Kyle Bacon's blog

The Meaty Bites Diet Joke of the day

Bacon_Master — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 03:47:39 UT

I've got 2 dogs. I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and was standing in line at the check-out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the food. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my dick and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid bitch...why else would I buy dog food??

Victorian Bushfires PLEASE READ!

Bacon_Master — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 07:08:31 UT

Please if anyone has a facebook please go here
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=62676563573
And join if they this gets the most people to join Samboy (the chips) will donate $10,000 for the Victorian fires to help with peoples losses and all that even if you dont have a facebook make 1 now and join if you don't want to donate any money at all this could be a way to Support your fellow Aussie's and help Victorians in need!

Just click here http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=62676563573 and join and invite all your friends and make them add all their friends also thank you for the people that do read this and help out and join!

So true..

Bacon_Master — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 22:34:04 UT

I'm sorry"
This is to all of the girls in the world who can't accept the nice guys for who they are:

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect;
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not an asshole

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
When your all alone
and i am the only one to comfort you

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just f**k you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up,and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
That I don't understand that he cheats on you but you take him back;
but I'm not good enough to understand that he loves you

I'm sorry
If I start not being there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around

I'm sorry
If you think i dont care any more

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry that you can't realize.I've been the only one there all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care
But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me
for who I am

I'm sorry
That i will always be there no matter what

and im truly sorry i screwed up bub i still love you

Ladies always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there anymore, and they always end up with assholes who treat them bad. Well ladies next time your bitching, maybe look up to see who your bitching too, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word like usual, screaming in his head "why don't you give me a try?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, repost as "I'm sorry" and add a little if I forgot something

If You're one of the few girls with enough balls to repost, and you would never make your guy feel this way, repost as "I appreciate the nice guys"

Photoshopped Pics...OVER

Bacon_Master — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 07:04:13 UT

Well i got a few requests but only one person did what it said..so im just going to close it..
If you really want me to do it..then PM me and i might

Make any picture of you PERFECT! and for free :D

Bacon_Master — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 16:49:38 UT

Well hey have you got a picture that you hate because you have pimples or freckles or hate your skin?
I'm sure everyone does but..with a bit of magic Bacon can make your most hated picture into the most lovable picture you'll love If your interested PM me or leave a comment on the guest book and see what i can do for you

Requirements:
High Quality Digital Picture Helps Alot
Ask What You Want Done To It (example:"i would like you to remove my pimples please"
A Email So i Can Send It Back To You (or some other way such as a link)
If you would like a before and after picture or just the one fixed up picture(Example:Before and after picture)
Anything you would like added to it (Name,Motto or anything that comes to mind)
I can also do some other effects (Black & White Emo effect,Cartoon-ish Effect,Blur effect or just make you look plain scary!)

But yeah don't be scared to ask im not some sicko that asks for nude shots or do anything bad or annoying like that

Im Back

Bacon_Master — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:52:17 UT

well nutting beta to do i desided to stay on..so yer..feel free to comment anything...

Im leaving

Bacon_Master — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 10:18:32 UT

Im leaving this place is shit...if anyone wants 2 get in contact with me check me out on www.myspace.com/1andonlybacon cya's

Helpful/Fun Stuff

Bacon_Master — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 16:27:33 UT

Thought dis cud cum in handy for sum ppl..read on..

Upload Pictures/Videos/Host a Picture
http://imageshack.us/

Free SMS messages (requires Signup but 4 free)
http://www.blueskyfrog.com/

Make a south park Character...
http://www.sp-studio.de/

MP3 Player for myspace (get upto 70 songs on a playlist also needs a signup also is for free)
http://www.projectplaylist.com/

Upload Files (etc..Videos,types of files)
http://files-upload.com/

Videos Ive Made

Bacon_Master — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 12:08:18 UT

hey Check out these 2 Videos I made and tell me what ya think of em..

Rock/Metal Version (Limp Bizkit)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=RzVc9DLPySA

Techno Version (DJ Scott)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvZC6WFmAd4

There of a Game Called Max Payne 2..but yer enjoy..

Funny Pics

Bacon_Master — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 12:25:02 UT

http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r10/tomovuk/mariomininu2.gif Mario gets lucky
http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r10/tomovuk/avatar36.gif Life is Pain
http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r10/tomovuk/303362144_m.gif Stewie
http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r10/tomovuk/551895221_m.gif Mr T
http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r10/tomovuk/dacth4.gif Redman (I Think)
http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r10/tomovuk/imagephptn7.gif Microsoft Helper

Special Cartoons Pics!

Bacon_Master — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 00:30:38 UT

Hey If Anyone Wants a Pic of Them selfs or Pet or Friend In a Cartoon Look Come By And I`ll Be Able to Make It For you all i Need is the Pic you want to be In Cartoon Works best if They High Quality and then I`ll Send em Back to ya Though a Link

Hi Kitty

Bacon_Master — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 05:56:28 UT

Watch This Video this cat sure doesnt welcome and Friendly Hello
http://www.spikedhumor.com/articles/122656/Hi_Kitty_Funny_Cat.html

Party Tonight!

Bacon_Master — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 05:55:13 UT

well tonight im going to a party theres no school this friday and monday so its a big well...4 day weekend really lol...and the partys theme is Pimps and Hoe`s i`ll be just wearing my Willy Wonker Hat and this big jacket that makes everyone scared of me...n yer it will be a fun night.

Im back

Bacon_Master — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 09:17:24 UT

I finaly got the net bak on my computer woo...so yer just thougt id say that..n yer man im bored n feel really down.. dunno y

HACKED!

Bacon_Master — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 07:46:10 UT

hey just thought id write up a blog saying my account got hacked into well..probley more like the password got guessed so ive changed it into a hard to guess one and just incase any rude comments wer said to anyone and they wer going to yell at me well hopefully they read this i havent been on this site for weeks maybe a month ive been sick for 2-3 weeks and moved to a new house so sorry hopefully there wasnt any thing bad writtin in profiles but me...i saw i commented someone that said your hot but it was a pic of Avril Lavigne and who the hell doesnt know what she looks life even though other boys thought it waz really that person...losers but yer just thought id write this im going to be away 4 a while still so if anyone wants to contact me leave me a PM and i`ll get back 2 ya

Ninja name game DO IT!

Bacon_Master — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 13:09:34 UT

if your bored and wanna do sumfing 4 nutting den go ere http://ninjaburger.com/fun/games/ninjaname/ you type in a name (you or a thing or wateva) and it makes a ninja name outta ya name sum how

Post comments and tell me wat ya name was if y want mine are....

Kyle - Katsushiro Ogata -san
Bacon - Haruyasu Toyama -san
Da bacon Master - Mosuke Kawazu -san
DBM - Rinsaku Ohashi -san

Woodwork Model I Made :D

Bacon_Master — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 10:06:17 UT

hey thought id share my model that i made in woodwork havent done it for 2-3 years so my model aint perfect but i went allright seeing im more of a computer guy

Pic Links

http://img214.imageshack.us/img214/6973/tvps23zw8.jpg
http://img292.imageshack.us/img292/6696/tvps2az0.jpg
http://img292.imageshack.us/img292/3879/tvps22jpgcq7.jpg

School is your`s this bad?

Bacon_Master — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 04:42:23 UT

Well yesterday i was playing basketball at lunch with my friends and i waz running with the ball and i waz shotting while going well dunno how 2 explain hmmm...like jumped from a corner sorta and had a shot n got it in and im like OH YEAH! Then this vice prinsible says who just swore then? we`re all like huh? and shes like one of you guys swore and we`re all like um...no none of us swore but you know this B*tch can never be wrong can she?

And then she says if the person doesnt own up you`ll all have detentions!We`re all like what none of us swore though!Yes you did 1 of you guys swore...but no matter how much we said we didnt do it it just didnt work. So my friend Sam is like well your getting old and maybe your hearing isnt that good and thats why you thought 1 of us swore! and shes like...RIGHT JUST FOR THAT U CAN GO TO THE PRINSIBLES OFFICE FOR BEEING SO CHEEKY! hes like what your wrong and shes like yeah i might be and then sams like yeah exaclty your wrong just prove it and shes like JUST GO! so sam went storming off and slamed the door and then after a while I went to the Caf and sat down with some of my other friends and he pointed to the window big massive crack`s on the 1 window.How did that happen i asked. Sam.ah then i started pissin myself laughing coz that door isnt ment to reach the window so he must of slammed it pretty hard and it waz massive and a teacher saw him do it but yer.Then luke comes in (1 of sams best mates) he goes and see`s and talks with sam then all of a sudden u hear his bloody girl gay laugh then he comes into the caf doin his gay dance like he allways does now i waz jst waiting for him to say "Cakes n Pies,Cakes n Pies" but yer ya anyways...

We went to class and the teacher that saw sam smash the door and the window dobbed on him so the Vice Prinsible (mrs gargan) had a bit of a talk to him so he cam back in mumbling to himself and then im like so how did it go? hes like yer sum F**k dobbed me in to bad its mr bot (short for bottoley prob wrong spelling not sure) orid smash his head in.and hes like pfft they want me to pay for the window they can get F***ed i aint paying for a **** window that needed replacing in the 1st place.

well i might as well say some other stuff about my school.....

Most of the teachers smoke pot and me and sam one night hmm 2days before school started this year we caught mr G stoned/drunk or ether 1 and he was at school at 12 am with the music pumpin drinkin piss(grog) and we caught him on video but it wasnt that good we missed out on where he was havin a drink of his grog. and then he finaly looked outside the window and me and sam wer dancing just in the pitch blackness and he shat lol so we talked to him i ran off thinking he was gonna have a cry but i waz loud but he didnt hear me and hes like to sam "you shouldnt b out here by youself its dangoures in mt beauty at this time of night" sams like nah i with kyle..then mr g`s like nah its too dangoures for you to be alone out here and sam said but kyles with me a few times just didnt sink in so i cam up and said hey mr g hes like oh uh hey kyle lol and he knew we wer drinking grog and think he knew we saw him or we told him so if he told anyone we could tell what he did so couda blackmailed him muahahahahaha!

I rember my first Detention it was back in year 7 and guess wat it was for??? ohfor not wearing my hat....hmmm im a very naghty boy now arnt i...pfft and atm it was a guy that waz da Vice Prinsible and i had a S*it locker and u had to kick it to open it and he was walkin past and saw me kick it to get it open or to close it i think...and hes like if i ever see you kick that locker again i`ll kick your head in and i waz in year 8 and waz thinking **** hell so then i had a sook to mum and made that lil Bitc* say sorry over the phone ha ha ha ha ha and yer theres lots more stories well such as i got told today the kid down my street his mum is mad coz he got a detention for getting his uniform dirty...like fu**en hell is anyone`s shcool this bad or worst????

100 Questions fuck im neva doin dis again enless i get bored

Bacon_Master — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 09:56:07 UT

100.WHAT’S YOUR PROFILE SONG?
hmm dnt have 1 really...not atm

99.DO YOU HAVE A JOB? IF SO WHAT IS IT?
nah i jst sit on my ass go 2 skool cum home n sit on my ass

98.MIDDLE NAME
andrew or james i dunno

97.DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE?
yer i do...*red face*

96. LIED IN THE LAST 24 HOURS?
shit id recon

95. BEST BREAK UP SONG?
hmmm read back n then u might no dat i dnt need 1...fuck

94.WHERE WAS THE LAST PLACE YOU TOOK A PLANE TO?
fuck i dunno n if i rember correclty i dunno how 2 spell it... lol

93. WHAT IS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Oceans Thirteen

92.WHAT MAKES YOU MAD?
people that attack me 4 no reason n wounder why after a while i smash em.....

91.WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Computer Programmer (games muahahaha)

90. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
bluey green orsum shit i dunno

88. DO YOU HAVE A FRIEND OF THE SAME SEX YOU CAN TALK TO?
yer i hope...

87. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS?
nah im cooler enough....pfft

86. WHERE ARE YOU NOW?
5000 meters away from da computer while doin dis..pfft THINK FUCK TARD

85. FAVE COLOR?
Blue

84. WHAT DOES THE 7TH MESSAGE IN YOUR INBOX SAY ON YOUR PHONE?
"maybe if theres enough time" n i cant say anymore

82. WHAT IS SITTING TO THE LEFT OF YOU?
i dunno table

81.WHERE IS YOUR DAD RIGHT NOW?
sum wer in melbourne who cares....

80. DO YOU HAVE ANY KIDS?
oh yer ive neva had a gf but u no i have over 200 kids....pfft none fool

79. WHO IS THE 5TH PERSON YOU GOT A MISSED CALL FROM?
Jizzy (jamie)

78. CLOSEST BLACK OBJECT
my worn out jack daniles band

77. CLOSEST SILVER OBJECT?
my necklace

76. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
yer id recon

71.Do you own any pets?
Pussy cat and a bitch

72. LAST TIME YOU LISTENED TO COUNTRY MUSIC?
fuck it waz a while and waz problyon a ad or GTA:SA

69. WHAT ARE YOUR FEARS?
dieing....but then other timesi say who gives a fuck

68. WHAT CAN YOU HEAR NOW?
Tv keyboard....

67. HOW MANY DRUGS ARE IN YOUR SYSTEM NOW?
hmmm who knows nuttin bad

65. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
White shirt and school pants

64. LAST PERSON TO COMMENT YOU?
Eddie ha ha ha and im doin this off his post

63. DO YOU SING?
ether wen im drunk or back in da old days...shame...

62. SCREAMO OR COUNTRY?
hmmm prob screamo

61. ROCK OR RAP?
a bit of both i guess

60. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
choc

59. WHO DID YOU LAST CALL?
Alison
58. WHO LAST CALLED YOU?
Alison

57. WHAT JEWELERY DO YOU WEAR DAILY?
chain necklace thingy

56. WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?
hmmm geez i wounder....

55. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SAID ‘I LOVE YOU’ TO?
Alison *shy red face happens*

54. WOULD YOU DIE FOR SOMEONE?
only for someone i really love

53. LATEST THING YOU’VE RECENTLY LEARNED?
i dont learn anything enless my brain wants to....

51. WHAT CAN YOU SMELL?
Pasta

50. IS ANYTHING BOTHERING YOU RIGHT NOW?
yer but oh well i`ll get ova it prob

48. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOMORROW?
Sadly goin 2 skool

47. IF YOUR EX WANTED YOU BACK, WOULD YOU TAKE THEM BACK?
i told u i have neva DATED FUCK!

44. BED SHEET COLOR?
blue

43. DO YOU THINK SOMEONE CARES ABOUT YOU?
yer hopefully

42. CAN YOU SWIM?
shit i hope so or im fucked

37. FAVORITE SMELL?
i dunno

36. EVER GONE A WHOLE DAY WITHOUT EATING?
yer a few times

35. AMERICA OR CANADA?
dunno they both have crazy ppl in em

33. WHO IS THE YOUNGEST PERSON YOU'VE DATED?
havent dated anyone

32. JEANS OR SWEATPANTS?
skool pants wat eva they r

29. DO YOU HAVE SOCKS ON?
atm yer

28. DO YOU OWN BIG SUNGLASSES?
nope

.27. HAVE YOU CRIED SO HARD YOU MADE YOURSELF SICK?
yer

23. HAVE YOU RECENTLY TALKED TO AN EX?
no such thing 4 me

19. FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Simpsons,Family Guy,South Park

15. WHAT KINDA MUSIC DO YOU LIKE?
anything apart from sum old music and sum of the metal is shit
14. ARE YOU A CRAZY STALKER?
would hope not

13. BEST CITY YOU’VE VISTED?
Melbourne

12. BEEN TO LONDON?
nope

10. FAVORITE SUBJECT AT SCHOOL?
I.T. (even though the teachers gay)

9. BEEN TO COLLEGE?
dont plan 2 really

7. FAVORITE TIME OF DAY?
Hoilday days lol

6. EVER LICKED SOMEONES CHEEK?
hmm cant say i have

5. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
download shit and go 2 sleep

3. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO?
holidays.

2. EVER GOTTEN LOST IN THE DARK?
nope

1. LAST BED YOU SLEPT IN THAT WASNT YOURS?
hmm beta not say....

you skipt heaps of q's idiots!!!

Care about getting Manhunt 2 Banned? read on

Bacon_Master — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 08:21:20 UT

Sign this and say why they shouldnt Ban Manhunt 2!

http://www.petitiononline.com/mhunt2/petition.html

Havent been on netlog 4 a while so.....

Bacon_Master — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 11:40:01 UT

well think im givin netlog a bit of a rest coz jst no 1 comments me or really vists me n leaves a comment so i jst grew bored of this site if anyone has myspace and wants to add me, add me at myspace.com/1andonlybacon um if theres any gamers male or female that jst happen to be reading this and you have a gamespot profile and wanna add me then jst go...au.gamespot.com/users/Da_Bacon_master and add me as a friend but yeah i will still come here just to check if anyone has commented,sent me a PM or anything like dat and yeah.....

My Kissing Spot Is on the lawn

Bacon_Master — Tue, 22 May 2007 05:39:40 UT

Libra : Under a tree.
Sagittarius : In A Pool.
Taurus: On the trampoline.
Capricorn : In The Hot Tub.
Aquarius : On The Kitchen Table.
Aries : In The Elevator.
Pisces : Everywhere.
Gemini : under the stars.
Virgo : In the rain.
Leo : In A Car.
Scorpio : in the basement.
Cancer : on the lawn

Post as "My Kissing Spot Is ____ "

Repost This In.....

1 minute - You Will Be Getting A Kiss Tomorrow.

2 minutes - You Won't Get Kissed For 5 months

Post as "My Kissing Spot Is ____!

WOOOOO

Bacon_Master — Wed, 02 May 2007 09:35:15 UT

MY INTERNET IS FINALY BACK!

i have had no internet since well b4 easter cam oh god i have missed da internet yer yer jst coz i have no life and nutting beta 2 do lol

Funny Night

Bacon_Master — Sun, 25 Mar 2007 04:35:28 UT

Well last night stayed at my mates place (Sam) and jamie also stayed so we had a slab of bundie not enough 2 get drunk sadly and we couldnt get a 6 pack the Pubs had closed so we started walkin sat at a place 4 ages and wer drinking then we started to walk down and it was a bit fresh even though it waz 10 or something it was still pretty cold anyways we got to jamies place far from sams place to get a jumped he snuck in.

We left and we got to the park so by that time i dunno i wasnt drunk but i wasnt normal i think i waz jst tierd or sumfing no thinking so i climed up on the shade cloth and i slid down then i waz like sitting up at the end/edge and i was like hey this looks fun to jump off so my friends explained that it wasnt that high im like bullshit.

So i went to jump down and it started to hurt me so went to climb bak up but half couldnt b fucked so i jst went fuck it and i left go and it flung me bak and i nearly mst of done a backflip and i landed on my shoulders or my head or my arm i dunno it windded the shit outta me i couldnt breathe im like uhhh fuck but then yer then we wer sitting at da footy oval 4 ages while jamie taught me how to jump a fence.

I ended up makin up my own way of doin it while sam called sum chick for like an hour or more jamie had about $100 of credit after sam had finished he had like $9.00 .so then we finaly started to walk bak home on the way we wer about to cross da bridge we saw the paper truck so we kept walking we ended up meeting him a bit more up the road.so we stood there while he was dropping off the pappers 2 the shops.

Then yer we wer talkin to him then he`d done his work and hes like well you have a good night we asked him for a lift hes like yer sure no probs you to guys can jump in the back so me and jamie wer sitting on tons of these newspapers while Sam sat in the front with the guy it was pretty fun sitting in the back so finaly we got droped off at Sams. so we said thanx and started walking up the road to sams place after we got in jamies like wheres ya bag?

Hes like yer just relized i left my bag in the truck its a good thing i put my wallet and Moblie in my pocket insted of leavin em in my bag so then we watched a bit of tv then finaly went to sleep and yer woke up jamie was ment to be gone by 9 am but it waz 10 am so he woke up and left then me and sam played/watched tv then i got picked up and went home and typed this crap out

Hope ya liked the story