Close your eyes,
And put yourself in the past.
Remember being a little kid,
Thinking the good times would always last.
Back when the world seemed so innocent,
And life was simple as could be.
Without a care in the world,
We really seemed to be free.
When getting high was climbing the tallest tree,
And looking down at the world below.
When time seemd to stand still,
Each day going by so slow.
When boys and girls had cooties,
Different from the ones we now know.
And a kiss seemed so nasty,
If we'd only known where it would go.
Before it mattered what clothes you wore,
Or the color of your skin.
When did we decide to judge eachother,
Why did it begin.
Before we started carrying guns,
Or protecting ourselves with knives.
Before we started killing eachother,
We had no such sin in our lives.
When you'd get in a fight with your best friend,
And make up five minutes later.
Before we knew the pain of a broken heart,
Who'd have known there was pain even greater.
When we couldn't wait to get older,
Oh how great we thought it'd be.
All we dreamed of was the future,
We had the world laid at our feet.
Now we look back upon those days,
Of happiness,laughter,and dreams.
Those memories lay in our hearts,
Wow being older really isn't what it seemed.
We spent so much time looking at the future,
And now we're just looking back.
But we're older now just like we wanted,
Our dream came true at last.
I hate reading these blogs over and over,
Unable to look away.
I hate seeing what ive done to you,
I never meant things to be this way.
I hate how you waited too long,
And how i just cant let it go.
I hate how you dont understand what my mind did,
When i really didnt know.
I hate how you try to force me to choose,
Thinking itll solve this whole thing.
I hate being so confused,
Till i just wuna cry and scream.
I hate how you dont believe me,
When i say you still mean a ton.
I hate not being able to convince you,
That our friendship isnt done.
I hate how fast everythings changed,
To exactly what i hoped itd never be.
I hate not knowing how to fix it,
Without destroying a part of me.
I hate everything thats happened,
And knowing itll probably never change.
I hate being afraid of losing my best friend,
All because of this stupid love game.
Im sorry for the broken promises,
And all the stupid lies.
I dont expect you to forgive me,
I should be nothing in your eyes.
I hope one day things will go back,
And ill have my best friend once again.
Till then just remember...
Forever and Ever Amen.
Gun in your hand,
bullet ready to fly.
Pressed to your head,
you're ready to die.
I fall to my knees,
beg for you to stay.
Pleading through my tears,
for just one more day.
You ignore my words,
and breathe in deep.
This is what you want,
a never ending sleep.
You look into my eyes,
speak your words slow.
"Remeber that i love you,
Im sorry i have to go."
You close your eyes,
and hold your breath.
Finger on the trigger,
ready to meet death.
Knowing you can't be stopped,
i turn my head away.
I can't bare to watch,
you make your blood spray.
Suddenly a defening shot,
then silence fills the air.
Yet here i still sit,
wondering why im still there.
And now im all alone,
soaked with blood and tears.
Quietly i whisper,
"Sleep well my dear."
You want nothing to do with me,
I'm just your kinking little sex toy.
Least sometimes that's how I feel,
The stupid little girl who fell in love with the boy.
You don't want me you want her,
To you she's better than me.
I don't understand how easily you moved on,
After all that we used to be.
I can't let go of the past,
And the love we once shared.
But you've let go just fine,
And now it hardly seems you care.
You can pass me by without a glance,
While I try so hard to look away.
To you it's like I'm not even there,
It's like I went from everything to nothing in just one day.
It kills me how much you like her,
And how you talk about her all the time.
It puts a knife through my heart,
Knowing you're no longer mine.
Deep down I'd do anything,
To feel your love once again.
Anything to feel your familiar touch,
That sends shivers through my skin.
It's not fair that my heart still cries for you,
Against my pleads for it to cease.
I just wish this pain would disappear,
That my heart could be in one piece.
I try so hard to tell you how I feel,
But I'm lost for words each time I try to explain.
I need to let these feelings out,
Because they're driving me insane.
My hands an icy chill,
Frozen for many years.
Cold enough to kill,
To freeze my hidden tears.
Ice pulsing through my veins,
Freezing my heart to stone.
Running from my pain,
Inside I feel so alone.
Simplicity seeming near,
Teasing my confused mind.
But I find only emptiness here,
Happiness left behind.
A darkness in my eyes,
A shadow over my heart.
My mouth full of lies,
I’ve been a mess from the start.
A yearning I’ve suppressed so long,
To watch red spill on my white skin.
The difference between right a wrong,
A line that’s become so thin.
Confused thoughts in my head,
Searching for answers that are right.
But only knots found instead,
Looking around for any light.
Dark thoughts dancing in my poisoned mind,
Reflecting though my dead eyes.
An evil smile crosses my lips, one of a kind,
Concealing all my lies.
Bottled up feelings that drive us insane,
Yet we’ll do anything to hide our pain.
The fake smile to mask our fear,
Lying eyes that hold back each tear.
So much anger we try to control,
Try not to let take over our soul.
The problems we face each day and night,
Confused on how to make life right.
The coldness we allow to consume us from within,
Dedicating our hearts to the life of sin.
Cursing God wondering why he’s shunned us so,
Asking questions with answers no one can know.
All the frustration we try to make right,
Searching for answers so far out of sight.
All the drama from which we try to stay clear,
The troubling words we try not to hear.
We begin to break under the pressures of life,
And watch the blood run down the knife.
Seeing those who are happy and got life right,
While we quietly watch from the shadows, till the day we’ll step into the light.
I remember looking at my future and not seeing any hope,
That with life I’d never be able to cope.
I know it’s the past and I should leave it alone,
But each day the pain still seems to grow.
I remember the pain of her hand striking my face,
Each hit harder than the last coming at a steady pace.
Never shedding a tear knowing it would make things worse,
I lived with it each day like a curse.
I remember looking in the mirror hating my reflection,
Always dreaming of having perfection.
Noticing everything I didn’t have,
But never seeing what I did have.
I remember being alone never having a friend near,
Never having a shoulder to shed a tear.
Starting to think suicide was the only way,
Leaning towards it more each day.
I remember the barrel pressed to my head,
Explaining why in the note on my bed.
My life flashing before my eyes,
Putting my finger on the trigger and saying my goodbyes.
I remember letting that gun fall to the floor,
Crying till my entire body was sore.
Realizing what I’d almost done wasn’t right,
Vowing to never do it again after that night.
I remember it all and I’ll never forget,
Why I haven’t broken that vow yet.
Don’t judge me with just one glance,
Deciding I don’t deserve a chance.
Don’t assume I’m a bitch by the way I first act,
Thinking everything you’ve seen is fact.
Don’t stab my back and tell me lies,
Pretending tears aren’t filling my eyes.
Don’t get close letting me think you’re here to stay,
Filling me with pain as I watch you walk away.
Don’t underestimate anything I can do,
Cause really I’m much better than you.
Stop trying to point out what I do wrong,
Anything you say won’t matter for long.
Don’t read this and pretend you care,
because really I know you’re not there.
Forget trying to do what can’t be done,
Trying to win what can’t be won.
Don’t set your mind on winning my heart,
Cause you won’t have a chance from the start.
Quit thinking that I’m where you want me to be,
Really I’m farther away than you can see.
Don’t listen to the lies you hear about me each day,
Everyone just wants to ruin me in every way.
I hate you people who give me all this shit,
You know what one day you’re guna regret it!