Darius Alex Fox's blog

god damn it!

Digital_Darius — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 06:01:56 UT

There are things you wouldn’t understand about me, though I will try to be as open as I can.
Did, or have, you ever felt like you might never me the person you admired most? Because when I look at her, I feel like I am nothing. I feel like my skin is painful for others to see, like I’m a joke, like I will never walk on the same heavenly clouds she does. And I’m supposed to be her best friend. The boy who’d never tough her, hurt her, or envies of her. I’m supposed to be the exception to every rule known to man. I’m the freak next to the beauty queen, the mutant next to the goddess.
Maybe I tried to me like her, I put on a dress and think myself a pretty girl when I hansom boy. I hate my reflection. I hate that my ideal of beautiful of a woman, because I would like to be beautiful, captivating, loved. And that is the ideal woman, something only a pill could make me.
Fuck this SHIT! I’m sick of it. Girls make me sick, their vain personalities and stuck up, manipulative ways! GOD Damn, how lost can I be. Is it love or hate? I can never way no to then and I fell for them every single time, the thing is- you always know when you’re about to crack you head open on the pavement before you jump for it.

Bloody hell

Digital_Darius — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 06:59:34 UT

I'm fucking sick of work! And My bloody sister and her.... No, My sister is awsome. I'm just so beat.

And so,

Digital_Darius — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 08:18:51 UT

Life's gone to hell. But I'm reallying feeling good about things.

Hello my old friend

Digital_Darius — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 01:18:31 UT

I've been a lot of places this year. But I think I really love where I live, SFO. And in all my travels, I've found things I lock in my brain to keep forever, but I really love home, with my abusive family and all. I'm not saying I'm masochistic, but I just know that this is where it's all at you dig?
The sunset never looked more natural then from the roof of our shed over looking the great freezing Pacific Ocean. The wind though my hair was never as wild and pressing on my body then at the tops of these hills under single, stand alone, immense tree, casting it’s shadow down on the tall grass under it and the valley where the horses are kept.
I’d rather not go on as I am of the age to be thinking of things as “cool” and “not cool.”

But as much as I enjoyed Asia and Europe, I like California the most.
America, The fucking BEAUTIFUL, and don’t you forget it.
We maybe filled with narrow minded fools, but this land will always take my breath way.

Abusive love

Digital_Darius — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 06:18:59 UT

Do I really need to say it?
I love you.
I love you more then the heart you stepped on,
Because I gave it to you, and if stepping on it made you happy, then I’ll live with that.
But don’t expect compassion or a tender kiss when you come for me to hold you.
Don’t expect sincerity to beam out my ass (eyes) when you ask me if you’re cute.
Don’t tell me you’re sorry.
Because you enjoyed my pain, and I’ll return the favor,
Because I love you.
I love you because there’s on one I’d rather see chained up to the bed post then you.
Because I relish the though of you screaming
The thought of you suffering in ways that made you feel so alive, all the wail killing you inside.
You like to hurt-I like to hurt, don’t we make the perfect pair of sinners?

Life (poem)

Digital_Darius — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 15:06:58 UT

Life is the rhythm of a heart beating to the sound of a song in your head.

What we are now is but a fraction of who we were then-
And now we compare ourselves to the miss-perfect-fits no day time television-
Invasion a world where We The People can scream to the heavens as we look down on them from the stars!
Hear me, come, let me chokes you into a world where you can find your wing and spread them wider then your dreams.
Let’s get drunk on the mystery of life and the taste of someone special-
Enough with the past let’s look on to the future-
Is everything- we every wanted something so distant from the truth of reality-
Bits hard on those naive enough to fancy life not a game to be plaid, to be had, bought and sold like a dog!
At lest dogs can run free!
You and I have become trapped in an ambiguous circumstance given the title of Society-
Is equipped with its own dos and don’ts, and the reject bin is piling high-
“Expenses” is a term we know:
We still scream “but I want it now!”
As it drags inner child out to the guillotine,
I was once a man and now I’m a slave-held captive by DEBT?

Life is the rhythm of a heart beating to the sound of a song in your head.
Let me finally go to bed,
Save tomorrow for another day job, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to live and let live.

victimized

Digital_Darius — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 06:03:03 UT

I could say I loved you like I wasn’t mad. I could look into those eyes like you were as innocent as the day we meet, but these things I can not do truthfully. And as you burrow into my soul, you take that hammer with you. Smashing what’s left of me like tender pink flesh and red blushing mussels surfacing to breath at last. At long last. At lest that is the last you will see me resist the grain of your nature, your vices and habit and countless apathetic attacks where you fancy your self the victim. And I, a male, could never understand the weight of an ovary, of the feminine world. Well you, princess, witch I hold dear, could never live in my world, of so called savagery, and brutality. You cry like it means… like it means I have done wrong. What IS wrong is not my good intensions, but your need to feel victimized by every male you encounter. I am not Satan in disguises, with red horns and a tail- I am a man, a mortal man who bleeds like any other man. And I too feel! I feel your selfish decisions! I can bite back just as freely as you do. But I am stronger and do know better then to hurt something as delicate as a rose and as unforgiving as ivy, who seductively drains life from its partner. I know better, but not enough to escape your poison.

She said it!

Digital_Darius — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 05:28:19 UT

"I care about you!" These are my words, my most garded words that mean more to me then "i love you" could ever mean. I, I, I'm free!

I LOVE THE WORLD

Digital_Darius — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 02:40:50 UT

I LOVE THE WORLD
(Sullivan/Heaton) 1988

The roll of distant thunder breaks, the afternoon of silence wakes
They hurry through from Petergate as if they know this dance
In fury blind, I drive at night across the moors, the open roads
Beneath the freezing starry skies, racing in some trance
These cities are illusions of some triumph over Nature's laws
We've seen the iron carcass rust and buildings topple into dust
And as the waters rise, it seems we cling to all the rootless things
The Christian lies, technology, while spirits scream and sing
Oh God I love the world

Well I never said I was a clever man but I know enough to understand
That the endless leaps and forward plans will someday have to cease
You blind yourselves with comfort lies like lightning never strikes you twice
And we laugh at your amazed surprise as the Ark begins to sink
This temple that is built so well to separate us from ourselves
Is a power grown beyond control, a will without a face
And watching from outside I wish that I could wash my hands of this
But we are locked together here, this bittersweet embrace
Oh God I love the world

And if one day the final fire explodes across the whitened sky
I know you've said you'd rather die and make it over fast
With courage from your bravest friends, waiting outside for the end
With no bitterness but an innocence that I can't seem to grasp
I know somehow I will survive - this fury just to stay alive
So drunk with sickness, weak with pain, I can walk the hills one last time
Scarred and smiling, dying slow, I'll scream to no one left at all
I told you so, I told you so, I told you so . .
Oh God I love the world

Published by Attack Attack Music/Warner Chappell Music Ltd

What are we fighting for?

Digital_Darius — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 06:54:19 UT

Fighting our own wars of hate

We take arms against the state.

Forever, we stand still in time,

On this bloody battle field, it’s a crime.

Mothers, children, fathers, dead

What more needs to be said?
You come with passion, you come with peace,
But the Devil prepares for a hungry feast.

Now you tell me, tell me this,

How tight do you clench your fists?

It’s not your hate, it not what you aspire,

This war craves you’re pure desire.

Destiny unfolds her hand,

Two jokers take their stand.

One’s a laughing fool in tears,

The second’s wise to fear.

For mortal man believes he’s just,

And crude to start a fuss.

Perhaps it’s not to late,

To throw away our hate.

We’ll never know until we try,

But oh, how time dose fly.

You’re a fool to say: All is fair in love and war

Have we forgotten what we were fighting for?

Your walls and your standards

Digital_Darius — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 07:33:56 UT

Hold me, let me no who I am to you. But I scare you don’t I? Figures, I’m like no one you’ve ever meet before, and that dose scare you. No, it’s ok, I’m fine, because I know you, and I know I’m just another guy and even though I’m odd, I have been branded forever as such. If you cute me, I won’t bleed, and if you turned me away, I’d smile- I still do, because I know you turn around wanting me to follow you as you walk. But I’m not your pet, you turned me out to the streets. I’m a stray because of you, and because of you, I laugh at girls and their standards. They build these walls and expect people to clime them without opening up the window to let them see what’s inside, and even though we’re stupid enough to clime that fucking wall, you turn your backs on us because we don’t know the “real you.” You asked for it, I guess that’s both yours and mines curse. Who do you think we’re fooling? Who do you think we’re saving?

Cursed

Digital_Darius — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 02:22:57 UT

There is a spell I know, and with those words spoken to me, I’d be yours. I want to hear them; I want to stop holding everything in. I know that if I ever hear them, I would not be able to retain myself and I’d become the person I am beneath this shell. I know that if I heard those words, I wouldn’t be capable of stopping myself from letting go of all the tension, passion, and emotions I hold down inside me. I would finally be able to breathe my soul into another’s lungs in that momemt. I know that if I ever heard those words I would be set free and turned into a loyal guardian and slave. Until then, without those words, I can not kiss, I can not look, I can’t even think. But I do think of being free from my curse, from this ticking bomb crudely strapped to the inside of my ribcage beatting away. Someday I’ll find my Angel that will set me free and who needs me as much as I need her/him.

Shit

Digital_Darius — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 22:27:23 UT

Me? Oh I'm doing just fine. I have tones of fun works to do and no time to do it in. Just think, for the rest of my life, I'll be working around the fucking clock. It an't so bad. I want my sisters back...

emerald tree

Digital_Darius — Sun, 04 May 2008 07:27:18 UT

Be still, be quiet, be genital, be there,
Oh Hope you are my sin.
You’re looks are as plan as stone,
But I find beauty still,
The way you talk and the things you read,
I too share that same feed.
Your eyes are sharp like mine, but we smile all the time.
If I could see and emerald tree; on that mountain- Up there, you see?
Then I would rest under its bloom, I’d let it be my loom
of you walk through the crowd to me.
But I’m not special, I’m not new,
I don’t know you through and though,
I just know, you lonely, feeling what I do too.

When you're sick or ill.

Digital_Darius — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 00:21:10 UT

When you're sick or ill,
I will light a flame.

It will be the hope you feel better,
the strength to carry on,
the memoirs flowing though my thoughts
like water over rocks.

When you're sick or ill,
I will light a flame.

For every bloody keen,
and every broken bone,
I will lift you up and light a flame.
To help you though the pain.

When you feel you're all alone,
Think of this candle I set out you.
Think of it's warmth, and think of is's light.
Everything's going to be alright.

When you're sick or ill,
I will light a flame.

Not just for you,
but for others just like me,
The hopefuls, the faithful, the believers in good will.
The practice what you preachers, the ones here today.

When you're sick or ill,
just let me know when to light the flame.

When your sick or ill,
I will light a glow, a spark, just so you know you're in my heart.

This ground is toxic

Digital_Darius — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 06:46:21 UT

Don’t give me your kindness, I don’t need your words, I just need that body. That piece of flesh you call beautiful. I don’t need you to tell me it’s all right, and I don’t need you to offer you’re infinite time. You’ll never be there for me, and that’s the truth, you’ll never be more then my hollow friend, naked and desperate for affection. I know that now, no matter how much I wanted to believe I wasn’t alone, I will always be as such. You meet me under false pretences, I must have looked kind someone kind. I must have looked like a kind to ripe my heart out for just any girl like you willing to listen and be my shoulder to lean on. I have two shoulders of my own so I don’t need any others. I have two ears, so why would I tell you my secrets, when you’re just temporarily passing by. You won’t stay, no one ever stays, this ground is toxic.

Does this make me a man rapist

Digital_Darius — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 06:11:54 UT

I have something hard to tell you guys. But this weekend I was really lonely, so I went into the city to get my mind off everything. I met this gorgeous boy and we talked for hours about god and other topics. But I just couldn’t... I couldn’t stop thinking about him through all of the conversations. It was amazing, he was, amazing. But he though I was a girl. I didn’t want to tell him because he wasn’t bi/gay, and he was into me... What luck, what stupid tragic fucking luck? I could rant about the irony, but then you would never know my dilemma. So things went wonderfully and before I knew it we where walking to his apartment. I did wasn’t in love with him per say, but I’ve never lusted after someone so intensely before. Things where going well, why tell him I had a stuffed bra and a dick? It was by this point I realized I was ready. Ready take control of things and take what I was thinking about. I still have his number and he STILL thinks I’m a girl, what should I do?

I Am (poem)

Digital_Darius — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 01:17:26 UT

I’m the boy you see everyday, but never in the same place twice
I’m the boy climbing trees in the dead of night
I’m the boy who writes tragedies like screams behind a smile
I’m the boy that will pull the spine out of anyone
I’m the boy addicted to classic coke.
I’m the only son they had instead of a sweet little girl
I’m the boy you call when you want to hear blunt truth, let me re-fraise that, I’m the boy you don’t call to feel good about yourself.
I’m the boy that draws in the front row of the class instead of taking notes
I’m the boy that asks all the stupid questions you don’t know the answers to
I’m the Peter Pan claming though your window
I’m the boy that looks better in a dress then any girl in town
I’m the boy that will knock you down in you get in my way
I’m the boy with the alter egos of a pacifist and an a vengeful and dark valiant
I’m the boy who treats his dog like his little sister
I’m the Scorpio boy who fits the description and hates it
I’m the boy that never stopped liking bugs
I’m the boy with posters covering every inch of his room because white walls suck
I’m the boy loving comics and movies like moths love the moon
I’m the boy head over heals in love with....

Do you wish I was there? (Poem-thing)

Digital_Darius — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 05:36:46 UT

Do you wish I was there?
Yeah, yeah I do. Because this big empty house has Echoes like my hollow heart, beckoning, no screaming for someone to hold inside the cavity of my brocken heart's shell; A shell that hang cobwebs like Christmas ordainments at night or like raindrops off tree tops. And it's perfectly natural to want a friend, better still one of your best friends there- here. But I'm a crazy fool to think that this means something to you- you who pushes people away like a child. You can't control everyone, but what do I know? I smile and laugh because even though I can't tell it me self, I give you what you ask for in me, a smile, a nod, a form of compliance that reinsures your place and rightness, as good, as innocent but deadly. But what's really deadly is how you turn you head and close your eyes, trying to dream, wail playing the Angel, the fool, MY role. Recon I’m no angel, no more then a thief is one at lest. I have my code though and I speak my thoughts, so read them as I see you. You better think again when you put me on thoughts strings, and think you can handle me like some puppeteer. I'm no puppet and you're no mater of my will.
~Alex

A (Poem)

Digital_Darius — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 00:36:00 UT

A man does what is needed with no regard for himself and his limits.
A lady understands herself better then she knows how to charm a man to his knees.
A child knows what is sensible to the highest degree and plays off other’s expectations.
A family wants the best for each other including themselves.
A community survives for the better of the individual.
A City strives for a better future for its inhabitance, great and small
A state works for the nation’s population and environment
And a nation works for the world.
If we all do our part Who know, we might live a little longer.

boy/girl friend application

Digital_Darius — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 04:30:14 UT

Thought I'd give this a go. But please just have fun with it.

1. Your Name:
2. Age:
3. Fave Color:
4. Whats your sign?
5.Phone Number/e mail (if i dont have it):
6. Location:
7. Height:
8.Hair (color and style):
9.Piercings/tattoos:
HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...
1. Are we friends?
2. Do you have a crush on me?
3. Would you kiss me?
4. ...with tongue?
5. Would you enjoy it?
6. Would you ever ask me out?
7. Would you make a move on me in a movie theater?
9. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
10. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?
11.Would you walk on the beach with me?
12. If you heard a rumor about me, would you defend me?
13. Do you/have you talked about me?
14. Do you think I'm a good person?
15. Would u take a nap with me?
16.Do you think I'm cute?
17. If you could change anything about me -would you?
18.Would you dance with me?
19.Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
What Do You Think Of My?
1.Personality:
2.Eyes:
3.Face:
4.Hair:
W0ULD Y0U...
give me your number?_______________
kiss me?
let me kiss you?
watch a movie with me?
take me out to dinner?
drive me somewhere?
hug me?
buy me food?
take me home to meet your family?
would you let me sleep in your bed if i didn't have one?
sing car karaoke w/ me?
sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
re-post this for me to answer your questions?
give me a piggyback ride?
come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?

HAVE Y0U EVER...
thought about me?
thought there might be an "US"?
thought about hookin up with me?
found yourself wanting to kiss me?
wished i were there?
If you don't repost this, your crush will never notice you again.
ladies repost this as Boyfriend application
boys repost this as Girlfriend application
Unless ur a homo.. in witch case repost as wotever sex u like application

(Poem) More to this then that.

Digital_Darius — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 22:17:10 UT

God dame you selfish whore!
You egotistical bitch, who are you doing this for?
Why did you mend me just to break,
my foolish heart into this heartache?
Make me say such stupid things,
Was I only one of your flings?
How could you not see the nails you drove in to my heart,
the pain in my eyes as I said my good-byes, I did MY part.
So what did you do?
You pretended too.
Pretended all was right,
it let’s us sleep at night.
It let’s use deal with things we can’t bear,
so we can live on thinking we actually care.
Maybe I loved you,
I know you do too,
but I can’t help thinking there’s more to this then that.

Hear me out (Poem from the crapy heart)

Digital_Darius — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 07:57:15 UT

Hear, hear me out.
Hear ever tender kiss and lullaby.
Hear my heart beating close to you
here safe in my arms tonight.
Am I invisible?
Only you can see,
but you’re too blind to me.
Let me be your one true god,
let me answer your every prayer.
I’m the joker and you are my queen,
Don’t I make you laugh?
What a joke I am to please,
Your royal highness, you are such a tees.
Tees me with that smile-
Your very own jester of the hips-
those succulent lips.
Oh how I wish to feel them upon my skin -my flesh.
But my silences would served me best
with these matters you may think me queer,
but I know right from wrong.
It’s wrong to want you in my bed,
so these things I’ve never said
never show or hint a liking to.
It’s wrong to want to be with you.
You bleed me dry-
But I turn angels into devils, alone at night they cry.
So the beast must set the beauty free and let that flower die.
What a shame it is to waste,
the lust we had between us both
But let’s face this hoax
I made you feel alive,
while you made me feel despise.

(Now I'm still waiting on writing a happy poem....)

Someone tell me they love me.

Digital_Darius — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 05:24:05 UT

Why is it always me! You broke my fucking trust! God damn you bitch, what, you going to lie to my face too. I can take it just tell me you don’t want to be around me, just tell me you’d rather be with him to day, it’d spare me the effort of thinking about you. I don’t know what I saw in you, hell I can’t see what anyone sees in you, you manipulative shit head. But I can’t tell you anything, because somehow it’s always my fault it’s all ways my over reactive mind, my jumping to conclusions or being too clingy. It’s ALWAYS me in the end that has the problem and I’m so stupid to believe it. I hate myself and I shouldn’t, I hate you with no reason, I hate him for being with you, and I hate all of us for the smiles on our faces. Because this is the slowest suicide on earth and I’m victim number 1.