Banglish Kiid's blog

Secret Behind 9/11(Hopefully Crap, But also a gud1)

Mista_Cartar — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:42:18 UT

The Secret behind the number 11

Pretty Chilling - read to the bottom. Try it out.
If you are a sceptical person - still read on as it's actually very interesting!!
This is actually really freaky!! (Mainly the end part, but read it all first)

1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb has 11 letters. (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in 1993)
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.

This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers. 6 + 5 = 11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 =11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.

Sheer coincidence..?

Read on and make up your own mind:

1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254.
2 + 5 + 4 = 11
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.
3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.

Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:

Please do the following:

1. Highlight the Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.
2. Change the font size to 48.
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS……………………

What do you think now????

Why did bill gates decided to sell off microsoft

Mista_Cartar — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:29:17 UT

Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?

Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems,
which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you
to check this..

2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find
only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the
door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was
unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft
sentence', so when you will provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon
which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a
single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the
PC at home only.

8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past
Documents'?

9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My
Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my
office hours.

Regards,
Banta

Last one to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?

Amrita pens an interesting love story.

Mista_Cartar — Thu, 03 May 2007 12:50:53 UT

Love Affair

“Hmm,” she sighed.

“What’re you thinking?”

In a little while they would get up and go their separate ways but for this one instant in time, they were together and for now that was all that mattered. His big hands, slightly rough and very warm, gently stroked her smooth back as she rubbed her cheek against his shoulder and one slender finger traced his face.

“You’re probably the first man to ever ask the woman that.”

He chuckled. “We’re not all shallow creatures. Besides, it’s my feminine side – it hijacks me at vulnerable moments and then I like to talk – with certain people, of course.”

“Why, thank you,” she mocked gently. “Actually, I was thinking - do you remember the first time you said you loved me?”

“Hmm. And you said, ‘thank you’.”

She laughed. “Well, I’d decided I wasn’t going to say ‘I love you’ to anyone I didn’t really truly love.”

He pushed himself up on one elbow. “You mean you didn’t really truly love me?”

She put her tongue out at him. “We were sixteen.”

“I know - you were hot!”

She screamed with laughter as he nuzzled her neck while his fingers unerringly found all her ticklish spots. Finally, she caught his hands and giggled into the pillow.

“I had glasses,” she said at last.

“Hmm,” he said. “And your hair dripped with oil…”

A pillow landed on his face. He wrestled it away from her and looked up as she climbed on top of him.

“Ooh,” he said. “This is how a million fantasies have begun.”

“Pervert.”

“Whatever you say, baby,” he grinned.

“But seriously, did you ever think back then that we’d end up here today?”

“Do you mean did I see myself naked under you with – all right, all right, don’t smother me! Cut it out! Sheila… You mean when I saw you dressed in that dull gray pinafore with your fat glasses and your oil slicked hair, did I think I would still be in love with you fifteen years later? Nope, I didn’t – I didn’t even think I was going to fall in love with you then!”

“Bastard,” she grinned. “Was that when you were still panting over Smitha?”

“You say that like I ever got over her.”

“Aa-kash!”

“Shei-la!”

“I hate you!”

“Funny way you have of showing it,” he said, his hands wandering over her.

“Stop it,” she said half-heartedly.

“All right,” he said, promptly putting his hands behind his head.

They both laughed as she leaned down to kiss him.

“All right, truthfully?” he asked.

“Yes, what?”

“Your face was only incidental.”

She looked at him skeptically. “You fell in love with the ‘real’ me? My inner beauty bedazzled you?”

He was shaking with suppressed laughter. “No, I fell for your adorable little ass – or should I say your adorable big ass?”

“Beast!” she yelled.

“Shh-hh. Not so loud.”

“Really? I noticed you don’t practice what you preach.”

“Some women would take that as a compliment.”

She frowned in mock reproof. “Know a lot of these women, do you?”

He held up his hands. “It was another man in another lifetime, Your Honor.”

“You’re very cute when you lie.”

“Ah, the perfect woman – the one who finds deceit charming.”

“Well, there’re your hands too… I love your hands,” she said, drawing one from under his head and kissing the palm.

“Is that all?” he asked wickedly.

“No, it’s true… they’re just right.”

“Hmm, depends on what they’re doing.”

She pinched his nipple.

“Ow,” he said, rubbing his chest. “See, now that’s not a turn on.”

“I thought you once said I turned you on no matter what I did.”

“Did I? I must have been trying to talk you into bed.”

She gasped.

He laughed a little. “What? Didn’t you tell me all men are the same?”

“Ye-es, but not you!”

“Why not?”

“Because I love you.”

“And I love you,” he said softly, drawing her down for a kiss.

“I’ve got to go,” she said a little later.

“Hmm,” he sighed, his chest rising and falling beneath her.

“Aakash?”

“What?”

“I have to leave.”

“You might have done that a while ago – but now that you’ve already broken my rib cage, you might as well stay a while.”

“Stupid,” she giggled. “Are you calling me fat?” she asked mock-ferociously.

“Mm, moti khoti,” he said, slapping her lightly on her behind.

They collapsed laughing.

“I really have to go,” she said again.

“What time is it?”

“A little after five.”

“So the afternoon is over?”

“Yes.”

He was silent for a bit, his hand rubbed her back idly. “You feel good.”

“Hmm,” she said. “You too.”

“When can we do this again?”

“Next week as usual?”

“Monday?”

“No, you know that’s not possible. Saturday.”

“That’s a whole seven days away.”

“Call me if you get lonely.”

“Aren’t you afraid your husband will find out?”

“Not if I call you from work.”

“Doesn’t he wonder where you go on Saturdays?”

She shrugged. “Girl things.”

“Girl things…” he murmured and fell silent. Finally he said, “Sheila?”

“Mm?”

“What are we doing?”

It was her turn to be silent. “I don’t know.”

“But it feels good?”

“Yes.”

He hugged her tightly. “Do you ever feel guilty?”

“All the time.”

“Right now?”

“No.”

“Liar,” he whispered.

“Lover,” she replied, kissing his neck.

“What will you do if he finds out?”

“Do you want him to?” she asked.

“Do you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

She raised her head to look at his hazel eyes, now glistening dimly in the early evening sunlight. “You have the most beautiful eyes.”

“That’s my line.”

She kissed him softly. “Does it matter?”

They both knew she wasn’t referring to her compliment. He was silent for a moment before whispering to her, “Yes. It matters.”

“It didn’t used to.”

“I was a stupid kid.”

“So was I.”

“So you knew about these things before I did. Women always do.”

“That’s a cop out and you know it.”

He sat up abruptly. “What would you like me to say? That I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder to make it last when we were both kids?”

“No,” she said, sitting up as well. “No.”

“How was I supposed to know this was the real deal? How was I supposed to know that you – “

“No, of course not,” she said, stroking his back. “Of course not.”

He didn’t turn around. “I love you.”

“I know,” she said, her hand resting on his back.

“Are you going to leave him?”

It was the first time he’d ever asked. The first time since they’d met at a class reunion three years ago. The first time he’d ever asked her that question since they’d begun their affair a year ago. She sat there silently as she thought about what she was going to say.

“No,” she admitted at last.

“You don’t love him.” It was a statement.

“Yes I do.”

He turned to her then. “You said you loved me!”

“I do. But we took vows… I meant them, Aakash.”

“Yeah? When? An hour ago when I was fucking the hell out of you?”

She looked at him.

“I’m sorry,” he said, expelling a long sigh. “I didn’t mean that.”

She said nothing.

“At least… I don’t understand.”

“Maybe you will when you marry.”

“Oh, please. Don’t give me the married-bullshit. You don’t understand this, Aakash but you will when you have a wife – like marriage gives you extra grey matter.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say that!”

“All right… I need to leave.”

“Right.”

She got up and was at the bathroom door when he spoke again.

“So this thing has a shelf life?”

She turned back to face him. “Doesn’t everything?”

He rubbed his face. “Yeah. But somehow… I guess I watch too many movies.”

“First love?” she smiled.

“Yeah. Don’t tell anyone, will you? It’d probably destroy my street cred.”

“Like you ever had any,” she scoffed lightly.

They stared at each other.

“Come here,” he said, holding out his arms for her to crawl into.

He smoothed away the tangle of black hair and looked deep into her brilliant black eyes with their thick fringe of lashes. The late sunlight lit their depths and turned her skin to gold. Her lips were soft and pink, the traces of her lipstick still visible after all their hours of loving.

“Will you love me forever?” she asked, smiling.

“And a day,” he vowed, bending his forehead to rest against hers. He rocked her gently against his body as they held on to each other.

“It doesn’t really mean anything does it?” she asked.

“What?”

“Saying I love you. I thought it did when I – we – were young. Back then it seemed so important.”

“You don’t think its important now?”

She looked at him. “You love me and I love you and then what?”

He was silent. “It could mean something.”

She nodded. “If I were willing to leave him.”

“Why aren’t you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because I love him.”

“Oh, come on Sheila – you really think any of this would have happened if you really loved this guy?”

She didn’t say anything.

“Seriously?” he asked incredulously.

“You’ve never met him, I’ve never really discussed him – how would you know?”

“Because you’re here with me!”

“And what does that prove?” she looked him in the eye as she asked him that.

“It means – it means you love me goddammit!”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t love him though, does it?”

“Sometimes I don’t understand you,” he said, getting off the bed and walking over to the window.

“No, that’s true. If I had been some poor woman in need of rescue, if you could just be my knight in shining armor come to rescue me from my sad, miserable, lonely existence as a bored housewife – then you’d understand me, wouldn’t you? Then I’d fit into your idea of me, of how I ought to be and then you wouldn’t have to deal with the real me. The me that you don’t understand. The me that has a life outside this room – a life that I like.”

“Weren’t you running late for something?”

“We’re always too late, Aakash. Always.”

Neither chose to break the silence. Aakash lit a cigarette and Sheila watched the lighter spark and light in the cool semi darkness of the room with its drawn cotton curtains.

“Come here,” she said finally.

Still silent, he padded over to the bed and sat down next to her.

“I don’t expect you to understand,” she said softly, draping her arms around him. “I’m not sure I do, myself. But somehow, I’m okay with this. With you and I in this bedroom once a week and with him and me in that house the rest of the time. I don’t know if I love you more or if I love him more or how my feelings for him are so different from my feelings for you. But if you weren’t here right now – if you got off this bed and walked out of my arms, away from me forever, right this minute… I would be – I would be – upset. The same way I would be – upset – if he were to walk out of my life right now, this minute. Do you understand?”

He drew deeply on his cigarette and then looked at her. “No.”

“Yeah.” She looked down.

He reached out and caught one hand and kissed it. “I love you.”

She smiled a little.

“And to answer your question – or at least, I think to answer your question – it does mean something. Not when we were so young all we wanted to do was touch each other, not then. But now – now that I’ve touched you and held you and tasted you and … loved you. It means something, Sheila.”

Leaning across, she kissed his forehead. “Even if it means something to you and something else to me?”

“Even if no one was ever able to tell me what that something is. It still means something.”

“I love you, Aakash.”

“I love you, Sheila.”

They held each other close as night drew nearer outside, knowing that while this afternoon had come to an end, another would soon come by

life life life!!!!!!!!!

Mista_Cartar — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 21:47:30 UT

Life is not as it seems to be.

It is full of ups and downs.

The grass always looks greener on the other
side.

We have a habit of grumbling.

We are never satisfied.

We makes our lives miserable by expecting too much from everyone.

This is why we face disappointment.

3 lions 2 tigers

Mista_Cartar — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 19:11:39 UT

Banta: tell me five FERROUCIOUS animals that you can think of......
Santa: 3 lions and 2 tigers.

2 days b4....
Banta: When did George Washington die?
Santa: 2 days b4 his funeral

Fly & Mosquito
Santa: WHat is another difference between a mosquito and a fly?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannt mosquito.

Smart Doctors
The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor."
"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"
"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."

Smart
"Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus."
"Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia."

Amrika!

Mista_Cartar — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 19:07:11 UT

There was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters.
They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
"Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave...
"No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then
we would become a State of USA and develop automatically."
All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE
WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"

Thermos..
Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
The Sardar asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

Answering Machine
Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home.
Two days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints
like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai."

Job
Sardarji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes

Air India
Sardarji calls Air India.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.

Mahan Sardar!

Mista_Cartar — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 19:04:09 UT

One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price. Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok, I will give it for 1500 Rs. for which Sardar bargained for Rs.750. It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost."Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."

Hold your thoughts
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears? Trying to hold on to a thought.

Saturday n Wednesday
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Crocodile Boots
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"

TV or a Microwave?
Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned
to tell the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,
new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Late Train

Mista_Cartar — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 19:01:11 UT

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takesalong some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?"
Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"

Can I :$?
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.

2400 kms from home ;P
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometres a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."

911
Why can't Sardar dial 911? They can not find the eleven on the phone"

Lost Donkey
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?" The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too.

Just-Beer

Mista_Cartar — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 18:57:23 UT

What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer? Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).

Very Smart
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

Woof Woof
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (it's the barking sound)
"Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
"Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof."
Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"

Chinese
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?"
" Aah, read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."

Cheater ;D
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 Rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

Distant relative

Mista_Cartar — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 18:54:35 UT

Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a DISTANT relative of his...

why are the others running?
A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're doing. The bystander: A Marathon race is going on
Sardar: What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

good match!
Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light. He tried another. It wouldn't light. The third one finally lit. lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.
"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?"
"That's a good match. I'll use it again."

one one one one ?
Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

You are selected
Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates and then starts asking him questions.
Following is the transcript :
O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions.If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites
S : Yes Sir.
Officer started asking questions
O : Above
S : Below
O : Front
S : Back
O : Left
S : Right
O : Male
S : Female
O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also spells it)
O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y...... Our Sardar also shouts) Officer is now angry.
O : Get out
S : Come in.
O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.
O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected
....... ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.