Mutski
Trust male - 30 years, Eagleby, Australia
Blog 137
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NERDS. ROFLMAO!
A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer.
As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are over-populating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said.
So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."
"Well, sure," said the patrolman, "but you can't bait 'em." -
The Truth Finally Begins to Unveil After 700 Years.
Knights Templar win heresy reprieve after 700 years
Story by Reuters of ABC News
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/10/12/...
The Knights have been portrayed as guardians of the legendary Holy Grail, the cup used by Christ at the Last Supper before his crucifixion
The Knights Templar, the medieval Christian military order accused of heresy and sexual misconduct, will soon be partly rehabilitated when the Vatican publishes trial documents it had closely guarded for 700 years.
A reproduction of the minutes of trials against the Templars, Processus Contra Templarios - Papal Inquiry into the Trial of the Templars is a massive work and much more than a book - with a 5,900 euros ($A9,332) price tag.
"This is a milestone because it is the first time that these documents are being released by the Vatican, which gives a stamp of authority to the entire project," said Professor Barbara Frale, a medievalist at the Vatican's Secret Archives.
"Nothing before this offered scholars original documents of the trials of the Templars," she said.
The epic comes in a soft leather case that includes a large-format book including scholarly commentary, reproductions of original parchments in Latin, and - to tantalise Templar buffs - replicas of the wax seals used by 14th-century inquisitors.
Only 799 numbered copies have been made.
One parchment measuring about half a metre wide by some two metres long is so detailed that it includes reproductions of stains and imperfections seen on the originals.
Pope Benedict will be given the first set of the work, published by the Vatican Secret Archives in collaboration with Italy's Scrinium cultural foundation, which acted as curator and will have exclusive world distribution rights.
The Templars, whose full name was "Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon", were founded in 1119 by knights sworn to protecting Christian pilgrims visiting the Holy Land after the Crusaders captured Jerusalem in 1099.
They amassed enormous wealth and helped finance wars of some European monarchs. Legends of their hidden treasures, secret rituals and power have figured over the years in films and bestsellers such as Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code.
The Knights have also been portrayed as guardians of the legendary Holy Grail, the cup used by Christ at the Last Supper before his crucifixion.
The Vatican expects most copies of the work to be bought up by specialised libraries at top universities and by leading medieval scholars.
Burned at the stake
The Templars went into decline after Muslims re-conquered the Holy Land at the end of the 13th century and were accused of heresy by King Philip IV of France, their foremost persecutor.
Their alleged offences included denying Christ and secretly worshipping idols.
The most titillating part of the documents is the so-called Chinon Parchment, which contains phrases in which Pope Clement V absolves the Templars of charges of heresy, which had been the backbone of King Philip's attempts to eliminate them.
Templars were burned at the stake for heresy by King Philip's agents after they made confessions that most historians believe were given under duress.
The parchment, also known as the Chinon Chart, was "misplaced" in the Vatican archives until 2001, when Professor Frale stumbled across it.
"The parchment was catalogued incorrectly at some point in history. At first I couldn't believe my eyes. I was incredulous," she said.
"This was the document that a lot of historians were looking for."
Philip was heavily indebted to the Templars, who had helped him finance his wars, and getting rid of them was a convenient way of cancelling his debts, some historians say.
Frale said Pope Clement was convinced that while the Templars had committed some grave sins, they were not heretics.
Spitting on the cross
Their initiation ceremony is believed to have included spitting on the cross, but Professor Frale said they justified this as a ritual of obedience in preparation for possible capture by Muslims.
They were also said to have practised sodomy.
"Simply put, the pope recognised that they were not heretics but guilty of many other minor crimes - such as abuses, violence and sinful acts within the order," she said.
"But that is not the same as heresy."
Despite his conviction that the Templars were not guilty of heresy, in 1312 Pope Clement ordered the Templars disbanded for what Professor Frale calls "the good of the Church" following his repeated clashes with the French king.
Professor Frale depicted the trials against the Templars between 1307 and 1312 as a battle of political wills between Clement and Philip, and said the document means Clement's position has to be reappraised by historians.
"This will allow anyone to see what is actually in documents like these and deflate legends that are in vogue these days," she said.
Rosi Fontana, who has helped the Vatican coordinate the project, said she finds it incredible that people are still fascinated by the Knights Templar even after 700 years.
"The precise reproduction of the parchments will allow scholars to study them, touch them, admire them as if they were dealing with the real thing," Fontana said.
"But even better, it means the originals will not deteriorate as fast as they would if they were constantly being viewed."
-Reuters -
Blast From The Past ;)
"Pinball Wizard" is a song written by Pete Townshend and performed by the English rock band The Who, and featured on their 1969 rock opera album Tommy. The original recording was released as a single in 1969 and reached #4 in the UK charts."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinball_Wizard
Pinball Wizard by The Who
Ever since I was a young boy,
I've played the silver ball.
From Soho down to Brighton
I must have played them all.
but I ain't seen nothing like him
In any amusement hall.
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball!
He stands like a statue,
Becomes part of the machine.
Feeling all the bumpers
Always playing clean.
plays by intuition,
The digit counters fall
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball!
He's a pinball wizard
There has to be a twist.
A pin ball wizard,
S'got such a supple wrist.
How do you think he does it?
I don't know!
What makes him so good?
ain't got no distractions
Can't hear no buzz and bells,
Don't see no lights a flashin'
Plays by sense of smell.
Always gets the replay,
Never seen him fall,
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball.
I thought I was
The Bally table king.
But I just handed
My pinball crown to him.
Even on my favorite table
He can beat my best.
His disciples lead him in
And he just does the rest.
He's got crazy flipper fingers
Never seen him fall.
That deaf, dumb and blind kid
Sure plays a mean pinball! -
Pay As You Drive
Pay As You Drive Plan Touted in Tax Review
By Meredith Griffiths for AM
http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2009/08/13/...
Posted Thu Aug 13, 2009 9:20am AEST
The Federal Government is being urged to consider taxing drivers based on how far they drive.
It is just one proposal contained in a new paper commissioned as part of Ken Henry's review of the tax system.
The paper also recommends that truck drivers should be charged more to reflect the damage their heavier vehicles do to roads.
One of the report's authors, economics Professor Harry Clarke from LaTrobe University, says the main proposals are to levy congestion charges on vehicles in urban settings.
"[The aim is] generally to try to get to the point where we're charging people for the actual damage and costs of using roads - rather than fixed charges that are independent of the way they use roads," Professor Clarke said.
"The technology exists now; telemetric devices, or essentially boxes that are inserted in vehicles. These can provide information for commercial trucking fleet operation, or they can provide information to regulators."
The Government would be able to track where drivers went and how far they drove, but Professor Clarke denies this creates any privacy concern.
"That information would only accrue to the device and the user of the device would possess the information, but essentially the Government would be able to work out the charges that were associated with different types of use of roads, yes," he said.
Professor Clarke also says it would be a good thing if trucking companies passed on the costs of increased levies to consumers.
"If trucking companies are using low-durability roads and imposing lots of costs on the community in terms of maintenance costs, then it means that the price of goods that they are transporting should be higher than they are," he said.
"They're not reflecting their full social costs. So the market wouldn't fail at all in that situation; that would be the sort of outcome that you'd hope with these charges.
"The idea of charging on the basis of weight is to encourage heavy-vehicle users of roads to use the roads sensibly; to use the most durable roads, or to make good economic decisions when they come to use roads that are of less than optimal kind of durability." -
Well, At Least It's Original.... Bloody Scammers!
新しいメールアドレスをお知らせし- す
新しいメールアドレス： uklotterydraws_2009000000000029@yahoo.co.jp
Your Email address has won you the sum of us$4.6m in uklotto draws held on the 27th of July 2009 in Thailand.Now contact the World Express Courier, on their email: topspeedcou@yahoo.com.hk , with your names,address, phone,age,sex,jobtitle for delivery of your us$4.6m.Sincerely,Greg Joel
- Uk Lottery Organization
This doesn't even look probable for Christ's sake! How stupid do they think we are?
yahoo.co.jp Jp in the web address is JAPAN
yahoo.com.hk Hk in the web address is HONG KONG
They allege it is a british lottery drawn in THAILAND!!!??? B***-S***!!!!!!
I wish these C***S would F*** OFF! -
Ozchoc: Passion For Taste.
This article appeared in The Sydney Morning Herald, Friday 18 March 2005
Taking on the lolly multinationals
Janine Perrett
Friday, 18 March 2005
Take your pick . . . Vernon Stuber is offering Crikey, Verve or Red Rippers.
http://www.australianchocolate.com/
Photo: Lisa Wiltse
If the dream of creating a Swiss style premium chocolate business in Australia wasn't enough of a challenge for Vernon Stuber, try taking on the Crocodile Hunter - and winning.
The Swiss-born Stuber is nothing if not determined. He followed his small business dream halfway around the world, merging the two great loves of his life. "What are the two sweetest words in the world? Australian and chocolate," he says.
"My heart was always very close to chocolate. I came from Berne, where there was a coffee roaster across the street, the Toblerone factory nearby and I had friends in the handmade chocolate industry."
And the Australian half of his dream?
"I was born with an Australian soul in a European body."
He fell in love with this country on his first trip and visited another 14 times as a tourist before he gave up his Swiss publishing and advertising business and set up Australian Chocolate in 2000.
It was during that first visit that this self-confessed chocolate addict was disappointed by the quality of the local product and set out on his quest to create a "premium Australian-made chocolate bar".
"Twenty years ago this country was not famous for its fine wine or cuisine as it is today so why can't it become famous for chocolate?
"We have a fantastic environment to manufacture food here; this country has one of the best food manufacturing regulations and it also has fantastic ingredients. We say we have milk for our chocolate from happy cows."
Back home in Berne, Stuber began making recipes with chocolate and other ingredients like pineapple to give it a distinctly Australian flavour. A friend who owned a confectionery company developed 400 samples which Stuber brought back on an early trip and handed out to everyone from the taxi drivers to passengers at the airport.
"That's how I started to do my marketing," Stuber explains, and he still uses this approach as his preferred method.
An early marketing issue was the name of his special chocolate bar. His Australian friends nicknamed him Stubie, a moniker he thought would be ideal for his new product.
"The Stubie bar sounded great and very Australian but when we started packaging it I found people read it as a 'stubbie' bar, like the beer, which didn't fit well with a premium chocolate bar so we renamed it Verve bar," he says.
Then there was the battle over the name of his latest chocolate bar, Crikey. Stuben, who is married to a lawyer, has a passion for registering trademarks despite the difficulties it entails.
When he registered the classic "Crikey" name for his new peanut and chocolate bar he found that Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin had endorsed a Crikey confectionery. But after a few legal letters about infringement issues it was the croc tamer who backed off.
"It's my character that I was brought up not to take no for an answer. Now not every risk you take will become a great success, but every success was once a risk," a philosophical Stuber says.
He might have faced down the Crocodile Hunter but he faces a far more daunting task in taking on the aggressive foreign-owned multinationals - Mars, Nestle and Cadbury - which dominate the local confectionery market.
They have already flexed their muscles against this local upstart and Stuber's biggest challenge is getting his three products, Verve, Crikey and Red Ripper, into as many outlets as he can.
He produces about 50,000 bars a month and sells in some 3000 outlets nationwide, including newsagents, pharmacies and corner shops. While his goal is to get the product into more than 10,000 outlets within the next year, particularly the lucrative petrol and convenience stores, he also has to battle to keep the outlets he already has.
"The big guys did react and some tried to muscle us out by putting pressure on some of our clients," he says. "We lost some venues but we regained them."
Probably because he won the clients back, Stuber has so far avoided running to the ACCC or testing other fair trading or small business protection laws. In his indefatigable style, he claims the interest from his rivals is a "compliment".
While he lists distribution as his major challenge, he has recently hired a large national distribution company to help solve the problem. But that doesn't mean Stuber still doesn't have to do his bit.
He goes on the road at least once a week cold-calling potential clients and faces the eternal issues of networking, building relationships and targeting the right contact within a company, such as Qantas.
Given his product doesn't compete on price but on taste, the consumer sampling remains crucial.
"We do a lot of tastings because telling our story and doing personal tastings works for us. We go to chocolate fairs, we have tastings at the little shop down the road here and other neighbourhood shops and on Valentine's Day we had two gorgeous girls handing the chocolate out in Martin Place," he recalls.
Stuber personally delivers samples to radio station presenters in the hope of getting a favourable mention when they've tried the taste test.
He admits this method can still only reach so many people so the next step will be a professionally done national advertising campaign comprising print and electronic media which he is already developing.
(Already his efforts are paying off as the Crikey and Red Ripper bars both just scored top medals at the Royal Easter Show).
Stuber's plan is to create some 20 different products and while he concedes it is a very crowded market, says he would be happy with just 2 per cent of a market worth about $40 million a year.
And despite the challenges in increasing local distribution, Australian Chocolate is already looking at export markets. Stuber sees opportunities in the recent free trade agreement with the US and last month exhibited with Austrade at the successful G'Day LA promotion in California.
Now an Australian citizen, Stuber has certainly come a long way in a short time and not just from his native Switzerland. He spent the first four years of his Australian business life as a one-man operation working from his Sydney home but in November last year opened a small office above a shop in suburban Frenchs Forest. He also hired a general manager, a national sales manager and business development managers in Sydney and Melbourne.
"Until now we have been a self-funded company but we are now looking for the next step," Stuber says.
"We realise with the product we have we could grow at a faster rate so we have just finished a business plan to slowly start looking for investors.
"Although I would like to keep control, the main ambition for me is for an Australian company to become famous for chocolate."
CHALLENGES FOR AUSTRALIAN CHOCOLATE
· Improve distribution
· Market more broadly
· Find investors
· Compete with multinationals
EXPERT COMMENTS
Mel McGoldrick - Program Director - Australian Centre for Retail Studies
Vernon mentions that he has just finished a new business plan to attract investment. Investors are usually eager to back a quality product that sells, so he might find some potential investors right under his nose in his existing customer base.
Jenny Roche - Head of Small Business - Telstra
One suggestion for Vernon is to approach companies that create and distribute gift hampers to see if they will include his chocolates. These companies often buy in bulk at certain times of the year like Christmas, Easter and Valentine’s Day.
Rajarshi Ray - Head of Small Business Services - American Express Australia
Australian Chocolate represents everything that is good about small business. Vernon is a true entrepreneur who has identified a market niche, developed a compelling product and won customer devotion and market share.
Christine Gibbs Stewart - General Manager, International Trade - Australian Business Limited
Inviting consumers to taste your product is one of the best marketing strategies that Vernon can adopt. Australians are particularly fond of chocolate – especially if it’s free.
Paul McKeon - Corporate Communications Manager - Dell Australia and New Zealand
The food retail sector is tough for companies of all sizes. Even multinationals with large merchandising teams must constantly fight to win a share of consumers’ wallets. Without such vast resources and finances, it’s even harder for smaller operators to compete. Nevertheless, it can be done – as Vernon is showing. -
Battle Theme of The FF7 Villain: Sephiroth.
Latin Lyrics:
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Sors immanis
Et inanis
Sors immanis
Et inanis
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Sephiroth
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Sors immanis
Et inanis
Sors immanis
Et inanis
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias
Ne me mori facias
Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Veni, veni, venias (Gloriosa)
Ne me mori facias (Generosa)
Sephiroth
(fade away)
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Estuans interius
Ira vehementi
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
English Lyrics:
Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Fate, monstrous
And empty
Fate, monstrous
And empty
Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come(Glorious)
Do not let me die(Generous)
Come, come, oh come(Glorious)
Do not let me die(Generous)
Come, come, oh come (Glorious)
Do not let me die (Generous)
Come, come, oh come (Glorious)
Do not let me die (Generous)
Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Fate, monstrous
And empty
Fate, monstrous
And empty
Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come
Do not let me die
Come, come, oh come(Glorious)
Do not let me die(Generous)
Come, come, oh come(Glorious)
Do not let me die(Generous)
Come, come, oh come (Glorious)
Do not let me die (Generous)
Come, come, oh come (Glorious)
Do not let me die (Generous)
(fade away)
Burning inside
With violent anger
Burning inside
With violent anger
Sephiroth
Sephiroth -
The Law of "Shotgun!"
SHOTGUN RULES:
Ever have the problem of catching a ride with someone whose car doesn't have much of a back seat?
At times like these, it is important to know the rules of calling shotgun.
Never again will you let someone take advantage of you because you don't know the rules.
Section I - General Rules
1) The first person to yell "SHOTGUN" gets to ride in the front seat.
2) The remaining back seats may be divvied up in the same manner by being the first to call "back right seat", etc..
3) The word "shotgun" must be loud enough to be heard by at least one witness. If no witness is to be found, or in case of a tie, the driver has the final word. After all, it is most likely his car. (note: if it isn't his car, and the owner is present, the owner's decision is final. Owner must be sober, however, or he will defer his judgment to the driver.)
4) Early calls are strictly prohibited. All occupants of the vehicle (including the driver) must be outside of the building and directly on the way to the vehicle before shotgun may be called. Under no circumstances may a person call shotgun inside a building. For sake of simplicity, a garage is considered to be outside. Parking structures and detached garages are always considered as being outdoors, even if they are underground.
5) A person may only call shotgun for one way of a trip. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one can not get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey.
6) Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right as women to the front seat of the car. i.e. women don't own the front seat.
7) One is allowed to ride shotgun as many times as he can call it, but for himself only. No one can call shotgun for their slower friend, unless the friend has a speech or mental handicap that prevents them from calling it for themselves.
8) The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun privileges from one or more persons.
Section II - Special Cases
These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.
1) In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.
2) If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
3) In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
4) In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.
5) In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline.
6) In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three hour trip with him crammed in the back.
Section III - The Survival Of The Fittest Rules (a.k.a The Bastard Rules)
1) If the driver so wishes, he/she may institute the Survival Of The Fittest Rules on the process of calling Shotgun. In this case all rules, excepting 1.8, are suspended and the passenger seat is occupied by whoever can take it by force.
2) The driver must announce the institution of the Survival Of The Fittest Rules with reasonable warning to all passengers. This clause reduces the amount of blood lost by passengers and the damage done to the vehicle.
3) Please follow the above rules to the best of your ability. If there are any arguments or exceptions not covered in these rules, please refer to rule 1.8.
Section IV - Revisions
1) These rules shall be subject to either revision or amendment at any time. But, changes and new rules you create during a car ride do not take effect until the next car ride.
2) Since there is an established body currently in place to distribute world-wide information, it is proposed that the United Nations oversee the adoption, updates (as required) and enforcement of these rules once adopted by at least two-thirds of the current membership of the UN.
3) It shall be the responsibility of all drivers to have a current copy of these rules in the vehicle's glove compartment, so that disputes may be resolved.
Section V - Amendments
Amendment I: The Laser / Shotgun Double Barrel Rule
A person may call "laser" or "Shotgun Double Barrel" after shotgun has been called, to override the shotgun call. This is only valid if the driver verifies the call as we see in Section 1.3.
Additionally, any passenger who says "No Blitz" after claiming shotgun, may not have it taken away by either the "Laser" or "Double Barrel" rules.
These rules hold no precedence over Standard shotgun procedure, and the driver has final say in all calls.
Amendment II: The Specific Amendment
Any person who wishes to claim shotgun must actually pronounce either the word "Shotgun" or "Gun." One may not say the name of a type of shotgun, such as "12 Gauge." If a passenger does, then he or she can lay no claim on shotgun, and may be called by another person.
Amendment III: The "House" Rule
The Owner of the vehicle decides which Shotgun Amendments to institute on his own car. All passengers must abide by the rules of these Amendments, which are stated in this document. This Amendment clarifies that not all Amendments need be active at any given time.
Amendment IV: Eviction
If the vehicle is forced to stop for a serious infraction of the Shotgunner, the Shotgunner must relinquish his/her seat, if the driver so wishes.
Serious infractions have been known to include spilling alcoholic beverages, spilling any beverage, being annoying, breaking parts of the car, and in extreme cases, just being ugly.
Amendment V: The Shotgun Clause
This rule native to the south, but practical in many northern cities, states that the potential occupant with the largest caliber weapon on their person defaults to shotgun, unless one occupant is actually armed with a shotgun, in which case he gets shotgun. If two or more occupants actually have shotguns, then the over/under barrel configuration rules.
Amendment VI: The Reserve Shotgun Amendment (Bitch, Spanky, Comm and SAM)
After Shotgun has been called, other patrons may call "Bitch," "Spanky," or "Comm," referring to the seat behind shotgun, the seat behind the driver, and the center back seat, respectively. SAM applies to the hatchback or trunk.
Amendment VII: Navigator
The passenger who has shotgun MUST serve as Navigator. By this, he must watch out for signs and intersections that the driver may miss during the course of a road trip. The Navigator must also ask for directions out the window.
It is also the responsibility of the passenger who has shotgun to take control of the radio and air conditioning, however the driver has final say over the settings. The other occupants of the car can also have an opinion. If the passenger with shotgun is caught forgetting their duties and makes the car listen to commercials and/or bad music, then his privilege can be lost. Of course, this is all in good judgement of the driver. As Navigator, the driver may also ask him to operate other devices such as the windshield wipers, and rear window defroster.
It is also the job of the Navigator throw all trash and empty beer bottles out of the window. The beer bottles must be crushed under the tires to destroy all evidence, in case of an emergency situation.
In addition, the Navigator must possess the ability and the will to insult other drivers and be heard, only if they deserve it (ie: being cut off). This is to allow the driver to continue to operate the vehicle properly.
The Navigator must possess the ability (and the will) to roll down their window and invite any chicks in adjacent cars to the driver's destination.
Amendment VIII: First Blood
This rule from the mid-west states that whoever draws blood (supposedly when the Survival of the Fittest rules are in effect) gets shoved in the back of the hatchback (or trunk) with the spare tire.
Amendment IX: Australian Shotgun
Originally from Australia, if two people tie for shotgun, then the first person to put their thumb on their head is awarded shotgun. If they both do this at the same time, then an immediate pissbolt (race) to the car is required.
Amendment X: Five Minute Rule
This rule, which originated in Massachusetts, states that in the event that the passenger riding shotgun leaves the car (ie: to get something from his house or a convenient store) is allowed 5 minutes in which to return and still retain his shotgun privilege. If he does not return within the time frame allotted, another passenger may take his place. There are other variations to this rule such as the "Two Hour Rule," but these usually result in the shotgunner geting beaten up by the other passengers.
Amendment XI: Awnings
Once all passengers have exited through the final doorway on the way to the car, (provided the car is in view), they are considered outside and may call shotgun no matter what covering is overhead. This rule applies to all awnings, covered decks and all outdoor shelters. Garages are considered outside so long as the door is open.
Amendment XII: National Bitch
This rule alters Amendment VI, where the caller of "Bitch" gains the center back seat. Comm is replaced with "Spanky 2," referring to the seat behind Shotgun.
Amendment XIII: Refueling
In addition to Amendment VII, if the car needs refueling at any time, it is the duty of the Shotgunner to gas up the car and pay (though usually with money given by the driver).
Amendment XIV: The Race
If there is a tie when calling shotgun, the first person who touches the car wins.
Amendment XV: Ozzie Pissbolt
If the driver gets confused or annoyed with chaotic rules arguments, he may shout "Ozzie Pissbolt," suggesting that the first person to touch the car is awarded shotgun.
Amendment XVI: Jedi Run
If the car is not within sight of the driver, and significantly far away, so that the proposed walk to the vehicle is neither linear nor within five minutes, the initiating party may call "Jedi Run" after a successful shotgun call (vehicle visibility is not required for this success). She must then beat all other opponents to the vehicle. In order to secure shotgun, the initiating party must not be out of breath or tired by the time the rest of the troupe arrives. This overrides any other countermeasures for shotgun if executed before they come into effect.
Amendment XVII: Alternate Names
This amendment adds additional aliases.
Shotgun may also be called under the following aliases: Gun, Shogun, Catgut, and Shotty. Bitch (as in, behind shotgun) may also be called under the following aliases: Rightsies and On-The-Rightsies SAM may also be called under the following aliases: Turrets
Amendment XVIII: Alternative Seats
In addition to Amendment XVII, anyone who wants to be duct-taped to the roof calls "Mir!" If a trunk is present in the vehicle, then this "seat" will hereby be recognized as "Ex-Wife."
Amendment XIV: The Recall Rule
Once a passenger has called shotgun, another passenger may call "Recall Shotgun," thereby overriding the shotgun call and claiming shotgun for themselves. In order for this not to happen the first passenger must call "Shotgun, No Recall." This rule is similar to the "No Blitz" call.
Amendment XX: Reversion
If the original caller of shotgun lost their seat to some countermeasure, the initial caller may shout "Same Seatsies" to regain their right to shotgun. In addition, "Double Barrel" and "Laser" may be followed by "No Blitz," so that the original caller cannot regain their shotgun right. "No Blitz" and "Same Seatsies" are synonymous with "No Recall" and "Recall Shotgun," respectively.
Amendment XXI: Duel
In such a case where any present shotgun rules still causes confusion between two individuals, they may duel for the honor of Shotgun. This duel takes the form of one (and only one) round of traditional "paper, rock, scissor." Alternatively, this may be replaced by one (and only one) round of "odds or evens."
Amendment XXII: Chinese Sneak Attack
In the event that someone manages to touch the car's handle, and/or is in the car before anyone called shotgun, then they immediately receive the shotgun priviledge. However, this amendment does not apply to someone who ran to the vehicle in question in order to do so.
Amendment XXIII: Broken Seat
In the event that the front passenger seat in the car is extremely uncomfortable (i.e. has a big hole in it), the passenger who called Shotgun must sit in that seat. The other passengers may ridicule him as they wish.
Amendment XXIV: Smoking
In the event that smoking is allowed in said vehicle, smoking passengers are given consideration over non-smokers in order that they may utilize either the window or ashtray.
In the event that there is more than one smoking passenger, the passenger that has already lit-up has Shotgun privilege over those who are not already engaged in the act of smoking.
In the event that more than one smoker is already smoking while on the way to the vehicle, the driver may enforce The Survival of the Fittest Rules or First Blood Rule. This however, is not recommended do to the high risk factor to the vehicle in question. As stated in Section I Article 8 of the Constitution, the driver has all final say in disputes between passengers.
Amendment XXV: Secondary Passenger
If a passenger is "just along for the ride," then they must sit in the back seat (or worst seat, if the car is otherwise full), because the ride is not for them.
Amendment XXVI: Double Shotgun
This rule from Delaware states that if a given passenger calls a valid "shotgun", then he or she may not say "shotgun" again. By calling "shotgun" a second time, he or she would automatically forfeit their seat and shotgun is reopened to the other passengers.
Other passengers are allowed to try to trick the person who originally says "shotgun" into saying it again, in order to claim shotgun for themselves.
Amendment XXVII: Contraband
In the event that the car is about to pass an abandoned case of beer, pornography, or any other form of contraband that the passengers might find useful in some way or another, it is the responsibility of the passenger riding shotgun to open his door and scoop up the said beer, pornography or contraband, while the car is still in motion.
Additionally, if the car is moving at a speed above 15 M.P.H. (24 km/h) the passenger riding shotgun may decline to do so.
Amendment XXVIII: No Bitch
This rule states that once Shotgun has been called by one of the passengers, the remaining passengers may call, "No Bitch." The passenger who calls "No Bitch" last, or fails to call it at all, is forced to ride bitch.
Amendment XXIX: No Chauffeur / Compulsory Shotgun
In the event that there are fewer passengers than capacity would allow, there must always be a passenger riding shotgun. This would include a couple. This is to prevent the driver from feeling ditched, or like a chauffeur.
Amendment XXX: Seniority
In the instance that one of the passengers is much older than the rest of the passengers, he/she is automatically given Shotgun unless they decline.
Amendment XXXI: Ten-Foot Rule
This rule native to Myrtle Beach and Charleston, SC, states that once a passenger has called Shotgun, another passenger may call "10 Foot Rule." In this case, there would be an immediate race for the car. The first passenger to come within 10 feet of the car is awarded Shotgun.
Amendment XXXII: Backfire
This rule from Central NC states that if a passenger has shotgun on a trip, and then calls shotgun for the return trip, any passenger may call, "Double Shotgun Backfire," to prevent a single passenger from dominating the front seat.
Amendment XXXIII: International Travel
When crossing the border into another country. All shotgun claims are void, and passengers may once again call shotgun. If another passenger gets it, the driver must pull over at his earliest and safest convenience.
Amendment XXXIV: Context
A passenger may only receive shotgun if he says shotgun within the context of calling shotgun. For instance, a passenger may not be awarded shotgun if he says, "Did anybody call shotgun?," or if he/she was talking about a shotgun.
Amendment XXXV: Language
If you reside in a non-English-speaking locale, Shotgun must be called by its native word. For instance, in Sweden, the word "Hagelbossa" must be pronounced, while in Germany, "Schrotflinte."
Shotgun may be called in any language the driver is fluent in. "Fluent" is described here as being proficient enough in a language to understand conversation exchanges.
Order of preference rewards the language closest to the native language of the locale in which Shotgun is called. For instance, if the call is made is Sweden, and the only calls were "Schrotflinte" and "Escopeta" (Spanish), respectively, the seat will be given to the second caller, as German is closer-related to Swedish than Spanish is.
Amendment XXXVI: The Eviction Notice
Particularly crafty individuals may override a yet-to-be-made Shotgun call by leaving a note, clearly visible on the passenger-side door, with the word "Shotgun" written legibly on it, following the author's name. So long as no Shotgun call was made before the message was seen, the writer of the message is awarded Shotgun.
Other calls relating to Shotgun may also be made in similar manner, including such calls as "No Blitz", "Laser", etc.
The execution of the written "call" goes into effect as soon as someone has seen the writing. Calls made prior to this override the note.
Amendment XXXVII: No Hump
Local to Toronto, ON (Canada), this rule is relevant if there are five passengers in a car that has only four seats. After a successful Shotgun call is made, the remaining passengers may call "No Hump" to avoid sitting on the hump between the two back seats. The individual failing to make the call, or the last person to make the call, must sit on the uncomfortable, ball-breaking hump. This is a much-feared "seat" to Camaro and Firebird passengers.
Amendment XXXVIII: Eagle Scout
An addition to Amendment XXX, it is the duty of the Shotgunner to spot all speed cameras and police cars that could pose a threat to the driver and car. If the vehicle is stopped because the Shotgunner failed in his duties, he may be banned from riding Shotgun for a period of time dictated by the driver.
Amendment XXXIX: Shotgun Suicide
If the Shotgun caller attempts to open the car door as it is being unlocked (thus causing it to stay locked), he immediately loses Shotgun priviliges for the upcoming ride, and a new round of calling Shotgun must be executed.
Amendment XXXX: Multiple Vehicles
In the case that there is more than one eligible car to make a trip, the owners of their respective vehicles may not want to drive. In these cases, they may force their colleagues to waste gas by proclaiming, "Shot Not". A successful call will not only save them gas, but will award them shotgun in another vehicle.
If there are more than two vehicles that can be driven, "Shot Not" can be followed by the name of the car's owner who the caller wants to have Shotgun in.
If "Shot Not" was called, but the car in which preference was called for has already had a successful Shotgun call, the individual still need not drive, so long as there are other potential vehicles whose drivers did not make successful "Shot Not" calls.
Once non-drivers have been eliminated with successful "Shot Not" calls, all non-Shotgun riding passengers may choose seats in the typical manner (ie "Bitch", "Comm", etc.) followed by the driver's name of the car they wish to travel in. A passenger is not guaranteed a particular seat in a vehicle unless the seat specified and the car specified is legal (ie, it has not yet been called).
"Shot Not" may be called under the aliases of "Shot No Drive", "Shotgun Not Drive", and "Shotgun No Drive".
For efficiency-sake, "Shot Not" cannot be overriden with rules such as "Laser".
Amendment XXXXI: Multiple Calls
This happens when multiple groups of people are meeting at one car, and both groups had someone claim Shotgun. If it can not be determined who made the call first, the dispute is settled with Rock, Paper, Scissors.
Amendment XXXXII: Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Section II, Article 3 of the Constitution states that , "In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline." In addition, serious Boy/Girl friends should also receive preferential treatment in regards to shotgun.
Amendment XXXXIII: The Couples Rule
In the event that a couple is traveling together, they must both sit together in either the front or back seat. This is so that people without boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes, can talk amongst themselves in the hope of acquiring boy/girlfriends, spouses, lovers, or prostitutes.
This rule however is null and void if the The No Chauffeur / Compulsory Shotgun Rule is in effect.
Amendment XXXXIV: Balking
If you have called Shotgun and are waiting for the doors to be unlocked, you are not allowed to lift the handle during the unlocking, causing the other doors to remain locked. This voids your right to Shotgun.
Amendment XXXXV: Abandonment
If the Shotgun occupant leaves the vehicle (even if they plan to come back), the Shotgun seat is up for grabs. One exception is if the Shotgun rider leaves to do a deed for the driver, like buying cigarettes or pumping gas. In those cases, that person retains their Shotgun rights.
Amendment XXXXVI: The Handicapped
Section II, Article 6 states that preferential shotgun treatment may be offered to anyone "too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat". Preferential treatment should be awarded to the handicapped as well as to these genetic misfits, especially if the injury prevents them from achieving maximum leg room, maneuverability, etc. (as might be the case with a broken leg, foot, etc.) Unlike with Section II, Article 6, however, the handicapped are not to be taunted as with the genetic misfits if not awarded shotgun. Otherwise, taunting is okay.
Amendment XXXXVII: The Bribery Amendment
In the event that the shotgun call ends up in a tie between two passengers, the passengers in the tie may attempt to bribe the driver so that the driver makes the call in their favor. This rule is null and void, however if the driver institutes the Survival of the Fittest Rules. Examples of bribes are money, food and soda.
Amendment XXXXVIII: The Full View Amendment
The automobile must be in full view of all passengers before "Shotgun" may be called.
Amendment XXXXIV: The Second Call Amendment
If a given passenger calls a valid "shotgun", then he or she may not say "shotgun" again. By calling "shotgun" a second time, he or she would automatically forfeit their seat and shotgun is reopened to the other passengers.
Other passengers are allowed to try to trick the person who originally says "shotgun" into saying it again, in order to claim shotgun for themselves.
Amendment L: Voiding
Whenever you break a Shotgun rule, you may be voided from receiving Shotgun privileges for that ride.
Amendment LI: Long Trips
The rules listed in our guide were created for short trips (1 hour or less). On longer trips, Shotgun can be divided equally among those who want it.
Amendment LII: The Rock Amendment
This rule states that once a passenger calls "Shotgun," he must also say, "No Rock." If the gunner does not say this, another passenger may call, "Rock." In this case Shotgun is awarded to the winner of a best of three, Rock, Paper, Scissors contest.
Amendment LIII: The Rotating Shotgun Rule
• This rule is native to a suburb of Philadelphia, PA to ensure that everybody gets shotgun at least once per long road trip.
• Before the first ride a passenger will call shotgun under the normal procedures, as stated in Section I of the Official Rules.
• Once a passenger has had shotgun, he or she may not have shotgun again until everyone else has had shotgun.
• Before the second ride, everyone (besides the person who has already had shotgun) competes for shotgun under the normal conditions.
• This continues until the trip has either ended or if everyone has already had shotgun once.
Once everyone has had shotgun, the "shotgun order" has been established. You must now rotate in that order.
• The shotgun order recycles over and over until the trip is finished.
• Person(s) joining the trip after the first ride are entered into the order by the following process:
----Clause A: On their first ride, the calling of gun is between that person and the person whose turn it is in the shotgun order.
----Clause B: if the order has not yet been established, the new rider is entered into the pool of riders calling for shotgun.
• Driver still has final say in all ties and disputes. All rules from the Official rules, including special cases, and the Survival of the Fittest, are still in effect.
Amendment LIV: The Barefoot Rule
Since you must be outside to call Shotgun, some people will just grab their shoes, run outside, and call Shotgun before putting their shoes on. This is not valid. You must have your shoes on (if you plan to wear any) before you may call Shotgun.
Amendment II: Re-entry
If you call Shotgun and then go back inside the building, you lose your Shotgun rights. While you are gone, someone else can call shotgun. If nobody does, you can call it when you go back.
Amendment LV: Hand On The Shotgun Door
Shotgun can no longer be called once someone's hand is holding the shotgun door handle. This is significant when nobody else is around to hear you call shotgun.
Amendment LVI: Sitting Down
By sitting in the Shotgun seat before anyone has called it, you get to stay there even if somebody calls it afterwards. Nobody needs to hear you actually call shotgun. -
Follow Your Destiny, Wherever It Leads You. - Vicki Silvers.
This was on a wallet card given to me by that special Lady in my heart. I thought about it a bit today.
Follow Your Destiny, Wherever It Leads You.
- Vicki Silvers.
"Walk your path one step at a time -
With courage, faith and determination.
Keep your head up and cast your
Dreams to the stars. soon your steps
Will become firm and you footing
Will be solid again. A path that you
Never imagined will become the most
Comfortable direction you could have
Ever hoped to follow. Keep your belief
In yourself and walk into your new
Journey. You will find it magnificent,
Spectacular, and beyond your wildest
Imaginings."
Tought about destiny a bit today. A stone mason is "One who works and builds with stone", and the science of the stone mason is called "Masonry".
When we look at the concept of "Destiny", we tend to think in terms of an ultimate arrival. Sort of, We haved reached a destination. Logically, then, Wouldn't "Destiny" be the "Science of setting and consistantly achieving goals"?
If we follow that line of thought, in stead of the usual "The Universe provides" then it stands to reason we create our own destiny, wether we realise it or not.
Interesting thought........
-
Friday I'm in Love - The Cure
I thought about blogging this a while ago, but thought against it for personal reasons. I rather like this song a lot, though when I first heard it back in primary school I thought it was a "weekend" song! LOL!
What a rookie!
Friday I'm in Love - The Cure
I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Oh, Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love
Saturday, wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday, never hesitate...
I don't care if Mondays black
Tuesday, Wednesday - heart attack
Thursday, never looking back
It's Friday, I'm in love
Monday, you can hold your head
Tuesday, Wednesday stay in bed
Or Thursday - watch the walls instead
It's Friday, I'm in love
Saturday, wait
And Sunday always comes too late
But Friday, never hesitate...
Dressed up to the eyes
It's a wonderful surprise
To see your shoes and your spirits rise
Throwing out your frown
And just smiling at the sound
And as sleek as a sheik
Spinning round and round
Always take a big bite
It's such a gorgeous sight
To see you eat in the middle of the night
You can never get enough
Enough of this stuff
It's Friday, I'm in love
I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love
Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love
