seat will be given to the second caller, as German is closer-related to Swedish than Spanish is.

Amendment XXXVI: The Eviction Notice
Particularly crafty individuals may override a yet-to-be-made Shotgun call by leaving a note, clearly visible on the passenger-side door, with the word "Shotgun" written legibly on it, following the author's name. So long as no Shotgun call was made before the message was seen, the writer of the message is awarded Shotgun.
Other calls relating to Shotgun may also be made in similar manner, including such calls as "No Blitz", "Laser", etc.
The execution of the written "call" goes into effect as soon as someone has seen the writing. Calls made prior to this override the note.

Amendment XXXVII: No Hump
Local to Toronto, ON (Canada), this rule is relevant if there are five passengers in a car that has only four seats. After a successful Shotgun call is made, the remaining passengers may call "No Hump" to avoid sitting on the hump between the two back seats. The individual failing to make the call, or the last person to make the call, must sit on the uncomfortable, ball-breaking hump. This is a much-feared "seat" to Camaro and Firebird passengers.

Amendment XXXVIII: Eagle Scout
An addition to Amendment XXX, it is the duty of the Shotgunner to spot all speed cameras and police cars that could pose a threat to the driver and car. If the vehicle is stopped because the Shotgunner failed in his duties, he may be banned from riding Shotgun for a period of time dictated by the driver.

Amendment XXXIX: Shotgun Suicide
If the Shotgun caller attempts to open the car door as it is being unlocked (thus causing it to stay locked), he immediately loses Shotgun priviliges for the upcoming ride, and a new round of calling Shotgun must be executed.

Amendment XXXX: Multiple Vehicles
In the case that there is more than one eligible car to make a trip, the owners of their respective vehicles may not want to drive. In these cases, they may force their colleagues to waste gas by proclaiming, "Shot Not". A successful call will not only save them gas, but will award them shotgun in another vehicle.
If there are more than two vehicles that can be driven, "Shot Not" can be followed by the name of the car's owner who the caller wants to have Shotgun in.
If "Shot Not" was called, but the car in which preference was called for has already had a successful Shotgun call, the individual still need not drive, so long as there are other potential vehicles whose drivers did not make successful "Shot Not" calls.
Once non-drivers have been eliminated with successful "Shot Not" calls, all non-Shotgun riding passengers may choose seats in the typical manner (ie "Bitch", "Comm", etc.) followed by the driver's name of the car they wish to travel in. A passenger is not guaranteed a particular seat in a vehicle unless the seat specified and the car specified is legal (ie, it has not yet been called).
"Shot Not" may be called under the aliases of "Shot No Drive", "Shotgun Not Drive", and "Shotgun No Drive".
For efficiency-sake, "Shot Not" cannot be overriden with rules such as "Laser".

Amendment XXXXI: Multiple Calls
This happens when multiple groups of people are meeting at one car, and both groups had someone claim Shotgun. If it can not be determined who made the call first, the dispute is settled with Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Amendment XXXXII: Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Section II, Article 3 of the Constitution states that , "In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline." In addition, serious Boy/Girl friends should also receive preferential treatment in regards to shotgun.

Amendment XXXXIII: The Couples Rule
In the event that a couple is traveling together, they must both sit together in either the front or back seat. This is so that people without boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes, can talk amongst themselves in the hope of acquiring boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes.
This rule however is null and void if the The No Chauffeur / Compulsory Shotgun Rule is in effect.

Amendment XXXXIV: Balking
If you have called Shotgun and are waiting for the doors to be unlocked, you are not allowed to lift the handle during the unlocking, causing the other doors to remain locked. This voids your right to Shotgun.

Amendment XXXXV: Abandonment
If the Shotgun occupant leaves the vehicle (even if they plan to come back), the Shotgun seat is up for grabs. One exception is if the Shotgun rider leaves to do a deed for the driver, like buying cigarettes or pumping gas. In those cases, that person retains their Shotgun rights.

Amendment XXXXVI: The Handicapped
Section II, Article 6 states that preferential shotgun treatment may be offered to anyone "too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat". Preferential treatment should be awarded to the handicapped as well as to these genetic misfits, especially if the injury prevents them from achieving maximum leg room, maneuverability, etc. (as might be the case with a broken leg, foot, etc.) Unlike with Section II, Article 6, however, the handicapped are not to be taunted as with the genetic misfits if not awarded shotgun. Otherwise, taunting is okay.

Amendment XXXXVII: The Bribery Amendment
In the event that the shotgun call ends up in a tie between two passengers, the passengers in the tie may attempt to bribe the driver so that the driver makes the call in their favor. This rule is null and void, however if the driver institutes the Survival of the Fittest Rules. Examples of bribes are money, food and soda.

Amendment XXXXVIII: The Full View Amendment
The automobile must be in full view of all passengers before "Shotgun" may be called.

Amendment XXXXIV: The Second Call Amendment
If a given passenger calls a valid "shotgun", then he or she may not say "shotgun" again. By calling "shotgun" a second time, he or she would automatically forfeit their seat and shotgun is reopened to the other passengers.
Other passengers are allowed to try to trick the person who originally says "shotgun" into saying it again, in order to claim shotgun for themselves.

Amendment L: Voiding
Whenever you break a Shotgun rule, you may be voided from receiving Shotgun privileges for that ride.

Amendment LI: Long Trips
The rules listed in our guide were created for short trips (1 hour or less). On longer trips, Shotgun can be divided equally among those who want it.

Amendment LII: The Rock Amendment
This rule states that once a passenger calls "Shotgun," he must also say, "No Rock." If the gunner does not say this, another passenger may call, "Rock." In this case Shotgun is awarded to the winner of a best of three, Rock, Paper, Scissors contest.

Amendment LIII: The Rotating Shotgun Rule
• This rule is native to a suburb of Philadelphia, PA to ensure that everybody gets shotgun at least once per long road trip.
• Before the first ride a passenger will call shotgun under the normal procedures, as stated in Section I of the Official Rules.
• Once a passenger has had shotgun, he or she may not have shotgun again until everyone else has had shotgun.
• Before the second ride, everyone (besides the person who has already had shotgun) competes for shotgun under the normal conditions.
• This continues until the trip has either ended or if everyone has already had shotgun once.
Once everyone has had shotgun, the "shotgun order" has been established. You must now rotate in that order.
• The shotgun order recycles over and over until the trip is finished.
• Person(s) joining the trip after the first ride are entered into the order by the following process:
----Clause A: On their first ride, the calling of gun is between that person and the person whose turn it is in the shotgun order.
----Clause B: if the order has not yet been established, the new rider is entered into the pool of riders calling for shotgun.
• Driver still has final say in all ties and disputes. All rules from the Official rules, including special cases, and the Survival of the Fittest, are still in effect.

Amendment LIV: The Barefoot Rule
Since you must be outside to call Shotgun, some people will just grab their shoes, run outside, and call Shotgun before putting their shoes on. This is not valid. You must have your shoes on (if you plan to wear any) before you may call Shotgun.
Amendment II: Re-entry
If you call Shotgun and then go back inside the building, you lose your Shotgun rights. While you are gone, someone else can call shotgun. If nobody does, you can call it when you go back.

Amendment LV: Hand On The Shotgun Door
Shotgun can no longer be called once someone's hand is holding the shotgun door handle. This is significant when nobody else is around to hear you call shotgun.

Amendment LVI: Sitting Down
By sitting in the Shotgun seat before anyone has called it, you get to stay there even if somebody calls it afterwards. Nobody needs to hear you actually call shotgun.

Follow Your Destiny, Wherever It Leads You. - Vicki Silvers.

Mutski — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 08:04:45 UT

This was on a wallet card given to me by that special Lady in my heart. I thought about it a bit today.

Follow Your Destiny, Wherever It Leads You.
- Vicki Silvers.

"Walk your path one step at a time -
With courage, faith and determination.
Keep your head up and cast your
Dreams to the stars. soon your steps
Will become firm and you footing
Will be solid again. A path that you
Never imagined will become the most
Comfortable direction you could have
Ever hoped to follow. Keep your belief
In yourself and walk into your new
Journey. You will find it magnificent,
Spectacular, and beyond your wildest
Imaginings."

Tought about destiny a bit today. A stone mason is "One who works and builds with stone", and the science of the stone mason is called "Masonry".
When we look at the concept of "Destiny", we tend to think in terms of an ultimate arrival. Sort of, We haved reached a destination. Logically, then, Wouldn't "Destiny" be the "Science of setting and consistantly achieving goals"?

If we follow that line of thought, in stead of the usual "The Universe provides" then it stands to reason we create our own destiny, wether we realise it or not.

Interesting thought........

Friday I'm in Love - The Cure

Mutski — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 14:08:38 UT

I thought about blogging this a while ago, but thought against it for personal reasons. I rather like this song a lot, though when I first heard it back in primary school I thought it was a "weekend" song! LOL!
What a rookie!

Friday I'm in Love - The Cure

I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love

Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Oh, Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love

Saturday, wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday, never hesitate...

I don't care if Mondays black
Tuesday, Wednesday - heart attack
Thursday, never looking back
It's Friday, I'm in love

Monday, you can hold your head
Tuesday, Wednesday stay in bed
Or Thursday - watch the walls instead
It's Friday, I'm in love

Saturday, wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday, never hesitate...

Dressed up to the eyes
It's a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown
And just smiling at the sound
And as sleek as a sheik
Spinning round and round
Always take a big bite
It's such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Enough of this stuff
It's Friday, I'm in love

I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love

Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love

Philosophical Quotes off the Net

Mutski — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 10:04:17 UT

"I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." Jack London

". . . Nature, the common parent of us all."

". . . Nature can never be overcome."

"Philosophy! The guide of our lives, the explorer of all that is good in us, exterminator of all evil! It is you who have brought peace into our lives; you who have relieved us of the fear of death."

". . . in life generally, the contemplation and study of Nature are far superior to the whole range of other human activities."

"The deepest knowledge and contemplation of Nature is but a very lame and imperfect business, unless it proceed and tend forward into action."

"The substance is more important than the form."

"An acute first-class brain is the finest asset anyone can have- and, if we want to be happy, it is an asset we must exploit to the uttermost." Cicero

"The pragmatist turns away from abstraction and insufficiency, from verbal solutions, from bad a priori reasons, from fixed principles, closed systems, and pretended absolutes and origins. He turns toward concreteness and adequacy, towards facts, towards action, and towards power." William James

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt

"Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life." Bertolt Brecht

"To teach us how to live without certainty, and yet without being paralyzed by hesitation, is perhaps the chief thing that philosophy, in our age, can still do for those who study it."

"It is preoccupation with possession, more than anything else, that prevents men from living freely and nobly."

"Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom." Bertrand Russell

"Nothing is terrible except fear itself." Francis Bacon

"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about." Charles Kingsley

"It is the duty of every true Deist to vindicate the moral justice of God against the evils of the Bible."

"I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but he whose heart is firm and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death."

"The most formidable weapon against errors of every kind is reason. I have never used any other and I trust I never shall."

"While man keeps to the belief of one God, his reason unites with his creed. He is not shocked with contradictions and horrid stories. His bible is the heavens and the earth. He beholds his Creator in all His works, and everything he beholds inspires him with reverence and gratitude. From the goodness of God to all, he learns his duty to his fellow-man, and stands self-reproved when he transgresses it. Such a man is no persecutor."

"It is an affront to truth to treat falsehood with complaisance."

"The creation is the Bible of the Deist. He there reads, in the handwriting of the Creator himself, the certainty of His existence and the immutability of His power, and all other Bibles and Testaments are to him forgeries."

" . . . and having endeavored to force upon himself the belief of a system against which reason revolts, he ungratefully calls it human reason, as if man could give reason to himself."

"Is it because you are sunk in the cruelty of superstition, or feel no interest in the honor of your Creator, that you listen to the horrid tales of the Bible, or hear them with callous indifference?" Thomas Paine

"Hell is the impossibility of reason." from Oliver Stone's PLATOON

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

"Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work." Thomas A. Edison

"Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." Helen Keller

"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them." Thoreau

"If you trap the moment before it's ripe,
The tears of repentance
You'll certainly wipe;
But if once you let the ripe moment go
You can never wipe off the tears of woe." William Blake

"A man who examines the saddle and bridle and not the animal itself when he is out to buy a horse is a fool; similarly, only an absolute fool values a man according to his clothes, or according to his position, which after all is only something we wear like clothing."

"To be really respected is to be loved; and love and fear will not mix."

"It's only when you are breathing your last that the way you've spent your time will become apparent. I accept the terms, and feel no dread of the coming judgment."

"It is philosophy that has the duty of protecting us. She will encourage us to submit to God with cheerfulness and to fortune with defiance; she will show you how to follow God and bear what chance may send you."

" . . . no one can lead a happy life, or even one that is bearable, without the pursuit of wisdom, and that the perfection of wisdom is what makes the happy life, although even the beginnings of wisdom make life bearable. Yet this conviction, clear as it is, needs to be strengthened and given deeper roots through daily reflection; making noble resolutions is not as important as keeping the resolutions you have made already." Seneca

"Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it". Salvador Dali

"The superior man thinks always of virtue; the common man thinks of comfort." Confucius

"One of the best ways to properly evaluate and adapt to the many environmental stresses of life is to simply view them as normal. The adversity and failures in our lives, if adapted to and viewed as normal corrective feedback to use to get back on target, serve to develop in us an immunity against anxiety, depression, and the adverse responses to stress. Instead of tackling the most important priorities that would make us successful and effective in life, we prefer the path of least resistance and do things simply that will relieve our tension, such as shuffling papers and majoring in minors." Denis Waitley

"Guilt is never a rational thing; it distorts all the faculties of the human mind, it perverts them, it leaves a man no longer in the free use of his reason, it puts him into confusion." Edmund Burke

"Why do you hunger for length of days? Is it to experience sensations and desires, or increase or cessation of growth? Is it to make use of the powers of speech or of thought? Does any of these things seem really worth coveting? Then if you think them beneth your notice, press on towards the final goal of all - which is the following of reason and of God. But to prize this, you must remember, is incompatible with any feelings of resentment that death will rob you of the others."

"For a life that is sound and secure, cultivate a thorough insight into things and discover their essence, matter, and cause; put your whole heart into doing what is just, and speaking what is true; and for the rest, know the joy of life by piling good deed on good deed until no rift or cranny appears between them."

" . . . the passing moment is all that a man can ever live or lose."

"Firstly, avoid all actions that are haphazard or purposeless; and secondly, let every action aim solely at the common good."

"How ample are the privileges vouchsafed to man - to do nothing but what God will approve, and accept everything God may assign!"

"Anger is as much a mark of weakness as is grief; in both of them men receive a wound, and submit to a defeat."

"Our anger and annoyance are more detrimental to us than the things themselves which anger or annoy us."

"Impermanence is the badge of each and every one."

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." Marcus Aurelius

"The journey of ten thousand miles begins with a single phone call." Confucius Bell

"Often the difference between a successful person and a failure is not one's better abilities or ideas, but the courage that one has to bet on his ideas, to take calculated risk - and to act." Maxwell Maltz

"We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action." Frank Tibolt

"Guilt is the mafia of the mind." Bob Mandel

"Fall 7 times, stand up 8." Japanese Proverb

Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire." Reggie Leach

"When I do good I feel good; when I do bad I feel bad; and that's my religion."

"Quarrel not at all. No one resolved to make the most of himself can spare time for personalcontention."

"Important principles may and must be inflexible."

"Hold on with a bulldog grip, and chew and choke as much as possible."

"Let the people know the truth and the country is safe."

"The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present."

"I shall try to correct errors when shown to be errors, and I shall adopt new views so fast as they shall appear to be true views."

"With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right."

"Happy day, when, all appetites controlled, all passions subdued, all matters subjected, mind, all conquering mind, shall live and move the monarch of the world. Glorious consummation! Hail fall of Fury! Reign of Reason, all hail!

"I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have."

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."

"Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored."

"The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time."

"Upon the subject of education I can only say that I view it as the most important subject which we as a people may be engaged in."

"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing." Abraham Lincoln

"If the point is sharp, and the arrow is swift, it can pierce through the dust no matter how thick." Bob Dylan

"We live very close together. So, our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." The Dali Lama

"Nothing shall warp me from the belief that everyone is a lover of truth."

"There is no chance and no anarchy in the universe. All is system and gradation."

"The day of days, the great day of the feast of life, is that in which the inward eye opens to the Unity in things . . . This beatitude dips from on high down on us and we see. It is not in us so much as we are in it."

"The words I and mine constitute ignorance."

"All good is eternally reproductive. The beauty of nature reforms itself in the mind, and not for barren contemplation, but for new creation."

"The ancestor of every action is a thought."

"At the gates of the forest, the surprised man of the world is forced to leave his city estimates of great and small, wise and foolish . . . Here is a sanctity which shames our religions, and reality which discredits our heroes."

"Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment."

"There are many who are living far below their possibilities because they are continually handing over their individualities to others. Do you want to be a power in the world? Then be yourself. Be true to the highest within your soul and then allow yourself to be governed by no customs or conventionalities or arbitrary man-made rules that are not founded on principle." Ralph Waldo Emerson

"When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half." Gracie Allen

"Write injuries in dust, benefits in marble."

"In the present weak state of human nature, surrounded as we are on all sides with ignorance and error, it little becomes poor, fallible man to be positive and dogmatical in his opinions."

"Speak little, do much."

"How exact and regular is every thing in the natural world! How wisely in every part contriv'd! We cannot here find the least defect! Those who have studied the mere animal and vegetable creation, demonstrate that nothing can be more harmonious and beautiful! All the heavenly bodies, the stars and planets, are regulated with the utmost Wisdom! And can we suppose less care to be taken in the order of the moral than in the natural system?"

"Hast thou not propos'd some certain end
to which thy life, thy every act may tend?
Hast thou no mark at which to bend thy bow?
Or like a boy pursu'st the carrion crow
With pellets and with stones, from tree to tree,
A fruitless toil, and liv'st extemore?"

"Think of three things, whence you came, where you are going, and to whom you must account."

"By the word simplicity, is not always meant folly or ignorance; but often, pure and upright Nature, free from artifice, craft or deceitful ornament." Ben Franklin

"Here is the test to find if your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive, it isn't." Richard Bach

"Nothing contributes so much to tranquilizing the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye." Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

"Strong lives are motivated by dynamic purposes." Kenneth Hildebrand

"Since nothing we intend is ever faultless, and nothing we attempt ever without error, and nothing we achieve without some measure of finitude and fallibility we call humanness, we are saved by forgiveness." David Augsburger

"For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it."

"May it be to the world, what I believe it will be (to some parts sooner, to others later, but finally to all), the signal of arousing men to burst the chains under which monkish ignorance and superstition had persuaded them to bind themselves." (regarding the American Revolution)

"Your sect (Judaism) by its sufferings has furnished a remarkable proof of the universal spirit of religious intolerance inherent in every sect, disclaimed by all while feeble, and practiced by all when in power. Our laws have applied the only antidote to this vice, protecting all on an equal footing. But more remains to be done, for although we are free by law, we are not so in practice; public opinion srects itself into an Inquisition, and exercises its offices with as much fanaticism as fans the flames of an Auto-da-Fe." Thomas Jefferson

"Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared." Eddie Rickenbacker

" When we see we have gone wrong, it is our duty to retrace our footsteps and proceed again by the right path."

"Cowards can never be moral."

"Fear has its use, but cowardice has none."

"The acquisition of the spirit of nonresistance is a matter of long training in self-denial and appreciation of the hidden forces within ourselves. It changes one's outlook on life . . . It is the greatest force because it is the highest expression of the soul."

"Truth never damages a cause that is just."

"A reformer has to sail not with the current. Very often he has to go against it even though it may cost him his life."

"The mind of a man who remains good under compulsion cannot improve; in fact, it worsens."

"To a true artist, only that face is beautiful which, quite apart from its exterior, shines with the truth within the soul."

"Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress."

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

"The greatest of man's spiritual needs is the need to be delivered from the evil and falsity that are in himself and in his society."

"Joy lives in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself."

"It is beneath human dignity to lose one's individuality and become a mere cog in the machine."

"Where there is love, there is life; hatred leads to destruction."

"Every murder or other injury, no matter for what cause, committed or inflicted on another is a crime against humanity."

"Mankind has to get out of violence only through nonviolence."

"True nonviolence is an impossibility without the possession of unadulterated fearlessness."

"Silence becomes cowardice when occasion demands speaking out the whole truth and acting accordingly."

"Rights that do not flow from duty well performed are not worth having."

"Strength in numbers is the delight of the timid. The valiant in spirit glory in fighting alone."

"I believe in God, not as a theory but as a fact more real than that of life itself."
Gandhi

"I believe serious progress (in the abolition of war) can be achieved only when men become organized on an international scale and refuse, as a body, to enter military or war service."

"I appeal to all men and women, whether they be eminent or humble, to declare that they will refuse to give any further assistance to war or the preparation of war."

"I maintain that the cosmic religious feeling is the strongest and noblest motive for scientific research."

"Whatever there is of God and goodness in the universe, it must work itself out and express itself through us. We cannot stand aside and let God do it."

"I am a deeply religious nonbeliever. . . . This is a somewhat new kind of religion."
Albert Einstein

" Self-sufficiency is the greatest of all wealth."

"He who is not satisfied with a little, is satisfied with nothing."

"If the gods listened to the prayers of men, all humankind would quickly perish since they constantly pray for many evils to befall one another."

"That which creates unsurpassable joy is the removal of a great evil."

"By love of true philosophy we are delivered from every disturbing and painful desire."

"The mean soul is puffed up by successes, but brought down by adversity."

"Great abundance is heaped up as the result of brutalizing labor, but a miserable life is the result."

"A person is made unhappy either by fear or by endless and vain desire. The person who curbs these can attain for himself the blessed gift of reason."

"Justice's greatest reward is peace of mind."

"It is impossible for the one who instills fear to remain free from fear."

"Live your life without attracting attention."

"Happiness and blessedness do not belong to abundance of riches or exalted position or offices or power, but to freedom from pain and gentleness of feeling and a state of mind that sets limits that are in accordance with nature."

"Vain is the word of a philosopher, by which no mortal suffering is healed. Just as medicine confers no benefit if it does not drive away bodily disease, so is philosophy useless if it does not drive away the suffering of the mind."
Epicurus

"Evil does not naturally dwell in the world, in events, or in people. Evil is a by-product of forgetfulness, laziness, or distraction: it arises when we lose sight of our true aim in life.

"When we remember that our aim is spiritual progress, we return to striving to be our best selves. This is how happiness is won."

"Don't surrender your mind.

"If someone were to casually give your body away to any old passerby, you would naturally be furious.

"Why then do you feel no shame in giving your precious mind over to any person who might wish to influence you? Think twice before you give up your own mind to someone who may revile you, leaving you confused and upset."

"In trying to please other people, we find ourselves misdirected toward what lies outside our sphere of influence. In doing so we lose our hold on our life's purpose.

"Content yourself with being a lover of wisdom, a seeker of the truth. Return and return again to what is essential and worthy.

"Do not try to seem wise to others.

"If you want to live a wise life, live it on your own terms and in your own eyes."

"Attache yourself to what is spiritually superior, regardless of what other people think or do. Hold to your true aspirations no matter what is going on around you."

"Instead of averting your eyes from the painful events of life, look at them squarely and contemplate them often. By facing the realities of death, infirmity, loss, and disappointment, you free yourself of illusions and false hopes and you avoid miserable, envious thoughts."

"So you think, so you become."

"Other people's views and troubles can be contagious. Don't sabotage yourself by unwittingly adopting negative, unproductive attitudes through your associations with others."

"It is much better to die of hunger unhindered by grief and fear than to live affluently beset with worry, dread, suspicion, and unchecked desire."

"Begin at once a program of self-mastery. But start modestly, with the little things that bother you. Has your child spilled something? Have you misplaced your wallet? Say to yourself, 'Coping calmly with this inconvenience is the price I pay for my inner serenity, for freedom from perturbation; you don't get something for nothing.'"

"Nothing truly stops you. Nothing truly holds you back. For your own will is always within your control.

"Sickness may challenge your body. But are you merely your body? Lameness may impede your legs. But you are not merely your legs. Your will is bigger than your legs.

"Your will needn't be affected by an incident unless you let it. Remember this with everything that happens to you."

"Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to turn inward and to invoke our own submerged inner resources. The trials we endure can and should introduce us to our strengths.

"Prudent people look beyond the incident itself and seek to form the habit of putting it to good use."

"Never depend on the admiration of others. There is no strength in it. Personal merit cannot be derived from an external source. It is not to be found in your personal associations, nor can it be found in the regard of other people, even people who love you, will not necessarily agree with your ideas, understand you, or share your enthusiasms. Grow up! Who cares what other people think about you!

"You have been given your own work to do. Get to it right now, do your best at it, and don't be concerned with who is watching you. Create your own merit."
Epictetus

"To live with dignity we must first discover our fundamental beliefs and then live by them."

"When I was lost and alone I finally took the time to know myself. The discovery was worth the discomfort."

"When you are physically 'stuck', remember that you are still spiritually FREE."
Ros Stiles

I Speak Not by Lord Byron

Mutski — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 02:53:58 UT

I Speak Not

I speak not, I trace not, I breathe not thy name;
There is grief in the sound, there is guilt in the fame;
But the tear that now burns on my cheek may impart
The deep thoughts that dwell in that silence of heart.

Too brief for our passion, too long for our peace,
Were those hours - can their joy or their bitterness cease?
We repent, we abjure, we will break from our chain, -
We will part, we will fly to - unite it again!

Oh! thine be the gladness, and mine be the guilt!
Forgive me, adored one! - forsake if thou wilt;
But the heart which is thine shall expire undebased,
And man shall not break it - whatever thou may'st.

And stern to the haughty, but humble to thee,
This soul in its bitterest blackness shall be;
And our days seem as swift, and our moments more sweet,
With thee at my side, than with worlds at our feet.

One sigh of thy sorrow, one look of thy love,
Shall turn me or fix, shall reward or reprove.
And the heartless may wonder at all I resign -
Thy lips shall reply, not to them, but to mine.

Remind Me Not, Remind Me Not by Lord Byron

Mutski — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 02:49:33 UT

Remind me not, remind me not
By Lord Byron

Remind me not, remind me not,
Of those beloved, those vanish'd hours,
When all my soul was given to thee;
Hours that may never be forgot,
Till Time unnerves our vital powers,
And thou and I shall cease to be.

Can I forget---canst thou forget,
When playing with thy golden hair,
How quick thy fluttering heart did move?
Oh! by my soul, I see thee yet,
With eyes so languid, breast so fair,
And lips, though silent, breathing love.

When thus reclining on my breast,
Those eyes threw back a glance so sweet,
As half reproach'd yet rais'd desire,
And still we near and nearer prest,
And still our glowing lips would meet,
As if in kisses to expire.

And then those pensive eyes would close,
And bid their lids each other seek,
Veiling the azure orbs below;
While their long lashes' darken'd gloss
Seem'd stealing o'er thy brilliant cheek,
Like raven's plumage smooth'd on snow.

I dreamt last night our love return'd,
And, sooth to say, that very dream
Was sweeter in its phantasy,
Than if for other hearts I burn'd,
For eyes that ne'er like thine could beam
In Rapture's wild reality.

Then tell me not, remind me not,
Of hours which, though for ever gone,
Can still a pleasing dream restore,
Till Thou and I shall be forgot,
And senseless, as the mouldering stone
Which tells that we shall be no more.

World's Stupidest Laws :)

Mutski — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 02:48:28 UT

Found these while poking around on the net. Enjoy!

1)
In Eureka, Nevada, USA, it is still illegal for men with moustaches to kiss women.

2)
In Alexandria, Minnesota, USA, it is still illegal for a man who has garlic, onions or sardines on his breath to have sex with his wife.

3)
In Logan County, Colorado, USA, it is still illegal to kiss a woman while she is asleep.

4)
In Providence, Rhode Island, USA, it is still illegal for shop owners to sell toothpaste and toothbrushes to the same customer on a Sunday.

5)
In Zion, Illinois, USA, it is still illegal to offer cigars to your pets.

6)
In St. Louis, Missouri, USA, it is still illegal for firemen to rescue women who are still in their nightdresses.

7)
In Ames, Iowa, USA, it is still illegal for men to have three sips of beer while they are in bed with their wives.

8)
In Maryland, USA, it is still illegal for radio stations to play Randy Newman's song 'Short people'.

9)
In Oklahoma, USA, it is still illegal to make faces at a dog, a crime that could result in a prison sentence.

10)
In Texas, USA, criminals are still required to give their victims at least 24 hours oral or written notice giving details of the crime they are about to commit.

11)
In Washington, USA, it is still an offence to pretend that you have rich parents.

12)
In Baltimore, Maryland, USA, it is still an offence to take a lion into a cinema.

13)
In Tremonton, Utah, USA, it is still an offence for a woman to have sexual intercourse with a man in an ambulance. She can be charged with a misdemeanour and have her name printed in the local paper.

14)
In Oxford, Ohio, USA, it is still illegal for a woman to undress in front of a picture of a man.

15)
In Miami, Florida, USA, it is still illegal for anyone to imitate an animal.

16)
In Afghanistan the Taliban militia banned women from wearing white socks just in case men find them attractive. The police are also ordered windows to be painted black to stop women being seen from the outside.

17)
In the USA impotence is grounds for divorce in 24 states.

18)
In Illinois, USA, it is against the law to give a lighted cigar to a pet.

19)
In Iowa, USA, it is against the law to kiss for more than five minutes.

20)
In International Falls, Minnesota, USA, it is against the law for a dog to chase a cat up a telegraph pole and dog owners can be fined for this.

21)
In Kentucky, USA, it is illegal to carry and ice cream cone in your pocket.

22)
In Louisiana, USA, if you bite someone with your own teeth it is classed as 'Simple assault' but if you bite someone with your dentures it is classed as 'aggravated assault.'

23)
In Massachusetts, USA, it is illegal for mourners to eat no more than three sandwiches at a wake.

24)
In Chico, California, USA, the law says that anybody who detonates a nuclear device within the city limits is liable to a fine of $500.

25)
In Lebanon any man may legally have sex with any animal just as long as it is a female.

26)
In Conorsville, Wisconsin, USA, it is illegal for a man to fire a gun while his wife is having an orgasm.

27)
In Tremonton, Utah, USA, it is illegal for a woman to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance.

28)
In Oblong, Illinois, it is illegal to make love while fishing or hunting on your wedding day.

29)
In Bahrain it is illegal for a doctor to look directly at a woman's genitals while he is examining her although he is permitted to see their reflection in a mirror.

30)
In Ames, Iowa, USA, a husband may not take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife.

31)
In Hastings, Nebraska, USA, the law says that hotel owners have to provide a clean white cotton nightshirt for each guest. Also no couples are allowed to have sex in the hotel unless they are wearing these nightshirts.

32)
In Willowdale, Oregon, USA, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.

33)
In Indonesia the punishment for masturbation is execution by decapitation.

34)
In Kingsville, Texas, USA, it is against the law for pigs to have sex on airport property.

35)
In Florida it is illegal to have sex with a porcupine.

36)
During World War I anyone found to be a homosexual in the French army was executed.

37)
Hundreds of years ago in Japan anyone who attempted to leave the country was instantly executed.

38)
The very first country to abolish capital punishment was Austria in 1787.

39)
In Wetaskiwin, Alberta, Canada, in 1917, it was illegal to tie a male horse next to a female horse.

40)
In the USA there is a lawsuit every 30 seconds.

41)
In San Diego, USA, hypnotism is banned by public schools.

42)
Although the USA has only 5 percent of the world population it has 70 percent of the worlds lawyers.

43)
Chewing gum is illegal in Singapore.

44)
In Paraguay duelling is legal just as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

45)
In Milan, Italy, there is still a law that requires citizens to smile at all times or risk a hefty fine. The only exceptions are visiting hospitals and funerals.

46)
In Switzerland every citizen is required by law to have access to a bomb shelter.

47)
In Burma it is illegal to get internet access. If a person is found in possession of a modem he can be imprisoned.

48)
In Bangladesh it is against the law for schoolchildren to cheat at school exams. Pupils as young as 15 can be imprisoned for this.

49)
Until 1984 Belgians were made to choose their children's names from a list of 1500 drawn up in the days of Napoleon.

50)
In Romania, in 1935, Mickey Mouse was banned because the authorities thought that the sight of a 10ft high rodent on screen would terrify the nation's children.

51)
Donald Duck comics were once banned in Finland because he never wore pants.

52)
Belgium is the only country that has never imposed censorship on adult films.

53)
Karate films were banned in Iraq in 1979.

54)
In Indiana, USA, during the 1950's, all Robin Hood films were banned because authorities thought that robbing the rich to give to the poor was an act of communism.

55)
In Iceland it was once against the law to own a pet dog.

56)
The bloodhound is the only animal in the world whose evidence is admissable in court.

57)
In New York City, USA, in 1978, a new law made it compulsory for dog owners to clean up after their pets. Before this there was an estimated 40 million poundweight of dogshit deposited on the streets every day.

58)
In Basle, Switzerland, in 1471, a cockerel was found guilty in a court of law for laying an egg "In defiance of natural law". The bird was then burnt at the stake as a "Devil in disguise".

59)
In Stelvio, Italy, in 1519, a court issued a warrant for the arrest of a gang of moles that had severely damaged crops. The moles were sumoned to court but when they failed to appear they were sentenced to exile.

60)
In South Bend, Indiana, USA, a monkey was once found guilty of smoking a cigarette.

61)
In the USA a dog was once sentenced to life imprisonment after it attacked and killed the Governor's pet cat. The dog ended up doing six years in jail.

62)
In Munster, in 1670, the courts banished a plague of fleas from the city, prohibiting them from returning for ten years.

63)
In Seville, Spain, in 1983, an alsatian dog was arrested for snatching handbags from shoppers.

64)
Judge J.H. Logan from California, USA, created the Loganberry fruit. He crossed a wild blackberry with a cultivated raspberry and came up with his own fruit.

65)
In ancient Sparta men were required by law to eat at least two pounds of meat every day. This was supposed to make them brave.

66)
In Turkey, during the 16th and 17th centuries, it was illegal to drink coffee and anyone caught doing so was sentenced to death.

67)
In Venice all gondolas have to be painted black unless they belong to a high ranking official.

68)
In England, in 1865, a law was passed stating that any self propelled carriage on an English highway had to have a crew of three, one of whom had to walk in front of the carriage with a red flag to warn horse drawn vehicles of it's approach.

69)
In Rome, 2,000 years ago, Julius Caesar banned chariots from the centre of Rome to ease congestion.

70)
In London, England, there is still a law that states London Taxi cabs must carry a bale of hay at all times.

71)
In Bermuda, up until 1948, all private cars were banned.

72)
At one time it was against the law to slam car doors in Switzerland.

73)
In Britain, in 1888, a law was passed which stated that every cyclist had to constantly ring the bell on his bicycle non-stop while the machine was moving.

74)
In Singapore it is illegal for a person to walk around the house naked and not flushing the toilet. Also a person can be executed if they are found in possession of more than 200g of cannabis resin.
Oral sex is banned unless it is used only during foreplay and if a person is caught littering the streets he is forced to make an appearance on TV with a bib around his neck saying "I'm a litterer."

75)
In Birmingham, England, it is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex on church steps after sundwon.

76)
In Iowa, USA, it is illegal for horses to eat fire hydrants.

77)
In Denmark it is not illegal for a convicted prisoner to escape from prison. If the escapee is caught he only serves the rest of his sentence.
It is illegal however to start your car without first checking to see if there are any children asleep underneath it!

78)
In Thailand it is illegal to step on a banknote, leave your house without wearing underwear and if you drop a piece of bubblegum on the pavement you can be fined $600.
Also all cinema goers must stand up during the National Anthem before a film starts.

79)
In Australia it is illegal to smoke cannabis in any part ofthe country except for Canberra.
In Victoria only a licensed electrician is allowed to change a lightbulb and it is forbidden to wear pink hot pants after mid-day on a Sunday!

80)
In Switzerland it is against the law for men to urinate standing up after 10pm which is the same time that it is illegal to flush the toilet!

81)
In Canada, by law, 1 out of every 5 songs on the radio must be sung by a Canadian and in British Columbia it is illegal to kill a Sasquatch or Bigfoot if one is ever found.
In Alberta a released convict is entitled to a gun and a horse to ride out of town on.

82)
In London, England, it is illegal to use a camera tripod, throw a stick for your dog or use an offensive powder like pepper on your jacket potato in any park.
Also wife beating is illegal just as long as it is not after 9pm and it doesn't disturb the neighbours.
It is also illegal to impersonate a Chelsea pensioner which once carried the death sentence in the 19th century.

83)
In the Lebanon men are allowed to have sex with any other animal just as long as it is a female. If a man is caught having sex with a male animal then the penalty is death.
84)
The Taliban once sacked 84 civil workers for trimming their beards! Maulawi Rafiullah Muazin, the Taliban's President of the Department for Promoting Virtue and Preventing Vice, said at the time, "Beards must be long enough to come out of a clenched fist held at the base of the chin. It does not matter who the person is - if he has trimmed his beard, we will dismiss him."

85)
Non-Christians have been banned from being within 20 metres of churches in Rovato, Italy. The move, instigated by the local government, has angered police because a major highway passes within 15 metres of one of the churches. Officers claim that they cannot be expected to stop motorists and demand to see a Baptism Certificate.

86)
North Carolina has a law to ban people from swearing in front of cadavers. The law also sets out guidelines transporting the recently deceased after one funeral firm was caught piling stiffs onto the back of a pick-up truck. It outlaws 'profanity, indecent or obscene language in the presence of a dead human body' making it technically illegal to say the 'f' word in front of a hearse!

87)
In Minnesota, USA, it is still against the law to hang male and female underwear together on the same washing line.

88)
In Indiana, USA, in the 1950's anything to do with Robin Hood was banned on the grounds that robbing from from the rich to give to the poor was a communist act!

89)
In olden times witches who were tried by the Bible were often declared innocent.
The accused witch and the Bible were weighed and if the witch weighed more than the Bible then she was released.
Not a good time to be suffering from anorexia we think!

90)
In England, in 1837, a law was passed that entitled a woman to bite off a man's nose if he kissed her against her will!

91)
The Egyptian government banned male belly-dancing in 1837 because of the enthusiastic riots that it caused.

92)
In Arizona, USA, it is illegal to hunt camels.

93)
In California, USA, in 1986, Judge Samuel King became so annoyed that jurors were absent from his court because of heavy rain that he issued a decree which stated "I hereby order that it cease raining by Tuesday."
Amazingly it stopped raining on Tuesday and California suffered a 5 year drought.
In 1991 the judge then decreed "Rain shall fall in California beginning February 27th."
Later that day California had the heaviest rainfall in ten years.

94)
In Alexandria, Minneapolis, USA, it is against the law for a man to make love to a woman with the smell of sardines on his breath.

Jack Frost By C.E.Pike

Mutski — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 09:17:37 UT

Jack Frost
By C.E. Pike

Look out! Look out!
Jack Frost is about!
He’s after our fingers and toes;
And all through the night,
The gay little sprite
Is working where nobody knows.

He’ll climb each tree,
So nimble is he,
His silvery powder he’ll shake.
To windows he’ll creep
And while we’re asleep
Such wonderful pictures he’ll make.

Across the grass
He’ll merrily pass,
And change all its greenness to white.
Then home he will go
And laugh ho, ho ho!
What fun I have had in the night.

WTF?! Who Said Romance and Chivalry Are Dead?!

Mutski — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 06:43:49 UT

Balls, man. Serious balls.

Family axes wedding plans, Egyptian cuts off penis

By SARAH EL DEEB, Associated Press Writer
(05-31) 14:48 PDT CAIRO, Egypt (AP) --
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2009/05/31/international/i135406D17.DTL

A 25-year-old Egyptian man cut off his own penis to spite his family after he was refused permission to marry a girl from a lower class family, police reported Sunday.

After unsuccessfully petitioning his father for two years to marry the girl, the man heated up a knife and sliced off his reproductive organ, said a police official.

The young man came from a prominent family in the southern Egyptian province of Qena, one of Egypt's poorest and most conservative areas that is also home to the famed ancient Egyptian ruins of Luxor.

The man was rushed to the hospital but doctors were unable to reattach the severed member, the official added citing the police report filed after the incident.

The official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak with the press, added that the man was still recovering in the hospital.

Traditionally, marriages in these conservative part of southern Egypt are between similar social classes and often within the same extended families — and are rarely for love.

Rammstein: Stirb Nicht Vor Mir (Don't Die Before I Do)

Mutski — Sun, 31 May 2009 02:44:29 UT

Lyrics ©2005 Rammstein.

Die Nacht öffnet ihren Schoß
Das Kind heißt Einsamkeit
Es ist kalt und regungslos
Ich weine leise in die Zeit
Ich weiß nicht wie du heißt
Doch ich weiß dass es dich gibt
Ich weiß dass irgendwann
irgendwer mich liebt

He comes to me every night
No words are left to say
With his hands around my neck
I close my eyes and pass away

I don't know who he is
In my dreams he does exist
His passion is a kiss
And I can not resist

Ich warte hier
Don't die before I do
Ich warte hier
Stirb nicht vor mir

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Stirb nicht
Sometimes love seems so far
Ich warte hier
Your love I can't dismiss
Ich warte hier

Alle Häuser sind verschneit
Und in den Fenstern Kerzenlicht
Dort liegen sie zu zweit
Und ich
Ich warte nur auf dich

Ich warte hier
Don't die before I do
Ich warte hier
Stirb nicht vor mir

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Stirb nicht
Sometimes love seems so far
Ich warte hier
Your love I can't dismiss

Stirb nicht vor mir

Unofficial Translation ©2005 Jeremy Williams.

The night opens her lap
The child's name is loneliness
It is cold and motionless
I cry softly into time
I don't know what your name is
But I know that you exist
I know that sometime
someone will love me

He comes to me every night
No words are left to say
With his hands around my neck
I close my eyes and pass away

I don't know who he is
In my dreams he does exist
His passion is a kiss
And I can not resist

I wait here
Don't die before I do
I wait here
Don't die before I do

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Don't die
Sometimes love seems so far
I wait here
Your love I can't dismiss
I wait here

All the houses are covered in snow
And candle light in the windows
They lie there together
And I
I only wait for you

I wait here
Don't die before I do
I wait here
Don't die before I do

I don't know who you are
I know that you exist
Don't die
Sometimes love seems so far
I wait here
Your love I can't dismiss

Don't die before I do

Found lt, Honey! Hehehehehehe.

Mutski — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 07:58:09 UT

And NO! l am not a fucking nerd!

Star Trekkin' by The Firm c.1987

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Boldly going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Lt. Uhura, report.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Analysis, Mr. Spock.

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it; it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Boldly going forward, still can't find reverse.

Medical update, Dr. McCoy.

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it; it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Starship Captain, James T. Kirk:

Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, men.

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it; it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape 'em off, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Boldly going forward, and things are getting worse!

Engine room, Mr. Scott:

Ye cannae change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics;
ye cannae change the laws of physics, laws of physics, Jim.

Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill; Scotty, beam me up!

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it; it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow Jim!

Ye cannae change the scripting, Och, see you, Jimmy!

It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim.

Bridge to engine room, warp factor 9.

Och, if I give it any more she'll blow, Cap'n!
Red Alert Red Alert

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Boldly going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Boldly going forward, still can't find reverse.

Self-Nurturing.

Mutski — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 11:44:27 UT

"Engaging in nurturing activities helps us to feel loved and appreciated. Many of us devote the majority of our attention to nurturing and caring for friends and loved ones, and we might feel that being kind to ourselves is a selfish, unnecessary act. In reality, treating ourselves kindly will make us happier, more balanced people. The more attention we can devote to ourselves, even if it is in small doses, the more optimistic and happy we will feel. We then carry this happy attitude into every other activity we engage in. Making an effort to love and nurture yourself today will encourage a peaceful mind-set and an optimistic outlook that will enhance every area of your life." - Daily Om.

Equally important as "Love Thy Neighbour", though in my opinion far more important, is "Love Thyself".
Your no good to anyone if your an emotional wreck, much less to yourself.
So whenever you get a chance, even if you have to make time, try to list the things, both simple and complex, that give you pleasure and help you connect with yourself and your inner strength.

The dominant principle of being an "Individual" is to follow your own interests in allegiance to your core defining principles. Each day in daily life, the focus of attention tends to be on the daily events instead of the individual's part in it. This tends to lead to stress when a lot of people just can't "Let Go".
In the end, the negative energy of stress builds up to the point where it becomes difficult to function properly or, in the case of a nervous breakdown, at all.

Destressing then becomes necessary for mental, and especially emotional health. Take time out on a regular basis. Even if it's only an hour a day. And keep that time just for you. Do something that defines who you are, or just think about what makes you who you are. This is the best service you can give yourself.

Zebra

Mutski — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 12:13:30 UT

I would like to introduce the unfamiliar with an act local to Australian soil.

This is The John Butler Trio: Zebra from the album: Sunrise Over Sea.

Zebra by John Butler Trio:

I can be loud man, or I can be silent
I could be young man or I could be old.
I can be a gentleman, or I can be violent.
I could turn hot man or I can be cold.
I could be just like the calm before the storm, boy,
Waiting for all hell, yeah, to break loose.
I could be innocent or I could be guilty
Doesn't mean that I don't believe in no noose

So I'm singin'

I could be rich like a wandering Gypsy
I could be poor like a fat wallet lost.
I could be first man or I could come last
It's not who breaks the ribbon, boy, it's how you get across.
I could be red, blue, black and white, sunset
Or darkest at day, boy, or brightest at night
I could be the sun, man, or I could be the moon
I'm made up from the stars, boy, I'm shining so bright.

So I'm singin'

I could be asleep, boy, or I could be awake
I can be alive or be the walking dead
I can be ignorant, or I could be informed (Yes sir)
I could lead my life, man, or I could be led (That's right)
I can be anything I put my mind to, boy,
All I gotta do is give myself a half a chance
I can bring love back into my life
And share it with the world if I got some balance

So I'm singin'

Medical Statistics Joke

Mutski — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 06:43:10 UT

Medical Statistics Joke

Did you know ...

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lbs).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.
Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.

Heheheh ... please say you got it at MediJokes.Com

Sorry, Blame It On Me by Akon

Mutski — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 07:03:08 UT

Ok, Coming up in high school, l was a die hard metal head bevan. I hated home boys.
Then l discovered the beauty of 80' gothic rock. I hate gansta's.
On the whole, even to a matter of principle, I hate wanksta crap, hip hop, or wrap of any kind.

So trust me when l say, that this track impresses me, it's no mean feat.

Sorry, Blame It On Me by Akon

As life goes on I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility
I realize everything I do is affecting the people around me
So I want to take this time out and apologize for things I have done
And things that have not occurred yet
And the things they don't want to take responsibility for

I'm sorry for the times I left you home
I was on the road and you were alone
I'm sorry for the times that I had to go
I'm sorry for the fact that I did not know
That you were sitting home just wishing we
Could go back to when it was just you and me
I'm sorry for the times I would neglect
I'm sorry for the times I disrespect

I'm sorry for the wrong things that I've done
I'm sorry I'm not always there for my son
I'm sorry for the fact that I am not aware
That you can't sleep at night when I am not there
Because I am in the streets like everyday
Sorry for the things that I did not say
Like how you are the best thing in my world
And how I am so proud to call you my girl

[Bridge]
I understand that there are some problems
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can apologize for being wrong
Then it's just a shame on me
I'll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me

[Chorus]
You can put the blame on me
You can put the blame on me
You can put the blame on me
You can put the blame on me
Said you can put the blame on me
Said you can put the blame on me
Said you can put the blame on me
You can put the blame on me

Sorry for the things that he put you through
And all the times you didn't know what to do
Sorry that you had to go and sell those packs
Just trying to stay busy till you heard from Dad
And you would rather be home with all your kids
As one big family with love and bliss
And even though Pops treated us like kings

He got a second wife and you didn't agree
He got up and left you there all alone
I'm sorry that you had to do it on your own
I'm sorry that I went and added to your grief
I'm sorry that your son was once a thief
I'm sorry that I grew up way too fast
I wish I would've listened and not be so bad
I'm sorry your life turned out this way
I'm sorry the FEDS came and took me away

[Bridge]

I'm sorry that it took so long to see
They were dead wrong trying to put it on me
I'm sorry that it took so long to speak
But I was on tour with Gwen Stefani
I'm sorry for the hand that she was dealt
For the embarrassment that she felt
Just a little young girl trying to have fun
Her daddy should never let her out that young
I'm sorry for Club Zen getting shut down
I hope they manage better next time around
How was I to know she was underage
Enter 21 you know the club they say
Why doesn't anybody wanna take blame
For rising back out disgracing my name
I'm just a singer trying to entertain
Because I love my fans I'll take that blame
Even though the blame's on you
Even though the blame's on you
Even though the blame's on you
I'll take that blame from you

And you can put that blame on me
And you can put that blame on me
You can put that blame on me
And you can put that blame on me

Redback On The Toilet Seat by Ralph Ernest 'Slim' Newton

Mutski — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 12:17:02 UT

Redback On The Toilet Seat (1972)
by Ralph Ernest 'Slim' Newton

There was a redback on the toilet seat, when I was there last night
I didn't see him in the dark, but boy I felt his bite.
I jumped high up into the air and when I hit the ground
That crafty redback spider, wasn't nowhere to be found.

I rushed into the missus, told her just where I'd been bit
She grabbed the cut-throat razor blade, and I nearly took a fit.
I said, "Just forget what's on your mind and call the doctor, please,
'Cause I've got a feeling that your cure is worse than the disease."

CHORUS:
There was a redback on the toilet seat, when I was there last night
I didn't see him in the dark, but boy I felt his bite.
And now I'm here in hospital, a sad and sorry site
And I curse the redback spider, on the toilet seat last night.

I can't lie down, I can't sit up and I don't know what to do
And all the nurses think it's funny, but that's not my point of view.
I tell you it's embarrassing and that to say the least
That I'm too sick to eat a bit, while that spider had a feast.

And when I get back home again, I'll tell you what I'll do
I'll make that redback suffer, for the pain I'm going through.
I've had so many needles, that I'm looking like a sieve
And I promise you that spider, hasn't very long to live.

The Great Southern Land

Mutski — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 12:10:35 UT

Here's a little something for the tourists.
http://www.beluba.com.au/

WE ARE ONE:
We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We are One Nation but divided into many States.

First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.

The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to flyover it on our way to Bali.

And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.

Oh yes and there's Canberra. The less said the better.

We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.

We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning.

And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras but chain the pens to the desk.

Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded, sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.
I am, you are, we are Australian!

P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National Crest!!!!......... No other country has this distinction!

THE AUSSIE COMMANDMENTS:
The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.
If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.
There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.
On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.
All our best heroes are losers. (Shane Warne might just be a case in point)
The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.
It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total bastard". By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".
Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or mateship". Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.
The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself, but to the mosquitoes.
If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth fixing.
The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.
It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.
The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry, he'll have catered for it).
If there's any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go.
The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not trying.
Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch.
Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what back-yards are for.
The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be solved by leaving the food behind.